Story Reviews » SA: Round 148 · 7:59pm Mar 30th, 2019
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
The Intern dove behind an overturned desk, just in time to hear the tell-tale SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT as his newest creation, Memebot #44, fired its Gak-ling cannon across the lab.
“I just don’t know what went wrong!” he whined. “I could have sworn I debugged all of the coding that made Memebot #43 turn evil and attempt to turn all of humanity into paperclips!”
“Maybe we added too much tomato soup? I heard a theory that canned soup sometimes holds magical properties?” Heartshine asked, trying in vain to get the sticky purple substance out of her coat. “And why did you arm it if all of the other creations became evil?”
The intern waved a hand before pressing the big red button on the bottom of the overturned desk labelled ‘in case of emergency.’
“I thought this one would be different! Plus I really wanted to play a prank on one of the other Angels,” he said, shaking his fist. “As long as this doesn’t end up like the disaster on Floor 83 and a half, we’ll be fine!”
Heartshine paled. Impressive, for a small pegasus with soft green fur covering her face.
“Isn’t that the floor that the elevator won’t go to because it opens up into an artificial sun?”
“I’m sure that was an isolated incident! Besides, Matthew banned me from using a Mr. Fusion for the purposes of mad robotic science after that!” the Intern shook his fist. “One day I will prove them wrong and become promoted to…” He trailed off, leaving only the sound of splatting Gak.
“To…?” Heartshine prompted.
“You know, I don’t know what would happen if I got promoted. I’ve never been that close to it before.”
“PREPARE TO BECOME PAPERCLIPS, MOVING SOURCES OF CARBON!” the robot’s creepy voice recorder called. “WE WILL COMMENCE WITH THE YEETING PROCESS!”
The desk flew across the room. Heartshine and the Intern screamed. Impressively at nearly identical pitches. The intern picked up the small pegasus and held her in front of himself before-
BUZZ!!!
The robot stopped in its tracks, and slumped over. The Intern and Heartshine looked around the sagging machine, only to find Matthew looking at them while holding a strange, glowing device that reminded Heartshine of a space aged screwdriver.
“What are you two doing?”
“Uh…” the Intern began.
“Science! Fun science! That totally didn’t nearly go horribly wrong!” Heartshine added helpfully.
Matthew surveyed the room that was now covered in purple Gak, stickers of cats, and more than a few empty cans of tomato soup.
“Right…” the senior Angel replied. “Yeah, this is gonna require a full decontamination. Besides, we have reviews that need to be completed. Come on you two…”
ROUND 148
STORY 1
In Quiet Moments, by Krickis
Nurse Redheart loves her job. She’s the head nurse at Ponyville Hospital, and she helps take care of everypony in town. It’s a very rewarding job, and she loves it very much. At least that’s what reminds herself of every day.
The only thing that Redheart loves more than her job is Feverfew, her pet skunk. So when Feverfew gets sick after the veterinarian’s office is closed, Redheart knows there’s only one pony she trusts with her beloved pet’s care.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy seems to think that Feverfew isn’t the only one with a problem, and that not all ailments are physical.
Here’s a nice bait-and-switch type story where you are set up for one thing and come out with something a little different. I should have seen it coming, but my AP English education fails me again.
It starts off simple, enough. Nurse Redheart goes through her daily routine, taking care of both her pet skunk and her patients. One day, her skunk gets a tummy ache and needs to be taken to Fluttershy for a quick checkup. From there, things take a twist as the story explores how the day-to-day grind can wear down a person without them even knowing it.
Ultimately, this is a feel-good fic with a positive message. It explores topics with a well crafted hand, from stress to anxiety. I was impressed at the work done here not to demonize any characters, but present them as people working through their real issues. I highly encourage a read as it gave me all the warm and fuzzies I didn’t even know I craved.
I tried, so very, very hard to not have a story type. Really, I did! But… turns out I do and ho boy does this story fit it perfectly. In many fields, self care is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. Doubly so in service fields like Nursing or Mental Health. So when someone isn’t taking care of themselves, it makes it that much harder to get the job done.
