A Question · 7:20am Jun 9th, 2016
This blog post has been a long time coming, I think, but it's something I've refused to even consider for... too long, really.
Let's start with the easy bit. I'm no longer really in the MLP fandom in... really any way except for the fic I write. As far as the show goes, I watched the few episodes of season 5, and absolutely nothing after that. I understand the season 5 finale was a bit divisive, but that's really the most I know. Season six started, I think, but I know literally nothing about it.
And, to be honest? I don't think I've read a ponyfic in longer than that. That's not to say nothing is being done—I know there are brilliant writers in this fandom, and I sincerely hope their work is receiving its due attention, but I just... haven't had the motivation for it. I have a hard time getting myself to read things, even when I know they're good and I will enjoy them, and lately, when I've been reading, I've been focusing on other things.
Finally, with a few exceptions, I'm not really in solid contact with anyone who's still tied to this fandom. Most of my friends have moved on completely.
So you probably get where I'm going with this.
I want to be perfectly clear: I love OLH. Of all the projects I've started, this is the one I most wish I could finish. I've done some of my best writing in service to this monster, a lot of which I've never gotten to share because of just how much of the fic is unwritten yet. I mean... look at what I did with the HCB. That thing was a work of love, as much as anything I've ever written. I love Homeworld, and I always will, and while I can't say the same for MLP, there's something about the characters I've appropriated that still resonates with me. The fusing of the two seemed so beautifully natural when I first did it... how many years ago? Two? Three? Four?
I've had many ideas in this fandom. Few of you probably remember Utopia, which I gave up on. Fewer still of you would probably recognize the flash-fics I wrote for the thirtyminuteponies blog, back when that was still a thing. A chunk of you will of course know Letters, and Postclassical. Those were some of my better ideas, which I just... never finished. Maybe I'll get around to finishing letters, but... I dunno. I had the sixth letter written, but I could never get it right. Maybe I'll just post it someday, maybe that's the conclusion the story deserves—the letter Twilight just couldn't get right. Poetic, or something. I don't know.
I really don't want OLH to turn out the way those did. While I love all my stories, OLH has a hold on me. It's my most ambitious project, my weird, flawed jewel that I can't ever seem to get quite right.
But, it's been years. I'm not the person I was when it started, and while I remember the bones of what I wanted, my outlines are alien to me now. I'm not sure I can finish it if I try, and, frankly?
I'm not sure I want to. More than that, I'm not sure it'd be a good idea to.
This story weighs on me. As much as I love it, there are others I want to tell, stories I can share with my family, with friends who don't get the whole pony thing. I don't want to keep saying "yes, I wrote something today; no, you can't read it." This fandom, as wonderful as it started out, as pure our intentions were in the beginning... it means something else now to the world outside. I can't ignore that. I can't let myself.
And, to be perfectly blunt? At the end of the fucking day, we're writing about cartoon ponies in a show for seven year old girls. As good as the show may be, that still holds true. OLH is a story about a war, a genocide, about prophecies and hatred and love and vengeance and culture and... everything. It's not about how friendship is magic. As fun as the exercise is, as great as the world I've built is, it only fits together if you let your mental picture get fuzzy. Colorful pastel horses do not wage interstellar war.
The effort I put into OLH hurts my other stories. Working on this fic takes hours and days away from the stuff I want to write. I can't count the times I've sat down to work on one of my original stories and thought, "oh wait, I should work on OLH." And as time goes by, as college wears on and I get further and further from the half of the source material where all of my characters come from, it gets harder and harder to actually write anything down when I finally do sit down to do it. That's the secret of why I never update—I can't remember what to write about. What does Rainbow Dash do when she's caught in a battle against a bunch of aliens? What about Spitfire and Soarin and Thunderlane? I don't remember anymore. The characters are turning to stone in my hands.
And that's fucking exhausting, seeing yourself get less and less able and willing to work on something you once had so much pride in. I wish I'd been a faster writer in high school. If I'd finished Episode 2 years ago, like I'd planned, maybe I'd be closing in on the end of this thing with a grin on my face and sweat on my brow, ready to deliver it home with a grand gesture and the whole thing wrapped up neatly in a bow.
But I didn't. I can't. And, in the end... I'm not sure I want to.
I called this blog post "a question." That's a shitty name for it, but let's pull it apart.
First, I want to make this a Q and A. If you have questions about me, about my life, my stories, and my plans, I'll do my best to answer them in the comments of this blog post. Ask anything. I'll be around.
