Story Reviews » SA: Round 175 · 4:55pm Aug 9th, 2020
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“Got your mask on?”
“Yeah, but these seem a little excessive for COVID.”
Matthew gave FanficFan an incredulous stare through his gas mask. “Worse things than COVID have probably mutated down there.”
Memories of foreign smells from the last time he’d done reviews with Intern came to mind. “Good point.”
Standing next to a manhole cover, Matthew readied his industrial strength laser cutter (borrowed from the Compound storage locker, the paperwork was too slow DAMNIT). “Ready with the grappling hook?”
FanficFan raised the gun shaped tool with the clawed attachment at the manhole cover. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Then on three. THREE!” Matthew switched on the cutting laser, burning through the cover within seconds. The moment the cover fell and FanficFan could hear the ringing as it struck the floor below, he fired into the darkness. Something caught.
“I think I got something! It’s a whopper!”
Matthew tossed aside the laser and ran behind FanficFan, grabbing his waist. “Pull like the world depends on it!”
The two Angel’s heaved, the steel cable connecting the gun and claw pulling taught. Resistance came swiftly from the end of the line, threatening to pull them into the pit. Digging in their heels, the reviewers stopped their forward momentum. One backstep after another, Matthew and FanficFan slowly gained ground. With one final heave, the clawed end sprang forth from the pit, dragging the hooked on figure out and onto the grass.
“AH! Natural light! It burnses! IT BURNSES!”
Matthew hopped up and pulled out a pink sphere, throwing it at the pit where the manhole cover used to be. The sphere broke over the pit, coating the entrance with a squishy substance. “There, now he can’t get back in.” He turned to where their catch was flailing on the ground as FanficFan was already pulling him back into the Compound.
“Come on, Intern,” he grunted as both Intern’s weight and resistance was draining his strength. “We’ve got work to do.”
ROUND 175
STORY 1
Fang and Flame, by horizon
Dragon Lord Ember took her throne when she won the Bloodstone Scepter, and its ancient magic which controls dragon minds.
In a world linked to Equestria, a very different Ember chafes under her father's leadership, hungry to take ownership of the instinct-controlling power of the Bloodstone Crown.
Their two worlds are about to meet. And only one dragon will stand between Equestria and the deadly, unforgiving call of the wild.
I’ll be the first to admit that I actually didn’t get this at first, then I got about halfway through the first chapter and everything clicked. Horizon’s decision to have this story be told from the point of view of EqG Ember allowed him to have his cake and eat it too.
He could have EASILY made this a third-person omniscient story and called it a day. The story’s concept of Ember being confronted with her EqG counterpart is already made for a great character-driven tale… at least for Ember. Instead, he goes the extra mile and makes this a character-driven story about EqG Ember, yielding my (now) favorite story to spotlight the Dragon Lord. Allowing the reader to get in the mind of EqG Ember actually gives the story very tangible stakes, and the action scenes that take place between Ember and her counterpart are given so much detail that it feels like something out of a movie like Tarzan or Princess Mononoke (A movie that Horizon admitted inspired him when writing this).
“Fang and Flame” more than deserved the contest win it received last year and the fact that it has such a low view count to be qualified to feature here is mind-boggling to me. (If anything, it should be among the stories that Horizon curates with the Royal Canterlot Library.) So, if you’re looking for a great character-driven story about characters confronting their EqG counterparts, but especially if you are a fan of Ember or just dragons in general, then go check this out.
Ah, mirror universe shenanigans. Home of the evil twin, gender swaps, Marvel zombies, and alternate timelines. For this one, the die landed on one, so evil twin it is!
Here, the author explores Equestria Girls’ version of Ember, sticking to the dog motif that started with Spike. And boy is the take on Ember a doozie. Written in the first person, EqG Ember is not a lovable canine to cuddle, but a feral wolf that will tear out your throat. If that weren’t bad enough, she has a special Equestrian Magical Device™ that ignites the beast within her fellow pack mates, giving her minor control over them. Chance leads her into Equestria proper where she discovers dragons are pretty darn cool. And she can control them. Yikes.
Part action flick and part introspection, this sucker gripped me at how well Horizon depicts a wild animal gaining some understanding of themselves and the world around them. It’s also tense when our lovable ponies' lives are at stake and EqG Ember decides that it’s time to take her new pack and hunt.
Fair warning that the beginning of this story gets somewhat gruesome, though not too graphic. Get by that and delve into the mind of a dangerous animal given intelligence.
