Blatant LOPE Ripoff Fourteen (Where is Everybody?)

Seventh of June, Monday. That day we all dread. More specifically that day of the week none of us liked. It doesn't matter now, I guess. I should leave my worries behind. But I kind of wish my brother, my mother, my favorite cousin, and next door neighbor were here.

In case I hadn't introduced myself, my name is Willie Maket, and I was on my way home from the hardware store on the twenty fourth. When I came in, I got this weirdest headache. I couldn't tell if I hadn't eaten enough that day, hadn't eaten properly that day, or inhaled some nauseous fumes. Or been possessed by ghosts. I don't know.

I took the satchel upstairs and opened it up. In it were six or seven separate tools I had robbed from the dumpster next door. The most prominent one was a trowel I intended to use to dig up the weeds that were growing in the yard. There were clovers and dandelions everywhere. My neighbors, save Eloise had allowed them to manifest everything they could. I was going to dig up the ones in my own property, and make a good example. I didn't know something would happen tomorrow on the twenty fifth that would make me wish I were being pursued by a slasher. I wish that had happened rather than this.

Anyhoo, I came upstairs to set my bed in place, center it by the opposite wall as it pleases me, and spread the sheets as evenly as I could. Just another mundane task before a colossal disaster would happen. I wish a train would derail on the adjoining track I live so near to. I thought about my day tomorrow, and how I would make a killing at the hardware store. I would blow the big chain out of the water, I'd swear it. Oh, how I wish this had come to pass. I came back down and had a drink. A Bud Light. I went outside and uprooted as many of the dandelions and clovers I could find on my property. Dandelions and clovers I would later eat tomorrow. Yeah, I hadn't mentioned that, had I? To anyp- anybody who may be reading this in the future, you may or may not know about my consumption of edible weeds. It was only appropriate given the circumstances.

I came back in and heated up the spinach and parsley I had taken out of my rear garden. I really want to have the most sustainable source of everything I can. Unfortunately, we have a system that rebels against sustainability and wants constant growth. Or should I say had? Anyway, I ate my spinach and parsley in calm and contentment, only to be disturbed by Marcelli's booming music across the street. I didn't complain, as that would give me a bad reputation. I don't --or didn't-- want that. I ate calmly without any music or television on. I can't stand these pollution makers.

As I finished, I came back up with a novel, and took my sweet time falling asleep. Before I did, that stab of a headache hit me again for a second. I thought nothing of it, and came down for an Advil and a glass of water. I took them, and the pain subsided ever so slightly, but it did not go away. I came back up to quickly fall asleep and fell into dreamland.

While there, I had the weirdest nightmare. My best friend and neighbor passed away in the strangest of manners. I heard a scream, and rushed next door. When I got there, my friend was lying there in the oddest of positions. She was on her side, and her neck was bent at an unnatural angle. That wasn't the oddest thing that had happened. In spite of her broken neck, she was twitching, thrashing, writhing, and any attempt to come near her risked getting kicked. When she finally stopped enough to give me a good look, her eyes were completely pitch black as night, no whites whatever. Good god! I then decided to feel her neck, and it was oddly cool. Then I touched her forehead to find it was piping hot. My fingers turned red from the scorch of her skull.

I woke up. 25th. And it was time to go to the hardware store. And go I did. Or was going to. For you see, as I was crossing the street to head for my place of employment, all the cars suddenly vanished, save the ones that were in driveways. I looked at my wristwatch which was now on the ground with a fracture in the crystal, which now read eleven. ELEVEN? How?! It was only 8:15 when I left the house and started walking across the street. The weirder thing was just how silent everything had suddenly fallen, as well as how the world seemed to explode in size. My suit was now a very large tent I had to crawl out of.

