Changes or no changes? You help decide! · 4:48am Jul 9th, 2016
Welcome, and thanks again for reading.
Announcement: During the next ten days (July 9-18), there will not be any updates while I contemplate what is presented below.
I have brought you all here to help decide the future of David's Archives.
Specifically, to decide if DA1 should be put on hiatus/cancelled until fundamental issues with the story can be addressed.
I would like you to understand that I want you to have a good experience reading my stories and that I believe I have let you down in that respect.
When I neared the end of writing and was preparing to publish DA1, I became aware of major flaws in my writing but did little to fix them. Even my proofreaders/editors were of the opinion that it was 'too late' since I had pre-written the story and that I should learn from it and improve for the next story.
It is time to decide if that 'next story' should be a rewrite and reformulation of DA1.
This is where YOU come in.
Please read the critique from Spacecowboy here.
I believe he is right, and that has inspired me to do better.
However, I want you to give me your input.
Here are the most likely options:
1) Immediately cancel DA1 (and secondary stories) and reformulate and rewrite Part1, then re-release Part 1 and subsequent Parts as separate, properly edited stories (help willing).
2) Continue with DA1 as it is (since it's pre-written), cancel secondary stories, and prepare a rewrite/reformulation as outlined above.
3) Continue as normal, crappy writing and all. Please note: at this time I have no proofreaders or editors for content past Act XII.
4) {Your suggestion here}
Leave me a comment below or PM me directly if you'd prefer with your suggestion on how to proceed.
So, you may be asking, "Why are you doing all this?"
The short answer is that I want people to be able to enjoy this story, and I want to do right by it and them.
In the beginning, I never thought about publishing. If I had, I would've sought out help then. Unfortunately, I waited, and that has led to a poorly-written story.
Enough of that.
Again, I am skipping a week of updates to review and converse with you all before I choose how to proceed.
Thank you for your consideration,
-DA
What do you want to do?
Don't take Spacecowboy's critique that way. Do what you want to do. Don't write to please others, write to please yourself, because if you can't make yourself happy, then the small high you get from others is nothing but a placebo.
Take Spacecowboy's criticism and apply it to something you love writing. You will feel so much better in the end that way.
Well I'll be honest about it in all. The story is rushed, the romance is rushed and David's reactions feel to unrealistic. Now being that it's your story I would say do what you want.
Personally I suggest scrapping it and starting over with a slower pacing, and better character writing. Make David more believable. Make Luna a bit tougher shell to crack emotionally and romantically. Above all though (and this is the only thing that made it hard for me to read) stop having David act like the perfect gentleman and... well frankly Gary Stu. That isn't to say make him a jackass. But he doesn't need to apologize constantly, nor does he need to speak like he was raised around nobility.
He can be polite but the levels you had him at had me cringing.
Having said all that the story idea was interesting and I do like it, but it needs a rewrite in my opinon. Again work on the romance with some time and patience, have David act out more as a person would in a strange world he isn't accustomed to. Make it feel more real than it currently is.
I agree with everything thing that Snyperwulff0 said. Especially about making David less of a perfect gentlemen and more like an actual person. It seems that he was raised around nobility and is always saying just the right thing to get in and out of trouble. Also, the romance with luna does happen fairly quick and should be spread out more throughout the story. So overall I say scrap everything and rebuild up and take your time. I love the story, I really do, it's just some issues with it that keep it from being something truly great.
But again, in the end, it's all up to you and whatever you decide to do I'll be cool with it.
Hello author of this fine story!
Firstly, ulilization of multiple stories(+deviantart) has been interesting experience, since mostly writers put all things under one story(sequels etc. do not count)
Secondly, I propose a hybrid solution between options 3 and 4, that takes to account all previous coments in ters of pacing, character development and potrayal of said characters, You could create "filler" chapters, that could provide bigger understanding as to why for example protagonist seems more like uncanny mix between apologetic gary stu as mentioned by Snyperwulff0 and Killergoonie.
