A Crummy Month, COVID, and Luna · 5:43pm Mar 30th, 2020
Good morning, afternoon, and evening everyone. El Loco Loro here and, wow, what a terrible two months it has been. February started with me coming down with a sore throat, which is the worst thing for me. It's first to show up, and it takes forever to go away; even as I write this, it's still holding on for dear life. Because of it, I was just able to release my story "Endearing Young Charms". I would've had another story written later in the month but, whenever I have a sore throat, it makes me downright miserable. On the plus side, it's to the point where I can reasonably tolerate it, so I don't have to suffer too badly (I'll still be glad when it's gone).
At this point, I'm glad to say that I don't have the coronavirus; in fact, it hasn't hit my area too hard. There are a few cases here and there, but nothing major. One of the blessings of not living in a metropolitan area, I guess. Not that I'm downplaying the severity of it all, mind you. I have indeed noted how widespread it's become and how deadly it can be and has been. Luckily, as an introvert, i don't get out and socialize much to begin with, and my job minimizes contact with people. Anyway, I hope you're all doing well. I hope you're taking the necessary precautions and, if you or someone you know has the virus, I sincerely hope you get better. On the lighter side of things, does any of this remind anyone of the game Plague Inc. Evolved? An interesting game to play, if you're into that particular genre.
I just recently submitted my latest story, which I would like to talk about. It's called "Luna's Soliloquy", and it surrounds the guilt and regrets she had after her time as Nightmare Moon, and after the events surrounding the Tantabus. Three episodes stand out to me with samples of how Luna's past actions have continued to adversely affect her: "A Royal Problem", where she still struggles with her desire to be acknowledged and appreciated for her efforts, "Between Dark and Dawn", where (during her fight with Celestia) we see that she still carries a remnant of bitterness towards her sister, and of course, "Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep", where we see her well-intended (albeit ill-executed) plan to prevent the return of Nightmare Moon.
In a small way, I can relate to some of Luna's struggles. Just as Luna's responsibilities are primarily carried out during the night, the work that I do is largely "behind the scenes" in supportive roles (i.e. "how can I help?"). Also, my job is during the off-shifts which, to be honest, is fine with me due to my introverted nature. As such, I feel empathy for Luna, for the position she's in, for her desire for recognition, and the frustration and disappointment she must feel when such recognition is not forthcoming.
In "Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep", we see how hard Luna has been on herself since her return and reformation. Her guilt is so deep, so strong, that she is willing to punish herself nightly, to never forgive herself for her past, just to insure that her past mistakes are never re-visited. Whether or not Luna could be diagnosed with some form of depression is debatable. But as one who deals with depression (having been diagnosed with it several years ago), I can recognize some of the symptoms she carries, and I can relate with those symptoms to a degree. I, too, have trouble dealing with my past mistakes, sometimes to the point of metaphorically beating myself up for my perceived stupidity. In fact, the times when I'm particularly rough on myself could potentially be referred to as "verbal self-harm"; it is during those times when I absolutely hate myself.
So when I came up with the idea for the story (not to be confused with the YouTube video of the same name, by the way), I re-watched the episodes mentioned above, wanting to dig deep into her psyche, to ponder how deep her emotional scars must run, how far her grief and regrets might carry her (short of suicide, that is), and to incorporate into her soliloquy how I might act and react in her place.
I feel, or at least I hope, that I have painted a somewhat realistic picture of what Luna may have gone through when not in front of the camera. But then, for all I know, the story's content may only be a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of her struggles, her guilt, and her regrets. In any case, I will confess that, because of her depiction in the series (coupled with the few ways I can relate to her), Princess Luna is my all-time favorite character in Friendship Is Magic.
On a more serious note, please know that depression is a very real, and very serious, problem. It is far greater, and much deeper, than sadness, no matter how deep that sadness may be. If depression is a part of your life, please know that you're not alone. There are thousands, if not millions, of people worldwide who can relate. I can relate. I know just how overwhelming and debilitating it can be, and how it can potentially destroy you if help is not sought. If you deal with depression, please stay strong. Your life has more worth than you know or give yourself credit for, and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Take care,
El Loco Loro
Stay safe and healthy
and write on