Critical Mass Chapter 8 Update · 6:33pm Sep 7th, 2017
Chapter 8 is almost finished. I don't know if I will get it out this week or not. More information below the break. Also spoilers.
Chapter 7 was a major chapter. I think we can all agree on that...
I've had a plan for this story, and the ending of it (Chapter 8), but I don't know that I can pull it off properly. I had always wanted this story's ending to be sweet and endearing. In Reaction, I had pictured a scene where Twilight and Rainbow were out in Canterlot at night, and Twilight broke down. Rainbow tried to comfort her, but failed, so she ended up kissing Twilight. The scene was going to include Twilight looking up at Rainbow (which is a bit strange considering Twilight is taller, but she would be sitting down), and just being bewildered, but also slowly smiling, then asking "Does that mean-?" only for Rainbow to cut in with a reply of "Yes." It didn't work out like that. With Critical Mass, from the beginning, I had pictured a modified version of that scene, where Twilight, completely vulnerable and weak, sitting in a bathtub, soaking wet, having a breakdown, and Rainbow just leans over to her, hugs her, and then kisses her. I sort of have this, but the way things have worked out, it can't "just make everything okay." Doing that would ruin everything. It helps, but doesn't fix it, which means that the story, as of right now, may not have as happy of an ending as I had intended. It will still be happy and cute, along with supporting a general trend of Twilight getting better, but it's not the fairy tale, everything is instantly okay ending, but perhaps that is for the better...
On a related note to that, my goal was always to have her wing grow back at the end of the story, but that raises another problem. If I do that, it could also ruin everything. She would have gone through everything in Critical Mass, but then at the end, her wing regrows, thus rendering the entire story irrelevant. The only possible salvation for that is the context it adds to the series- going forward, you, the readers, will know in the back of your mind as you read future story (stories?), what has happened to Twilight and what it's done to her. That can shape how you interpret and view the future stories, possibly making them even more "beautiful."
Of course, there is more to it than that, since this story also does have further development of Twilight and Rainbow's relationship.
And so this is my current predicament.
Couldn't you just give her a prosthetic Wong, I mean in the au with the war With the crystal empire rainbow had a prostectic wing. That would help fix her balance and give her a way to fly again but also show that she had been though stuff and that she may move forward it still left an impact. Also the based on how you described her along the limb some of the muscles that connect the wing to her body should still be there so hey could use that to connect a prostectic to. I mean rainbows was appendectomy good enough to let her fight in the front lines of a war am sure they could make twilight an awesome one. Plus it would be pretty bad ass. I mean I've always like the idea of some of the strongest having a physical or personality disability in some way. And yeah twilightnis aruable the strong nest maby not at this moment but when you look at everything she's done, then yeah she gone though and beat a lot of things that would make anyone else quake. Also maby you could make a reference to full metal pony opening. You know since twi is a and Edward elric are kinda similar, both lost something vital both lost multiple limbs, both being really smart in the arcane. Hey does alcamey exhist in the mlp word. Cause I mean if twilight still has her power inside her could she learn a new way to access her power? Anyways this got way to long so think about the prostectic wing, just an idea.
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See, now I hadn't even considered that idea, giving Twilight a prosthetic wing. Hadn't even crossed my mind... I don't know how I feel about that, though, for a couple of reasons. One is that if I go that route, it has a sort of out of place feel in regards to the story. I also don't know that I want to picture Twilight and Rainbow cuddling when Twilight has a prosthetic wing. That feels incredibly out of place. Although that said, I now have a new idea for a Twidash fic, so I thank you for that. I suppose Twilight could potentially remove the wing at some times, but still, another problem I see with that is that it kind of seems, at least to me, to suggest that she can't heal from that and regrow her wing, or that if she went that route, then she couldn't heal because of the prosthetic. I'd prefer her with a natural wing...
As for the alchemy idea, I hadn't really considered that either. There are stories out there where they have different means of accessing magic, such as through hooves, through wings, speaking aloud, staves, et cetera. And of course, alchemy/potions are canon to MLP, but it's not quite Full Metal Alchemist style. I also have planned on having Twilight's horn growing back eventually, but I'm not sure where at I want that to happen in this series. I'm already planning ahead for more stories, but in the upcoming story/stories, it's not planned for her horn to grow back yet. And I still haven't decided if I want it to be slow or sudden.
