Something I Really Should Say-- Another Sort of Notice · 3:02am Nov 26th, 2012
Hey, guys, so... I must confess that the past week has been a really frustrating yin-and-yang of mood swings between moments of happiness during my birthday and Thanksgiving to moments of complete and total despair, where I look at my situation and feel like I should probably just plain not exist.
All through that, I've hardly really had a thought of writing something new, even though I've had ideas constantly floating around in my mind. And I've been off the site mostly-- neither reading things nor really being social... I have to say that it's probably bad for depression to make me even more inwardly drawn, since the people here are so great, but that's what's been happening.
I hope that I haven't offended any of you guys, or seemed mean, or seemed too distant, or anything like that... I know that a lot of people have watched me thinking that I'd be churning out material on a constant basis but that just isn't happening. I'm sorry for that.
I'm a bit rambling now-- I'm feeling deeply down at the moment about things such as family and the future as well as my next psychologist session on tomorrow where I'll be talking about my MMPI (mental health test) results. I just wanted to post something to tell people what's up. I also wanted to make something clear:
I'll be having a much more hands-off attitude to fimfiction, to the whole brony fandom thing, and to writing in general for quite a while into the future. I've talked about this for ages, but now it's really happening.
Honestly, I feel like whatever inner voice of depression that has gotten worse over the past two months or so has really drained me of that happy, fluffy, creative spark that I used to have. I really want to write more things in the future, but I really feel like I can't-- like it physically ripples through my skin when I merely sit there and look at the blank fimfiction typing screen.
Tomorrow, I'll be going over more about what kind of medication that is possibly being offered and what side affects for things exist. I must confess to being scared-- as much as I know that I can't be a productive member of society without taking something. But I'm trying to be optimistic about the future.
