Author's Commentary: Critical Mass Chapter 6 · 12:41am May 29th, 2018
With being in the home stretch for both this Author's Commentary and Radiant, you'd think I'd be able to make more progress on both. After all, after this chapter is probably one of my favorite chapters to have ever written. And then there's Radiant, which, assuming all goes to plan, I should finish Chapter 3 (which will probably be the last chapter for this story) sometime in the next two weeks, then I just need to give it an editing sweep or two to make sure that there's nothing wrong in it, and then it should be ready for publishing.
Needless to say, things normally don't go according to plan. Take this Author's Commentary, for example. I wanted to be finished with this months ago. And I wanted to be finished with Radiant months ago. And then there's the fact that I'm giving an update instead of commentary.
You'll have to wait a couple days for a full update. Regularly scheduled monthly update. I should have some good news for that.
Right, now, onto actual commentary. I really don't really remember Chapter 6, which, if you've been paying attention, shouldn't be a surprise. As of right now, without starting rereading it, I could not tell you anything except I think it has Celestia, Luna, Rainbow, and Twilight in it. Actually, scratch that, doesn't this chapter have that scene with Luna and Rainbow starting their "hunt" so to say? I might skip over that part like I did with some other parts in this story.
Now, without further ado, the reason you actually clicked on this blog post.
Warning, this Author's Commentary ("Commentary") will contain spoilers for Critical Mass Chapter 6. If you have not read Chapter 6 in Critical Mass, I advise you to turn away now and come back later. This Commentary may also contain information which has been said before in prior Commentaries, Author's Notes at the end of chapters, or in comments I have made. Be warned, it could also contain spoilers for future stories in this series.
You have been warned.
I vaguely remember starting writing this chapter. I don't remember a lot of the details to the start, but I wasn't exactly sure how to start it. I wanted Luna and Rainbow to talk, so Rainbow was going to search her out, but I wasn't sure where to start the chapter at. Had Rainbow found Luna? Where was Luna? Was Rainbow looking for Luna? Was Luna looking for Rainbow? Those were the sort of questions I asked myself. And it's a shame that I don't remember more; I know i'm forgetting details that you might enjoy hearing, but I'm afraid I don't remember.
Without reading further, I remember a part which I may have scrapped where I had Rainbow talking to Starlight. I think it involved her asking where Luna was, but I don't remember the details. For all I know, I actually included that and don't remember.
Yes, the Royal Guard recognizes Rainbow Dash. Something that bothers me is that ponies don't seem to notice, realize, know, or respect the main six that much. Especially Twilight, she's a princess. To be more specific, I am referring to... that Rarity episode in season 4 that was set in Manehatton. That stallion just brushed off Twilight, a princess. I suppose the saving grace could be that Twilight doesn't use her status, but still. And it could also be that it's because she's not wearing her peytral/regalia and tiara. It seems like ponies have a hard time noticing alicorns. The best example of this may be the season 5 finale. That could play into it too.
Also related to this, ponies do recognize and know Twilight in here. Or at least if I remember correctly, they do. Although it's a bit more difficult since her horn is gone and she never wears her jewelry. But they do respect her.
And that brings me to a point I had forgotten about. At one time, in Reaction, I had considered having Twilight somewhere and Prince Blueblood be there. This would go about as well as you'd expect: Blueblood's character, other ponies being a bit stunned by his audacity, and then Rainbow Dash's hoof would get very acquainted with the stallion's muzzle. But clearly, I did not use that point, and I think the story is better off because of that. I don't particularly care for Blueblood either, if you can't tell. His character in the show anyway. If you want to write a story and use him but with a different personality, I may be okay with that.
"No, she had returned to Canterlot late last night, but I heard that she had returned maybe a half hour ago," he answered, shifting his weight on his hooves. "I don't know where she is right now, but I don't believe she would have headed back to Canterlot again." He paused and pursed his lips. "You're one of Princess Twilight's friends, right?" he asked, his voice shifting from one befitting a guard to a normal, everyday stallion.
I'm reading this and blinking, trying to figure out why the guard is asking that. He should know that Rainbow Dash is Twilight's friend. I am confused. And I'm the one who wrote this.
The pegasus grimaced, then offered her a weak smile. "We'll find her," he said, something in his voice sounding like a promise, but more than that, he believed it.
Maybe it was meant to be part of a reassurance. But still... This may also be proof that I need to read ahead more, but then you don't get as interesting of a commentary.
As a side note, I think Twilight needs some guards of her own. Not just in this series, either. I'd really dig some Royal Guards protecting Twilight in the show, you know, wearing purple/lavender armor, the pink starburst emblem on their chestplate... that sort of thing. It'd be cool.
And she definitely needs guards in this series at this rate...
She shook her head, then surged forward, beating her wings hard and taking flight in the direction of the hospital. As she flew over Ponyville, her gaze was directed downward. In the early morning light, she discovered that most of the ponies roaming the enchanted dirt streets were Royal Guards, rather than the town's residents. She wasn't surprised, given recent events, although she wondered how many ponies actually knew that Twilight was missing, that Chrysalis had captured Twilight.