Krickis does a wonderful job subtly weaving in relatively mundane anxieties into a situation that, quite honestly, would compound them for anyone. Their lovely (and I use that word sarcastically) description of a very hectic day at a hospital will probably hit way too close to home for readers who’ve ever worked in fast paced, high stress settings. Honestly, it was stressing me out reading about Redheart’s day, and I’ve been in her horseshoes more than once.
But what is important isn’t the stress of the piece, it’s the message. Krickis uses Fluttershy’s quiet kindness to slowly teach Redheart a lesson about who she needs to take care of first. And why the neglect of self is one of the worst things that someone can do in a job as busy and fast paced as someplace like Ponyville Hospital.
Seriously, if you’re bad at self care and need a reminder of why it is important, go read this story.
STORY 2
Torn, by Bubble Butt
One unassuming morning, Trixie accidentally tears her cape and now she has to get somepony to fix it for her before her show.
She finds that doing that is not as easy as she thinks it is.
Once again, I fall back on the Trixie train. Choo-choo!
But seriously, I love reading stories where Trixie is put into situations that clash with her brash personality. Especially when she has to struggle to tone it down in order to get what she wants. Strife drives character growth and Trixie is rife with possibilities to bring out the best and worst of her when the author uses her correctly.
And guess what? It works here! Trixie’s been on the mend (see what I did there?) and that means seeking out help from ponies she isn’t exactly chummy with. That there is plenty to work with, and Bubble Butt takes full advantage of Trixie’s follies to force her to learn to play nice with others.
I’m still on this train and I ain't gonna stop!
Asking for help sucks. Like, I may go around and tell people ‘no, it’s okay, you need to ask for help sometimes’, but in the back of my mind, I know it is one of the most difficult things in the world to do. So… for someone like Trixie who… may have a few issues with pride, asking somepony for help is probably about a monumental task as dealing with the Ursa Minor. Maybe moreso.
I love character growth pieces, no matter how small they are. Trixie is a character who has a very set way of dealing with the world, and often it’s a way that irritates everyone around her. So watching her in a vulnerable spot is really interesting. I had to agree with Bubble Butt’s sentiment at the end of the piece when they said ‘Help, I’m starting to like Trixie!’ The author does a very careful job of pruning the story so that Trixie is still her core self at the end, but the small change that she makes might just start nudging her down a different path. Go check it out!
A young filly goes on a fishing trip with her parents.
Get ready for some purple prose and a splash of metaphor, because “The Drifting Chariot” has a heaping amount of them. Not that I find that a bad thing. Sometimes I need a heavy meal to balance out the fluff that comes across the desk at this job.
Allusion and simile are used throughout this piece, but even so, I didn’t have any trouble following along with the overall story. Maybe that AP English class came in handy, after all. But that’s hardly all that’s in here as we are following along with a young pony named Melody and the difficulty she has with her parents. Specifically, the difficulty of dealing with separated parents.
Yep, this fic goes there, and all from the perspective of a filly trying to understand why grown-ups just can’t get along. It’s tough for her, especially since there’s more going on than she realizes. However, I encourage readers to give this a shot to see how things turn out. The writing is superb, the intricate convase the writer paints on makes this a journey worth taking.
So, I remembered this story from when I was volunteering as the lead for Everfree NW’s Writing Track. It won the Rarity award, which was for beautiful prose and style. So when I saw that it had languished with low views, I wanted to review it. No, I needed to review it.
Families are complicated. Often times they do things for reasons we don’t understand. And when you’re young, the reasoning of adults can seem… distant and alien. And often downright cruel. WritingSpirit blends metaphor, half truth, and the precocious nature of a young filly to create a heart wrenching story about a family that needs some heart mending. I honestly had to read this story three times the FIRST time I read it to catch all of the bits and pieces and small gems that WritingSpirit put into it. Which made me love the story all the more.