This could ensure that you can work as you have done so far, without compromizing anything that has been established previously. Thus you could effectively make whatever corrections and adjustments that you feel justified, while focusing on what is to come.
Whatever you decide, I will read it.
3 story is awesome as is i dont find the story quailty lacking in any way nor is it crappy
I never got started on reading it yet as it is in my Read It Later Bookshelf, but if it is not as good as you believe it so, then I would suggest that you look back on it and formulate a plan and time for a rewrite. No story should be cancelled just because it looks like it's been written by a third grader. That's what I did when I looked back on the stories I wrote but never published here.
I'd say option 1. This story has a lot of potential and so far I'm loving it. But it needs more life, something to bring out the characters and make them seem real. Mostly Sir David himself. Also the weekly update schedule might have to do something with the quality of your story.
4080604 agreed
I say keep going. Don't rush it. If you feel a rewrite is needed later on, rewrite it. I like the story and will enjoy seeing how it will turn out!
Side with Nohr! Wait, that's not what we're deciding...
I'd suggest going through and cleaning up a little of what you've written if you really do feel that way, but don't completely stop and deconstruct unless you agree with that. It's your story, and in the end, if you're not happy with it then there's no reason to put it out there. You clearly have a vision of what the story is and what the characters are supposed to be like and your reasons behind those things, and maybe some of the criticism bring brought up on your story is simply stuff that can't change, because it's important later on or is such a central part of your character.
And at the end of the day, don't get too down because of it - writing this stuff and putting it on this site is a hobby, so if you're not enjoying yourself, you're doing it wrong. Fix what you feel needs fixing, but if you absolutely can't part with a part of your story, then it stays. I still have read access for the rest of the story, so if you'd like I can go through it a bit and offer some counsel.
(I also suppose I should tell you I haven't actually read anything in the story outside of what I edited for you so I'm kinda shooting from the hip here, but I like playing fast and loose with the rules
)
As with established tradition (mine), here's a verbose wall of text for all of your replies!
Keep up the conversation!
(Sorry, I was out for the day yesterday. Weekend car repairs, IKEA, BBQ, followed by friends + playing board games [1,2] until extremely late at night tried to kill me.)
P.S. Love you all for commenting!
4079433 I've got to say, I'm not sure yet! I want to improve. That much I do know. How I choose to do it: rewrites, making future stories better, etc., well, only time will tell!
4079452 Thank you. I've always intended to be an author that was true to my vision. I wrote DA1 for me and am happy with what I've done (regardless of imperfections). However, when I decided to publish, I did it not only for me but because I wanted others to enjoy it. To that end, if I can make it closer to my vision, improve it, and make it more enjoyable I should probably do that... eventually.
4079704
4079735
So true. First, the romance is rushed. I planned it that way but didn't execute it well enough to make it sell. Luna's character development fell into The Princesses' Diaries, which doesn't help people in the main story much.
Second, I knew this was a trap, but David is modeled around a mostly perfect gentleman, especially around royalty. His apologetic nature does need to be dialed back a bit, though, and is somewhat addressed as things progress. Both of those things do make him less relatable, but it is who he is. He does have more normal reactions and interactions with non-royalty, but unfortunately, he hasn't been around many! (See Act IX for examples. Oh crap, I haven't posted that yet.) I suppose the only pony he has let his hair down with was Luna in Act II, and that wasn't shown/written for pacing (oops)!
For his more normal side, again, I put it in David's Journal (DJ). I also admit that DJ came about as a way to add depth to David without changing the main story. That doesn't actually fix anything, and a lot of readers will never go far enough to read it either.
I think that if the content in DJ and PD was properly integrated into the story it might go a long way to adding life to characters. What do you think? Please take a few moments to read them if you haven't, they're short!
