My Very Worst Story Ideas · 8:41pm Jun 27th, 2017
I think it's widely known that not all stories are created equal. The same can be said for ideas.
Over the years writing for this site, I've thought and pondered probably hundreds upon hundreds of ideas for stories, scenes, jokes, epics, and everything in between. But there's a rather large difference between what actually becomes a story and what (thankfully) remains just an idea.
So, because I'm bored at the present moment, here's a short list of some of the absolutely worst ideas I've had over the years.
NOTE! These are not just the worst ideas I could think of on the spot. Even if I only thought of writing them for 30 seconds or less, I still had somewhat of an intention of writing them at some point. Before clarity came in and smacked me upside the head.
SECOND NOTE! I'd love to hear some of your own terrible story ideas that you once thought were good--whether they ended up on paper, or in the trash, or wherever bad stories go to die, unloved and alone.
1. "I Am a Banana and I Don't Want To Be" or something suitably awful
So it should come as little surprise that I don't like Displaced stories all that much. I won't go into full detail why exactly (because Canadians aren't supposed to vent anger--only hold in inside until we can safely unleash it in the next nationwide snowball fight), but this was basically my "parody" of it.
I use the term "parody" loosely, because I wouldn't have considered it a comedy. More horror. Played completely straight.
PLOT: Some dude goes to a con dressed as a banana. Him and his friends have decided to go as all the fruit from the Fruit of the Loom logo. (Edit: I just looked up the logo and realize there actually is no banana in the logo. Not that that makes much of a difference. Considering this story doesn't exist and never will.)
Him and his friends get transported to Equestria for some reason and transformed into life-sized fruit they dressed as. Bad for them, good for ponies. You know why? Because ponies love fruit. Especially giant, juicy fruit with edible tiny arms and legs.
They try and plead their case, but to no avail. They can't speak. They are fruit. They can only say the type of fruit they are in tiny, fruity little voices... like Pokémon if they were fruit instead of whatever the hell they are.
The grape friend is eaten. Another is crushed into wine. And our banana main character runs off into the woods to try and escape.
During his journey, he comes across an abandoned shack next to an abandoned Shaq. No, I did not spell "shack" incorrectly that second time. He would've been another Displaced character who had gone as Shaquille O'Neal to the con before being abandoned by the rest of his friends.
So Banana Boy enters the (actual) shack and spends a few minutes writing down his last will and testament in a book. He loves his family. He loves his friends. He's sorry for picking the costume that year. Sweet banana-flavored tears are coursing down his stupid banana-face. Then... the sound of hooves outside the window. The ponies have found him! And now they have complete and utter fruitlust!
But at least Banana Man has written down his last thoughts and prayers, right? So that people will eventually discover what happened to him, right? No. Our Banana Hero looks down at his work and finds only the word "BANANA" scribbled hundreds of times across the page. He is more banana than man now.
And then he dies or something. Made into a fruit smoothie along with his friends, perhaps.
2. “The Fart Joke”
I was having a conversation with someone a long while ago (more than likely ChappedPenguinLips because I literally only know two people on this site) when the notion of “what never works in stories” came up. And then very quickly: fart jokes.
And to that, I agreed.
Fart jokes on paper don’t really cut it. (Only the cheese! I’ll go die now. Slowly and painfully. Don’t worry. I have the tools and the technology.) There’s no sound on paper and the setup for a proper fart joke still alludes me. It just sounds immature. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t apply that same logic to a story idea.
So, basically, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash are having the very same conversation—that fart jokes just aren’t funny.
Unsurprisingly, Rainbow Dash disagrees and makes it her quest to create a legitimately humorous fart joke.
She travels the world. Studies comedy. Studies writing. Perhaps gets tutelage from Cheese Sandwich who is an expert at cutting various types of cheeses. (I’m sorry. Death is on the way. Have no fear. Heating up the gas oven as I type.) (Also, this section of the story would be written like a children’s book. Or some terrible Dr. Seuss book.)
And at the end of it all (roughly 1k on the dot, I’d imagine), Rainbow Dash would return to Ponyville to immediately hoof over her joke to Twilight Sparkle.
SCENE 12: ACT 1:
Twilight Sparkle glances up from the short scroll just handed to her by Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash asks, “Well, what did you think of my fart joke?”
Twilight Sparkle frowns. “It stinks!”
END SCENE. CUT TO BLACK. ROLL ON SNARE. CREDITS START.
Written by Alan Smithee. Idea by Alan Smithee. Edited by MoistPenguinThighs.
