My Fanfic Review on “Little Filly Blue” · 2:42pm Oct 1st, 2018
Today, I thought I’d make my 80th blog post by doing something new and different. Reviewing a story.
Last Friday, I was able to read a story called “Little Filly Blue”, which is also the first “2nd Person” Story I’ve ever read.
This is the summary of it:
You are a school-age colt who hates Hearts and Hooves Day with a passion and wishes the holiday would leave as soon as it arrives. All that changes when you run into the local bully Diamond Tiara. You say something nice to her and suddenly your world starts to change...
Anyway, I must say that I really enjoyed it. It had great comedy, and I love the romance between DT and the unnamed colt. However, there are some problems I cannot help but find the story to have. So much, that I added it to a bookshelf of mine called “Stories that I Think Are in Need of Fixing Up”.
Here’s why:
The story just felt awfully rushed, not giving the reader enough time to comprehend when something is happening or what’s just happening. Along with that, the narration just doesn’t seem to fit the story. I wish it could’ve been at least first person or normal instead of 2nd person. It also would have been much better if this was a multi-chapter story instead of a one-shot, because that way things would have more time to breathe.
Along with that, I had also felt that the romance between Diamond and the colt needed fleshing out. There wasn’t enough romantic interaction between them, nor romantic thought or moment. What I mean by that of course is that they hadn’t done anything like hold hooves or wrap tails. Tiara’s proposal to make the colt her coltfriend also just seemed completely too soon.
With all of this in mind, Yoshi89, if you’re seeing this review, I must ask you this:
Can you please remake this story into a version even better than this one? One that has all the things required: a well-fleshed story and romance? Please?
All in all, at least until something is done to fix up the story, I rate “Little Filly Blue” three out of five stars.
I hope you all enjoyed this review. And, starting from this moment onwards, I will be making reviews on several kinds of stories, particularly completed ones that I’ve been requested, and ones that I added to the shelf I mentioned.
Please don’t forget to leave comments.
I am pleased that you reviewed on my fanfic "Little Filly Blue" and am glad that you liked it. As this is a story that I had written quite some time ago for a contest, I agree that it needs an overhaul.
I agree with the principle that the romance needs a lot more than just one day to work out. It would be only appropriate that it would need more than a single chapter. Given the FiM universe has changed a whole lot in three and a half years, Diamond Tiara's character would also require a major update since she is no longer a bully.
Thanks again. I appreciate the feedback.
4947254
You’re welcome.
Very concise review. The more pretentious side of me thinks it might be handy to expand your use of vocabulary so that the critiques feel more precise and compassionate, but that's up to personal preference.
Well done.