400 Followers: A Lot's Changed · 9:10am Jan 5th, 2018
About a year ago, I wrote the blog post celebrating 300 followers. In it, I expressed uncertainty about the state of the future, and said I felt good about that uncertainty.
Now, here we are. A year's passed. The world didn't end. I've started university.
And, oh yeah. I fell in love.
It may be my own life, but it isn't really my place to talk about the two amazing boys I fell in love with this past year. Not so much for the privacy thing, that's definitely part of it, but mostly just because I've talked about them so much to my friends that I feel like it's gotten annoying for more than a few.
What I do feel it's my place to talk about is my identity. You better buckle up, because we're about to talk about sexual orientation and all that stuff.
Around this time last year, I would have said I was bi-curious. What I would have really meant by that is that I was able to look at guys and determine if they were hot, and I didn't feel like a non-man for being able to comment on fashion and understand if a color doesn't work on a girl (a part of me refuses to stop hating my dad for the weird looks he gave me for such comments). I didn't really consider it possible that I'd ever actually be attracted to a guy. I had resigned myself, as is the fashion among nerds, to an emotionally fulfilling but sexless life.
Now? A few hours before writing this blog, when I asked some friends in a Discord chat to guess the third member of a love triangle for a story I'm working on, all the guesses were guys. Yes, because Filthy Rich and Spike is totally a valid ship. At the start of Christmas break, I came home to a group of old friends, and they said I had a sparkle in my eye they'd never seen in our past seven years of knowing each other. I smile.
That last one's... honestly a pretty big change.
2017 was the year that my scars healed. Somewhere around fifteen years ago, something happened that left me huddled in a corner, convinced that every positive interpersonal emotion I'd ever seen in a Disney movie was a corporate lie, because there was no way humans were physically capable of anything except hatred and abject cruelty. I'm very good at long-distance running, but you wouldn't call the process behind that training by any stretch. I was very, very bad at finding friends, and worse at keeping them. Not much to smile at.
2017 was the first year since kindergarten that I've felt safe when I'm alone in my own bedroom. The year I unclenched my fists, and started smiling at strangers instead of asking myself how fast I'd need to be. The year I said 'I love you' and meant it. The year that I stopped being the shadow of my past and became... me.
Today, and every day for the rest of my life, the chain has fallen from my back. There used to be moments, disgusting moments of betrayal that I held so close to my chest that they burned. I don't carry those anymore. I carry something better.
Mi Amore Cadenza catches a lot of flack for being the Princess of Love. Folks say she ain't as powerful as Celestia or Luna, say her only real responsibility is the Crystal Empire, make her a one-note matchmaker.
Well, I hate to sound elitist, but people who think Cadence couldn't have taken down the entire changeling army without her hubby just plain don't know what it's like to be in love.
That's who I am today. Enormously gay, unapologetically in love, and finally true to myself.
Always happy to hear that others are happy. Congratulations. Here's to your newfound Purity of self.
This might seem redundant, but i wanted to say congratulations on getting more of the recognition you deserve. And to me, i think things can only get better from here! I’ll always be looking forward to what you’ll write next, and i’ll always be happy to give my thoughts about them as well, so here’s hoping your talent takes you far in life! ^_^
I'm always sad I can't upvote or favorite blogs.