I just hope that, whatever I'm going through, that I can just pick up back here... whenever that is... and I've dealt with this... in short, all I want to say is:
So, ah, I'll see you all later.
*hugs*
How about you just search for a really epic fanfiction to read over the week? Keep your mind busy and instead of focusing on bullcrap in your life, you should focus on the glorious ideas of creativity and scenery. That's how I helped my own depression in middle school.
Just remember man, there's always a bright future over the horizon. It may seem dark and scary now, but I know you'll overcome it and become a stronger person because of it.
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H1qBBiyYenRqOY/IIJc2LnQAjfW/2V14y6xqNNaFywisoP6wnJEkBIXcJknJ/wBZFv0zV+bZt3SI8xFaP+4A/wB6p/Hd9RoboJHr2gAkZ9akxP8ADJq06Ef/AMWx/wDyt/8A0FR/VcL2t/atdlvmInjYKdRRRVFworhrtcNETGq1ARGc8KpJ+QBJ/pWUtKzKXP8AmXPWZ4BIAUfJQAKu/Eup22GUCWujy1HuWBk/ICT9KzmuDAIgMgKR8zgDP0n61o0L1sGzu+J+CladGVfUSTPP074A5/52qs6h138NftFdu7Yd0zBUt6V/hPpY4B4zgwbDRKwX1c5gGeOwIPyrM9Q0jXNTqDs3QwAAWdoS2NskkcyTt+NaNElelh6bX1HB+kHw4Jep6rcvanzA3keaVVTICiJDb8QRzJPcDMRV/wBfuXNIqvNu6rttUR5b8EzIlSIXmBWTOluK6qyFRJMmTOM4Ix75jvBpo3MbQ0BQYJn08g7Rgrho5OD9r5ZXe7DNeW5YyjaNeF9Vb/8AUytk2PVAG4XYP5ZC7gAcEwBmuaTUvcbbZRLTsuLnquOij9pmfjkwO81Vaew7nYo37xO0CAScsdxJCgdz/Ditd03p62UjcCTl3j6/YDt8J5NQYAWVfsqLbC50Ek+kpV+2EthJhIAksWuHgnaP2iY94ya5YBzcI9VzEEn0ryFH3k/7YZTWAAXWn1/kXJIXG2APfn6jnindNqRcTesGQQJHfk7p+NUXCQ4C/vPXVl3XaJbghhgHj6c/2Nd02lW0pABA5LE8mBzOJEf85qPpvMRfLYm5cMtEgBR2BntMgD/SrXp/QGc77oHwQZUc+/J+MfKhMKr39m2HOt8U74b1P6x0BDD84K5AkkESO8ifrWlmo2l0CpwKk1kTJXi4io2o/MF2iiiqrnRRRRREVwrXaKImdKkIs+wp6mkugQpI3RxIn7U7RWdMrP8AiPwn+LdC151VIIQCQGBMMM4OfY8V3W+DLN5bQvNdc2lChvMILAEEbowTI55q/oq2YroGMrBrWh0BukWVB1TwfbvWbNgXLlu3Z4VWkMMQG3TMRicZOPadpOh20040zbrtuCp8w7iQexwMDtHECrGoPWelDUWmtFnSYIdGKspBkEH+xpmOigYio8BjnGJnw58VjfFngeza0168rXHdQCguOGRPUoO0EDhQYBMCtr0lIsWge1tB/wDEVmdV4R1d1PIu6wXLJOSbcXI7Ce5GYJPPIPFa+2gUADgCB8u1S421XVi62ak1hfnMkzewgRqBzSqKSbgkCRJ4E5ql8VeJfwa2m2bzcuBIkjEEk4BziB8TVQJXDSpPqvDGC5V5SWpVJeoWYVH1iwb2otWlbbsV7jNAOCNqjaRmSTPHFVAa7buMl1Qe/oBnbMB9udyExJXKnkcGqPrOte7fe8hTDQuYJQMVWGGVkqWwYMCecSLXie4VIuEsLZ3C5hbiQfzq8bGG3EEQ0QSZxvlgL6NmEe2mBY2uNwfH3q4