Unsettled by the events involving Cozy Glow, Chancellor Neighsay finds his finely honed blade of critique pointed at a new target: himself.
I knew it was only a matter of time before I would see a deep dive into the character of Chancellor Neighsay, but I did not expect it to take this long. That said, it was well worth the wait, as Thought Prism delivers a well earned backstory for the prejudiced educator and even a bit of commentary on the education system and how it’s constructed.
The show never really had redemptions like the one Thought Prism presents here. Unlike Starlight or Stygian, Neighsay didn’t need to have a Twilight intervention in order to change, which felt like a breath of fresh air. There’s a very deliberate pace taken with this story that perfectly captures the internal monologue of one rationally confronting their biases. I appreciate that since such a concept is very topical in today’s world.
While I might disagree with how Neighsay decides to act after his ponderings, I won’t go and say the end of the story wasn’t earned. Thought Prism had a very excellent flow to this story that I have to give props too. So, if you like a good redemption story or are yearning for Neighsay to be fleshed out in some capacity, then this story should strike your fancy.
Chancellor Neighsay didn’t have much time to develop when he was introduced. Barely a season’s worth. So I’m glad we got some writers taking some time to flesh him out.
Sometimes, characters from the show have to be hit by rainbow lasers in order to change. However, here we have a character who doesn’t need the extra push. It’s rather refreshing in a way to have Neighsay look over the actions of himself, his environment, and the events at the end of season 8 to see that something has to change within himself in order to move on. Some might call his actions drastic at the end, but I believe he knows it’s what’s necessary for him to take the next step in his life.
Much of this is internal debate, but I didn’t find it slow in the least. Neighsay is presented here as a rational and intelligent person and I can believe he would come to the conclusion he does naturally. Take a look and see if you agree.
The days of fear, torture and fierce opposition is over in the changeling hives. There is no longer the need for an elite, combat-ready military ready to eviscerate, pillage and destroy whatever they are ordered to kill. There is no longer a hive, only a hollow shell of pony lights, pony love, pony customs and the fading of changeling tradition. As each day passes, the old 'Chrysalis' ways are replaced by perverted versions of 'Celestia' and her subordinates' disgusting aesthetic.
Pharynx didn't think he'd be alone in his thinking. He didn't think he'd be the only one who stood defiant, fierce and intimidating to those around him. He didn't think that they wouldn't understand. They had to understand. They were his own kin! They turn their backs to him, ignorant to the years they've all spent as warriors and guards, in exchange for a life of comfort and ignorance.
He didn't think the entire hive would betray him. He didn't think the outcasting would be so unabashedly obvious. Is this what Thorax felt when he left the hive? Was this fate's sick karma of tormenting him until the day he dies?
You abandoned your brother. Now, they all abandon you.
This was no longer home.
On the other side of the “pondering change” coin from Neighsay in the previous story, we have Pharynx and his internal monologue where he refutes change and assimilation. In only his second story on the site, citrusorange delivers a gem of a character study into the brother of Thorax.
It presents a very nuanced look at the changeling, showcasing his dissatisfaction with how the Hive has changed and how much changelings have started to become just like ponies. This story is very much about a creature grappling with being left behind by a society that he took pride in. There’s almost this feeling of helplessness coming from Pharynx in this story as his people change into a culture that he just can’t accept.
This story may end abruptly to set up a sequel that continues Pharnyx’s journey, but I think this story functions on it’s own very well because it ends only after Pharynx fully discerns why he’s so reclusive and resistant to the rest of the Hive, his brother included. If you want more Pharynx than the show gave you, or are just interested in this type of character arc, then give this story a read.
And on that note of characters having a debate with themselves on how to move forward, we have Pharynx here to give us the other side of the coin.
In this story, Pharynx didn’t change into the evolved changeling form like he did in the show. He refuses, thinking it’s too pony and not enough changeling. Despite all the rest transforming and seemingly happy, Pharynx rejects that.
Why? Well, give this a read and see if you agree with Pharynx’s view on things and what his ultimate decision ends up being. I thought it was poignant, but there’s room for disagreement.
There is a black hole at the center of the galaxy that houses Equestria. There is a cafe next to the black hole, and a bench at the bus stop. There is also a bus stop.
Ocellus is waiting for a bus.
It seems to be taking a while.