The second part is... well, just a question. It's a hell of a question, but I want you to know, I want you to answer honestly:
How would you feel if I just... gave up on OLH? I don't want to. I want to claim I'll write this forever, like I have before, but... that's not feasible. All things must end. But.
In the end, the reason I keep coming back and writing more of this story, after all these years, is because of the comments I get every time I do. You guys are fantastic, and I wish I knew a lot of you a lot better. The fact that you take time out of your day every time I post, even if it's once a freaking year, to read the words I wrote... it means a hell of a lot. It's not the first time I've been told my writing was worth something, but it's sure as hell the first time I've been told so repeatedly, been told that I was doing something unique and totally worthwhile.
So, I'm going to extend an offer, I suppose. Maybe it's more narcissism than an offer, really, but some of you might enjoy it. I'm willing to release the raw files of OLH. Every word I've written for this monster. I've teased before just how much this is. If anyone wants it... and/or if they want to continue this story, with my advice or not, they can have it all.
So, talk to me, Fimfiction. I want to know what this story means to you guys. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for—I'm writing this at three in the morning, I'm at the end of my rope, and likely not as coherent as I should be—but I'd like to give you guys the chance to say whatever piece you have to say. Sorry this post isn't much fun, but... yeah. It's been a long few years.
Hey Horizonrunner, I wanted to respond to your post and forgive me for the text dump I'm about to unleash. Fortunately I'm about to go off to work, so I don't have that much time, but I wanted to respond since you're one of a few members I follow on Fimfiction...mainly because I mostly forget to follow authors.
But to respond to your blog post, I get it. And it seems like you're having the same problems that drive most users here away over time -- a mix of life, losing interest, and a desire to try something new. And I'm of two minds about this as well, and I've had your same debate so I'll answer both sides if I can.
Do I get the losing of interest in MLP after so many years? Of course. I can't say Season 6 wowed me that much either -- I've watched every episode, and I don't get the same thrill I did when I first saw the ending of Season 2, or the sheer enjoyment of watching the other episodes.
Maybe MLP is getting too young for me, or maybe the writers have stopped putting in the same amount of effort into the show. Maybe I've grown too old for it. That said, I still enjoy writing fanfiction. What gets me is the same thing that bothers you -- it's a tremendous time sink with potentially zero rewards.
If you want to make writing your life, fanfiction is a terrible idea. It might be good for some practice, but ultimately it takes away from you stepping outside of predefined characters and creating your own world. No matter how much you innovate within the MLP-verse, you're still just a copycat who doesn't have the props to be a real writer. If that sounds harsh, it's not directed at you, but my own words for myself.
So yes, I want to stop writing MLP fanfiction too. Problem is, I just started a longer story and I do have that same commitment mentality to see it through. Plus, I've made it my goal to write a new story for every episode of Season 6 on the day it comes out. Well, I can do the short stories and still have six days in the week to do other things, but my main story, Until the End is taking up all of my writing time.
And I'm going to finish it. That's mainly because I know how the story ends and I'm 70% of the way there. But in your case, if I were looking down the road at a story that has all the signs of an epic, and I didn't have the same fire in me...
I'd finish it. If I had the fans who wanted it bad enough. But that's me right now. And frankly, I'm a college graduate who's working. I don't have a time limit on my life. But I was in college when I started MLP fanfiction, and I know what it's like, about to enter a period of your life of complete uncertainty. So my revised advise bearing in mind that you're in college and nearing the end is:
Don't finish it. Unless that story is burning a hole in your heart, don't write it. I wrote my first story about Slenderman in Equestria because I wanted to with all the passion in my heart. Irregardless of the fact that people hate that kind of story and it's been hated by some reviewers, I loved to write and I had to write it. But it did take nearly a year of my life I could have used writing a full-length novel, and I can't say that wasn't a heavy cost.
So if you're not filled with the desire to finish your story and you can't see the end in at most 3 month's time, my advice is for you to drop it right NOW. Seriously, move on so you can use the last time in college to have fun and explore. It's so valuable that I can't even explain it to you. Go out with your friends, punch rocks and learn martial arts, write new stories...
Probably don't punch rocks. But what I'm saying is: don't waste time being miserable. And on that note, don't release your raw story either. It might be tempting, but give yourself a year or two. If you still have no desire to return here after all that, then do a text dump and walk away. But just because you're on hiatus doesn't mean you won't return. I plan on stopping writing nearly all fanfiction after Until the End save for the weekly quick stories, but I do believe I'll return here some day.
