A bit of stupid fun

A bit old old school second edition AD&D stupid fun.

Shēdo, level 1 Kensai. Diamond Dog. Age 8.

Str: 14
Dex: 16
Con: 13
Int: 8
Wis: 17
Chr: 11

Talents and abilities: Spirit sight. (Undeveloped) Foraging. Digging and excavation. First aid. Being sneaky. Magic sense. Night vision. Exceptional hearing. Exceptional smell. Shadowplay. (Developing)

Weapons:

Diggy-diggy claws. Capable of cutting through stone or slicing through dragon scales, these claws are sharp and count as +1 magical weapons when determining to-hit. Aside from being a weapon, they also function as Shēdo's means of magic detection. Application of the diggy-diggy claws will allow Shēdo to detect slopes and sense minute vibrations in earth or stone.

Limey, the +5 Hecklemaster. Limey is a +5 vorpal blade whose full range of powers is unknown. Tends to narrate, much to the annoyance of any adventurer stuck with him. Any creature nicked by Limey must roll a saving throw vs death at a -10 penalty, or suffer 4d4 bleeding damage per round for d12 rounds. Pools of blood behave like a Grease spell for Shēdo's enemies. (See Grease spell for details) Limey's taunts can cause creatures to go into a berserk state, become confused, or cause them to flee the battle to go and contemplate their own existence. Limey can only be blocked or parried by another vorpal blade. (See Flamingo, +5 Pink Avenger, +6 vs shadows and mechanoids) Limey's witchfire is a chaos effect. (See tables for random effects and roll d100 to determine outcome on critical hits) Limey tends to cling to his owner as he has an untreated case of separation anxiety and is really just very, very lonely and in need of a friend.

Comments

[Sky Blue CMC]

I've come up with my own RPG similar to D&D.

[Miss Appolonia]

Awesome. We'll have a lot of fun with these two.

[Wacky]

"Hecklemaster"? I don't suppose that's anything like a HackMaster blade from Knights of the Dinner Table fame, is it?

[Nox the Eternal]

With Limey and those abilities, Shēdo seems a bit overpowered... I approve.

[A.P.O.N.I.]

Limey tends to cling to his owner as he has an untreated case of separation anxiety and is really just very, very lonely and in need of a friend.

How would one hug a vorpal sword?

[kudzuhaiku]

4434002

The same way porcupines make love.

[A.P.O.N.I.]

4434006
I know that you mean "very carefully", but my mind initially went to "Step 1: pee on each other", based on my memory of porcupine mating behaviour.
I was, of course, wrong. It's step 2.

[Nope Nope Nope]

4433931 He's probably the only main character in the Weedverse who hasn't been completely f**ked over by uneven karma retribution or straight up unprompted misfortune.

Him and probably Gosling.

[kudzuhaiku]

4434064

Welp, time to go write a story about shoving Goosy into a sausage grinder.

[Nope Nope Nope]

4434084 I wouldn't be surprised.

JK.