Sometimes, the most poignant things in life are the simple things. Take this story, written by darf in memory of the late CoffeeBean. Knowing this beforehand might help you discern the meaning behind what is a very allegorical story.
darf writes this story with a voice that is very simplistic, which is far from a criticism. It’s actually what helps make this story work so well. In the case of a VERY metaphorical story like this one, its stripped down style and voice puts a spotlight on the metaphorical aspect so that readers spend every word trying to figure out what this story is actually about. I dare not spoil it here because part of this story’s charm is the journey of figuring out what it all means. With that said, the payoff is well worth figuring it out.
Not much really happens in this story, just Ocellus waiting for a bus near a black hole and talking to those she meets while she waits. However, behind this simple premise is an emotionally resonant and genius allegory that would make CoffeeBean proud.
This one is odd but also strangely hypnotic. There’s some real world history behind this story, but I’m going to focus on the story itself.
Ocellus is waiting for a bus, and while she’s doing that, a procession of other characters come up and talk to her. Each has their own message they are trying to convey, and I’ll be honest and say that I didn’t get all of their meaning. This story is very metaphorical, from the setting and the conversations the characters have.
I think the appeal will depend on how well you grasp the secondary meaning within the story. Give it a shot and see if Ocellus’ wait is worth your time.
They were on time. No missed deadlines. No ridicule and more importantly, no Fungeon.
Personally, Intern didn’t find it so bad as he adjusted his shoulder in such a way as to not knock over the broom. Getting it back into place without tipping over the pail of floor cleaner was too much of a hassle.
As though his finger contained the very power of Celestia, Intern pierced it down on his keyboard. The reviews were done and the document sent. All there was to do now was wait for the post to go up.
A knock came from the door. Twisting his arm up that would make a contortionist wince, Intern turned the knob and opened it. FanficFan stood on the other side.
“I see you adjusted well after coming out of your hole,” FanficFan said with an approving nod. “You gave me a pretty good workout. I didn’t think a human could flail about that much.”
Intern pouted. “I had a good thing going. Jerks.”
“Well, it’s good to have you back. We all done?”
“Yes, they’re on their way.”
“Great. Anything else?”
“Yeah. Close the door when you leave. I can’t feel my arm.”
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
thanks for the review. i find it hilarious that after 10+ years of writing the main takeaway from our stories is "i'm not sure if i get it". <3
Never thought I'd see the day! Inward Eyes didn't do well in the contest which inspired me to write it, so I'd just assumed it was mediocre. The fact that most of the positive feedback I get for my work seems to indicate I'm more talented at comedy also contributed to that. Of course, that doesn't stop me from trying to make more serious pieces anyway, as the muse commands. Glad to see my efforts aren't misplaced!
Another day, another dollar.
5332397
That's what happens when you get allegorical. However, it's very universal. It kind of reminded me of the Netflix series "A Series of Unfortunate Events," actually.
5332409
And you shouldn't! Character studies like yours (especially with characters that didn't get much screen time in the show) deserve all the attention they can.
I Am Waiting For A Bus has a prose and narration style unlike any other. I reread it every couple of weeks. It really is an amazingly poignant fic and I’m very glad darf wrote it.
5332469
Have you seen "A Series of Unfortunate Events" on Netflix? The story kind of reminds me of Lemony Snicket's style of speaking on that show.
And I'm very glad darf wrote it too.
5332553
I have! I've been a fan of the series since I was a youngster myself, I remember fondly reading the series over several times in elementary/middle school. Daniel Handler/Lemony Snicket's writing style was very unique and influential to me as an early writer. I can definitely see how the prose style in I Am Waiting For A Bus reminds you of that. I dunno if that's what darf was going for, but that's a neat lil parallel.
I am SO DOWN with Fang and Flame! A kickass action-adventure with Spike somewhere in the mix, hopefully not being treated like crap? That one's for me.
I know this is a completely off topic question, and probably could've been asked a LONG time ago. But I have just been confused since the first EG movie; In the comics, before Sunset escaped through the portal, her position of being Celi's student was taken and she was banished from the castle, but in the movie, they claimed she became evil and straight up left. Could someone help me out on this?
5336304 That's because the comics are not cannonical. They've never been.
5336317
oh ok. Thanks, it was just a little confusing.
5336317
But in the movie, did they ever claim she was banished?
5336304
From what I understand, comics of shows are a bit flexible when it comes to canon.
Basically, anything in the comics is canon IF the show doesn't say anything to contradict it. You take the show's word over that of the comics.