Author's Commentary: Critical Mass Chapter 2 · 6:57pm Feb 17th, 2018
I've been rereading one of my other stories today, and I just got past Chapter 20. So, I figured that was a good place to take a break. And then I wondered what to do during that break. I thought about playing games, but then I remembered that I'm trying to actually get some important things done. I suppose this counts as 'important.' Additionally, I do need to get this done, although putting it that way makes it sound bad.
Critical Mass... Chapter 2. Or as I've never called it, that one other sequel Twidash story written by me.
Warning, this Author's Commentary ("Commentary") will contain spoilers for Critical Mass Chapter 2. If you have not read Chapter 2 in Critical Mass, I advise you to turn away now and come back later. This Commentary may also contain information which has been said before in prior Commentaries, Author's Notes at the end of chapters, or in comments I have made. Be warned, it could also contain spoilers for future stories in this series.
You have been warned.
Rainbow groggily blinked open an eye, then blinked again and smiled. Twilight's mane blocked her view of her face, but even still, she could feel her lying atop of her body and sleeping peacefully. She sighed happily, then yawned and nestled back into the pillow her head rested on. She closed her eyes and laid there in silence, enjoying the moment and not wanting to disturb her friend.
Don't lie. You're jealous of Rainbow Dash here. I know I am. I want to cuddle with Twilight and hold her. I definitely do not imagine myself in Rainbow's position when I write them cuddling. Nope. Not one bit...
She opened her eyes again, then rolled her head over and glanced down at Twilight. She unwrapped her legs from her friend's body and stretched them out, eliciting a soft, content moan from herself, and threatening to lull her back to sleep. She pushed her exhaustion away and lightly squeezed Twilight's body with her forelegs, pressing her friend's body into her own, then releasing her. Twilight shifted in her sleep and rubbed her muzzle against Rainbow's chest.
I don't know if this is the first time in this series or not, but it's the first time it's stuck out. "Forelegs." In Reaction and Meltdown, I used arms instead of forelegs. It's just what I had done for some reason. I don't know why. But, clearly, I changed it based on feedback. In addition, I think my friend who preread Reaction may have commented on thinking it was anthro. Someone did make a comment like that, I don't remember who. And well, let's face it, hearing that? Nope. Forelegs it is!
Twilight opened her eyes and slid her head back so she could look up at Rainbow, then smiled and moaned softly. "This... is a nice way to wake up," she said, then closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek against Rainbow. She sighed happily and closed her eyes. "But I don't really want to get up," she added.
Context is important.
Context is very important. Originally, that (above comment) was just going to be a one-line joke more or less. But then I remembered just how important context is. The context of which a story is presented can be very moving. The story's world and background, along with the buildup which has happened throughout the story (or series) heavily shapes context. One of my main goals with this series is to create a powerful context so that if you reread the series (or just read the final story) it will bring back all of the context and memories and be powerful and memorable. I have an example to give but I'd rather not give that particular example.
Rainbow smiled and uncrossed her forelegs, then ran her forehooves down Twilight's body before coming to a stop between her wings, then she slowly slid them back up to Twilight's withers and wrapped her forelegs around Twilight. She gave Twilight a light squeeze, then slid her forelegs back down Twilight's body and let them drop down beside her in bed. "We can't just stay here all day. You were the one wanting to get back to Ponyville," she replied with a light chuckle.
I really tried to be physically descriptive with these stories/the cuddling scenes. I tried to do that to give this series a uniqueness to it (which may or may not have succeeded; I can't answer that question) and because I really wanted reading the cuddle scenes to be enjoyable. I tried really hard a lot of times to make the cuddling scenes vivid. I'm worried that I've fallen flat because I'm really not that great at description and using varied language. I think that this series has helped me with that and that I am improving, but I could definitely be wrong.
...Twilight is really physically affectionate. I should know this since I've written this, but rereading this opening scene... it's quite apparent she's quite affectionate. Not that Rainbow isn't. It's just that this is an incredible contrast to a large part of this series. Or maybe my thinking is skewed right now due to having spent the prior 2ish hours rereading a war story. That could be a big part of it. Additionally, this story is written so much better than that one...