3. “The Riddle that makes Your Head Explode for Some Reason”
I’ve noticed that one thing writers on this site love to do is pair up Daring Do with riddles. It’s easy to see why. She enters an ancient tomb. Goes searching. Runs into a monster that asks her a riddle, otherwise it’ll eat her. Cool story, bro.
So while thinking about riddles one day, I asked myself the very important question of, “Well, what happens if you don’t get the answer right?”
Obviously, your head should explode.
And there was the very simple—very dumb—idea in a nutshell. You hear a riddle and are given ten minutes to solve it. Otherwise… BOOM! You can, of course, ask friends or family members for a possible answer, but upon hearing the riddle, they, too, would have only ten minutes to figure it out. Otherwise, they’d have to go buy new wallpaper.
I could almost see it as a zombie/virus-like outbreak; Twilight Sparkle barricading her castle doors and windows against literally hundreds of ponies screaming the riddle out to her… friends included. She wants to help, but what happens if she can’t figure it out as well?
What stops this story idea from becoming a story is, firstly: it’s a dumb idea. And, secondly: I’ve never really figured out a riddle that would suit such a premise. Is there actually an answer to it? It is simply an impossible riddle? Or is there another loophole attached to it? Or was the riddle simply, “What did I eat for breakfast?” And it turns out they never even had breakfast that day.
Ect. Ect. Ect. Ect.
4. “Robbie Rotten/Discord Crossover Fic”
Remember that internet thing from a while back? That thing that was popular for a minute before disappearing completely? Sort of like Pokémon Go?
I will freely admit that the only reason I ever thought about writing this story was because Robbie Rotten was popular at the time. The idea sat in my head for a good twenty seconds before I said, “Nah. I don’t want to be known for that. I want to be known for Dead on Arrival instead!”
That's basically it for this idea. I highly doubt I’ll ever do a proper crossover. The only idea I’ve ever had was Ash from “Army of Darkness/Evil Dead” being transported to Equestria at the end of “Evil Dead 2” and being paired up with Twilight and Derpy for some reason. Maybe the Deadites come along, too. I dunno. Won’t happen, so don’t hold your breath.
5. “Discord/Big Mac Clop Sto—”
Oops. Wrong account.
6. “Berry Punch: Drunk Detective”
I really, really hate most TV these days. There’s just too much bland twenty-two episodes a year type shows. Potato chip shows, I call them. You eat one, then another, then another, but aren’t ever really full.
Detective/cop shows fall into this category. Especially, the “gifted” cop shows where they can tell if you’re lying, or talking to the dead, or telepathic, or super swell at taking notes, or whatever it is.
What this story was going to be was the character Berry Punch as a sort of Sherlock Holmes—super skilled in the art of deduction, but only when hammered. She’d also have a sidekick like Watson, carrying around a makeshift bar wherever they went.
Want to guess the name of Watson? Come on. Give it a try.
Shotson.
I’ve been featured, you know. That means I’m important. I tell this to the waitress at Perkins all the time and she’s never charged me for a drink refill. Ever. #ImportantPeopleStuff, am I right?
So, anyways, Berry Punch and Shotson would arrive at a crime scene where a body has been found. The chief of police is there and looks miserable that Punch is interfering with the case. “She’s reckless!” and all that.
Next to the body is a pool of vomit. And some empty beer cans.
Was it an accidental overdose? A party gone wrong? Or was it only made to look that way?
Quickly, Punch realizes she needs to get hammered. And fast. Or go to her “Mind Palace” as she likes to put it.
After getting rightfully smashed, she notices things around the room that no one else has and… solves the crime or something. I really hadn’t thought that far. Maybe she eats some of the vomit up off the floor and figures out the last place they ate at.
Looking back on this idea, it just seems sad. Promoting alcoholism and all that. Plus, it just doesn’t seem all that funny or unique.
7. “Sombra the Highly Unmotivated”
Following his defeat, King Sombra shoots out of some human’s toaster and—
Wait a minute.
8. “The Many Clones of Twilight Sparkle”
Twilight clones herself and the story goes on forever and ever and gets dark for no reason and—
Wait another minute.
9. “Death By Cuteness: The Game”
This would’ve been a choose your own adventure story. Remember “Goosebumps” doing this? That stuff was awesome. Or… I remember it being that way. Childhood was much better than adulthood.
Anyways, the story would revolve around Jerald Gunderson, an 58-year-old man going into surgery to help fix his frail heart. But after everything fades to white in the operating room, he wakes up in Equestria—still with his bad heart. Now he must find a way back home without seeing anything too cute and causing his heart to explode!
