Impotent Rage · 4:47am Nov 29th, 2012
There really isn't any worse feeling than being mad as hell, but knowing there's nothing productive you can do about it, is there?
This hasn't been a good month for me, re: pony fandom. For starters, one of my readers and regular commenters on Kraken stopped following the story for "moral" reasons, informing me via PM that he felt he needed to "stand up against" giving in to same-sex attraction. I could've guessed that, honestly, and I really did not need any clarification; I would've been... well, not happy, but willing to just let it lie at that point. But seeing his closed-minded bigotry (not that he'll see it that way; after all, no one thinks they're bigoted, after all, they just think they're right) spelled out like that left a bitter taste in my mouth. I wanted to respond, but what would be the point? I could spew every drop of vitriol I felt towards him, but what good would that do? I could try to plead my case rationally, but for one, he's certainly heard it all before; and two, his position is almost certainly based on either religious conviction or an unexamined "gays are icky" gut reaction, both of which are highly resilient if not outright impervious to logic. He's just going to have to come to his Damascus Conversion on his own. (That's right, I used a Christian metaphor in support of gay rights. Deal with it.) I could name-and-shame him, but I really don't want to; it feels like a dick move, and he's been public about his stance elseweb so I doubt it would have any effect.
What really rubs salt in the wound, though, is that he's a regular poster in the RPGnet pony threads. Not just a casual one; his posts are often long, thought-out, and (I'd occasionally thought) insightful. Now I can't read a word he writes without that familiar bile rising in my throat. Plus, RPGnet is where I'd usually go to bitch about this, but their strict rules about attacking other posters (which I heartily agree with) would make doing so a freaking minefield. So that's been sticking in my craw.
Then there was the last two episodes. Or rather, the fandom's reactions to them. I enjoyed them both while I watched them, but the discussion -- even on RPGnet, which is like the opposite of 4chan -- may have retroactively ruined them for me. Regarding Too Many Pinkie Pies, while I don't agree with the contention by some viewers that banishing the fakes was effectively murder, I can't really fault anyone for having a negative visceral reaction to it. I quickly soured on the argument, though, and bowed the hell out. In large part it was just that I hated seeing another episode being added to the list of ones that invariably dredge up old arguments when mentioned.
And then there was One Bad Apple.
Again, I liked it. I love the CMCs, and I thought they were in fine form. I loved the multilayered lesson, the foundation of which was "things are often more complicated that they seem". It didn't downplay the awfulness of bullying or the suffering it can cause; as I've said elsewhere, bullying is child abuse, and the fact that our society is so tolerant of it when it's another child that's doing it is completely perverse. But it also addressed, in terms a child could understand, the cycle of abuse: The fact that such behavior is often a symptom of something seriously wrong in the abuser's life. The lessons about the futility of revenge, not becoming what you hate, and most of all redemption and forgiveness were also good, as was the one about "snitching": that rule only serves to protect the bullies. And lastly, by showing that nothing changed with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, they taught that not every bully can be turned into a friend like Babs was, and if they can't it's not your fault. No matter how hard you try to reach them, they have to want to be reached. Complex lessons about a complex issue, presented in a simple story that the target audience can understand. Bravo, I thought.
And then the discussion began. A terrible lesson, some called it. Reaching out to bullies is just setting yourself up to get hurt worse. They aren't deserving of forgiveness. They aren't capable of redemption. Whatever trauma is in their past, or even their present, they surrendered their right to sympathy when they lashed out. They deserve our hate. They deserve our revenge. They are monsters. They are the Enemy. They are Other.
I had to quickly leave the discussion threads so I couldn't even guess at a percentage, but a fair number of posters on RPGnet seemed reasonable and agreed with some if not all of my interpretation. But even on a forum as friendly and welcoming as that, I saw some of those nasty ideas bubbling up. And then there was the stuff that people quoted from other sites. I still haven't gone back to read all of it. I can't.
Reading the awful things people were saying about that episode, however few they may have been, it hurt.
It hurt because I've been in the same situation as Babs.
I was a victim of bullying pretty much from kindergarten to senior year. I graduated twenty years ago this summer, and some of those memories still sting. But for one shameful year of junior high, I saw an opportunity to alleviate my own suffering by joining the dogpile on someone lower on the totem pole than me. And God help me, I leapt at the chance.
Am I a monster because of that? Am I the Enemy, the Other? Was I incapable of redemption, undeserving of forgiveness? Was it a mistake for that boy to hold out hope that we could one day be friends? According to some people, yes.
But not according to him.
As the year came to an end, I realized what I was doing. I finally took the olive branch he hadn't stopped extending, and we remained friends until part way through high school when he moved away.
So to anyone out there who thought the lesson in One Bad Apple was a bad one, who thinks that a resolution like that could never happen: It has happened. And while you're swinging that tar brush around, maybe you should keep an eye out for anyone else you might hit. Hell, maybe you should take a look in the mirror and make sure you didn't get any on yourself.
... Huh.
Maybe I was able to do something with all that anger, after all.
That was beautiful.
Eh, dude's probably a Valusian. Throw Spike in his general direction.
