Review #91 - The Ultimate Alicorn, The legend of Lee Roy · 5:24am Apr 18th, 2017
And now to review some requested fics. Sadly, I have nothing really to promote, so I'll just jump right into these:
The Ultimate Alicorn by Cerulean Voice
The legend of Lee Roy by LeeRoy
The Ultimate Alicorn by Cerulean Voice
(Gore, Alternate Universe, Dark)
Twilight Sparkle has obtained the combined power of all four princesses of Equestria. Wielding this power, she confronts Lord Tirek, but the result of their fight is a tie. When he holds her friends hostage, she is forced to make a difficult choice. All is not lost, however: one force remains in Equestria that could give her the edge she needs to defeat her foe, save her friends, and restore the world. She need only retrieve it from Zecora and place it around her neck...
Review
Well, that was an interesting take on Twilight's Kingdom. If I had to name it, which I do, it would be a dark alternate universe. The level of dark actually surprised me. I'll give you a hint, it's extremely dark. And so, I talk about Twilight. First off, I can't really see Twilight abandoning her friends like she does, so it seems off from the start. And then she's super rude to Zecora, who I will just say is a bit too lenient. And then Twilight goes insane, which is very believable considering the nature of the Alicorn Amulet. And for Tirek, who is not like he should be at all. I just cannot imagine him doing what he did to the Main 6. Sure, it works for this fic, but I don't like it. Okay, so this fic did well to bring up the long forgotten Alicorn Amulet, and it got me thinking. Why didn't Twilight think of using the Alicorn Amulet after Tirek took her magic? Sure, rainbow power looks rainbow-y, but the Alicorn Amulet was a good idea. One thing that bothered me about this fic is where did the voice Twilight hears come from? I don't think it was ever explained.
So, this one's greatest weakness is how everything is just a little bit lacking. World building is sub par at times, characterizations are ones I don't like, and any emotions I might have felt were quelled by weird phrasings. Now, there are a great many people who have enjoyed this, but I am not one of the more enthusiastic ones.
Recommendation: Worth Reading if you have time and like dark fics. (Just remember that I am only one of many voices, and all this is my personal opinion and should not be trusted with absolute surety).
The legend of Lee Roy by Lee Roy
(Comedy, Mystery, Slice of Life, Tragedy)
A long time ago there once lived a legend, A mighty stallion with the strength to rival all, who turned a curse into a strength. He was a hero too all pony kind, all that knew him knew that if they where in danger Lee Roy would come. Until that fateful day when Medusa turned him to stone, that was over one thousand years ago. Now Equestria has six new hero's, how will Lee Roy live in this new strange world of peace and friendship. All I know it will be legendary.
Review
Marked as incomplete, btw. This one is interesting. It's a slice of life mystery fic with a few comedic elements and tragic ideas. And now for Twilight, who is, simply put, Season 1 Twilight, but an alicorn. To be honest, all the Main 6 are like their Season 1 versions. Rainbow is too quick to fight, Applejack has not much character, Fluttershy is crazy shy, Pinkie is a bit overdone, and Rarity has... not much character either. But Lee Roy, Lee Roy I would call overpowered. He's immune to magic, really strong, and altogether a nice guy unless you are rude to someone he feels you should respect. The story as a whole is a bit telly, which normally isn't too bad, but is rather obvious as you read it.
The greatest weakness with this one is, well, how easily everything comes to the characters. It's all just too easy, you know, standard plot conveniences.
Recommendation: Not Recommended, Has Great Potential. (The simple solution for everything I have said here is a good editor. My advice for the author, then, is to find an editor).
Hey, thanks for the review. Didn't think this would crop up so soon.
Yup, it's not the most thematically or characteristically strong story of its kind, but I was a novice writer at the time and mostly just wanted to present a "what-if?" kind of case. Its unanticipated popularity can be blamed on the date it was written; the season 4 finale had aired only a few days prior and it was at a time when everyone was still in shock that the show could come out with such an evil and explosive episode. Certainly not my finest work, but a story I'm still proud to have written. And hey, it would have placed first in the competition if my friend and vastly superior writer, PaulAsaran, had not decided to throw his hat into the ring at the last minute.
Thank you so much for your review!
This is great insight, I never thought that the mane six where like there season one counter parts something to tweek for the future.
I feel that Lee Roy's observation is fair as he is based off of mythological heroes like Hercules and Achilles.
Being telly was a fear of mine sadly, and every thing coming easily for the character should hopefully be fixed with further chapters.
Thanks a lot
TBH, I would love feedback like this. And I can tell from the comments that others like it to.
But I guess it won't happen any time soon...I am a beginner after all...