For whatever reason, I really don't like describing pegasus flight. That might also just be I don't like describing flight either. Also I have said this before, but I'll say it again. "Enchanted dirt" because everything is so clean and not muddy or dirty. Plus ponies seem quite controlling of their environment.
A pang of loneliness rang out through her chest, emanating from her heart. She bit her lower lip and looked back up across the horizon, then scanned the skies. There were few clouds in the sky, and all of them were white and fluffy, lazily drifting about in the gentle, early morning breeze created by the pegasi, or being pushed directly by a weather pegasus. More than a few Royal Guard pegasi patrolled the sky, always in pairs, some of them flew higher than her, while some flew lower and closer to the houses as they patrolled. Some of their paths crisscrossed, while all of their flight patterns seemed to be rigid, straight lines.
I'm not sure if I've said this before or not, and if I did, I don't know where, but Reaction is more or less Twilight's half of "this story," while Critical Mass is Rainbow's half of "this story." To explain it more thoroughly, "this story" refers to their "love story." So in Reaction, you see/know Twilight loves Rainbow, but Rainbow's not really sure about the whole thing. Through it, you start to see that Rainbow does love Twilight back, and then there's the part at the end, but... Critical Mass is where it really hits home, so to say, for Rainbow. She has to deal with Twilight being taken from her and that sort of thing. Furthermore, in Critical Mass, you kind of see just how much Twilight means to Rainbow, and this is (from what I remember and what I intended) supposed to be most prominently shown in the last two chapters. There is also a heavy theme in this series regarding choices. Rainbow chooses to love Twilight, and I've said that in a prior commentary. She ends up choosing to leave the Wonderbolts to be with Twilight.
And yet, something was missing. Her stomach sank as she opened her eyes, a faint echo of a giggle from a mare who wasn't there playing through her mind. She looked to her right longingly, almost being able to picture Twilight flying beside her. Twilight looked happy and smiled a warm, content smile as she looked back at her.'When you get back, we're going to fly more often,'she affirmed as the anxiety she felt gradually grew, then faded, throbbing inside her body as it built up and disappeared, though never leaving her alone.
Ah, yes... I kind of forgot about this. I kind of knew as far back as towards the end of Reaction that Critical Mass was going to happen sometime (which is to say Twilight would lose her wing eventually)... but more importantly, I knew that was going to happen in Critical Mass, and so every time in Critical Mass when wings or flying are brought up regarding Twilight... I knew Twilight would lose her wing and ability to fly. (I feel a bit like one of those villains in some movie where there's the great big reveal where someone who you thought you could trust just came out and revealed that they're actually the bad guy or something. It feels sort of nice.) Every single time... and back in Reaction, Starlight commented to Rainbow that Twilight losing her horn was akin to a pegasus losing their wing. I'm certain that was before I planned for Twilight to lose her wing, but... still. And then it seems like there was some important part in the end of Reaction or in the beginning of Critical Mass that I had intended for a sort of "If you reread this story, knowing how it ends, and you come across this part... keep in mind that I knew where I was going, what was going to happen... because this? This was intentional..."
I'm really enjoying this commentary right now.
Furthermore, if I ever do finish this series in its entirety, and you finish and then reread the whole thing, I want you to comment and tell me so (or send me a PM!), and then I want to talk to you about the story. I'm trying to write this series in a way that demands rereading so you can spot some things in it.
Additionally, probably sometime this week or next week I plan to make a blog post regarding Radiant and the future of this series.
The pegasus blinked once in confusion. "Oh, right, yes, Rainbow Dash," she said at length. "One moment, please. She is here, yes, let me find out where she is," she said, rolling away from where Rainbow was and skillfully using her feathers to type away at a keyboard. "Waiting room Three B," she replied as she rolled back in her chair over to where Rainbow was. "She requested that any of Princess Twilight's friends be told where she was. I think she's expecting you specifically since she said you by name. She should be alone, although there might be some Royal Guards," she said. "I hope you have a wonderful day!"
Can we agree to forget that this is a thing? I'd really appreciate that. Actually, I may come back and rewrite this to remove references to a computer. I really want to redact that. For whatever reason, I don't want to mix fantasy and technology. Possibly because it makes my head hurt, but most likely because it is so incredibly out of place in MLP. I really wish I had done something different with the story that Reaction is a sequel to. Just keep in mind that this series was inspired mostly by a very fantasy setting series with pretty much no technology. I.E., Twilight was sort of the goddess of magic...
I need to stop thinking about this because it is agitating me.
Rainbow smiled warily. "Thanks, you too," she replied, then pulled away from the desk and headed off, navigating the hospital's hallways.
So you may notice that the nurse told her to have a good day, and she basically replies the same. Yes, this is just a story, but that doesn't mean there can't be pleasantries like this. Seriously, you can make someone's day a whole lot better by doing that. None of us know how another person's day is going, and so saying something like that do them... it's a nice thing to do.
She ignored the many beeps and hushed whispers of doctors, nurses, visitors and patients, even though she occasionally heard the familiar name of her alicorn slip from their lips as she made her way to the designated waiting room.
her alicorn
I don't remember if this is the first time when it's been put this way, but it was intentional. Twilight is Rainbow's alicorn princess, and Rainbow is Twilight's pegasus. They're mates, after all. *Mate here is used in the form of "each of a pair." They're both virgins. And it's going to stay that way, canonically, for some time (there are a few reasons behind this. Twilight's not really in a state where that'd be a good idea, or at least I don't think so). As to whether or not canonically that changes, as of right now I won't say. And unless I completely lose my mind, that will not be a story that gets written.