Yeah, I enjoyed the last two episodes. I can play the clone murder card in my head, but I see it as a "What If." Also, Bad Seed made me laugh out loud A LOT.
Wait a sec. I'm on RPG.NET. Dude I KNOW must skip almost ALL of my stories for moral reasons.
I'll side-step past the first part of your blog and get right to the second. I've been very happy with the episodes so far and really can't complain. I know others will and I've been lucky to see that, while some nitpick some points, most of the people I follow have been mostly positive about the season so far.
I guess that's one of the downsides of being in a fandom comprised of mostly males. Especially college males. We tend to complain ad nauseum on every little detail that the show offers. I bet most that hate Babs were bullied themselves and are fantasizing about revenge on their past abusers as they type. I know I've been in a few situations that could have led to some nasty bullying but luckily was able to get through it pretty well. Not so for others, I believe.
My advice? Steer clear of the forums for a while and just come to your own conclusions. Doubly so for the episode this weekend. Oh boy. That one's going to ignite flame-wars. I hope the fandom brings their hazard suits.
Stay frosty!
Wow,
that was quite well thought out
and good job on turning that rage in to something
well...
productive!
I must say i'm intolerant of intolerant people.
i know its a paradox...
but i really don't like them... :/
I mean why tolerate intolerance?
that only leads to worse things :<
not saying to crush bullies or anything!
just the hate that lives within them
:D
also i believe everyone can obtain forgiveness and redemption!
Almost...
I feel ya, man. Can't say I was in the same situation, but I can honestly say that I'm amazed by the reaction some people have to certain episodes.
As to bullies, I can say pretty much only this: every bully is different, and every victim is different. The things that work on one bully or for one victim, don't always work on others.
Sorry about Kraken, too...I should start reading that, though.
I can really relate to that. I was bullied hard in elementary and high school, and in turn I was nasty to a lot of people. It's one of my biggest regrets in life that I never reconciled with some of the people I bullied. One of the most transformative experiences of my life happened during senior year, where this girl whom I and a friend of mine had spent a fair deal of time laughing at and making fun of the prior year came up to me out of the blue and said that what I did was really hurtful. I stammered out an "I'm sorry," and she said "you should be."
I had already been spending time reflecting on the mean things I'd done in the past, but after that I threw myself into making myself better. College offered me a great opportunity to do so, and then along came ponies and bumped my progress toward being a good person up even more levels. And the pony fandom is a part of that. The charity work, the generosity and support of each other, the jaw-dropping animation and artwork, the moving and hilarious stories (hinthint
) all led me to a really positive outlook about myself and most of them. I'm not saying your feelings about the arguments and ideas you've encountered are invalid, far from it. Just that, as Tara Strong once said, "there is no room in my life for haters," and that has been useful advice for me.
Have a wizard riding a unicorn on a rainbow in space. I'm glad you're around.
i1120.photobucket.com/albums/l498/Jamestopheles/wizard_riding_a_unicorn_on_a_rainbow_in_space_by_dstears-d5djjrw.jpg
There's really not a lot I can add here beyond what's already been said, but I do want to offer my support for you in this mess.
Sucks about Kraken. :( Also, it took guts to type out the bit about One Bad Apple.
And I shall publicly apologize, since I was probably one of the ones concerning Too Many Pinkie Pies.
It hit some buttons for me, but that's no excuse. Mea Culpa.
Well that's disturbing one of the pony regulars thinks like that. Shame you had to hear that man.
Thanks for the support, guys. Brohooves all around.
550997
I was raised religious -- Mormon, specifically -- but I was also raised to think for myself. (Coming full circle, one of the things I was bullied for in high school was my professed atheism. My speech impediment was everyone's favorite, though.) I've seen what good a spiritual element of life can do for people.
Don't worry, I know not to conflate religion with homophobia. One of my favorite zingers is to point out to people arguing against marriage equality that I'm in favor of freedom of religion... which is why I support the rights of gay couples to marry.
In short, even though I don't believe in God, I've got nothing against Him.
As for the other stuff... Wow. I'm glad you didn't succeed, and I hope you're doing better.
As for writing a fanfic about it, eh-heh-heh. I was so tempted to write a Kraken sidestory about Twilight and Trixie having utterly freaknasty lesbian pony sex in as much lurid detail as I could manage, and dedicating it to said poster. But I decided that would be immature. Also, I genuinely don't think I could manage to write it.
551008
Pretty much, yeah. Every bully's and victim's situation will be unique. And bullies need to learn that their behavior is toxic and unacceptable (before they pupate into their adult form, the asshole), but simple punishment might not be the right way to do that for every one of them. Reaching out to them like my victim did to me might not be right either. And you know who might be able to help distinguish what would help with a particular bully? Adults.
Looking forward to you reading Kraken, too. Hope you like it.
551098
Good on her for saying that, and good on you for listening. Did you ever manage to reconcile with her, or was there too much resentment for that to happen?
Also, seen that pic before but I still love it.