I've tried to analyze Twilight's personality or traits in this series. Emotional is definitely one of them. Distant also comes to mind (as evidenced in Reaction and maybe in the last chapter of Critical Mass [I need to reread to be sur]). Nervous/overthinking/worried definitely applies. Additionally, and this may be a spoiler, but following Critical Mass, I can see her having a bit of an anger issue in her or just being colder. She's been through a lot of trauma, and it'd show.
Twilight huffed, then pulled back from Rainbow, only for Rainbow to smirk and tighten her grip on her, holding her in place. Twilight giggled a little and leaned back into her, then nuzzled her. She looked toward the door, angling her muzzle away from Rainbow, "We'll be out in a minute!" she called, then turned her attention back to Rainbow and stared into her eyes.
...Twilight also has a bit of a desire to be controlled, so to say. Which is to say that she kind of likes Rainbow doing things like that. It probably relates to how she used to have pretty much everything directed, and now that she's a princess, she's the one who more or less does the directing. Additionally, she feels safer that way (with Rainbow being more controlling) for some reason (This is shown in Reaction a little bit, I think).
“Oh, let’s face it Twilight, I didnotstudy cooking in my day,” Night Light replied.
Author snickering intensifies.
“I’m going to be burnt out on pancakes at this rate,” Twilight commented. She pursed her lips and turned to Rainbow. “Maybe we should have waffles tomorrow?” she suggested idly. Rainbow shrugged and took a fork and knife in her wings, then started cutting into her pancakes. Twilight turned back to her food, then hesitantly unfolded her wings. She carefully picked up her fork and knife in between her feathers, then delicately moved them around and cut her pancakes into small, manageable bites.
Honestly, this is kind of a meta-joke. How often have they had pancakes in this series? Seriously, I am not kidding. Way too often. And why? Because I am not familiar in the slightest with what there is to eat for breakfast. So there's a bit of a joke here in that I am sick of them eating pancakes.
Twilight turned to him and her lips contorted into a grimace. “No... and it’s not likely I will. From what the doctors have said, either it’s going to happen so slowly that I won’t notice it growing back,” she looked away from her dad and scrutinized the table, displeasure washing across her muzzle, “or it’ll be sudden and painful...” she quietly finished.
Rainbow frowned and watched Twilight closely for several seconds. “You never told me that...” she said, her voice holding a slight hurt to it.
Twilight glanced up at Rainbow and bobbed her head. “There wasn’t a reason to...” she answered. “Since my skin and coat grew back over it, it... could get a bit messy. And it will hurt if it’s sudden. If my horn grows back... when... it does, I’ll probably be at a higher risk of infection, at least for a short time, although my alicorn physiology should protect me. There is still some risk because of the damage I sustained from the radiation, however,” she said in a lecturing tone. “It’ll probably be uncomfortable while it’s growing back if it’s slow, too...” she mused.
I wonder if this could possibly be important in the next, oh, I don't know, two-ish stories?
Additionally, I had these two distinct lines of thought because it seems logical. Either A, it grows back slowly, or B, it happens at once. In the case where it grows back slowly, I picture Twilight aggressively nuzzling Rainbow when there's a bit of a bump on her forehead because it hurts or something. Additionally, that would get messy because her horn would have to cut through her skin and coat. That'd probably look really bad. As for the sudden one? I don't know if it would be messier or not, although that would/will be painful too.
Yes, I've given quite a bit of thought to that. It's important. As of right now, I'm leaning towards the later (her horn spontaneously growing back) since it makes more sense from an in-universe perspective... once the context has been provided and set up. Unfortunately, this also feels like it's forced or author ex machina, which then kind of negates all she's been through if it just magically comes back. That could ruin the story, or at least it seems like it has the potential to.
I find myself wondering why there is a shower scene here. It doesn't really feel like it serves a point in existing.
Once more, an uncomfortable pit grew in her stomach, along with an emptiness in her heart.‘You’re going to have to deal with outliving everypony you know... do the girls realize that? If they did, would they make more time for you?’She sat there for several seconds, the only company was the rushing water, which fell from the showerhead, hit her body, then slid down and was swept away into the drain in the span of a few seconds.‘But... Celestia and Luna said we might live longer since we’re connected to the Elements of Harmony! But... you were exposed to enough radiation that...’