It's a bit strange that Celestia gets happy when Rainbow shows up, despite Luna's... disappointing... report? I'm not quite sure how to word that.
"What about the changeling that... impersonated Twilight?" Rainbow asked tentatively. "One of the guards said you hadn't interrogated it yet, but... do you have anything?"
I don't remember reading or writing that. It could have happened in the background, I suppose. Maybe this is an example of "I wrote this at some point and then redacted it, then forgot I redacted it."
Rainbow nodded guiltily and hesitantly looked up at Celestia. "I... couldn't sleep. I couldn't get comfortable, without Twilight..." She slowly looked down at her hooves, shifting her weight.'I can't believe I just admitted that...'
Celestia sighed and nodded in understanding. A gentle knocking on the door drew the three ponies' attentions. Rainbow stood up and turned around, and Luna walked around to the two as the door opened. "Princess," a Royal Guard acknowledged, bowing. He rose from the bow, "The doctors have given the okay for you to interrogate the changeling."
From a realistic standpoint, I want to say that Rainbow was just too worried, nervous, and or agitated to sleep. From a canonical standpoint, she's not lying though, and it's a combination of the stress and the fact that she's so accustomed to sleeping with Twilight that she had trouble falling asleep because Twilight wasn't there. Also I don't remember if this is one of the first times Rainbow has admitted something like that, but it's also sort of her admitting it to herself and starting to actually realize just how important Twilight is to her. Furthermore, this shows some development of her relationship with Celestia and Luna since she's willing to say/admit that around them.
"Well, I do believe that is my cue to begin my hunt, sister," Luna acknowledged, nodding.
"Good luck," Celestia said softly.
"Fie, sister, thou knowest that we shalt not need thine luck!" Luna scoffed, smiling and drawing out a larger smile from Celestia. "I will be fine, 'Tia. I have fought far worse than changelings and emerged on top," she added.
That was entertaining to read. And I sort of redact my prior statements about Luna seeming to have no character; as was pointed out to me, there's just no opportunity to show their character traits given what's going on. I sincerely hope that changes in the future, cause it's kind of boring and tidious. Also I can see Luna's last statement there being taken a completely different way than intended. The sort of way where you remember to knock on the door the next time.
Moving on.
"If you were better rested, I would offer to bring you along with myself. Perhaps you would still like to come?" Luna offered. "Although it would still be dangerous for you, however, I will protect you."
I'm not sure if I'm just now making this connection or if my memory is shot, but now I connect Luna's status as sort of a warrior and a guardian with the fact that she's the Princess of the Night and the guardian of dreams and that sort of thing. I don't know if I had made that connection before. I probably did but it didn't slap me like this did.
Rainbow blinked, then turned to face Celestia. Celestia looked at Luna, studying her expression. After a moment, she looked down at Rainbow. "Very well, you may join Luna. Be careful," she said. Rainbow smiled eagerly, some of her exhaustion vanishing as anticipation and excitement surged through her. Celestia laughed quietly at how Rainbow perked up. She turned to Luna. "Take care of her. If something happens to her, Twilight would never forgive either of us."
With the way things are looking, you might get some idea of how Twilight would react to this in Radiant's sequel...
Luna nodded warily. "I will protect her with my life," she stated firmly, lightly planting her right hoof into the floor, bringing a sense of finality to the statement. She turned to Rainbow. "If you are ready," she said.
This is meaningful. Also, Rainbow is one of the six ponies responsible for saving Luna, so Luna probably would be willing to go that far.
Celestia watched the spot where her sister was for another second before she calmly opened the door, then stepped out into the hallway. As she crossed the threshold, the guard on the right fell in sync with her without a word. Celestia gave the soldier a smile and turned to head down the hallway.
This... kind of maybe almost comes across as foreboding? Right now I don't remember if I wrote any of Celestia's interrogation of the changeling. But that part almost makes it sound like she might be willing to torture the Changeling. I'm really not okay with that for multiple reasons. Probably the biggest is I don't want my innocent Tia to have anything like that ruining her innocence. Secondly, I am now reminded of... Lines and Webs? Was it that, or was it Lies and Webs? The story where Celestia was a master manipulator weaving Twilight's existence into the sole purpose of creating an alicorn to control thought. I will never reread that story because that is probably the single most agitating thing I've ever read. It made me realize how much I like being in control of things, and oh my that was terrible. I did enjoy its sequel, but I've not read the third story, nor do I plan to. Way too agitated by Celestia there.
A few multicolored changelings buzzed about. For the most part, they ignored Rainbow and Luna, but they drew more than a few glances from the vibrantly colored reformed changelings. Two ponies ducked out of the larger command tent. Their gazes immediately fell on Luna, and then strode out with dignity and pride. "Princess!" the one on the right, their commander, called out.
Back when this happened, I don't remember how I felt about the "reformed" changelings. I kind of like them now, but that's mostly Thorax and Ocellus's fault.