XUKxgMpI+/aSRyIqsu3jba65RijSz7RuZWECdo5Vgk7gTk+81L12tGotXC1+zbubGNseWFYkLKne7NIkA+jMd6haPqT3PULZuBTDPDobY/ibg4YYEnk8UAVqbCATHIj7kAdb6JwdYsiBvEnE7GmZJjiZ+Hv8AGmL2h/ERtt7BIPnMApyAfSs7mOB7DPPIq4CsCFfzEaPyszHE5hhhs4wZgClarUBeQSTMBcz8/f8A59U8FUVcp/jF/GfkPoq7RqliEAZicPdO2W77TGcTwOO009di65tmdiFdy9mbna2D6QNpI4Jo1NpU9UbmJhbZPp3kzJ9o5n4GKQ9wWrbE+tlBcxHqY5gfPj5UT2jmGp+PVvwoXUenXHugrAjEyI27YKkY4IP0bFTNFoioXT2hG2WZyswSY4MCTnn2FWeg6F51sOb5YOMi02xM8gFf1hPvLTjsMVX9VOnsM6KrpdRF/Wi+6wzA7B6mzAXcZpM2Tt8/8QuRy915IWj6V0ZbUk5ZjLE5JwBVqBWZ03jAbVlVLR6ovWhnG7kjGZ+RFTbfiZSu7y7kQT6djjE4G1qzIK8qrh67nS4fBXc0TWc1fidhbYi3sO30Ozrsk4XfBlfeBMnFSfDl52ViS5Ut6C4IciBJIOQCcgEA/AVGVZOwzmsL3K7oooqq5UUUUURFFFUfik6rYPwpRRDG4xjcAIjbII43dudvxqQJK0pU+0eGyBO50Wd6H0W11F9TqbpcjzClog7Y25DqRyACAJkYb3rdae1sRVkttAEsZYwIlj3J96wX6M+kXDbXUC+4tSyix+yYO3cwnBxHfjmo1o6lOpX9KupuN5nqZyf8u3COxUEn1QdgI4ye+NHCTqvbxVDt6z6YqCGCwvYCx223jVbjxHpLl3TXEsmHYCPUVxIkSOJH/BzUjpdp1s21utuuBQHb3aM1gtX4g1Y6cmot3QqbmUuwm4RuAQ7jgdxJHsT3q58QdZvfhtNatH9fqlWXwIWFNxhxB9X9Y4qMp0XO7BVQ1tKWxmN9xAvJ4RdadNdbZzbDoXHKhgWHzEyOKfrzfrHStPo7dkad1OrF1Sbm6Xyx3blXhTJUAiMjvT/XL+rTqaWbV8/rwWQEehBDiNplTGyTiTI4pk4KP8e15lj4EE94R7Ouk2XoNFZsa+9pdRatX7ovJqCQrbAjoRtgQuHBnPfvgCo/i/r10Omj0n+dd5f9wH5iJgFj3AH8QquW65W4N73ta0iCJnaBqeNoULrfRktdT0l62W3X7jF5YkenZxP5cGPtUn9ICbjoxjOoAg9yYUcg/vT9PlVZ/gB0vUNCvmtc3hp3fvKvrYewMDHOOY4t/Gag6npwkg/iAR6ZESu4H2nitNwvVmK1CHZoYb/9fhaykusilVw1ivnlkOt+Fbaq11HNlUUswgFYAPY5X5g/Sss2pAUeam0HJmTme54U479xzXpvUtCt609pp2uIMGD8CD8DWD6p0m5YuhVdG3AFdykMPWlsEwTP5+cQfnA3Y6bFfRYDE9oMlR0nb8/VUfkoh37gFho4I3CCSBzvhjwMQfc1Y6DxJes79wi28ttdSykbcztO+2SO8EYBjNWGh8DO7vcuEKTt2G2TIgkktuENMxxx7Ua7oN+0YADp3dZLdslI9R5498AVbMDZdzsRh6hyEg+PyUrS9eS6gS46BIG03LLFYwVm6tz0sB3YJMjvNWf+BXAAbdxSOYZmYEHMAnI+Bk/KsbqYubtrFSpKzEbTncCpzwRzz/Xuk1l7Tq5t3YIiNoWGLE7ZU+mZYCFjPvxUFvBYvwhj+N0H/Ui3w+qvVF25clbZKoGX86gF90NEiSBBHzn6p1tptjF7Z2L6ySygiBMjaZn/AGqmXxNftoEUTt4hF7c7mY5ncPrPwBk9K6jqL9y3bdztJ3XFK2xAXO2FUEyxUT8/ekFDh6jO8coA5mfyr3pPh8keYpaxcIGUMQIXapUgq0AftDvFTL3SL7+l7wNsxuAthXcD9lmVog8GFGD2q9sJAFPVkXFeE/GPLp689VCHTViCJ95zVD17olu0bd9ERQjHzIVQTvUqs49UMwx8a1VUniPT3WNs203hCW27oG/HlM3uqmTHvB7VAKjDVXdoBNvsqC9qbYUQ0RdU4UkK0lj6cED0k4n3zWg6P1YMwtuoVyJQhwyXF/eQ895II74ms9qbBt3PLM72/DlYByRcc3SP5z8J7Zq80nhxVupcDuFVi62pGxWYMGIxIEMfTMSTiruhd+