Just think about it, you and a couple of friends are watching classic South Park or something edgy. And then, some person comes who's not even a fan of it, demands changes (censorship) or outright turns off the program. Just why do people do this? Why do they ruin everyone's fun?
Seriously, they are. This is by far the most important issue, if they made their asses fatter it would improve viewership. If they made the ponies thicc prudes would complain, which would only draw in even more viewers. Twilight Sparkle, the protagonist of the series has a fat ass, and her teacher Princess Celestia, who's ass is even fatter.
The main reason is uncanny valley. When something looks human but not quite. A perfect example would be a robot trying to mimic being human, it looks unsettling. It's somewhat insulting towards the ponies, you have Twilight Sparkle there a beautiful unicorn and you can't embrace her just because she's not fully in human shape, even though she has all the qualifications to be a sapient-minded
Assuming that we're still talking about a relaxing spa treatment and not a tactile form of communication: a chainsaw to scratch those itches or a jack-hammer for deep-tissue massages. If those technically don't count as weapons, then a space marine's chainsword or a big daddy's drill should provide a similar result. If those don't count because they're fictional, a good old morningstar or spiked flail will have to do.
A moon light great sword
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Do Jackhammers count as melee?
Assuming that we're still talking about a relaxing spa treatment and not a tactile form of communication: a chainsaw to scratch those itches or a jack-hammer for deep-tissue massages.
If those technically don't count as weapons, then a space marine's chainsword or a big daddy's drill should provide a similar result.
If those don't count because they're fictional, a good old morningstar or spiked flail will have to do.
I'd just send Bendy at them. I knOw he will get the job done, one way or another.
A Morning Star.
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I would use an Omni-Tool Blade
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I would use twin scythes
(see my profile pic for what I mean)
Brass knuckles should help get those obnoxious knots out of anyone's muscles.
A scooter.img.ifcdn.com/images/b21d695155708c33d03a6858d01f0f569183ccd9adb379fcd6dd8c4a985649b4_1.jpg
The hammer of sol
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The penetrator from saints row 3