Six Year Anniversary Update: The End of 'Nuclear Winter'

Wow, I can't believe I haven't written a blog post since February. Nobody even reads these anyway, but I feel like writing one more just in case anyone has any questions.

Although I first published 'Fallout Equestria: Nuclear Winter' on July 4th of 2016, the idea came to me sometime around late November or early December of 2013, and I consider December 13th, 2013 to be the story's official birthday. The idea has grown and changed over the years, but the main plot points were more or less solidified by July of 2014. If it weren't for my habitual procrastination, the story would be done by now. But I'm a far better worldbuilder than I am a writer. I easily generate story ideas but struggle to actually put them on paper. I'm even worse at making them enjoyable to read. But I kept going, always telling myself that if I could just get into the habit of writing every day or every other day then I could have one of those grand million-word stories like all those other great writers on FimFiction.

But I could never get myself to do it. And it's entirely my fault. Strangely enough, I think that some of my best ideas actually came because I procrastinated for so long. But I think that hurt my story in another way, because I'd write those ideas down when they were still fresh and exciting, by the time I began to write about them it was now a chore.

I often suspect that the way I structured the story is to blame, or at least partially. I often think about the stuff I want to put in the second half of the story, but I can't write too far ahead of myself because everything builds on what came before. Much of the first half is really just filler anyway. In fact, I gutted what was originally going to be the first Act precisely because it was mostly filler. Then again, I did't actually do that much planning. I never had more than a list of basic plot beats until earlier this year when I finally made an outline, and even then it still has plenty of holes that I'm just going to fill in on the fly unless I happen to think of something to put in beforehand.

Or maybe I was just too ambitious. This was always going to be a really, really ambitious project, and one that only ballooned in scope over time. Originally it was just going to be a really simple story about a character moving from point A to point B, then to point C, then D, then E and finally F. But I gradually came up with more ideas for subplots and sidequests until Act I was 90% sidequests. I managed to weave the sidequests into the plot well enough that I could even fool myself into thinking it was part of the main story all along, but it was always just me trying to rationalize doing more than I was originally supposed to. However, it all added up. Earlier this year I attempted to course-correct by making a detailed plan intended to limit the length of each story arc to a more manageable 20,000 words. I realized that in order to write the story the way I wanted to, I would need at least 200 chapters. If each chapter has a total of 10,000 words each, then the final product would be over 2 million words long. My original word count goal was only 500-600k, around the same length as the original Fallout: Equestria. What I have now is only about a tenth of that 200, and the story is only just scratching the surface of what I consider to be the main plot. Waiting until 150,000 words in to reveal what the story is actually about is bad writing, and I don't think I really foreshadowed it very well either.

Even worse, I've already come up with ideas for three sequels. I know that it's extremely premature to begin planning a series before you've even finished the first installment, but I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to see where the ideas I had for this story would go afterward since I've already planned out the ending.

But it's time to be honest with myself. This story has always been little more than a semi-autobiographical power fantasy born out of teenage angst. Over time I've become more critical of it and have seriously questioned if it even belongs in the Fallout: Equestria universe at all (or MLP, for that matter), or if I'm just piggybacking off of an already established fandom because it's easier than coming up with something completely original and is more likely to garner an audience. Ultimately, I think it does have a place in FoE but will always remain a black sheep due to its setting, strong reliance on the real world for inspiration, and its generally cynical take on life. Much of this I try to justify by saying it's all from the subjective viewpoint of the protagonist and the fact that, because it's essentially a prequel, it can't really have a 'happy ending' beyond simply having the protagonists survive becuase "the wasteland isn't ready for a savior yet" or something to that effect. I do genuinely love the Fallout: Equestria setting and I want to contribute new ideas to it. I think that I have some good ideas but simply fail to execute them properly due to my amateur skills as a writer and the fact that I'm not even really the same person that I was when I started this project.

I've considered different routes for the future of this project, and of my writing career in general.

1. The first option is to continue trudging on as I already have and try to keep it going for as long as I can, though this approach has yielded disappointing results so far and will probably fail soon because I'm rapidly losing interest in this project. Even if I could somehow reignite my passion, at the rate I've been going it would probably take me ten years to finish. I don't even know if FimFiction will still be operational at that point, let alone the Fallout: Equestria subfandom still existing. And even if it still exists by then, I don't think there's any point in beating a dead horse.

2. Recycle my ideas into a new story. I have an idea that would greatly shorten the scope of the story into a more manageable workload while still retaining its core elements, but I don't know how I would actually go about executing it after the first few chapters. I also feel guily about cutting out 90-95% of all the ideas I spent so much time coming up with.

2a. Start working on one of the sequels. This is a compromise that allows me to start a new project without throwing what I've already made away. I was hesitant to do it at first because I might add more stuff into the original or add new stuff into the sequel that I would have to retroactively add into the original, but as I become less and less likely to finish the original this problem sort of goes away. This is somewhat easy to do since none of the planned sequels even use the same characters as the original and the important events could easily be conveyed as backstory.

3. Just let it go. Until I officially cancel this project, I feel obligated to keep it in the back of my mind at all times. Putting it to rest will give me the freedom to move on to other things. This story is a hallmark of a relatively dark chapter in my life, one which I'm getting ready to close. I have absolutely no idea what lies ahead of me right now. I don't even know if I'll still be writing fanfiction, or even be involved with MLP anymore. It's been a wonderful experience that I'll never forget, but right now I feel like it's time to do something else with my life.

It seems like everybody else is moving on right now. The world is moving on. Everyone I knew in high school either has their bachelors or are close to getting them. MLP has ended and will soon be reborn in a new form like a phoenix. The 2010's, the crazy decade of my adolesence, is drawing to a close. It feels like everybody and everything is moving on except me, and I need to be "prepared for the future" or else I'll get left behind and degenerate into some kind of lolcow. If I keep writing fanfiction into my 30's, I need to do it in my owm basement rather than in my mother's.

I have tentatively chosen the third option. I am not completely turning my back on fanfiction or Fallout: Equestria, but at present the 'Nuclear Winter' project is shutting down. I am currently compiling the ideas in my head into a word document to preserve them, and I might finish some of the chapters I was in the process of writing if I feel like it. But unless someone or something changes my mind, I'm putting this project to rest, likely forever. I'm always coming up with new ideas for stories, and if I have a good one then I'll post it here. I also came up with an idea for a tabletop roleplaying setting based on one of the planned sequels, so I might post it on this blog or on the forum if there's any interest.

I have also considered putting the story up for adoption, in case anyone is interested in continuing it in some way, shape, or form. Because this is fanfiction, anyone is free to copy anything as long as credit is given where credit is due. I've always wondered what other people might be able to come up with if they used my ideas with some of their own.

And lastly, if there are any readers who are disappointed with my decision to discontinue this story, then I am truly sorry. I admire your patience with my infrequent updates and extended absences, and I appreciate anyone who read the story and didn't immediately hate it or get bored. However, I haven't even scratched the surface of what I had planned for this story, and I feel like all the things I had planned are a completely different story from what I currently have published. It was meant to be a very ambitious project filled with deep emotions and themes, but I just don't believe in my skill as a writer to effectively communicate any of my ideas to an audience. You probably have a completely different story in your head than the version that exists in mine. I've considered publishing a plot summary on this blog in case anyone is interested in what was eventually going to happen and how it would all turn out, as well as clarifications on anything that might be unclear.

TLDR: After several years of procrastinating, I'm cancelling this project so I can free myself to move on.