When I tried to do something, go somewhere, I found I had been laying horizontal. How is this possible? I'm not in the habit of falling, and I was just standing up. There wasn't a peep to be heard, not a whistle, not a clatter. When I wriggled out of my extremely loose suit, I found myself right in the middle of the crosswalk and street where I was a second ago, and it didn't look any different save for the fact there were no cars on the road and no people period. I felt like I had bashed my head in on the pavement. I would soon be wishing I had.

There was suddenly a piercing scream, and I bolted into the house across the street to find a very dead nigger on the floor. Marcelli was laying there motionless on her back, and there was a black mark on her right cheek, almost like a scorch mark. Her nose had one too. I placed a hand on the face to find out it felt like it was on fire. Then I mounted her corpse and straddled it. I began to strip it, then felt its chest. Then I picked something out of her pocket, and it was the mobile phone she carried which was always linked to her noisy speakers. When I looked at her face, there was a blank look, a vacant expression.

I popped out of my fantasy and back into reality. What was that? I think I'm loco. What wasn't a dream or a premonition was I was still in the center of the street, and I was still incredibly small, and I was still laying down flat on my own pile of clothes. When I took a look about, I found the world was largely unchanged. Still, the street was void of cars, and the vicinity was void of people. When I scanned the area, there was something that felt off, not quite right. I looked down and realised my neck was now as long and as flexible as a swan's. I tested this, and it confirmed my neck was much longer and more flexible than it should be.

I wasn't panicked. Why should I be? Isn't it perfectly normal for people to disappear on a whim? I got up and tried to walk, but what I was doing didn't feel so right. I felt like I should not be posturing like this. It was still silent and motionless, save for me and my motions. The sun was over my head nearly directly, as opposed to being near the horizon, slight more than that. I checked my watch, whose crystal was still fractured. 11:00 AM. Not even a minute passed when I had that weird vision. As far as I could hear, there wasn't anything or body to make a sound. If the sound of my footsteps hadn't made sound, I'd swear I'd gone deaf. Not only was I not deaf, my hearing was tremendous. I was seeing things with clarity I had never dreamt of before. Make no mistake, my vision was not bad. In fact, I was 20/20. But somehow, I was seeing things with clarity I never knew before.

My senses suddenly being much sharper would have to wait, because I was going to see if my neighbors were alright. Neither of them were anywhere to be seen. I would make a call, but I could not use my phone. My hands would not correspond with the touchscreen. That's likely because there was a thick, rigid casing around them. I could feel my hands, but it was like I had them stuck in a cylindrical tin can or enamel bowl. I flexed them, and felt them in there, but these two cylinders are around the ends of my arms and legs. Yes, even my feet are encased. Not only that, but my arms and legs seem to bend in several places at once, not just one. It's like I have more joints now than I did five minutes ago. That would have to wait.

I heard something that wasn't me at last. It sounded like a high pitched humming. I followed the sound to discover the next major road over had been just as deserted as the next, not a car in sight, save the ones in the parking lots and driveways. I could tell that there was one car (Or something) coming my way, well beyond the vanishing point. I then saw a flash of silver come into existence and rapidly expand. Taking a step to the side, I ducked under a parked vehicle for some reason. When I saw it in front of me, the weirdest thing was in sight. It looked like a car, but the entire thing was silent as the grave. It made no noise as it stood there. It stopped humming the instant it stopped moving. The whole thing was perfectly silver like aluminum, like tin, like chrome or stainless steel. Or it was from the door downwards. From the door upwards, the whole thing was crystal. A large glass dome over an entirely polished silver body. This glass and metal machine was certainly a car, but not any make I had ever seen before.

Inside, I could see a quartet of people in it. There were two women and two men. They were looking around with a solemn expression that seemed surreal. They caught eyes on me when I came out from under the vehicle I was ducked beneath. They all looked at me in slight confusion, then disgust as if they came to a horrible realization, then sped off. I may be so inclined to point out something weird about those four. Like my other senses, my sense of smell had been increased, I could actually catch the aroma of the weeds I couldn't yesterday without intentionally sniffing for it. I should have been able smell those four well before they left me. The compartment of their car must be sealed airtight. The door also had no handles to be seen. And it didn't have any what do you call them? Steering columns. It didn't have any visible steering mechanisms to be seen. How did they operate that?