SCENE EXAMPLE:
The pony known as Applejack has dropped her trademark hat. Do you:A) Hand it back?
B) Or throw it in the bushes?
You have selected A. Sadly, ponies in hats are twice as cute as normal, causing your heart to burst out from your chest and spatter the highly alarmed mare in the face with your warm blood. Better kiss those grandchildren of yours goodbye, ol’ timer!
SECOND SCENE EXAMPLE:
The small filly with large glasses tells you her name is Twist and gives you a friendly smile.
Your heart feels fine. Nothing cute around here, thankfully.
So that’s about it. I’m probably missing some of my lesser bad ideas, but I think this blogpost is long enough.
Remember, I’d love to hear some of your own terrible ideas. Ones that you ALMOST wrote before thinking twice!
K. Bye.
The banana should be hunted by Celestia. Already imagining the princess like this.
the first two I wouldn't mind being explored a little- the concept of a displaced fic played for horror, and a twi/dash comedy, possibly filled with anti-humor and situational humor.
number 6 instantly made me think of Jessica jones, as soon as I read the title.
Eeyup. 'Twas me. Because toilet humor is awful.
I don't think you ever pitched me the parody idea, though for whatever reason I remembered it vaguely.
Also:
MoistPenguinThighs...
Oh Dear God...
I laughed way too hard at that.
freshfruitportal.com/assets/uploads/2013/05/limes_74531311.jpg
I can't believe you quit on this one.
MoistPenguinThighs didn't befriend no quitter, ya here?
#1: "I Am a Banana and I Don't Want To Be" I could see that being a fun prompt for some. Also if one took the idea of "cosplay con goers being displace to equestria as their cosplays visually" to its logical extreme of the entire con, that could be hilarious for a couple thousand words
#2: Well i now think a fart joke can work on paper. Not amazingly but well enough.
#5: There's plenty of those i'm sure.
#6: Gotta agree with your comment on tv... Also I could see this being a fun drug trip fic for about 5k words actually.
#9: Play this one straight rather than a choose your own adventure and it could be neat.
For the record, Death by Cuteness would be an awesome story.
I don't see how this isn't comedy, and you need to write this now. XD
The story should obviously be about the aftermath: a group of ponies trying to buy new wallpaper because their heads exploded, but their heads are exploded, so they can't see or communicate or notice how freaked out everypony around them is due to the passel of gory, headless ponies stumbling about like it ain't no thang.
Obviously, all my ideas are stellar and the only reason I haven't written them all into Pulitzer-winning fanfics (because that's a thing) is that it's too hard to pick the best one at any given time. Because there are so many. :V
Nothing else to say
I think you would have been able to pull anyone of these of.
Think the Berry idea appeals to me the most. Guess I just love that ol' drunken pony. I do think we need more chose your adventure type of stories too. Also I guess banana is fun too but that genre is annoying and I am sure it has been parodied to death.
As for my bad idea. Eh Don't have anything remotely fun as any listed here. Really tame stuff like Bon Bon trying to rob Rarity's boutique because she is convinced she is banned but she really needs a new dress.
Or a brony coming to Equestria and doing all the standard human in Equestria stuff. But the story would be told from background ponies' point of view and they would have been convinced that he is mind reading alien and has taken control of mane six. Thus they must for the first time ever save the day themselves and cast the human alien back to hell from where he came.
I can see #6 working if every time Berry got drunk to solve a case, she solved it but inadvertently caused an even worse crime to be committed because she solved the lesser crime. However, she has no memory of it so she gets hired on to solve the new case, and so on ad infinitum...
Well now everyone is going to think I stole that first one from you, although mine was just a regular sized banana with no limbs. It's equally dumb.
Um, the solution to the riddle story is obvious.
Have the riddle be unknown to the reader. Ponies constantly make reference to specific parts of the riddle, but we never see the full thing, therefore you need no justification for the answer you inevitably give.
Sheesh these are some really janky ideas. Hilarious still though. I gotta say, that No. 8 is just flat out bad. I mean the only thing worse than you writing that is if that's the story that made some poor sap start tracking your stuff.
Don't you know that anything anyone can imagine, somebody else has already done? By writing that blog post, you've magically rewritten the past, and caused the creation of all of those stories!
But I would like to see what happens when an alicorn uses the mirror pool...