IFLJ3j4H3deui0FFFFZLxEUUUURFV/iC+qaa8WYKPLcAkxkqY+s1YVG6j023ftm3eQOh7H+ojINSFpSLQ8F2k7Kh/R1eB0KKD6lLBlmWQliYacz86ruj3FbreqfcpHlKimR6iCm4CDkiIj+lavp3RrOnBFm2qBuYHMTE+/5j9zUDQeCtJZcXEtQ6sWUlmO0/CTAAnFWkSSvQ/c0S+s+/fBiw3M3vy5qp/SClq1oRYXYgZ12IPYNLbQPnE9t0yKquvaeze/w93cHSm15buGIjaoIJiQMjM8BTwAa3PU+h2NRHn2lfbMSMiYmCM5gfaheh2BZ/Di0gtfuR6eZ+896kOAVqGOZSYwd7MC4k2/sItz0KzFlemWLtuzYtJdullgL6ystO4sSQAOY/pTmuvA9Zs+pYS1H/kfM9JbgcjHP8q0PTfD9jTkm1aVWPLZLH39Rk/zph/CmmN03TaBctvJlo3czExMieOanMEGLo5nEl57pEm5k++w81ReONWn4nQKWWUvqzDcPSJQywmRiTPaJpfSXtr1PWPdYK222be4gKbbKPUpODlI+4+V/rPDmnu3PMuWlZ8erIJjiYOfrS+o9BsX1Vb1pXC/lkZX5EZAqMwiFVuKpCk2nf2SCbbkG1/dtZZLq3iCw/VNLFxdtoPveRsBZGKjcccZn6A/mq38TXrB1GhFwuGN7dbZVBSfSAHM43MygET/AHp+54G0ZVF8kKE42swJxA3EGTHzq0u9LtMbZZFJsmbcj8piMfShItCPxFCWFmbutI23n5m/JSVNBpFlufgTSzWa8w6rh/tWX68obVW8/lFvEGM3SRkfFO9ais/4g6S7uHQAyu1gWZDhiyEMgnkn45xV2m668I4NqXKb8SdaezYb8PtNxIZ+DsSJJacTAwOT/MU/gzxPdu3nsXyXMbtxAEYE+wgmYHb2FXOk8NKyxdAI52fsAmZhT3zyc/avPr95rGrN7TJtbe6eTsOAhKyxbnfBMTjHvB0aAQQvZwlGhWpvotEu1zRv49Dx39C8X9OQ6a5c2BnRSUMEsDwCCM4mfpXn128Wyt1GIyoOTgt+YgwwxjuTFevWjK/Oq7qfhuzeVgyLLCJ2ifh29/6VVr4sVyYL9QFEZKgm+vD3Lz7pui/E3PK8wBgpYFUUkZG6dxbbkzHJ/nWlbpZ0Fm9qFm9c2jDED9qATECBvk++0d65oLn4S8yOoG7J2rHzuWxncufUokoZxFO6vqtzUXFFsbVGVn83PpuuCMDkopzIk/CxJJXXXrVKjwB7Fiee6o/D/wCkO6Lwt6ojyzM3Np9BE4O1fcEEESAsk16PptQrqGVgykSCDII7EHvXn3jDpS2BZdLLPJfcVPqLbD5YJ5y/qPuR2q+8A6O5a0qJc5y0QBE5gxie+PeqvAIkLnx9KhUpDEUhlm0W5+X3C1FJK10V2sl4Sba0DSgKVXDRTK7RSXPHz/saVRQiiiiiIooooiKKKKIiiiiiIooooiKKKSyz7/eiJVNu8UNZnuw+RNR7un+LH5mf6ipV2gLunufm+Lf2FGruEAQTweDmYxTNtJ5PGDAHw+FSk038Tf8AtUrR0AymnR47yZ78fu9655Zb3jd7+ziI9oAqWEj3+5pVRKpnUPy277oxwRP7X+1QbnRQbhubPXj1wN33Efyirqikqzazm6KBtcADIMGMiPy4+s0u7vPAPOMj4ROfnUyikqvaclVarpYu/wCam7HeMNPKd1x3EGmdB0ry1GwEYnJBMlTJk89smruiklX/AHD8uXZQmtsSMPHxI+gOePvXbVpgpAB4xMTMZ/nUyikqmc6KLDdt3wkj3zP0+dCI0jJ7Tn57v7VKomkqM6K4a55g9xTVzUpH5h96hVAJSrzRt/7h/enJqBduzESYMyAfcU9b1K9yPrUrQsMKVRRRULJFFFFERRRRREUUUURFFFFERRRRREVwrXaKImNOn5v+408BXE/uaVRSTJRRRRRQiiiiiIooooiKKKKIiiiiiIooooiKTcGKVRRFBv2hIwMkD/n2p63bj/WKVf5X/u/saeqVoXGAv//Z
IJAB LEFT, YOU BETTER STAY
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Get better soon. I eagerly await your return, or not, if you don't wanna come back that is perfectly fine.
