Yet another chapter preview: NSFS! (Not safe for sanity) · 11:13pm Feb 24th, 2021
Today wasn't the worst.
But… today wasn't the best.
It was neither best-worst, when you have an awful day but something good happened anyway; nor was it worst-best, where you have a spectacular day marred by tragedy. In her life, Luna had experienced both extremes and so she could confidently assert that today was a day. Nothing more, and nothing less. Of course, she hadn't been awake for very long, which meant that there was a lot of day left—or night when it came to her peculiar circumstances—so there was a lot of time for things to go wrong.
And they probably would.
But, they could also go right.
She prowled the private corridors where few went, deep within the bowels of the castle. Yes, a castle had bowels, ships had poop decks, and the Princess of the Night was secretly amused when either of these things were mentioned. Of course, if she roamed through the bowels of the castle, what exactly, did that make her? Why, whatever passed through bowels, of course. Soft, sibilant, susurrant snickering could be heard echoing through the hallways, the sound of Luna's secret myrth.
At the moment, she was having herself a gas.
Barely awake, she had upended her sister's room on a lark. She had turned everything upside down. Topsy-turvy. A bed's proper place was on the floor, but now it was on the ceiling. Along with everything else. When Celestia went to bed, she would be surprised. So very surprised. Of course, Celestia had it coming; this was deserved. Once, when they were very young, so very young, Celestia had left a live owlbear in Luna's room. How Celestia had wrangled the owlbear into Luna's private chambers was still unknown—Luna had never found out no matter how hard she pried—but Luna had gone to bed one morning with the dawn and there it was. A snapping, snarling, beaky creature that was more than a little cranky.
Even worse, it had defecated on the rug.
'Twas a nice rug.
The sort of rug that really brought a room together.
Now, all of Celestia's fine rugs were on the ceiling.
Roaming about with a bounce in her trot, Luna considered taking her captives out on a nature trip. It might do them good. Fleeing from angry nature might improve their constitution—though Wednesday would not doubt find it exceedingly difficult to run. But with luck, they might find an owlbear. Which of course would have to be brought home so that it might be smuggled into Celestia's room. Before release, Luna would feed it a meal rich in fibre, because kindness was a virtue, as well as an Element of Harmony.
Almost on the verge of whistling, Luna's thoughts drifted out of her sister's bedroom and fetched delightful memories of last night's supper—which was her breakfast, or maybe lunch. These things were complicated and the sort of thing one had to deal with when one was the Night Princess. Time and events lost meaning and definition.
Eating in the school's cafeteria meant that she could be herself. No formal rigidity. There were mashed potatoes to be sculpted. Peas, corn, and carrots longed to be arranged into artful pictures with just three colours—one could make a portrait of Celestia if one tried one's utmost, but one dared not make jokes about Her Royal Peaness. Noodles had to be slurped. Food was meant to be enjoyed, but the formality of the Royal Dining Room prohibited that. If she played with her food there, a pony might faint and drown in their soup.
Sometimes, Luna dreamt that there was an ocean in her soup bowl, and that she would go snorkeling in her sea of soup. Snorkeling at the surface was safe; but down in the depths, there were things found in the Sea of Soup best left forgotten. Eldritch horrors that squurglety-blurglety-blarghed down in the brothy deep; they fondled and probed one anothers' orifices with noodly tentacles and spoke forbidden languages that no mortal ear could hear, lest one go mad. The very worst nightmare found down deep in the forgotten dark was Carrothulhu, an unimaginable horror of indescribable description.
He was also the creature most responsible for students failing their geometry tests.
All of this is subject to change. It's just Luna doing Luna things. It's probably terrible and you're probably cursed for reading it. That last paragraph might get cut completely for the sake of... well, I don't know, but I am not sure it should exist.
Iä, iä, Carrothulhu faghtan!