And now, yet again, I find myself bored and thinking that this story is incredibly redundant.
And now it's the next day, because I wrote the above stuff last night and now it is morning. Sleep is a great way to do a time skip! Unfortunately, I did not sleep well last night.
Twilight tilted watched her reflection idly as she ran her brush through the back of her mane in long, gentle strokes. She firmly held the brush in her hooves. Despite it not being very comfortable or natural, she was slowly adapting to it, although it didn’t feel quite as right as when Rainbow brushed her mane. She held back a sigh and continued on, her repetitive motions leaving her mind free to wander.
Pony forelegs are quite unique. Let's face it, a horse cannot do anything like this. Neither hold a brush nor position the brush behind their head with their forelegs. These ponies have some serious advantages over normal equines. Pastel pony master equine race!
She absently stood up as she finished brushing her mane, then she drew her tail up between her legs and sat back down. She slowly slid the brush lengthwise through her tail, working out kinks and tangles while straightening it back to her preferred state.‘I wish you would stay with me, but... that’s not fair to you. I’m just... I’m being selfish...’She sighed and slowed her work. She idly watched her tail for several seconds, then hastily resumed her pace and finished.
Example (insert number) of Twilight being distant and wanting to distance herself from everypony. Additionally, she's correct. At this point, I really feel like Twilight needs to just suck it up and stop moping, or get some sense talked into her. She's really being a drag on everypony around her. Seriously, this is a major problem which I feel like needs to be addressed. I kind of regret making Twilight so mopey, I mean I know she should be given what she's been through, but there's a certain point where enough is enough. Unfortunately, this story puts her through even more.
I wonder if I'll be able to weave all of these problems and possible fixes together in the next story. I'm really wondering about this. Given what Twilight's been through, she probably has some PTSD, she could also be glum, but yet she needs to be improving and getting better. I don't want her to stay depressed, although in all honesty she probably should stay depressed, for a little while longer, at least, but she does need to actually get better.
I feel like I'm holding a gun to my foot here when talking about this. The next story has to have Twilight getting better, but it also has to have Twilight still depressed and dealing with the trauma she's been through. She probably needs to have a talking to from someone. Tempest Shadow would be completely perfect for that talk, I imagine. Unfortunately, she doesn't exist as of right now in this series. Maybe I should stop talking about possible spoilers for the next story and actually focus on this commnentary.
But then again, thinking about this can provide ideas and help me with the next story.
I'm more or less planning on having Cadance talk to Twilight at some point in the next story. It's supposed to be a very important conversation. Twilight needs to find a balance between not moping and being open about how she feels.
My mind is clearly not in Critical Mass right now.
I wonder if I wrote Twilight's parents properly. I, perhaps obviously, don't have experience with being a parent. I plan to keep it that way.
Night Light stood up from his chair and walked over to Rainbow, then stood beside her, watching Twilight and his wife. “Take care of her, alright? You all mean so much to her. I’d hate to see her if something happened between you two, or any of you really, but...” he trailed off, sighing sadly and shaking his head.
Rainbow nodded. “I promised her that I wouldn’t leave her, and I promised that I’d help her get better.”
Night Light nodded. “Well, I guess we’ll be seeing each other around...” he trailed off, then turned around to face Rainbow and stepped over to her, then wrapped his forelegs around her.
Rainbow smiled nervously, then tentatively returned his hug. “Uh... yeah, I guess...” she replied. She blankly looked over the wall opposite of her while he continued to hug her, but her discomfort was short lived as he pulled away from her after a few seconds. She shifted her weight on her hooves and then walked over to Twilight, glancing around at the other three ponies present.
There is something strangely appealing about this part.
Twilight walked over to her dad and reared up on her hind legs, then wrapped her forelegs around his neck. He wrapped a foreleg around her and pulled her close, while Twilight slid her head under his and nuzzled him. He chuckled and laid his head on hers and returned the nuzzle. Before they parted, he leaned over to her ear, “I still expect grandfoals,” he whispered.
Twilight tensed up and hastily pulled away from him, muttering something indeciphorable under her breath. She stared at the floor and quickly strode back over beside Rainbow, not looking up once.