551295
Don't sweat it, dude. It's cool. Like I said, I don't blame you for reacting the way you did, I just hate seeing the fandom get torn apart like that. And also, maybe it's something that better writing could have avoided, by shaving a few moments of Pinkelganger wackiness to fit in Twilight's explanation that, according to the book, they're just mischievous spirits being sent home, not ponies being killed.
551372
Yeah, it wasn't fun. Still, I'm wondering if this is case of having talked the talk and now needing to walk the walk. Should I try to extend the olive branch to him, and acknowledge that just because he has some bad ideas he might not be a wholly bad person? Gah. I dunno.
Why does life have to be so ironic?!
Sounds rough, but I'm pretty much in agreement with you. Hope everything turns out alright for you.
I hope this was cathartic to you, CLAVDIVS!
I wrote a fairly lengthy thing about the issues you spoke of, but then I realized I'd just be rehashing a discussion you're already heartily sick of, and not without a reason. So let me just say that I'm hoping "Magic Duel" will become this season's "Luna Eclipsed", where widely established fanon is roundly demolished and replaced with something unexpected and even more cool!
It's a funny thing, for a fandom that professes love and tolerance, it can get so bleeding vicious. And the homophobia got real old real fast.
Not that it is unique in that regard. That's a big part of the reason I am a member of only 2 internet communities, and I only (nominally) participate in one of them. (FIMfiction 
)
That's because this fandom has a ton of people that are overly petty, stupid, filled with melodrama, don't know how to analyze to save their lives, get mad when the show doesn't conform to their headcanon, project their own idiocy into the episodes, and so on. Ignore these types of people. It'll be hard, but it can be done.
551487
Yes! A million times yes! I just hope it happens that way.
551789
That's no different than any other fandom really. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
The only reason it stands out here is the juxtaposition between the fan dumb and the fan credo. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Sweetie_Belle.png
Hmm. Babs Seed, bully with sympathetic backstory? HATRED (Except for those who like her. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png )
Discord: most thoroughly nasty sunavabitch in the show? Write ALL the sympathetic fanfiction! Give him ALL the leather pants!
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_future.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Queen_Chrysalis.png
551840 Yeah, that's pretty much it in a nutshell.
Bulllying, and abuse in general, is a complex and very serious issue. It's a vicious cycle with too many victims and it's hard to figure out where the root of the problem is and how to fix it.
For two years in middle school I had to ride the short bus because I was in a special program related to Aspergers. Anyway, this deeply embarrassed me, and I was bullied, though not necessary for that. In turn I developed a perverse, nazi-like hatred of the intellectually disabled out of a combination of misguided believe in intellectual superiority and that they were the source of my problems and I in turn tormented them. I was focusing to hard to try to escape from Hell to realize I was a Devil myself. God, I hate myself so much for what I had done, I'd give anything just for a chance to apologize for what I've done and make things right. But it's too late now, by the time I'd realized what I'd done I was already out of the state, and now I'm on the other end of the world.I'm not even sure if the one I wronged the most would understand me if I tried. I could find one of the people I abused on Facebook, he was in the AS program like me, not the full special Ed thing, but he is far more severe than me and took additional special classes. I apologized to him for all I've done, and he just shrugged it off, thinking we were buds the entire time. That really touched me.
Sometimes fandoms spiral out of control, and sometimes it's just a few bad apples here or there, if you'll pardon the expression. I sincerely hope it's the latter because lately people have been overreacting a lot and it's starting to impede what should be a simple act - enjoyment of prancing colorful ponies. People have an ingrained strong emotional response to perceived injustice, and I think this is what really rustled you here. These people are obviously in the wrong (a dangerous statement to make, but, they are at least wrong according to my moral compass, and I suspect yours as well). So don't try to argue or persuade them. Accept they are different and, if possible, don't lose any more sleep over it than absolutely necessary. If it helps you, you just recently (a week ago or so) got yourself another regular reader and commenter in the form of yours truly, and I hope you'll find it is a net gain.
Now about that Kraken update...
Pretty admirable that you can still get worked up over those things....
...That was heartwarming
NOW UPDATE!
yes this is supposed to be silly
Excellent, thought-provoking post, though I'm still somewhere in the middle. Part of me feels that it's almost impossible to "forgive" a bully from a position of weakness. Unless you turn the tables on him and beat or intimidate him, or in some way gain equality before the forgiveness, even you won't know whether you really forgave him. If the reconciliation is something he chose, without making a sacrifice, it is in a way a further humiliation to you, another proof that he is the alpha.
550997 Honest Abe actually got slaves pregnant even though hes known as the president that freed the slaves from the south. He rapped slaves and owned quite a few.
I'm pretty sure you mean Thomas Jefferson. As to that rape... it's not as clear-cut as that in cultures and situations where women don't get to choose their mates, or where choosing a mate is a strategic matter of survival. Maybe the slave(s) in question didn't fancy Master Thomas, but were happy to get his protection and favor. That's more-or-less how "marriage" often works in primitive societies. (Or among animals. When a new stallion drives off the old stallion and takes over the herd, is it rape? The situation for wolves is even stranger; neither the male nor the female gets to choose.)