Where does the hushed hoof fall? · 5:47pm Oct 31st, 2017
The past few years have been...they've been.
I am currently still trying to better myself emotionally, and I can (for the 2nd time) assure the doctor that no, doubling up the medication does not help, it only ruins my life. I love it when doctors don't trust me. It's beautiful to feel a personality-changing fight-or-flight response.
Finally discovered my ponysona, as well as a friend's. Mine is Silver Thread. Why?
Well...I have a fear of heights, and a love of nature. I may be creative, but...no, I'm but an Earth Pony, connected with nature and weather and life and scents.
My cutie mark? A golden heart. How did I discover it? By going through a lot of shit and realizing what a cutie mark truly was.
There's so many people in this world, and so few with good hearts. But I can sense them, and I never want them to leave my life.
Just because I am flawed as I am, bitter and spiteful and holding of so many grudges...doesn't mean I won't do something to help someone, just because they need the help, and I have the ability to assist (even if it puts us in a tight spot).
Like TheoryBrony, who never talks to me anymore after I paid for his flights to keep him from homelessness...but...well, c'est la vie. Or a friend (only known for a month at the time) I paid to keep him in college, because he'd lose all his credits otherwise. Or the pathological liar co-worker who I spent...between $600 and $900 on, because I had the money and because if I didn't send her somewhere safer, right then and there, no one else would have taken the risk. We knew she wouldn't pay us back...but she was in an abusive relationship.
I will readily give my heart away if it'll help. I...also follow my heart, like an idiot, often.
There's a LOT, and it's hard to place it as one thing. My heart has always ruled me, and...I always try to be a good person, even if I know my heart isn't always, truly good.
I want to write again, but I can barely breath some days.
I'll gift a few poems I've written lately to those who have read this...
---
Her heart beat in tune with the wax of the moon
To the subtlest thunder on high
It gifted the boon of the carrion June
As her dreams shuttered off towards the sky
---
Everyone is intricate
Whirring gears beneath the clock face
Telling you the time
But not how it got there
---
Tell me now, my dear, why do let your teardrops cower?
'Letting them fall loose will lose the clocks another hour.'
Dearest thing, they thread you through with minutes, don't you see?
'Sometimes one will close their eyes, pretending they can see.'
---
You took a different path
And you walked a different way
But still, I watched you walking
And I wanted you to stay
Never let others consume you - but never let yourself stay closed off and alone. It's hard, but I believe in you. :)