Sorry if it seems like I'm just shooting down your ideas. I really appreciate your feedback!
sorry been meaning to get back life and everything. you bring up some good point and in the end its your decision since your the author, but i think theres is a way you can do both. ok first the prostectic honestly i still think it would look awesome, and give twilight i dont know an intimidating edge, also its twilight if anyone could build a bad ass prosthetic with gadgets hidden in it, its her. anyways well if she will recover why dont you just make it a temporary thing then, i mean even if she does heal shes going to need something to help balance her out and this could just be a way for her to still function until she heals. also many prosthetic are made to be removable so its not a stretch that hers can be taken off when she wants to.
also i do think twilight should change because of this, ok what i mena is she went through two traumatic losses, all the traumatic event, and well just everything. i mean even when she heals she shouldnt be exactly the same cause stuff like this changes people. now that doesent mean she should be completly different either, but this should at the very least change her perspective some. honeslty extra credits did an amazing video on abuse survival and the trauma from it in injustice 2 that while not exactly the same trauma twilight went though does explain the conequences of truama better than i ever could but my main point it i feel twilight she shouldent just get over it, things shouldent just be ok and go back exactly to the way they were. this should scar her a little, things like this always do but that doesent mean it should stop her, i mean hell twilight charged at chrysalis a person who strong enough to fight alicorns and the very person who took her horn and wing from her. that act alone shows just how strong twilight actualy is and that this wont stop her. i mean at her absulute weakest, bleeding out from losing her wing, mentaly depressed, no magic and off balance and the mare still find it in her to charge at the person who did this to her to defend rainbow. that shows determination on a whole nother level,i mean yeah she should heal and with time an help she should recover for the most part but i feel there should always be a few scars under the surface from this, cause yeah you mentioned she will heal, but just becasue the physical problems have stop doesent mean all the mental ones will. like a bad wound on the body the wound may close and mend but a scars always left as a reminder.
ok i went off on a tagent on this and am sorry, that got darker than i originally planed. my main point there was twilight felt what it was like to be weak and completely helpless, to be unable to save her friend. i was going to say that could push her to again find a way to cope with her lost wing like a prostetic, and a way to reconect with her power. i mean twilights smart, she knows other cultures somewhat and i could see her working out that if she cant connect to her power with her horn then maby she has to make a new connection or use something to not replace her horn but replace its job being a way to transfer power into magic in the physical world. and this woulden take away from the fact that she will heal later, it just means that when she does heal she has hopefully two diffent way to use her power. and a way to still feel usefull if this ever happens again. you could use this as a point of tension in the furture with twilight looking into maby not evil but darker forms of mana manipulation or less widly accepted or respected arts, like alchemy or something else like maby chi, or something else it you could choose but anyways it would just be something taht everyone would be a bit wearry of cause i mean they were weiry of zecora and she was just a zebra digging in town, imagine everyoenes concern if wtilight started to use stange foreingh not completly understood powers without a horn, just a potential point. although a martial art based or more combat oriented form of mana manipulation probably would work best cause twilight does have all four legs she could learn martial arts and when she heals that would give her two ways of facing opponents one being more suited for close combat and the other being more long range both being easly interchangeable. again i feel like alchemy would honestly be the best for twilgiht its rooted in a more scientific understanding requiring the user to have alot of scientific knowledge aboout the world and how stuff works and combines science with magic baiscaly, i mean that sounds so much like twilight, also the urdge to though in some full metal edward referencs in there just to awesome to pass up. other ideas that could work is again chi, chakra, or nen, each dealing with lifeforce or inner power wich twilight still has, she just cant use it, all of them also work with the body and the flow of energy though the body so instead of her normal magic which effects and manipulates thing outside of her these use her body and the pathways though it. this would then let her entire body do the same job as her horn letting her access her power but instead of focusing it in one place it would flow though her and let her enhance herself or her surroundings. still would be stange to any normal pony, and might cause some conflicts and ruckes later with other magic users or ponys but eh.
also for how she could find this information well you could use more restricted section of the canterlot library or you could use zecora, have her basicaly give twilight hints, ideas, or just information on other magical art than unicorn magic and have her go out looking for information on it. i mean zecora seems to know way more than she lets on and has traveled a bunch, also shes crazy/brave enough to attack cryslis so there no way she dident get into hyjinks in her younger years.