Yet more parental teasing. I guess that classifies as teasing? Also I suppose there's an implication to this here that two mares can have foals in this series. I suppose that's not all that uncommon... I suppose magic has its uses, and those spells are, at least theoretically, canon because of "Magic Duel." Of course, there's always the other path of adoption which pretty much always works. I wonder how Scootaloo's doing. I don't think I've written Scootaloo or Sweetie Belle at all in this story. And no, that is not a spoiler. There's not going to be any Scootadopt, sorry. You'll have to read stories by TheAbyss for that.
And now, for some reason, I'm thinking of Twiluna scootadopt. My train of thought has no tracks, it simply goes where it pleases.
“We’ll come back to visit...” Twilight said hastily as she turned toward the door, then took off at a lengthy stride.
>Twilight screams internally. She really wants to leave now because of all the teasing, but can you blame her?
Rainbow hovered for a couple seconds, then slowly landed. She closed the distance to Twilight and laid a wing around her, then nuzzled her cheek, drawing a small smile from the alicorn. “Well, if you want me to go back to the Wonderbolts, I guess I’ll spend the day with you today, and then tomorrow I’ll start getting back in shape...” she trailed off sheepishly, leaning away from Twilight. “I didn’t push myself as hard as I should have while I was away, so I’d prefer to be in better shape before going back...”
Twilight glanced at Rainbow and then nodded slowly. “Alright...” she hesitantly relented. “You... you do that. You should work on that instead,” she hastily replied in a quiet voice. “We can cuddle tonight instead.”
Rainbow frowned a little, her brow creasing while her lips pulled downward. “Twilight, you sure? I don’t... have a problem if you want to spend the day with me. I mean, I need to fly and all that, but you can’t really keep up with me... So if you want to spend the day with me, then we can do that instead. Spitfire said I could take as long off as I needed, I’m not in a rush to get back...”
Twilight forced a small, soft smile, though her eyes still gave it away. “Yeah, just... I can’t keep you from that,” she answered. She took a deep breath and calmly exhaled. “We can cuddle tonight instead. Besides, there are a few things I could stand to do once we get back anyway.”
Rainbow watched Twilight closely for a few seconds, then hesitantly nodded. “Alright, if you’re sure, Twilight. If you need me though, come get me, alright? I promised I’d help you, and I can’t help you as much if I’m away with the Wonderbolts or practicing...”
I like to think that I've tried to set Twilight and Rainbow up in a good relationship which would realistically work. Recently, however, I was made aware of one tiny issue with that. It's just that they spend so much time together, they don't really have their own personal space or things that they alone do. That's something which needs to be rectified. I suppose there are special circumstances, but this necessitates change, at least in the future.
Already, the next sequel is taking shape in my mind. I can't wait for that story's climax. I'm grinning right now just thinking about it. As a spoiler, it'll happen in a hospital room, like pretty much every climax in this series. At this rate, Twilight is going to seriously consider passing a royal edict to ban hospitals, lol.
Hmm, now I'm not sure about the idea I had... since there's another thing which may (well, likely will) interfere with that. I wonder how that'll work out...
Twilight blinked and jerked her head around to look at Rainbow. She smiled for a second, then looked back out toward Ponyville in the distance. “It’s a bit nostalgic for me. The first really memorable trip I had in one of these, I was sent to Ponyville by Celestia...” she trailed off, looking down at her hooves and slowly shaking her head. “That... that feels like a lifetime ago.”
Rainbow smiled. “Good times,” she said cheerfully, her mind wondering back to the early days of their friendship.
I miss those days, back when it was simpler and we got to see adorkable bookhorse learning about friendship... I really miss those days. It's funny that I say that, I arrived in between the S4 and S5 hiatus...
“The first time I flew with wings, rather than having something underneath me to support me was...” Twilight trailed off, leaning away from Rainbow and shyly smiling at her. “Well, you were there...” she added.
Rainbow stifled a giggle and pulled Twilight back against her.‘I’m glad it’s just us. Well, mostly just us, the two pegasi pulling the chariot are minding their own business though...’
“Thanks for teaching me how to fly, Rainbow,” Twilight commented.
