A Tragedy In Zero Acts

[SCENE: Monocrome Monogatari's room, uncleaned and unkempt, the toll of an excess of work and an absence of energy. Papers related to several projects and assignments are strewn across the desk. Despite this, Monocrome himself stares at the screen, not working, unmoving. He has not budged for two hours.]

[Kraft Punk materializes into the room.]

Kraft: Hey, What's Up. It's Me, Kraft Punk.

Mono: Hi Kraft Punk.

Kraft: ...

Mono: ...

Kraft: ...

Mono: Um...can you go? I'm busy.

Kraft: I Have A New Fanfiction For You To Write. Kraft Punk Punk'z Equestria.

Mono: ...what?

Kraft: It Will Be Great. Every Chapter I Will Pull Hidden Camera Cheese Pranks On The Readers' Favorite Horses.

Mono: Kraft Punk this sounds like a terrible idea.

Kraft: We Can Scare Twilight With Her Fear Of Quesadillas. We Can Team Up With Cheese Sandwich. We Can Resurrect Old Memes About Luna Eating Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

Mono: Kraft Punk this sounds like shallow pandering to reach the featured box.

[Kraft Punk begins hip thrusting]

Kraft: Our Ratings Will Be Through The Roof.

Mono: No, Kraft Punk. I'm not that desperate. Besides, I still have Wonderful Mechanical to work on.

[Kraft Punk's hip thrusting slows to a stop]

Kraft Punk: "You Are Not That Desperate?" Tell Me, When Was The Last Time You Have Touched The Latest Wonderful Mechanical Chapter?

Mono: ...Over a month ago.

Kraft Punk: Why Are You Even Bothering To Write Fan-Fiction In The First Place?

Mono: Because I have a story I want to tell.

Kraft Punk: I Do Not Think So. If You Just Wanted To Tell A Story, You Wouldn't Check The Page Every Day To See If The View Count Went Up, Looking For Comments That Will Never Ever Arrive.

Mono: ...

Kraft Punk: You Would Not Take These Huge Breaks, Waiting Months Between Updates For A Mystery No One Cares About Any More.

Mono: Hey! I've been busy!

Kraft Punk: Did You Know There Are Writers Who Write Every Day Even With Classes And Full Time Jobs?

Mono: ...

Kraft Punk: Did You Know That You Will Probably Starve To Death Unless You Learn To Be Prolific?

Mono: ...you just don't understand.

Kraft Punk: I Understand. You Don't Want To Do Work. You Just Want Attention. You Want People To See You And React. Your Artistic Ambitions And Dreams Are Just Lies That You Tell Yourself To Avoid This Fact And Protect Your Fragile Pride. If It Was Not For That Selfish Ego Of Yours, You Would Be Content Making A Fool Of Yourself In Front Of Millions Of People On A Hidden Camera Show.

Mono: ...

Kraft Punk: Yes, I Understand You Because I Am You.

[Kraft Punk disappears.]

[Monocrome looks down at his hands, only to see that they are wrapped in bright, American cheese yellow gloves, beneath the sleeves of a nacho colored jacket. He brings his hand to his face, only to feel a macaroni patterned helmet.]

[Monocrome brings a pistol up to his temple, and unloads the entire magazine]

PING PING PING PING PING PING

[Each bullet bounces harmlessly off the impervious casing]

Mono/Kraft Punk: Did You Know I Cannot Die?

Comments

[Train wreck]

lol

[Train wreck]

i have no more words to describe how I feel.

[Monocrome_Monogatari]

4261471

i.imgur.com/sECaBsf.png

(reposting because apparently first time image had errors)