Speaking from experience, this isn't going to go away quickly. That said I do hope you find something that helps you.
Modern Medicine is the devil, don't get hooked on that shit.
When I get the chance, I will give you a link to a video that will lift your spirits, or at least make you laugh at the gesture. For I write on an iPad.
540021
I probably should do that... there are lot of fics that I've been meaning to read on my read later thing... anyways, I'm thinking positive.
540056
There are some things that help a lot, such as music, but I see what you mean. Yeah, there's no easy fix to the suite of mental health issues I have. But I still have to aim to get better, or else I just won't be able to function. And thanks for your message.
540043
Awww, thanks!
540036
I like you too!
Even if I cant be there for you, know that I'll be here for you, hope everything goes great!
540024
540041
Ah, silly you-- Funnyjunk doesn't allow linking like that!
Anyways, thanks for posting (I'm sure you you've linked something cool).
540077
Alright!
540067
I don't have a choice-- any more than a diabetic has the choice whether or not to have their insulin. I just have to be positive as well as rational.
540091 fuck
You were actually one the first authors I followed i1170.photobucket.com/albums/r522/xSputnickx/tumblr_m8x74oToAI1rrj8ml.gif
540081
540089
Sure, just being here means a lot.
540103
sadpanda.us/images/1264771-RS5PYVU.jpg
540099
Damn, it's hard for me to realize that I've been posting pony-related things for more than a solid year!
To be honest, time has really eroded the fun-nature of things... but it's... interesting, isn't it? And thank you for your message!
540091 You know what? Screw the link, go listen to some "Don't Worry, Be Happy" for the next five minutes. Then hit replay. After repeating that twice, go rock climbing, or something that kids love to do that isn't frowned upon as adults... but you may have to do these things tomorrow.
540125
DIABEETUS
Swiper, stop worrying so much about us. We get that you are going through a rather rough period, so don't worry about writing. If you need to focus on other things, then that's completely fine. Our lives are not resting on you writing stories. Take as long as you need.
-Plyxe
i.imgur.com/Cg4TJl.jpg
540159
Yeah, I see... what you mean... it's just that I really love you guys so much and everything.
540160
540137
IKnowRight.jpeg
540134
I've been trying to listen to some emotionally boosting music at the moment, and it helps. Honestly, looking through all of the things from people-- whether favs or watches or comments or whatever it is-- I just love it all. People here are so great.
540226 And we love you too.
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/574321-Liege/321/9/bighugforyou_display.jpg
I am the leaf, and you are that pixel right next to the leaf.
I'm never going to throw you away! You and TAW will remain on my golden shelf. You both got me into clopfiction when I was a wee lad, new to this, fanfiction.
With that out of the way.
GIVE ME YOUR TIGHTEST HUG EVAR! <3
540226 Again, go rock climbing. See a good movie, like Wreck-it-Ralph, or something. Maybe get a professional massage. Find a day, and use it for yourself. Who cares? Do something YOU want. For all I care, you could go to a freaking rave, maybe even get a girlfriend. YES! THAT'S IT! You need to either get a gf, find some friends, or get a hobby. Depression is a terrible thing, Swipes, but can be overcome. Just remember, depression isn't the worst life can give out. There's also boredom.
Just lurk, lurk, and lurk!
That's what I always do.
It always seems to help me achieve a meditation like state of being.
Just you, drawn from this Earth and into another world different in many ways....
Omniscient would be a fine word to describe it.
Depression is a serious condition and I hope you get through it allright. Don't feel bad about existing. Everything that lives has the right to fight for its continue existance.