"Aw yeah, new flying buddy!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, holding up Twilight's wing for all to see. And then she flies perfectly. And then she crashes the next episode and people make edits of it with the GTA "wasted" screen. I guess not flying during the hiatus made her forget her natural(?) instincts.
Twilight looked away from Rainbow and hung her head slightly. “I’m not that fit, nor athletic. I’m more intellectual than anything... Plus my physical strength still hasn’t recovered from being exposed to radiation, but I am stronger than I was immediately following my exposure...” She nibbled on her lower lip. “I’m not sure if it will recover to what it was before,” she tentatively added.
The Author leaned back in his chair, smiling. He stretched his hands forward and interlocked his fingers, then bend his hands, earning several satisfying, yet painful, cracks. His lips twitched in discomfort, but he powered through the pain, maintaining the smug expression. "Challenge accepted!" he shouted at the white screen before him.
“You were there for me,” Twilight replied quietly. “That’s... what counted. That’s what mattered to me.” She paused, letting her eyes study the golden edges of the chariot. “You chose to be there, even though I... screwed things up between us. Even though it put a burden on you, having to fly back and forth between Ponyville and the Wonderbolt Academy...”
Emphasis on "chose." Choices matter.
“Yes, Princess,” the pegasus guard acknowledged. After a couple of seconds, they leisurely adjusted their course and headed toward the crystalline castle which loomed over Ponyville.
I have a plan to write a chapter for "Alicorn Nature" titled "Princess" or something like that. It would be based around the joke that Rainbow, Twilight, Celestia, Luna, and Cadance are all princesses, so there would be a lot of back and forth confusion and such about who the guards were talking to or wanting.
“SUUUPRISE!” a chorus of voices rang out.
Was anyone truly surprised by this? Come on, it was to be expected.
“Welcome back, Twilight dear, how was your week?” Rarity asked with an almost mischievous smile.
Rarity knows.
"How was everything in Ponyville while I was gone?”
“Things were pretty quiet and normal,” Starlight answered.
I was stretching and inhaling, then I read that and I jolted forward laughing. That's a contradictory if there ever was one. Ponyville being "quiet" and "normal."
Twilight groaned and closed her eyes, then rolled her head over and looked back at Rainbow flatly. “Well, Rainbow. The word you’re looking for is well, not good,” she lectured.
How to tell Twilight is upset: she snaps about incorrect grammar. I would love and dread having her as a prereader.
“Hey, it worked out, didn’t it?” Starlight asked.
Starlight is surprisingly optimistic here.
Starlight frowned a little and slowly walked back to Twilight. “Do you really want to be with her all the time? I know she means a lot to you, but... that seems... a bit... much?”
Twilight smiled sheepishly, then sighed and sat down on her haunches. “I know, I know... I shouldn’t, but... she means that much to me. I just... I want to be with her, and... I am, so I’m happy, but... I can’t help but think that it’s wrong because if she’s spending time with me that means that she’s away from her dream.”
Well, it seems Starlight recognized that. That's good, it means that I actually did consider that and didn't completely not think about it. I think Twilight realizes that to. Well, she does, to be honest. She's realized that since Reaction. Twilight's clingy. And it'll probably be worse in the next story, although I'd like to phase that out.
Well gee, Twilight's having to accept that Rainbow wants to be with her, and then she has to accept that she's being too clingy and demanding. Now that's a contradiction. (Sighing.) I'll have to figure this out. I suppose the issue is that Twilight was clingy while feeling bad over it and not wanting to accept it. Next, it's more of a matter of helping her get to the point where she isn't clingy and feels more secure and not vulnerable. That might be hard, given what she's been through. Really, after Critical Mass, Twilight has to be traumatized. I'm pretty sure I showed that pretty well, too.
I really wanted to end Critical Mass on a happy note. I really, really did. But, as with reaction, it kind of ended on a uh... lack of resolution, I suppose. Not a happy ending. Critical Mass kind of has a bittersweet ending. It is meant to be touching, however.
But it will be okay. Twilight got broken down, but she will be built back up again. This is a promise.
And now I'm thinking about what I'll do if/when I ever finish this series. That's a long ways off, but... I cannot imagine what I'll have to say in that blog post. That'll really be something. I'm getting close to finishing a story which will probably be around at least 250k words long and I've been working on that for a while. Since it's been here for so long, I have no idea how I will feel about actually having finished it. It will be so foreign...
