I Think I Still Have a Pulse · 2:43am Apr 8th, 2018
To anyone who reads this, I just thought I'd let you all know that I'm still out here. Yes, the next chapter to Oligemia is overdue by about... 3 years, but who's counting. I'll follow this up with a more detailed post sometime later (hopefully sooner), but I feel anyone interested in my story has the right to some kind of response at this point as to what happened to me.
Back when I originally started Oligemia, I was at a pretty low point in my life. I was angry with almost everything I wrote, and I frustrated that none of it came close to the level of quality I enjoy in my favorite writers, both here on FiMFiction and published. Oligemia was something I started with barely a plan. Something to just vent on and throw out there because I was afraid of being nothing and a nobody the rest of my life.
Surprisingly, people liked it, but perhaps because of this I became very critical of the quality of a story that was supposed to be an open channel for me to just write, post and not care about the consequences. Then I ran into a couple of roadblocks writing the story. First, I don't own Bloodborne or a PS4. Would I like one? Yes, but Bloodborne was the only game on the system I wanted at the time, and since then there haven't been many more PS4 exclusives that have caught my eye to justify laying down $450 for a console and game. Any lore I got came from the Bloodborne wiki, which is good enough, I suppose, but dry as hardened paste to digest compared to actually experiencing the game. Second, I knew where I wanted the first few chapters to go, but past the still unwritten Chapter 4: Charcoal Streets, I don't know. There's just a void swirling in my mind out there, and every time I try writing I just think "why bother? You've only got one more chapter left in you. What's the use?"
As a result, and partially because of guilt since I promised another chapter, I mostly abandoned my FiMFiction account, only using it to read and follow my favorite authors occasionally. Now, three years later, I'm almost finished with a BA in creative writing, but I've started to feel like I made a mistake with my life by wanting to be a writer. It's fun on the side, sure, but I don't know if I can make a future for myself out of it.
All that being said, I don't think I'm going to abandon Oligemia at this point. I still think about it a lot, and occasionally jot down fragments of ideas in a Word document when I have them. On the other hand, I don't know if or when it will be finished or continued. I just really want to give people an epic dark fantasy novel they can fall into, the kind I like to fall into, but I don't know if I have it in me and that's left the story in gridlock. For now, I'm going to be honest and change the story's status from "Incomplete" to "Hiatus" like I should have done years ago, and I offer my apologies to anyone who believed in or enjoyed this story. Your views, comments and ratings encouraged me, and I responded by failing you. I'm not depressed now. I'm actually feeling pretty good to get all this off my chest. Maybe I'll be able to continue Oligemia one day, or maybe I'll find something new and even better to throw ponies at, but for now I just don't know.
I, for one, am happy to hear that you are doing well.
Maybe the future holds Bloodborne for us both.