It's more odd they gave me that disgusted look. Why? I didn't hurt them, I didn't know them, and I didn't do anything on site to show any bad will. Come to think of it, one of them, the man in front was wearing what looked like tinfoil. There were three other tinfoil looking suits on the lap of the woman next to him, and on the lap on the man in the back seat were four crystal helmets. Why did these four think it was necessary to have spacesuits available? Were they so afraid to step out of that sterile car with no aluminum suit and glass hat/windshield? They looked pretty silly. I swear if I ever see them up close and personal without that car and those metal and glass suits are on, I swear I'll break their helmets and rip the foil off of them. And pour a Pepsi down their throats. And smash the bottle on their heads.

I continued to walk down the road, and found not a soul to be seen. The only indications of life were that single car which I could still hear humming away into the distance, growing ever weaker. I kept walking until I got to the hardware store, expecting my men to be there waiting for me. Not a soul was there to be found. I walked right in, as someone had previously opened the door around eight, unlocked it. I then took a peek into the office, where not a manager nor staff was found.

I picked up the receiver for the desk telephone to make a call. Every single number was nothing but answering machines. I went through every number in my address book, and not a single answer was made. I then picked an apple out of my sack and began munching it while I tapped the keys. I can't use the touchscreen, but I can use buttons and levers. I spat out a dozen seeds into the mesh bin and stomped in frustration. Every single call ended in answering machines. GODDAMNIT. I hope I find those scum, and get some answers.

I then walked back to the house, and prepared to get my shit together before deciding to have a banquet. I wasn't afraid to eat weeds. I have long since known that dandelions and clovers were edible, and would gladly take my chance with them. No one sprays chemicals around here to my knowledge, largely due to me objecting to bad ecological practices. In case you future readers have never had dandelions, it's like this: Bland like cardboard, sudden explosion of sweet, bitter aftertaste. That's when referring to the flower. Everything that's not the blossom, the bud is either bitter or bland, but how much depends on time of day, maturity, and moisture. Around one I decided I shouldn't sit around like this. I'd better get out there, and see if I can find somebody. I've got nothing here of any serious value. I set out on foot after turning the knob on my taps to fill my canteen to the rim. Thank goodness I have a lever rather than a round knob for the sink. And door handles to only push or pull. I went upstairs for my novel so I could read some more while I'm out, and to take one last peek at my framed photograph next to the bed.

Downstairs I came, jute bag, steel bottle, an apple, Granny Smyth, and a can of spinach, zip-lock bag of parsley, and loads of tightly packed dandelions and clovers. I made sure I had some of the seeds for the dandelions so I could plant them in case there weren't any wherever my aimless wanderings might take me. I hadn't traveled more than five blocks when I ran into something unexpected: A very strange looking mare. Yes, there was no mistake about this, I was looking at a horse, yet she had a strange human like quality about her. I didn't ask her name, as I did not expect she could speak English. Alas, she spoke up, and her voice was higher pitched than any human I knew. Not to the point I couldn't decipher she was using human speech, but most humans had lower voices than that.

She said her name was Angela Balsam. I told her my name, and she snickered. "Do you think my name is funny?" She immediately raised a hoof and shook her head vigorously. I told her I was going to take a stroll down the railroad tracks. Maybe there is a train still running and I'll get squashed by it. She seemed to wince at my mention of this out of the corner of my eye. I didn't care. "If I am still alive then, you'll meet me here in an hour, will you?" She nodded her head. "Alright."