Still, a smile pulled at her lips.'As much as you get on my nerves, Discord, you're not all that bad, and Fluttershy cares about you.'She pushed the thought aside and leisurely shifted her weight, then let gravity pull her into a fall. She landed softly on her side on the couch. For a few seconds, she idly stared at a picture of all of seven of them together, then she rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling.
I wonder if this will be important...
Twilight's expression shifted between disgust, regret, and solemn acceptance. "I didn't really have a choice. I would have chosen to save Ponyville regardless. It... it's worth it." She glanced up and met Fluttershy's gaze. "You're all worth it." She broke her gaze from Fluttershy and looked at her reflection in her cup of tea. "It was my duty to act to save you all, and I accept the consequences of my actions. I... honestly thought that I was going to die, but... dying to save you all was a cause worth dying for..." she said quietly. She took a deep breath, then sat up straighter and took a quick drink of her tea. "But whoever designed that core room was an idiot. They seriously put the release on the opposite side of the room from the door..." she shook her head and snorted.
Let's break this down. It's sort of pseudo implied that Twilight was committing suicide by going into the reactor core room. I don't think Twilight would change her actions if she had the chance to, even with what she's been through because of it. It's also implied, or perhaps explicitly stated here, that Twilight would die to protect her friends. That's a beautiful thing if you look at it the right way. She loves her friends so much that she's willing to give up her life to protect them. Honestly, I really believe that if she had to, she would do that. But, you know, that's never going to actually happen cause this is a show for little girls. Additionally, I'm pretty sure Rainbow would too. As for the rest, I have no idea or doubt it. This is also a stab at myself. Seriously. I'm more or less the designer of the reactor core. I did not in the slightest consider having the release on the opposite side of the room. That is incredibly flawed and stupid. It's almost like it's a forced point into the plot in order to make it happen. Seriously, what the heck? That's so incredibly stupid, and I made that mistake. But I can laugh about it now, so it's okay.
"Oh, I've been okay. Discord hasn't been around as much as usual. He says he's been busy..." Fluttershy replied, trailing off with a slight frown.
Twilight frowned and squinted. "Discord? Busy? Busy... doing what?" she tentatively asked, afraid of the answer.
Fluttershy smiled warily. "He hasn't really said what he's been doing, but... he promised that it wasn't anything bad."
Twilight nodded slowly, her fears partially alleviated.'I don't think Discord would really lie to Fluttershy about something important...'she mused.
Read as "I needed Discord to not be in this story somehow otherwise the plot is basically ruined because of Discord OP." The same thing more or less happened in Reaction. There's was actually a comment conversation about how Discord would ruin pretty much every story plot cause he is overpowered.
I still haven't decided what to do about Rainbow's cloudhouse.
Twilight's smile almost immediately disappeared, her eyes widened, and she shifted her weight away from Rainbow. "You said that-!"
Rainbow snickered a little, then scooted over to Twilight, then enveloped her, wrapping her wings around her friend's body, and wrapping her forelegs around her neck. "Don't worry, I won't be that hard on you. We'll do it gradually..." she offered in a soft voice.
There is something appealing about that, Rainbow getting Twilight worked up like that.
The quiet stillness of the night was broken as something darted through a bush, eliciting a rustling sound from the disturbance. Three earth ponies clad in Royal Guard armor all perked up at the faint, distant sound. They gripped their spears tighter and ever so slightly spread their hooves apart, all the while, their ears swiveling around to pick up any more sounds indicating somepony, or something else nearby. They slowly and carefully scanned the treeline for whatever had broken the silence.
Honestly, I imagine the spears are more ceremonial than anything. Maybe not for unicorns or pegasi. Pegasi could drop them... Unicorns could throw them with their magic. Although that's kind of weird since they can maintain the telekinesis over a distance. That part really causes a lot of unicorn v unicorn battles in stories to break down "Why are you throwing the sword? Why are you keeping the sword close to you and charging at the earth pony? You can levitate it over to him and get him." I faced that problem in writing... I guess the way to erase the plot hole with swords is they keep it close to not overextend or leave themselves vulnerable. Additionally, I feel like there is a rock paper scissors sort of thing with the pony races. Unicorns>Earth Ponies>Pegasi>Unicorns. Unicorns have range but are physically weaker. Earth Ponies are strong, but they have to get close. Pegasi aren't as physically strong as earth ponies, but stronger than unicorns, and they are fast so they negate the unicorns' range advantage...