"This hunt has gone on long enough. Rainbow Dash and I are here to end it and secure the changelings which have been leading you astray on a wild goose chase," Luna answered. "I will be assuming command," she stated.
Surprisingly or not, I'm now thinking about "Horse Play" because of how Celestia took charge. That's gotta be in my top 20 favorite episodes, if not my favorite episode. After all, it's about Tia!
I don't really feel like giving any commentary on the following scene.
Luna nodded in acceptance. "I... know the feeling," she admitted. "Twilight is as much my family as Celestia is my sister," she said. "And... I owe her a lot."
Rainbow frowned and shifted her weight. "Um... what? Are you two really that close?"
Luna pursed her lips. "Twilight... she is a part of the royal family. And my sister is the one who elevated her to the status of an alicorn. Not everypony can become an alicorn, however." She tilted her head to the side and squinted. "You... and the other four bearers... do have the potential..." she admitted unsurely, slowly turning to face Rainbow.
Rainbow squinted. "Wait, really? I always thought that Twilight was special and-"
"Twilight is special," Luna said with a nod. "But... that is for another time. Twilight is one of my best friends and like a sister to me," she stated.
Except for this. This is important. Twilight is a member of the Royal Family and Twilight's friends could become alicorns. Also, I forgot about the part with Luna saying Twilight was like another sister to her. I think that their relationship isn't exactly that. It's different, but they are family. Realistically, Luna would be more like Twilight's aunt, but they're closer than that/it's quite different than that. Luna views Twilight as at least her equal.
Celestia took a deep breath as she slowed down on approach to a door in the hospital. Behind the door was just another hospital room, no different from any of the others, except for the fact that inside was a changeling drone. The changeling drone which impersonated Twilight. One of the few leads they had to follow to find Twilight.
Oh, I guess I did write a scene with Celestia talking to the drone.
Walking into the room, she turned to face the sole bed, upon which rested a black, chitinous figure. The sharp, piercing blue eyes of the changeling revealed nothing about where it was looking, but she felt its gaze lingering on her. She calmly walked a little further around, then headed over to the bed, looking over the injured drone. A light gray ring was placed around the base of the changeling's horn, and the drone's legs were tied down, held firmly by straps.
Magic inhibitor rings are canon in this series, I suppose.
The drone's wings really should be tied down in addition to its legs though.
The changeling finally broke its silence, speaking in a high-pitched voice that, if listened to for a long enough time, was sure to give one a headache, "The Queen captured your princess," it stated. "You underestimate her!"
"Progress," Celestia acknowledged with a nod. She took a deep breath and then calmly exhaled. "She captured Twilight, yes. A pony who was injured and defenseless. I hardly consider that to be admirable, nor respectable. All it goes to show is how weak Chrysalis truly is, unable to do anything more than attack and capture somepony who was defenseless."
I'm not sure how I feel about Celestia here. What do you think?
"And turning into one of those half-breed freaks?" the drone spat.
Hahaha... I don't remember what I was thinking when I wrote this.
I don't remember if it's said anywhere or not (and if it is, it's probably the last chapter), but it's either one of two things. One, it's a clone/copy of a drone that was loyal, or it was brainwashed.
Rainbow grimaced and huffed as she pressed herself up against the back of a tree. Bolts of green magic shot through the air passed the tree, and she felt one of the bolts slam into the tree, sending splinters of wood showering the forest floor. She rolled her head to her left and looked over the five unicorns with her. Two of them were crouched down, taking cover behind a recently fallen tree, and two more of them were hidden behind large rocks jutting up from the ground. The fifth unicorn was pressed up against a tree like her.
Hmm. I remember writing this. And I don't remember if I based it on this or not, but this makes me think of one thing and one thing only. Stargate Atlantis. Man I loved that show. And Stargate SG-1. But anyway, I can hear the Wraith stunner bolts being fired towards them when I reread this. They're in a forest too. Oh such nostalgia... I probably haven't watched any Stargate in five years. I don't think I've watched it since MLP, and I think it was a year or so before I started watching MLP that I had just stopped watching Stargate. Man I kind of miss it. Especially recently, I've been watching some youtube videos about the actors... I think it's from a convention of some kind, but I don't know what. I really miss Stargate, especially Stargate Atlantis. That was just such a good show... and I feel an emptiness in my chest now that I think about it. It only lasted five seasons... it should have lasted longer!
Now that I think about it more, that is probably where I took inspiration for this scene from. I'm really not sure now, though.
Luna reared up on her hind legs and slammed her hooves down on the changeling. A satisfying crunch filled the air, and a viscous liquid spilled out of the limp changeling's mouth. Not a second later, she teleported again. The next changeling jumped out of the way and fired a pulse of magic at point blank range. Luna, having just teleported, wasn't prepared for the sudden attack. Without her barrier, and at such close range, the spell easily landed square on her chest. She grunted but shrugged the attack off, then pounced at the changeling and pinned it to the ground. She swept her head down and pressed her horn against the changeling's neck, then sent a jolt of magic into the changeling. The changeling's body spasmed once, then went limp. Its legs continued to twitch as Luna stood back up and turned to the left, teleporting the stunned changeling back to their camp.