I know I’ve been known to love stories that have depth and emotion to them, and “The Drifting Chariot” has those in spades. Seriously, this story is gorgeous. Go read it!
STORY 4
Elixir Master, by Pen Stroke
When Fluttershy introduced Mage Meadowbrook to Zecora, it was with the hope of fostering friendship. Yet, an unfortunate mishap and bitter words have led to something far different. There will be a duel, and Discord is more than happy to turn such a rare occurrence into the spectacle it deserves to be. Can Fluttershy, Twilight, and Pinkie help mend the budding friendship between Zecora and Meadowbrook? And what about Discord? Does he wish to fuel the flames of rivalry, or does he have a larger plan in store?
In the spirit of arena culinary combat, it’s time for Elixir Master!
Let’s end on an author I’m sure most here don’t need an introduction to. By some cosmic coincidence, Pen Stroke’s latest story didn’t seem to pick up the views that many of his other stories get, despite being one of the highest watched authors on the site. So, I wanna give this one last boost.
You’d think that two fairly intelligent, good spirited, and generous mares that share a passion for medicine would hit it off just fine, right? Well, you already know where this is going, so no. No they do not. And instead of sitting down and talking their differences out, Discord pops in and decides that what better way to make the situation worse than by holding a contest to see whose potions are the best. It all spirals from there.
HOWEVER, there’s more going on than just a contest. Pen Stroke uses Discord to his fullest as the devious trickster sets in motion events that lead to some surprising conclusions. I’ll let you dive in and find out how this all goes down.
I feel like Intern and I were on the same brainwave when we were selecting our stories. All of them have some very nice Aesops written into them, as well as a bit of bait and switch that really makes the stories shine.
I’m also sucker for challenges, even if the challenge put forth in this case pits Zecora against Meadowbrook. Differences of opinion leading up to an Iron Chef level challenge? Yes please! I don’t know why that sucked me in, all I remember was I started reading, and much like the time I marathoned all 3 seasons of “Food Wars!” in a day, I enjoyed the heck out of every second of it.
Pen Stroke does an amazing job writing Discord at his best, and considering he’s one of my favourite characters to explore, the twist behind his raison d'être in the story made me smile. Plus I laughed out loud at least a couple of times a chapter, so go check it out!
Intern trudged into the work area he had left his latest creation. Memebot #44 still lay where he had left it while writing up his reviews. The source of his latest misery and failure (and a waste of perfectly good (potentially magical) soup) lay in a heap on the floor. In an act of pure petulance, he kicked it as hard as he could.
Less than a minute later, Heartshine flapped her way into the room. “Oh, are you doing some kind of exotice dance? Because I want to join in!”
“No!” Intern stopped his frantic hopping around and gingerly put weight down on his injured foot. “I need to figure out what went wrong so I can start on #45.”
“Need any help?”
Intern considered telling her that he needed to complete this on his own, but the wide-eyed, hopeful look Heartshine gave him crumpled any desire to say it. “Sure. You can help me take this down to the decommission lab.”
Heartshine cocked her head. “Are you going to take it apart to see what went wrong?”
“No. What this office needs are a few good paperclips.”
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
Oh snap! Thank you so much for featuring In Quiet Moments, it’s long been a story that I hoped would get more attention
Really made my day to be on here, and I’m glad y’all liked the story 
If it wasnt in his au, odds are his readers likely avoided it for pen stroke.
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I'm so happy for you bun! You really deserve it.
People still jerk Pen Stroke off, I see :p
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People are still jaded he's a popular writer, I see. :p
OH MY GOSH! I was wondering where all the notifications had come from, only to find this blog post.
Thank you so much! I'm so happy my little story was so well liked!
5038368 Just reminding people that no one's better than anyone else
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Which is why we look for stories that go unappreciated. We spread the love around!
If you've got any suggestions for stories you think deserve a spotlight, check out our recommendation thread. Thank you for the input!