Oh yeah. This is the start of this story's military ish part. I really completely hated writing that into this story. I'm serious. I have experience with writing that (since my longest story is focused on war), but it was jarring to add it to this since it doesn't really work well with this series' style and stuff. My least favorite scene to write in this story was the one where Rainbow and Luna were hunting Changelings.
A few seconds later, the bushes rustled again. An out of breath, panting changeling with a purple carapace stumbled out of the treeline, then tripped on a rock. His wings buzzed and he grunted a high-pitched grunt as he hit the ground.
The reformed changelings. They look so pretty but not really and holy crap they're so colorful. They're okay, though. Also, until... not that long ago. A year or two? I thought "carapace" was spelled "carpcace" and pronounced like that, too. It's funny because of how long it took me to realize that, and because of how strongly my association of it being "carpcace" was. Seriously, and I played Zerg, so I should have known it was carapace, but instead, that only reinforced the "carpcace."
I wonder if something bad is going to happen...
"Cut the chatter!" the lieutenant scolded. As soon as he spoke, the soldier's voices were silenced. He shook his head and slowly, quietly exhaled. They walked into a large cavern. He swept his horn around, scanning everywhere the light fell. Nothing looked out of place, and the room was very rocky. The top of the chamber was covered in stalagmites, while close to the entrance, there was a group of three boulders jutting up from the ground. He turned his gaze away from them as they continued into the cavern and spread out.
There's no possible way that this is going to end badly. Nope. Not any way whatsoever. Not at all.
Whoosh.
One of the soldier's ears perked up. "Did you hear?" he asked hastily in a quiet voice. His ears swiveled around rapidly, trying to discern any more foreign sounds.
...did I really forget a word there? Well, okay then. Apparently, I forgot to write either "that" or "something" there.
The lieutenant frowned and turned around, sweeping his horn over the walls and everywhere they had already checked. "I don't see anything, and I didn't hear anything. Keep your eyes open, though. Could be somewhere we didn't see or failed to check," he ordered. A couple of the unicorns joined him in his search, their beams of light illuminating more of the cavern. He idly swept his horn back over the way the came, including the two rocks they passed as they entered the room.
The law of conservation of detail states that detail must be preserved between scenes. The law of Chekhov's gun states that you do not include a gun in a scene in act one unless it will go off in act two. These guards forgot about both of these laws.
Click... click click.
"I swear I heard something just then!" another soldier, a unicorn this time, said. He turned around from the crevice and swept his horn quickly over the cavern's floor and walls, searching for anything that had changed.
"It's just your nerves," the lieutenant said dismissingly. "But stay alert..." he ordered cautiously. He squinted, then glanced back at a couple of the changelings and jerked his head toward the room. The two changelings pulled back from the crevice and surveyed the room.
Any of you ever played or heard of Starcraft or Starcraft 2? Then you know what's about to happen. A ton of Zerglings Changelings are about to attack.
Is it a plot hole that the reformed changelings don't realize what's happening? I'm going to say no. I think I remember thinking about that possible issue.
"What is it?" a quiet voice called out from the crevice.
I feel bad for him, even if he does get out of the crevice...
The lieutenant felt something impact the top of his helmet, bringing with it a dull, almost unnoticeable thud.'Water? But the cave is dry...'He frowned, then looked up. The light from his horn pierced the darkness, and unveiled a wall of black.
Those guards clearly never watched any horror movies. They weren't genre savvy. And now they simple aren't.
Celestia grimaced and turned to the door to her balcony, then calmly strode over to her balcony and walked out into the calm night. Luna tentatively walked over to her as she opened the door, then stepped out onto the balcony. In the dark of night, the moon was high in the sky, casting a faint white glow upon the world. Celestia glanced out across the world and found her gaze drawn on Ponyville. "So we are in the dark, then..." she mused, then grimaced. "Should... we inform Twilight?" she asked cautiously, turning back to face her sister.