My reaction was visible when I started reading that paragraph. I winced and recoiled as I read that. I'm a bit horrified that Luna did that. That may have crossed a line. On a related note, I watched Men in Black sometime last week.
Rainbow spread her wings out and bolted into the air. She locked onto the changeling, then lined up with it and bit down on the handle in front of her mouth. A lightning bolt shot out from a metal rod mounted on the saddle she wore on her back and hit the changeling. The drone hissed and spasmed in the air, its wings twitching violently, then gravity kicked in and the changeling fell limply to the ground. She glided over and landed near another changeling, facing away from it. She pulled her hind legs back, then launched them back into the changeling. Both of her legs connected with the drone's body, sending it tumbling on the ground and struggling to pick itself up.
Oh, hey. I guess I did add in lightning guns. I'd prefer to forget about that existing for this series too.
Luna calmly walked over to Rainbow, looking over the saddle and twin rods mounted on her shoulder. She nodded. "Truly, we should deploy these for pegasi in the Royal Guard, although I suppose that may not be entirely necessary as they are rarely needed..."
Perhaps this means that I won't have to see that used ever again in this series. That'd be nice.
Rainbow shrugged. "The Wonderbolts don't use them that often, anyway," she commented. "No real reason to. They didn't even use them back when Spike was attacking Ponyville." She frowned. "And I'm not entirely sure why we don't use these more often. And Spitfire's never given me a straight answer on that..."
This is sort of calling out the fact that I'm giving them weapons that they probably most definitely don't actually have in the show. I bet any weapons you see them have in the show are probably just made out of paper or styrofoam. Seriously. Additionally, season 5 finale. They had what looked like bulletproof vests... and they were slapping each other. Granted, the slapping seems to be how horses fight, but still.
Equestria is weird.
Luna nodded idly and surveyed the damage done by the battle. She grimaced a little. "I may enjoy battles, but... I do not enjoy war, nor the consequences of unrestrained battles..." she said warily. "Anymore, it reminds me of when I fought with Celestia as Nightmare Moon..." she said quietly.
Rainbow gave Luna a reassuring smile. "Hey, nopony holds any grudges against you for that. You weren't in your right mind," she said. Her smile faded. "Besides, we're doing this to get Twilight back," she added in a quiet voice.
Ah, finally... Nightmare Moon. Lately, I've wanted to write 5 stories with Nightmare Moon as a main character. One of them I think would be an amazing 100-200k word long story. The others would probably be one-shots.
Luna nodded. "Well... we are burning daylight, as they say," she commented.
I'm laughing at this because it's coming from Luna and I can't help but both find this ironic and picture Nightmare Moon trying to either burn Celestia or the sun and it not working too well.
Luna nodded warily. "That... however, was different," she said. "None of them were seeking to kill like the changelings are now..." She shook her head and looked upward. Tree branches and leaves blocked her view of the sky, but there was one open spot where a tree had fallen, revealing the sun, still climbing into the sky. "We are at greater risk now," she said.
You have to admit, none of the enemies Twilight & friends have fought really seemed interested in killing. Well, aside from Lord Tirek. And even then, he seemed to just hate trees.
Rainbow walked beside her. Seconds passed in silence. She watched Luna as she walked. The alicorn, despite the day's events, looked no worse for wear, despite multiple ambushes and being caught off guard. Despite leading the charge against dozens of changelings, she acted like it was just another normal day for her. She shivered, then ruffled her wings and held them close to her sides.'Twilight might be like that eventually...'
I'm not 100% sure, but I'm pretty sure Rainbow's "Twilight might be like that eventually..." is supposed to be directed towards Luna's power/magic, rather than her demeanor. That may not have been clear. Additionally, it's not that far off in the future in this series that Twilight's magic would be a match for Luna's. This whole time that Twilight hasn't had her horn, her body has been somewhat busy strengthening her magic. Think of it as compound interest; her body used her magic to work on getting more magic to get more magic because she was/is vulnerable.
Rainbow's pace slowed at that thought. Twilight was powerful and strong, and she knew that. The alicorn had single hoofedly fought Lord Tirek at his height and would have won, had he not used her friends as leverage. Granted, she had the magic of four alicorns at the time, but she handled herself quite well. She had traveled through time when she was a unicorn, and again as an alicorn. She was very talented with magic. Rainbow wouldn't have been surprised if Twilight actually knew more spells than Princess Celestia and Princess Luna combined, and both of them were thousands of years older than her. Twilight was young, but she was going to be alive for a long time.
Or maybe it actually was clear and I should have read ahead.
And then Chrysalis had taken her magic away from her, sabotaging a reactor and hospitalizing her best friend, forcing them to take away her horn, her magic, in order to save her life. It left Twilight devastated.
Just putting this here.
Chrysalis would pay.
And a promise like that? Well, we all know that it'll get fulfilled... don't we.
"The Royal Guards simply needed a little help, was all," Luna said dismissively.
This made me laugh when rereading it.
I kinda like Thorax. He's an okay character. I like the duality with him- he's a ruler/leader, yet he's so much like Fluttershy. It's quite nice.
Rainbow nodded and turned around. "Rainbow, one moment, please," Celestia said. She stood up and walked over to Rainbow. Rainbow turned around to face Celestia. Celestia's horn glowed a soft golden shade and the alicorn closed her eyes. Rainbow felt a sense of calm relief wash over her, and some of her physical pains faded. After a moment, Celestia smiled and opened her eyes. "That should help you recover from your physical exertion."