4585481 Seriously? That story? Man, it would've been fine as a one-shot, but what it became? Easily my worst story. Back when anytime someone said, "Sequel!" I went and did it. Now it's like, "Finish the story you promised you would!" and then I shrug and get drunk instead.
4585425 Wait. Did you write that story? Or are planning to?
I'm curious now.
4585038 It probably could've worked, but I learned a long time ago that I'm absolutely terrible at writing drunk dialogue. Someone asked why drunk Rainbow Dash was speaking with a Texas accent and then I ran away.
4584966 I think if I really did a Choose Your Own Adventure story, it would be pure Horror. Escape the killer or the crazy/haunted town or whatever.
Fun for the whole family!
4584944 I hereby give you permission to write both of these. But not credit me. Please don't.
4584901 One of the last shows I tried to watch was "Supernatural" because basically everyone said it was good. It's technically not bad, but it's still your standard "monster of the week" shows. The entire first season revolved around the two brothers finding their father and at the very end their like, "Hey, dad" and that's it.
10 to 13 episode shows are definitely taking over. Happy days!
4584882 I'm still writing, aren't I? Not done yet.
And it was "Discord/BigMac". Get that disgusting "FlutterMac" outta here.
4585766
Oh no! You don't get to foist these off on me, mister! >:V Write your own bad ideas! They will make hilarious fics. :v
These were amusing to read about. I think the drunken detective one might have actual potential, though.
Honestly, I actually published all my terrible ideas. But, if you want us to share, I shall present the following without context, for maximum comic effect:
4585766
That sounds even more fun
Probably time consuming to do though...
Oh and as for Berry drunk dialog well if you can't write drunk dialog well how about instead an accent associated with a drunk culture. Like say.... Scot/Irish?
Don't think German would work and French would be just weird.
4585766
Planning to, wanted to make fun of the whole "went to a con," fad.
Look forward to it~
Maybe.
4585772 What is with the internet and Hitler? They go together like cookies and... Hitler.
Now that I think on it... has there been a Hitler goes to Equestria story? Perhaps after he kills himself? There must be. We've literally done everything else.
4587005
(Hitler? I heard he's giving Sombra lessons in motivational speaking>
4587005
Dozens and dozens. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a special group for Hitler fics.
(What I think are) My worst ideas
First of all, I think your ideas are good (aside from the fart joke. Fart jokes are overdue). Second, here are some ideas that are just like the girls from the pub after the fourth shot. They look promising and you want to get into them, but you'll only feel regret once you're sober...
Let's start with one that looked decent:
1)Happy feathers.
I this one I wanted Scootaloo to struggle with her handicap to the point she couldn't take it anymore, and train with Dash with everything she had. In the ending, she was going to make one last attempt to flying with Dash telling her that, no matter what, she was one awesome little filly regards of the result. The story would have ended after Scoots jumps (with Dash ready to catch her) but before the reader finds out if she flies or not.
The whole point of it was to show that handicaps don't have to stops you, and they can be overcome with a true will. I realize now that the ending has a different message from it. More along the lines "what's important is that you tried".
The real problem with it is one: I'm just dragging on an issue that was already addressed in "Flight to the finish". Marvelously, so. It's basically porn for tears and feels. Recycled. And it's would be a countersense to exploit that episode in order to underline its moral. It would only diminish it.
The next one is way more sick, though. Like, I'm glad that I don't do drugs because if I thought about this without doing drugs then it's clear I don't need to mess up with my brain even more. For the sake of humanity.
2)Pinkie Pie Asylum.
I'll be short. Pinkie accidentally kills a filly. She goes insane. She's secluded to an Asylum for a while. She recovers, gets out, and deals with the guilt. But then, the filly's big sister kidnaps Pinkie Pie to have a revenge. This mare is about to torture and kill Pinkie in a horrific way but in the end, she finds the strength to forgive the mare she hates and frees her. Later, Pinkie and this mare go out, date, and start a relationship.
I'm not even going to try to justify this one.
3) Scootaloo is quadriplegic
Ok, I have something to say in my defense about this one.
I only thought about this because DWK asked: "Hey, Scoot can't fly. Wouldn't it be hilarious if she also was quadriplegic?"
I couldn't help but ask myself how it would be if I took it seriously. Basically, even more porn for tears.
Another idea I have is about Zecora showing Ponyville Zebra's rapping. With her Hip-Hop, she quickly turns mean and climbs the hierarchy of society by defeating in rap battles, to the point of deposing Celestia and Luna. The downside of this story would be the huge amount of lyrics to read without music. Which sucks.
So, what do you think of my bad ideas?