Luna pursed her lips. "This... matter may prove problematic. We have no eyes on Queen Chrysalis or her changelings right now. They are very far away from Ponyville, however. Informing her of what has transpired could worry Twilight more than she already is, and I'm not sure that we should. However, not informing her may be an even worse choice. If something does happen, then if we inform her, at least she will have a forewarning. However, we have no way of knowing exactly what has transpired, and we may be overreacting to nothing."
Celestia sighed and hung her head. "Telling her would only worry her more. They changelings under Chrysalis's control aren't a threat to her because of how far away they are from Ponyville. Although she will likely want to go after Twilight for revenge, she is in no position of power for that, having expended most of her resources on her last attempt. Perhaps it would prove wise to reposition some guards to Ponyville in case something were to happen."
It's at this moment where you probably get your first donning realization moment. I define one of these moments as something that I can picture in my mind as a scene where the music changes, and it's focused on the face of one of the character. The scene is really drawn out, and you can just see the slow change in their expression as they realize something or put the pieces together.
Celestia winced a little. "Chrysalis... has a habit of catching us off-guard." She shook her head and then stood up to her full height. "It won't happen again," she affirmed, stamping her hoof to the floor in finality. "We will wait until we know more before we tell Twilight... she has enough to worry about as it is."
Tia's still sore about the wedding. Also, I think that every single person who reads that section will imediately know that the decision to not tell Twilight was a great big mistake...
Luna slowly nodded in agreement, then drew back from the railing and looked at Celestia warily. "Once we pinpoint Chrysalis's position, as discussed, I will move to engage her immediately, before she has time to react."
Celestia nodded absently. "I trust you to handle that specific matter... you've always been more... combatively and tactically inclined than myself." She offered a slight smile at Luna, who returned it and nodded.
"I will not fail, sister. Chrysalis will pay for what she has done," Luna promised. "I will not let her get away with hurting so many ponies, especially not family."
A reminder that Twilight is family with Celestia, Luna, and Cadance. Additionally, it's sort of my headcanon that Luna is more tactically inclined that Celestia and that Luna was more of a fighter. I think a lot of people hold that headcanon, if fanfiction is anything to go by. Also, Luna's promise is completely accurate and she does keep it.
And that's Critical Mass Chapter 2! Or the chapter where you start to realize something's going to happen that's a pretty big deal.
I really love the comments I get on these stories.
This commentary took forever to write for some reason. Like 4 hours...
As per usual, comment below. Discuss things, ask questions, point out things you saw, etc.
Now... does anyone know what is special about tomorrow..? 
2/18/18? February 18th, 2018..? Anypony..? It's a rather important date...
Well there are pancakes. Waffles, cereal, toast, porridge, umm nothing with meat cos ponies, uhhh some... other stuff probably. IDK I just have cereal every morning.
Personally, I belong to the "grow back slowly" group (it's a group as long as one other person agrees with me. somebody else agree with me please )
Some...
I'm pretty sure she has more than "some", and given what happens later in the story it's only going to get worse.
Add that to the list of things we have in common.
You could always put a "not" before one of those words and fix it.
Maybe for the unicorns levitating weapons part, you could say that the further away the object they are levitating the more power it takes and the less control they have. This means they can't have weapons really far away from them if they want to use it skillfully for a prolonged period of time. But this still leaves no excuse for throwing a weapon.
18th of February, hmmm, nothing off the top of my head. Let me look around a bit. Not the start of critical mass, reaction or meltdown. Not the upload of your first story, not the day you made a fimfiction account. Wait, let me go through everything again in more detail. Aha, the day you uploaded the last chapter of reaction. Found it. My prize, hmm, I know, you should write a story with cadance in it, twilight as well. But maybe something really bad happened to twilight, it should also be part of a series. Maybe chuck in rainbow .That seems like a suitable reward.
4799879
Ding ding ding! We have a winner!
At least 1 blog post will be coming in the next hour, depending on how I break things up...
That sounds suspiciously familiar... Wait, you're not wanting me to rip off Twidashforever's TiM series are you!? Haha... nice one
Again, another blog post coming soon. I'm leaning towards 2, one for Reaction and then the second one for Critical Mass... I wonder what that could be about...