I feel like I need to say something about this, but I cannot think of what it is.
But the shade of the light, green, left her shaking a little more. Her ears swiveled around quickly, and she swallowed. She listened carefully, intently, for the faintest of sounds that would spell the arrival of Queen Chrysalis. She waited and listened with baited breath, the only sound piercing the stillness coming from the calm chittering of the two changelings outside of her cell, and the constant dripping of water splashing into a small pool and echoing through the cavern.
This is such a sharp contrast with Reaction. It's also going to be a sharp contrast to Radiant.
She missed the warmth and light of day, the reassurance that Celestia was still there. Now, sitting there in the darkness, she didn't have that. She didn't have anything except herself, and her ever traitorous thoughts, whispering to her how it wasn't going to be okay. How her friends weren't going to come for her because she wasn't worth it, or how Chrysalis would stop them even if they did, and what Chrysalis would do to them. She couldn't bear thinking about what Chrysalis would do to them if she captured them, because she knew Chrysalis knew how much that would hurt her. She would hurt them badly, just to hurt her worse, and for that reason, a part of her hoped that they all stayed away and left her there, even knowing that meant she might never see the sun again, nor feel the gentle breeze of a summer day, nor enjoy the warmth of a fire in the winter, nor enjoy the scent of the rain or fresh flowers in the springtime. A croaked sob escaped her lips, and her body shuddered, falling forward even further.
This is important. This gives quite a bit of insight into Twilight's mind/mindset/thinking, or at least I think so. As much as she wants her freedom, she doesn't want to risk her friends for it, and as much as she wants to see her friends again, she hopes they don't come because she isn't willing to risk something bad happening to them.
And perhaps unsurprisingly, I'm tearing up as I read this part. Twilight doesn't deserve any of this, she's so innocent and sweet...
She just wanted to close her eyes and not wake up.'I really am pathetic,'a part of her mocked.'Just giving up like this. Rainbow deserves better than me,'it spat. Her body heaved once with a silent sob.'If Rainbow saw me like this, she would hate me. They're not coming for me... but... I'm their friend, they wouldn't leave me...'She clenched her jaw tightly, then relaxed it and opened her eyes. She looked down with an absent, empty look, then she glanced up at the cell door.
I had never rearead this story or really read it even, aside from what I'm doing now and when I wrote it. And I'm starting to think or realize that Twilight has more emotional/mental problems/baggage than I realized. It might make Radiant all the more perfect... assuming I don't butcher it.
She frowned. She could make out two voices talking in low tones just outside of the door. Both of the voices belonged to changelings, such was obvious by the annoying pitch and tone of the voices. She scowled a little but listened in.
I really did consider having Twilight kill them later out of spite, but it felt out of character given what had happened.
Both changeling's wings buzzed in agitation. The one on the left growled quietly. "Did you hear what she did to Chintintin? Shen nearly killed him before making him impersonate the Princess! How can that be to help us!?"
I have no idea where I came up with that name, but it sounds slightly like one of my friend's names.
Twilight maintained her composure. "She's using you. She almost killed one of you to impersonate me? She's using you to get revenge, not to help you all. She's lied to you and she's used you. She doesn't care about you in the slightest."
I kind of like this, and it kind of shows that Twilight can be okay in the right circumstances (when she's not thinking about herself).
Additionally, this is the second or third time where I have done ctrl q for quote but instead accidentally closed the tab. I need to stop rolling 1's.
"Another word from either of you and I will inform Chrysalis of this treachery..." he groweled in an icy, calm tone. The changeling on the left shrunk back and looked at Twilight almost pleadingly.
Yes, and that changeling actually doesn't like this and would rather be in Thorax's brood.
The flight felt repetitive and dull. She occupied herself by looking around for the pegasi flying on patrol and noting the clouds in the sky. After what felt like far too long, she finally landed at her friend's castle and ducked inside. She glanced around the lobby, then took off at a brisk trot, heading toward the dining room. She had no idea if anypony would be awake and there yet or not, but it'd be a good place to check.
I feel a bit annoyed now, because I'm rememering something that I cannot place. I don't know if it's something I wrote or if it's something I read. basically, it's a scene in Ponyville (and it's set in a Twidash story), where Rainbow's on a cloud as the sun sets. I don't know if Twilight is there with her or not, but there's a drawn out scene with the stars coming out and I think she looks over towards Twilight's castle. And I'm frustrated because that's all I remember and I don't know if I wrote that or not. [Internal screaming.] If you can answer this, please do so.
As she walked into the dining room and took in the four ponies and baby dragon seated around the table, she realized who it was that had joined them. She smiled a little, seeing Twilight's brother. They weren't that close, but Shining Armor was a cool pony in her book. The brother of Twilight, former Captain of the Guard, married to Princess Cadance, and really good with magic, although nowhere near as good as Twilight was.
I had originally intended for Shining and Rainbow to bond some more in this story as sort of a setup to him finding out that Rainbow and Twilight were together.
