Hands Short: Supply and Demand · 8:07pm Nov 20th, 2019
Shepherd's Jobs 2: Belly Rub Giver
Shepherd was sitting on a comfortable chair in the middle of Ponyville Marketplace, with a wooden desk in front of him, a comfortable couch next to it. A sign with the label "HANDY MAN" was nailed on two posts over him.
Shepherd: "Well, as far as jobs go, maybe this one won't be so bad?"
The Great and Powerful Trixie trots up, and examines his sign detailing various things he can do: Ear Scritches - 10 bits, Belly Rubs - 15 bits, etc. She then plops down a giant bag of golden bits.
Trixie: "The Great and Powerful Trixie wants the Deluxe Special!"
Shepherd: "Sure thing!"
Later, Twilight trots out to the marketplace... Where an extremely long line of ponies is waiting in front of the stand.
Twilight: "Huh?!"
She teleports to the front... To see the exhausted looking Shepherd giving belly rubs simultaneously to Lyra and Bon-Bon
Twilight: "Shepherd! What are you doing?!"
Shepherd: "Making money... Though hoo boy, I didn't think I'd be this busy..."
Twilight: "How much money?"
Shepherd points to the extremely large sack of golden bits behind the table. Twilight's eyes bug out.
Shepherd: "I think at this rate I'll need an agent..."
Trixie flying tackles him from the line.
Trixie: "TRIXIE CANNOT WAIT! GIVE TRIXIE MORE NOW!"
Shepherd: "GAHH!"
The rest of the mares begin to swarm Shepherd. He reaches out a hand among the multitudes.
Shepherd: "HELP MEEEEE!"
Twilight flies in and yanks Shepherd out of the mob. She glares, takes a deep breath, and deploys the Royal Canterlot Voice
Twilight: "THAT'S ENOUGH!"
Shepherd: "Phew. Thanks Twilight, I-MMPH!"
Twilight kisses him violently, then grabs him possessively as she glares down at the other mares
Shepherd: "HURK!"
Twilight: "THIS IS MINE! THIS IS WHERE MY BABIES COME FROM!"
Shepherd: "... I feel like I've made a social faux pas somewhere..."
Ah, so this is taking place in the same timeline as the centaur situation
Why is it just mares? Stallions don’t want scritches and rubs?
Sitting at the kitchen table, Shepherd repositions the ice-pack over his hand. “Stupid RSI,” he mutters.
“What is RSI?” Twilight asks.
“Repetitive Scritches Injury.”
5158181
The mares made sure no stallions were in the line. That should have been a warning sign...
The Grand Archmage looks over at Sheperd, shaking his head while balancing on a single hand.
"I don't get how you get do all that Jedi stuff," Andrew states, "it kinda feels like you're showing off."
"A little," The Grand Archmage replies, "I could never do this back home when I was 350 pound, overworked IT professional. Now I'm all magical and shit with the dexterity, agility, and limberness of an exotic dancer. Be sure you tip, guys."
"And just why are you here, anyway, Steve?" Andrew asks, "don't have your Fluttershy to sex up?"
"Oh, I do, I do," The Grand Archmage answers, "Shy is with foal, Jackie is with foal. Again. Luna has Polaris and Sirius on a Royal Inspection Tour, whatever the fuck that is. Sunset is doing her 'Friendship Apprentice of Princess Twilight Sparkle' spiel on Starlight Glimmer. I wouldn't even be here if you hadn't set off a massive arcane quake reaction. So what did you do?"
"Oh, I set up a small business," Andrew replies.
"Uh-huh. What kind of business?"
"Oh, you know, things only humans can do: belly rubs, ear skritches, that kind of thing- OW!" Andrew yelps as Steve smacks him over the head with a rolled up newspaper, "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
"Andy, Andy, Andy," Steve muses, "if I've told you once, I've told you sixteen times: never, EVER, offer scratching services with mares outside your herd! You're just lucky it was Twilight who magically exploded and not half the mares of Ponyville. There'd be nothing left of the Everfree Forest if that were the case…"
"Can't you do that already?" Andrew asks The Grand Archmage.
"Can't," Steve says, "Celestia barred me from casting Ultima after she saw what it did to the Caribou Army. The vultures and other carrion birds are going to be feasting for weeks. In any case, please do try and not set off another reaction, okay? Slipping from tangent to tangent is taxing enough without your 'brilliant schemes' forcing me to emerge back here for equity adjustments."
"I make no promises," Andrew says.
"Andy," Steven growls, "either you refrain from causing massive ripples on the arcane plain or the next time I emerge, I'm bringing my tangent's Pinkie Pie. Do you remember what happened last time? Would you want that?"
Andrew's eyes constrict to pins, as the human slowly shakes his head.
"I didn't think so," Steve says, "well, I'm off. Things to do, places to be, Proletariat to kill. Later, ya'll!"
I somehow feel that his hand is the part of him least likely to make it out of the swarm.
Hey, wait a minute...Job 1 was Rainbow Dash's trainer...what happened to Job 2?
(Edit: Ah, there we go.)
Love the old school Family Guy reference. I miss the old seasons....