I took that stroll, and found the tracks much larger than I remember them being. I had crossed them on foot before, and they were much smaller. Now they seem to have doubled in size. I listened intently for her wondering if she would follow. She didn't. Good. When I get back, I'll fuck that mare stupid. Rip that dress right off of her. It would be the first I had ever done anything of that sort. No one would be there to press charges or call foul or intervene. She'll be mine. Of course, there was always the possibility I would die before that happened, get run over.

That never happened. I came back to find that mare was still there, but not before I met somepo-- somebody else on the way back. On the track was yet another horse collecting bottles found by the tracks on the loose gravel. S/he looked up and gasped in surprise when I called out to you. Yes, I know you are looking over my shoulder, Alex Chance. Go away, trash.

Sorry, this Samaritan has been driving me crazy for the past three days. Anyway, this new person ran my way and pauses mere inches in front of me, backed up, then there were three feet between us. "Hola. You are the first person I have seen all day." Like the last one, this horse person had large, expressive eyes that didn't belong on a horse. "What is your name, mister?" I revealed my name. I silently added that my middle name was Suicide. At the moment, suicide would have been an appropriate action. It still might be. "Torrez. Alex Chance Torrez. Pleased to meet you, Will." I shook. I then told Torrez I ran into a mare earlier who also had a humanoid appearance. I then told this speck we had agreed to meet at the intersection. I did as I was told and headed back in the direction I came. I heard clip clops and looked to see Alex was coming with me. "When we meet her, will you agree to come with me to my place?" "I don't see why not. I've got nothing to lose, nothing to return to. It's ultimately up to her to decide." "What's her name?" "I will tell you that when we see her in the flesh, then she'll introduce herself."

We walked in silence, as I said not to ask too many questions. We made our way down round the corner and heard clip clops of hooves banging on the pavement. I then asked when s/he got up this morning. Six, s/he said. "Then at eight fifteen, the videos on the playlist I was watching suddenly were several eps later for unexplained reasons, and I found meself in this body that is clearly not me own at once." I didn't want to talk too much, but the silence was deafening. If that makes any sense.

That said, I like this Torrez. S/he is the best of the few companions I have met thus far. I haven't properly told either of them about the weird car with the silver suited quartet I saw, though a similar circumstance happened three days ago that was oddly similar to it. I chose to keep quiet about it, though. This was when clingy Angie turned up to fuck up my already bad mood. "OH! There you, are, Will! Hey, who's your friend?" Alex's eyes rolled. "My name is Alex chance Torrez. And you are...?" "Angela Balsam, Alex. May I ask: Do either of you have a car?" I told her I didn't, as I could not afford one. Alex stated: "My mom had one. Unfortunately, she wasn't home when the disappearing event happened. I tried to send her calls, but she never returned any of them. We're all alone here in the world. I was wondering if you folks would like to come with me." Then Angie said: "Sure we will!"

She practically smooched us both. When we came into the house, I thought the place was hardly prepossessing. But it was adequate. I like scantily furnished places. It doesn't matter much now, though. Anyplace is nice when no one is around and you can take whatever you need without questions. This Angela had best watch her back, though, or she will find a telephone cord around her neck and tied in a double, triple quadruple knot. Our host has an old rotary telephone. This explains how those calls were made. I'd find a phone book and call every number I could. Needless to say, it never yielded any results.

Later that day we found several others. Another horse named Anthony who seemed to be trusting to a fault, and possessed a childlike innocent and optimism about the world. During one last trip after dark, we found several lighted windows that led us to a gryphon, a dragon and an anthropomorphic dog. They all got on the phone too and tried to call everyone they knew. Once again, everybody got stupid answering machines. Bah! Whoever runs the universe is a total dick. I can't blame them. I'd be a dick too if I had to create, then preside over my own creations.

Many other things happened between then and now, but I will write about them tomorrow. Yesterday several of our crew went out to get non perishable groceries. And today they did so again, and they came in about five minutes ago. They want me to give them a "hand." Apparently the situation is urgent, even though we've been eating weeds for the last week. And a half.