4079799 Yes, as the whole shebang has been one giant experiment for me, I'm curious as to how it turns out! The Journal and Diaries have been so/so, mostly because they were designed as a stopgap to the weaknesses that got us here. Don't get me wrong, I have my love for them too, even if David can be a bit odd when left to himself.
The fact that there will be even more stuff to post makes me excited. I've got more commissions coming in (see my next blog post), and I've got personal projects that are moving along as well. I'm a bit concerned that I'd need to shutter the extras if I rewrite/reformulate, as there simply won't be time for anything other than commissioned art. Things like the calligraphy, food pics (recipes will still be posted), and possibly the Journal and Diaries themselves would likely be canned. (I work way too much IRL.)
I'm curious to explore this, but as it may be a half-hearted solution, I'm less inclined to do it. I'm usually prone to way overdo something rather than patch.
Dang. My heart!
4079894 Thank you for your love. I'm glad you are enjoying the ride!
4080238 Oh, it would never be canceled outright. One way or another it will exist. Actually, it already does. The only reason the main story would be marked as canceled is that the rewrite would be posted as a different story and possibly multiple parts (stories).
Hopefully, I haven't regressed to a primary-schooler, though, as I'm about to post horseword that kids shouldn't use or read! I'm glad that you have it bookmarked though and that you care enough to share your time here. Thanks a bunch!
4080604
4080895 Woot! Clear options suggested! I should mention that the reformulation as separate stories would most likely remove certain twists and bits, as they are only possible/feasible if done in one long story. I'm also not sure how I'd rework the timeline, but that's where outside help can assist. (DA1 really only covers 15 days!)
I should note again, that DA1 is completely written. Any flaws/weaknesses/mistakes I made in conceptualization were done in the past (like a year ago). The only works that are being written recently/concurrently are DJ and PD.
4081296 Thanks. The story would be better with a rewrite, but I'd need a really, really dedicated editor. I put my proofreaders through hell, handing them a Great Wall of China, and then asking them to check to make sure I put all the stones facing the same direction but only gave them one section each to look at. (aka, I'm a terrible person.) We'll see if rewrites come sooner or later!
4081341 Saged words from someone I trust to touch my things. I suppose being as amenable as David (you totally understand,
) doesn't help in this situation, but I do have a spine so I'll use that. I'll say it again for others. I am enjoying this, and I do like what I've done. I may want to do better for you all, but this may not be the time. Things will progress one way or another.
End round one. Bring it!
Below is some exposition into the future of the story as it is written which should be taken into consideration for the conversation to continue. It also includes a couple important questions.
In the near future (as currently written and mentioned in blogs and DA1's main description) the story will be re-rated to be MATURE.
This means that there will be explicit sexy times (clop).
Note: As currently written, there are multiple acts with explicit content, but this by no means is mindless or moving to being just a clopfic.
Q: I'm curious, for how many of you will that complete kill DA1 and why?
Story length.
For many of you "long" has different connotations. Proceed with caution.
DA1 current sits at 7 "Parts", 35 "Acts" and ~263k words.
Here are the Part titles: Enter the Human, Relationships, Complications I, The Outing, Complications II, Resolutions, The End.
I stand rightfully convicted of verbosity and using detail-pron. I doubt that will change much.
DA1 is a painfully detailed account of David's first 15 days in Equestria and I didn't leave much room for wiggle room.
Q: What are your feelings on length (in general) and the prospect of DA1 being longer (if kept together, but being rewritten or padded)?
Maybe more stuff later.
4082169
There is no need to mark it as Cancelled, nor there is any need to submit another story of the same thing. Just use the tagged story page as your rewrite, just without the old chapters. That is what Discorded Flare did with his story, The Scent: Lust of Mares. It's easier to do this without having to wait for Submission Approval. For now, just put the tagged story on Hiatus.
4082169 I actually have read both the dairies and they do add character to the, well, characters. If it was somehow integrated within the story then the main story would strive forward quite a bit with the character development.
option 2