Rianbow smiled a little. "Yeah, I imagine that having a baby alicorn flying around isn't easy..." she trailed off, squinting. After a moment, she shifted her weight uncomfortably.
Princess Celestia scooted back and stepped out of her chair, following after Spike. "I'd be happy to help you, Spike," she offered.
For some reason I really like this.
Celestia giggled and smiled warmly, nodding. "I've been told I make very good pancakes," she commented as the two of them walked toward the kitchen.
I find myself asking if I wrote this before or after... ...what was that episode called? "A Royal Problem?" Was that it? The one with Celestia, Luna, and Starlight. I think it was before I wrote that, which... is slightly funny or ironic? I'm a bit confused.
"You do," Luna agreed, nodding. "Which is why you should have them more often instead of oatmeal," she said evenly.
Now this, is perfection. This is great and made me laugh. Does this count as a burn? Do you remember Luna scoffing at Celestia for eating oatmeal "all the time" back in Reaction? Or at least I think that happened. If it didn't, I'm embarrassed.
Shining Armor grimaced and gave a half-hearted laugh. "Yeah, getting Twilight to stop worrying? Good luck with that, I don't think anypony could actually succeed at that short of Princess Celestia, and I'm not sure if even she could!"
I remember this now that I read it, but before that, I did not. You might find it strange that I bring this up, but I'm thinking about something that happens in Radiant.
Rainbow smiled a little. "You'd think that with as close as they were that Twilight wouldn't worry so much."
I really, really wish Twilight had said in "Horse Play" that Celestia was like a second mother to her. I'm pretty sure that would have made me bawl. As it is, thinking of that I've teared up.
"There's plenty more if you want extra," Celestia said as she started distributing plates, silverware, and napkins to the ponies. Next, she distributed glasses filled with milk. Rainbow sat up and brought her plate closer to her and looked it over. There were three pancakes stacked neatly, and none of the pancakes had the faintest scorching from heat. Butter calmly melted over the stack, and she could see blueberries inside the pancakes. In between the layers of the pancakes, there was syrup dripping down and slowly pooling onto the plate. To top it off, the pancakes had a smiling face on top. Sliced strawberries for the eyes, and whipped cream in a circle around the whole pancake, and an upturned line for a smile.
Before I was curious, but now I demand to know whether this came out before or after "A Royal Problem."
Ah, it came out after. That explains it. I think.
Oh look, I already did an Author's Commentary for this chapter. It's called the "Author's Notes" for some strange reason. How curious.
And that is Critical Mass Chapter 6, or probably the longest Author's Commentary I have yet done. I think I spent 3-4 hours working on this. I mostly enjoyed this chapter. I remember struggling with writing parts of it... BUT! I am very excited for the next two chapters! They're very important chapters.
So, want to guess how many words are contained in this commentary up until this sentence [excluding this sentence]? Well, given the number, it shouldn't surprise me just how long it takes me to write these. In addition to this, this is long enough to be a story of its own and then some. According to Microsoft Word, this post clocks in at 7,233 words long.
Well. I am quite tired now. I had intended to work on Radiant, Glimpses of Regret, Redeeming the Night, and Civil War of Harmony today. Want to guess what I didn't do today? But hey, it's okay. I got this finished and maybe I'll work on Radiant tonight. Or one of those other stories. But probably not. Here's to hoping tomorrow is productive.
Please comment below.
You know, I think this has changed in later seasons. Sure, In season 4 she was practically unnoticed despite the fact that her coronation was probably in the headlines for days, and looking at an alicorn and not noticing seems pretty unbelievable to me. But the in season 5 in the premiere with starlight, and more in season 6 and 7, this is changing, and she’s being noticed more often. Unless my brain is so desperate to make logical sense of things it’s creating false memories, but I doubt that (hopefully)
You know I read a series called the ‘savage skies’ series, and it is arguably (except there’s no argument about it) the best book series ever. Seriously, I put it above Harry Potter. Anyway, in that series Blueblood is actually one of the good guys, and he’s portrayed in a believable and interesting way. He isn’t the main focus of the story, and doesn’t even turn up till the fourth (though maybe the third) book in the series. The first book is called ‘Foal of the forest’ if you want to look it up, or I can link it to you if you want. Though I will say, if you are going to read it, don’t start till the holidays because all 10 books combined are over 1.6 million words, and if you’re anything like me, you’ll drop everything else to read it as fast as possible. Seriously while I was reading it I all but abandoned YouTube except for like my 2 favorite youtubers, and all stories that updated on fimfiction had to wait.
Hmmm, I wonder who said that.
Well, chrysalis has a reason for not killing, cant get love out of a corpse. Also dead bodies aren’t as fun as live ones, so discord had a reason as well. Sombra didn’t really kill because he could put on that mask thing we saw in the season 5 finale to create an army. Though I’d imagine he would kill if he thought the risk of trying to capture someone alive (or them escaping) outweighed the Benefit of keeping them.
So the only villains left are nightmare moon, Tirek, starlight, and the pony of shadows. And starlight only really hated twilight and her friends. And the pony of shadows only truly hated the pillars. NMM really just wanted to get rid of Celestia, and make it an eternal night so ponies worshipped her. In all honesty the only villain who you’d expect some liberal killing from is Tirek, because he hates all ponies, not just one or a small group.