wow this was way longer than i expected or wanted it sorry. anyways its your story and characters and you could write them your own way. these are just some ideas take them leave them its fine its your choice and in the end you have to do what you thing is best for the story. anyways the series has been amazing so far so i have no doubt its going to keep being amazing,
extra credit link if you wanted it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2Js7ZeFLt8
sorry dont know why the first part came out as one giant paragraph wasent like that when i wrote it.
dam sorry last thing i forgot alchemy is also about change and loss/ gain. you lose one thing to change something into something else or togain something else entirely. it would fit really well with the theme of this series about lossing and changing and moving forward from that along with how you can gain new things you never knew from that loss. i would give you a pretty cool way for you to have twilight come to terms with her situation and how she sees herself. i mean twiights an achedemic and she can be kinda hard headed so maby she would have to see how a material or experiment she was doing lost part of its self in order for it to change becoming something knew but also at the same time gaining something that wasent there before. she lost her horn and wing but she gained rainbows love though this horrible situation, and also gained potently a new perspective on thing and life in general that she normally wouldn't have. and though that physical transmuatiaon she could come to grips her own transmutation or basicaly changes shes dealing with know and likly in the future, and help resolve her to keep moving forward. sorry ment to add this but forgot.
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Wow, thanks. A lot of people don't take the time to comment, let along write a comment that long and in detail. I really appreciate seeing your thoughts on the matter.
I think you should try writing a story- I think you could make an interesting story if you put your heart and or mind to it. You might need to work on grammar and spelling, but I think you'd write a good story.
I do have plans for Twilight having a noticeable permanent change from what she's gone through. Right now the two ideas are basically either her favoring her left hooves when walking, so her left gait is longer than her right gait (since she's off balance to the left, thus a longer right gait would increase her chances falling over to the left) even after she recovers, and I'm thinking that her side and wing should be more sensitive than normal. Originally, her forehead where her horn had been was more sensitive, and canonically, it still is, but it's not mentioned much.
Twilight is generally moping a lot in this series and pretty much depressed, but she still has strength left to go on and when push comes to shove, she can stand up for herself under the right circumstances. Her greatest enemy is herself, since her mind is constantly against her, which is why, when she's "distracted" by Rainbow, she seems better- her mind isn't given the opportunity to "attack her" with worry and fears. That's something that won't change, but will probably get better- she won't always stay so depressed in this series, and once her horn grows back, some of that will definitely recover. That's also kind of a dark thing, since she derives her self-worth from her magic ability, rather than who she is- and she at least partially recognizes that, hence why she's reluctant to accept Rainbow's love, because she's afraid it will end up hurting her because Rainbow could end up not loving her or something, at least in her mind. She doesn't want to transfer her defining self-worth from her magic to Rainbow because she knows it isn't healthy.
I completely agree with Twilight being able to make an epic prosthetic with all sorts of goodies and enhancements, but I still think it would/could prevent her from healing, since her wing has to regrow, and if she's wearing the prosthetic, that would/could interfere with her ability to regrow her wing. It would make sense for her to do something to help her balance, though. I could see myself having Twilight learn some kind of martial arts, though, but it's somewhat fringe from my point of view- she's not really that type of pony, but in order to defend herself without her magic, I could see that. That said, right now she is still physically weakened from the radiation, but once she fully recovers from that, her physical strength will be far superior to most ponies (specifically, earth ponies, who are canonically the strongest physically in this series).
You've also now given me an idea to write a story about Zecora's youth, where she gets into all sorts of trouble...
cool an yeah i was meaning to post this yesterday but life kept me form it. also about writing ive tried it, i suck. like am terrible describing scenes and just writing stories in general, really good at coming up with idea just suck with executing them, so i like proposing ideas to authors when they ask.
also hu dident pick up on how much twilight values herself though magic but yeah it does make sense i mean most of her life she was called celestia student, then an eliment of magic, then princess most of her life has been focused on her magic talents so i could see her developing her selfworth around that wich also goes to help explain her panic attack and the want it need it. also about balancing her out what about a mechinized fanny pack or something along those lines, ok hear me out, so you dont want a prostectic cause it could interfere with her wings recovery then what about a pack around her barre, trunk, not sure what the waist/stomach area of a horse is called. and just have it set up so it on the side that lost the wing, there by evening her out some, not perfect and she would still need to do the longer gait, but it would help and let her bring tool or something that she can use to still be helpfull.
