Eff emm ell

Just sound out the blog name. Just once. That's how I feel right now, honestly. The past few weeks have been awful.

So I go and see my great grandma in the hospital because we thought she had a heart attack. Turns out, it was just gas buildup due to her past stomach surgeries. Thank goodness that's all it was.

While I was in the waiting room of the hospital I had the oh-so-bright(that's sarcastic in case you didn't notice) revelation that I should check my FiMFiction to see if I had more notifications or anything. To my surprise, I see someone has done a review of Aria where they start a storm of comments, some I feel to be personal attacks, and even the original writer accusing me of not being transgender, and misgendering me. I also saw one person claiming that I got depression wrong even though it's obvious that, guess what? Everyone expresses it differently. Of course, at first, I skimmed the review because I was understandably more stressed by other things. It wasn't until later that I thoroughly read it and was genuinely offended by the writer's insensitive remarks.

And what happened last week? Well, one of my cats, who had been around for most of my life, and was probably a big, big reason why I haven't gone completely nuts yet up and died. Sure, he was probably around 17 or 18 years old, but he wasn't even close to frail, and he was as happy and comfortable living with me and my parents as he could be. My parents are more or less okay, but I'm still taking it hard, and the worst part is seeing another one of my cats and my dog missing him. I don't think they fully understand that he's gone forever. He can't come back. Yet, they still roam the hall, looking for him. I want to scoop them both up in my arms and tell them it'll all be okay, but I know it wouldn't do any good.

This week? I'm looking into the GED test because my school is potato and failed to deliver its program tailored to the individual students. If you're thinking about telling me they can't do that in a brick and mortar school, your point is moot, as it's an online school. They have no excuse. But, my big problem with the current endeavor is how difficult it is to get into the GED test. I've taken and aced all four of the practice tests with little problem. The only hiccup is the fact that I need a government issued ID to get into the test, and in order to get that, I need my birth certificate, which has been inexplicably misplaced. Just for the record, I've never laid eyes on the document, aside from the one from the hospital, which I can't use to get my ID. My parents say they can use their ID's to get me a new one, which I hope is true, but overall, this has been way too complicated, and it honestly would've been easier if I had just worked within the limitations of the school system, but that doesn't change what's currently happening.

So yeah, a lot of stress right now. But it's going to be better eventually, I know that much. Maybe before long I'll get to start my transition and maybe be closer to who I wish I was. I know I can't get rid of vocal grumpy pants or bring pets back from the dead, but it'll be manageable once I'm living with my significant other.