I don’t think I ever gave this topic so much thought before, I actually had to change my opinion on some of these as I was writing it. It’s crazy how something can break down if you just think about it hard enough.
4872160
Take for instance, the following: It's harder to make a form of FTL (faster than light) travel that can't double as a weapon of mass destruction than one that can. Any object of any significant mass going faster than the speed of light is going to have just a little bit of kinetic energy behind it. Additionally, teleportation. But this probably isn't where you were going with that... Yeah, I don't think most of the villains were interested in killing, and I'm not even sure about Tirek- all we know is he wanted the ponies' magic. Other than that, to my knowledge, we don't really know anything else about his end goals...
As a side note, I think Nightmare Moon is now my favorite villain.
I've not read the Savage Skies series, but now that I went and looked at it, I remember coming across "Foal of the Forest" before. I don't remember when or anything. I passed on adding it to my read it later bookshelf back then; I don't know why. I don't know if I'd read it now, though. I have around 78 stories in my read it later bookshelf (which arguably isn't that bad cause I've seen some accounts with 300-400 stories in there), but it's upwards of 6-8 million words already, and I already feel archive panic from that, and because of panicking regarding that, it's not going by very quickly... So I don't know. Plus I have college, and I'm writing... at least a bit.
I think I tend to agree with you on this. As of late, her status seems to have become more important. There was that episode... "Canterlot Boutique," I think? Twilight was supposed to be the most popular princess. There really are a lot of options as to why she's not recognized more. For one, there's some theory that Celestia has been shielding her and her friends from too much press (which I remember reading this in a fanfiction, and it sort of makes sense).
Also, I just want to say that the season 8 premier kind of annoyed me with Doctor Strangehorse (Neighsay, but he will always be Doctor Strangehorse to me). Twilight's a princess and he's a prick, and I really wanted Twilight to put him in his place a bit more thoroughly. Although I suppose it sort of makes sense that there's a power discrepancy there... But I'd much rather think that it's the sort of power discrepancy that the princesses just allow to exist; They could get rid of the board and take control of it themselves, but instead, they allow it to exist to serve as a decentralization of power and a check and or balance. Plus I suspect that they don't really have a lot of time to dedicate to managing that, so it's probably easier on them. Still, Twilight's royalty. Also, it's kind of funny to factor in "Horse Play" and Starlight's comment about Twilight not being a "princess princess" to the prior point of Twilight not getting a whole lot of recognition.
I can actually buy that they might not notice/realize a pony is an alicorn. Take for instance, "Sometimes the hardest things to see are those right in front of you." There could also be magic at play, some spell or just a natural thing that makes it harder for normal ponies to realize that there's an alicorn standing right in front of them. Ponies are also not really that... I'm really not sure how to word it. I don't think I can properly explain it, it just relates to how the ponies are, and the way they are makes it a little more believable to me. Or maybe I'm just trying to rationalize it. And who knows, maybe it's just because Twilight doesn't really do princess things. She doesn't raise the sun or moon, she doesn't rule an empire... she just smiles and waves. They could just get some penguins for that...
I really hope that we see Twilight grow more. Physically and magically. I would love to see her as tall as Celestia or Luna, rocking the ethereal mane, and getting the proper respect and admiration that I think most of us agree she deserves. Even if it's just in the series finale, I want this to happen so badly...
Feel free to comment again, I do enjoy these conversations! I'll try to pay attention to my notifications as I work on Radiant!
4872302
You know what hey say: There is no such thing as an unarmed spaceship.
Also, have you ever heard of this weapon called a Nicoll dyson beam. It’s bloody terrifying.
As for my read it later folder, mines not too bad, only has twenty something stories in it. But that’s only because I’m purposefully not looking for anything to put in there, and only if I come across randomly something that sounds really interesting will I add it. It’s not helped by the fact that quite a few of the stories I added have sequels, so even if I read one, the number won’t go down. Add on top of those exams, so I’ve got less time to read and it’s not looking like I’m going to get through my read it later folder any time soon.
4872440
I've not heard of a Nicoll Dyson Beam... and after a quick Google search, I suspect it's exactly what it sounds like: a laser beam the size of a Dyson Sphere.
What sucks for me is that this coming Monday (6/4) is when my Summer Semester starts, and I'm taking 7 credit hours. I have no idea how this will go. Last Summer I'm pretty sure I took 6 credit hours, but I was also doing both classes online. This time I have to drive to the facility for both classes, so I will be going to town four days every week. I'm sincerely hoping I am overestimating how bad it is so that I can still write and read, but mostly write. After all, if things go well I should have several stories coming out soon.
Radiant should be one of them. Today has been very good for my writing in Radiant except I suspect I am on the verge of crashing because for the past 3 ish hours I have been typing more or less nonstop and my arms hurt. Chapter 3 is almost finished at this point, I added 6k words to it so far today. After I get finished with that, I'll need to read the entire thing and have my prereader(s) read it, then make edits and changes and such and figure out when to publish it. I'm feeling optimistic about it, but a bit cautious because of the scene I just wrote. (It was a scene I've envisioned for a while, and in a way, it's kinda like that one scene in Critical Mass, but it's not anything remotely that bad. After all, Twilight's getting better now.)