martal arts yeah twilight not ussaly a person to learn that stuff but i mean after being kidnapped, that might incline her to learning basic self defense moves. just incase something like that happens again. but yeah usually she wouldn't which is why i thought something like alchamy would suit her better, because its based in magic and can be used with it. but that being said doesent zicora know how to fight with a bow staff and potentaly a bo staff martial art. that could work for twilight, i mean she is still weak like you said but getting hit in the head with a staff hurts no matter how hard the guy swong it. i know this from personal experince, my friends can be dicks sometime. anyways stupid stuff kids do when there board and unsuperviesed not withstanding staff fighting could work for twilight, its a realitivly light tool, she could custimize it with potenatal stuff like maby magic poperties/ gems, tools in the future or a hook at the end like the tool in sly cooper, or she could just make the ends have something similar to a taser. plus if she mad it out of metal she could make it a collapsible staff that she could carry around in a bag to maby help balance her out when she walks. it works because it still a form of self defense but its not as strenious or as agressive, but it also seems like somehting twilight could do. i mean wizirds often have magic staffs, so mabys its about time she got one of her own.
yeah that could work, zecora to the rescue again. also yeah would love to see a prequel following zecora, or at least snippits, like seeing some of the adventures shes gone on before she decided to make her home in one of the most dangerous forrests. like why does she seem to know so much about dark powers, magic in general, and potions. am telling you that zebra is hidding something.
also what you said gave me an idea so twilights not so much a hoof to your face type of person or fighter, but rainbow is. she would be perfect one to be the fist or hoof fighter. i know she has a black belt but am pretty sure she can improve. especaly after twilight was taken once i could see rainbow like twilight wanting to be ready incase something like this happens and working on improving her fighting skills. i dont know why what you said reminded me of this but i recently saw a video someone did called Austraeoh by argrodaem, not only is it awesome but rainbows pretty bad ass in it. here al just post a link because its to awesome to descibe but serously its like two min of complete awesome https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18tWAkwuOqc
not saying rainbow needs to do that but i am saying that she would be perfect to learn more martial arts to protect twilight. also i do have an idea for a shock stick and a shock horseshoe/ gloves i guess dont know the horse equivilent to gloves. anyways shock glove that use small coulds to generate a charge. that could be a cool tool twilight could build for rainbow just incase something like this happens again.
also is twilight going to talk about being infertal to rainbow anytime soon, i mean that seems to be eating her on the inside and i know that can hit people really hard. i know radiation in general can do horrible things toa person to their body and their mind as they feel useless and cant do anything as they weither a way. ive seen the effect of kimo way to many times and to add this to the mix man my heart goes out to twilight.
ow last thing are we going to see more of eveyone else, cause theve kinda been absent while twilight went though this, and i know they have lives trust me i know how hard it is to balance having a life and taking care of someone going though kimo, but i also know how bad thing can get if people dont make time for them while they go though that, trust me looking back i could have done alot better but i still tried pretty hard, even still in that situation the person getting treatment or recovering from it can sometimes get a bit resentful or betrayed kind of, they sometimes feel like they went worth visiting and can get angry and sad. so i was wondering if you going to explore that more with twilight.
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You have a point with that, and I may look into her wearing something to help with her balance, but I'm still not entirely sure about it...
I've seen Austraeoh and it's pretty awesome. It also makes me sad because I cannot animate/sfm anything anywhere near that level. Of course, I've not really ever tried to, but I don't know that I'd have the time. I can't really do art, either, so animation is kind of a no-go for me, but sfm is different...
Also, from what I've seen (and I could be wrong,) I think you're one of the few people to pick up on that subtle aspect (that Twilight cannot have foals now). It's going to be a focus of one of the upcoming sequels, along with another element. It is something that is bothering her, but I tried to hide that as well as I could. Was it very obvious?
I've been mulling over having Discord and Fluttershy get together as a couple in this series- it's something I could use for a later story (if I develop this idea in an earlier story before said later story). I've also considered adding in Trixie, but I'm not sure how to go about doing that because of her personality and not knowing how to handle that when it comes to her dislike for Twilight, who has now dealt with a lot. If I handle her wrong, it could come out horribly. I've also given some thought to exploring Starlight more in this story, and possibly having her get together with Sunburst. I might like to explore Luna and Celestia a bit more in this series. Applejack and Pinkie Pie I'm not sure about. I might have some tentative plans for more development for Rarity.