Even if you take a break don't despair about not writing. I took a nearly ten year break from fanfiction writing. The ponies brought me back in
*hug*
Your gonna make it Swiper, and if you need time off from us, then do so.
I haven't taken any offense to any delays in responses.
Fraid I dont have as much to say this time as I have in the past
Sorry.
You'll make it, just remember! Don't stop believin.
For the following pics, Luna is a stand in for you:
(your fanbase)
fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/170/5/b/hugs_for_luna_by_furboz-d3jdc4m.jpg
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/188/0/c/princess_luna_and_twilight_sparkle_hugging_by_90sigma-d51445e.png
th00.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/260/8/1/celestia_and_luna_hugging__luna_major_ver___by_90sigma-d53nvuf.png
Hope you can find peace with yourself:
th05.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/181/4/0/nightmare_moon_and_princess_luna_hugging_by_90sigma-d55ewso.png
540363 ........................................I think that post gave me something, let me get a blood test.......................ah yes, just as I imagined...............thank you, cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/28567750.jpg
and Im sure many others got it too
but moar diabeetus is demanded! so here you have some moar!
img535.imageshack.us/img535/6091/tumblrllh3x515kk1qfkiou.jpg
540397
Im (still) non-diabetic and I had to take a large shot of insulin while I google searched "hug luna"
Sorry about the diabeetus.
Have you heard about Liberty Mutual though? They should be able to hook you up.
Something to cheer you up
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1MwLwU07XlE]
(((Why wont it work?!?) ALT [url=youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1MwLwU07XlE]IDEA!!!) FFFFFFFUUUU-)
(just copy paste the url)
MOAR DIABEETUS!!!
2.bp.blogspot.com/-HnTydItVP-Q/Tigtykkl0fI/AAAAAAAAA8o/sIQSRg6JBs8/s1600/me%2Band%2Bluna-hug%2Bbase-Furboz.jpg
here's the link
(knighty changed the URL coding again)
As I've said before Swiper, if you need someone to talk to, send me a PM, on if I'm on steam send me a message there. I'm more then willing to talk.
*hugs for good measure*
540454 knighty is a faggot. I told him how to fix that, and he does not give a fuck. Here:
[youtube=1MwLwU07XlE]
540605 Your URL is invalid. You put an ampersand between the ? and the v
Goddamnit. Why doesn't anyone here post ponies I like. Luna and Derpy can go to hell.
Wait. Not positive. Meant to be helping poor Swiper overcome depression. Not helpful. Be positive.
Well, if you're not going to be around often, I'm definitely going to miss your open-mindedness. Nobody else around here writes about the internet browser ponies screwing or some nice ghosties.
Damn. That wasn't positive either.
Well, I think of emotions like viruses. Not a very positive metaphor, but my point is you catch them randomly and then they're gone. Earlier today I felt happy for no particular reason. Then I managed to cut myself on a piece of toilet paper. Blood everywhere, and I can barely type, but, eh. My body's having a hard time combatting this virus.
You just have a bad case of sad and self-loathing and fear, seems you also need some cacky sticky linctus equivalent to get rid of it, but at least we're not wasting antibiotics. That's alright. I get that shit all the time. But right now I'm happy for no particular reason, despite the fact I'm talking absolute mindless garbage on the internet to a psychiatric patient. Life is good. You couldn't make this shit up, some of the stuff that happens here.
All I can say is live in the moment - that's what I do. And I'm sitting here thinking of completely crazy creative crap constantly. I see life for what it is, an absolute shithole. But it's also a pretty funny place. Life's a game. Don't take it too seriously, or it you'll just get mad and ragequit,
The Tao's principle is spontaneity. It is near and we seek it far away.
Oh how could I ever be mad at you.
*HUGS*
Don't worry about us man, you just need to worry about you. Just sit back and think about what you need to make yourself feel better and do it. As someone who has felt really awful from time to time, that is what always helps me. Anyway I hope life treats you kind. Looking at all the people who responded, just know you're well loved here.
*hugs* Take care of yourself.