An unexpected explanation · 12:40am Jul 9th, 2020

For a while now I've had to deal with a shoddy keyboard that makes me beg before it allows me to use it, but it's usually been reasonably well behaved insofar that I've been able to type for a good portion of time before it would die and leave me stranded for a few hours, maybe a day if I were unlucky. Recently, it's been a bit harsher, and I've found myself more stranded than not, and I've spent the vast majority of my day trying to write with great difficulty, using a functional-ish keyboard for only an hour at most.

I actually tried to write this blog a few times but struggled with the wording. What did I want to say? That I was sorry but I was just simply not going to try? That my lack of writing wasn't my fault, but yet another circumstance that was beyond my control? It seemed very shallow and self-pitying, so I'd keep writing a few lines (when my keyboard graciously permitted me), would go back and edit what I'd written, and then repeat a fruitless pattern of typing and deleting before I'd give up and watch Youtube. All in all, I got nowhere, felt sorry for myself without realising it, and built up stress.

Today, I had an epiphany (read: breakdown) where all that angst just rolled off me, and now, with hindsight and some helpful words from others that were in no way meant to be helpful, I've found a path forward. I won't be held back because my hardware won't co-operate with me. I won't be held back because I don't have the motivation. What I needed was catharsis, and having got that, I've managed to find the motivation to write properly again. My stories won't be delayed, my audience will be have access to stories soon, and I won't sit about grumping because I've had to slam the same key twenty times just to get it to register that I want to type a "g".

I first intended to write this as an explanation as to why I was being slow with my uploads following my last blog in which I promised a swift return to writing in July, but after realising that it sounded like a lame excuse for my laziness, I abandoned that, and I feel like it's more fitting to make this blog more like a statement of my intent rather than a pitying, snivelling plea for forgiveness. I also realised I needed to write this because I simply wasn't doing anything, and as has been my mantra for a while, the best way to do something is to force yourself to do it. For context, I am writing this with my broken keyboard, but it's being achieved because I'm willing myself to do it. I'm finally back on track.

For tose of you wonderin, this is wat it looks like wen I try to write witout spendin time corecting the keyboars erors. It takes a lon time to just write normaly, but Ive made sure to do it anyway.

In summary, I've had time to think, and I'll be working on my writing because I need to get back to it. It'll take longer than normal because I have to copy and paste individual characters (even writing this sentence has taken several revisions), meaning I'll either need to write on my phone or spend significant portions of time correcting my spelling, but I will do it, rather than putting it off and making excuses. Writing this blog has actually helped me, since it's forced me into a writing headspace.

I hope you're all okay, and that you're staying safe. I know I'm doing better, and that today, despite it's general stress, has been a blessing in disguise. Happy reading, you perverts and pervettes, and remember that I love you all.

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