Interest in something wanes and comes back, or doesn't. It really depends on how our lives change. You may find you'll love MLP again some day if we get new writers, a new plotline...or you won't. Just leave the door open.
But until then, if you do want to write, and I mean Write, not simply write fanfiction, we have to put down our keyboards and stop writing here eventually. This might be the time for you, and I feel like I need a long break too. If at some point we do become famous writers, let's all come back here and write something amazing for fun, okay? But until then, maybe there's such a thing as too much ponies.
Off to work. I'm nearly late. Good luck on your decision.
--Erisn
I love the depth of earnest thought you've expressed.
I accept it if you want to stop for fear of the story, but i demand that you resolve the existing mysteries; talk to us about the story you wanted to write!
Release a complete outline of the plot, with brief descriptions of key sub plot events.
Release a dossier of key setting and character differences from the source material.
Explain how you had planned to end the story.
Explain the nature of the crossover itself.
Explain the backstory crafted to permit the crossover.
Respond to commentary in the blog posts you leave this information in so that we can ask for clarification on especially interesting facets of your setting, lore, physics, or headcanons.
Is this acceptable to you?
4010512
Wow. Um. Thank you. Thank you so much. I didn't expect anything like this, but... thank you.
There's hardly anything I can say here. You're right on pretty much all points. And, I guess, in light of what you said... maybe releasing my entire log of files wouldn't be the hottest idea. Either way, I wish you the best of luck with your own work, and—again—thank you for responding like this.
4010530
I hate to say it, but you can blame Erisn for this not quite happening.
But, in seriousness, I can answer some questions, at least for now. I do like the idea of coming back to this story someday, when I have a firmer footing and a better idea what I'm doing with my life, so I won't answer everything. (What might be more realistic is me simply committing to these incredibly infrequent updates—releasing a chapter whenever I feel like it's finished and not worrying about how long it takes. On the OTHER hand, I get the feeling that will terribly piss some people off. But, we can't win everything.) One thing I might do, I might try and finish Episode 2 and leave off with that for a while. Episodes 1-3 have always sort of been the "charted ground" for me, the places where, for the most part, I completely stuck to the Homeworld storyline. After that, I will say, I had some radical changes in mind.
Anyway, if you want answers, ask away.
4010924
Juuuust got back from work. I hate work. Piece of advice? Use your college time well. I know it doesn't feel like free time with exams and homework and drama, but trust me, it's the last true freedom you'll have.
Really glad I could help, though. I guess had an answer ready because I had this debate with myself many times over the last few months. But I hope you do well in your future writing!
And as for questions...if I may, what would you plan on writing if not fanfiction? Are you into short stories, novellas, and what genres? My guess would be fantasy, but do you have any interests in realistic magic settings, or what? I'm always fascinated by what other people are writing about.
Also if I could ask another question while I have your attention: what are your thoughts on publishing if you go that route? Are you into self-publishing or would you always prefer going through a publishing company? Spoilers: I went self-published for a novel I wrote, and it failed completely because I rushed the editing and rewriting process, and mainly because I can't market anything I do on social media. But would you try it if you couldn't get published traditionally?
Lastly, if it's not too personal, what major are you pursuing?
4010942
I write/like to write/would like to write science fiction, primarily. The magic stuff I worked into these fics was actually pretty new territory for me, and I haven't really been able to work out another magic system that I really liked. I've got two big projects I'm working on aside from OLH—"Striders," a pseudo-fantasy adventure story with sci-fi themes buried (literally) under the surface, and something I've working-titled "Awake," which is a science-fiction story, focusing on a robot girl trying to be human. Beyond that, I've written a number of short stories about robots. Lots of robots. I have a thing for robots. Even Striders has robots.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do about publishing. I figure that's something I'll worry about when I have a book, or something like one, finished. I've considered trying the web serial format, but I've got no more idea how to market it than you do.
I've actually published quite a few non-mlp fanfiction pieces across the internet under a number of different names, (and one of the first, a hilariously convoluted anime multi-crossover I also never finished did alarmingly well, considering). As I understand it, though, the key to self-pub success is speed and consistency, both things I have a lot of trouble with.
Until this year, I majored in not-having-a-major.
Now, though, I'm looking tentatively at a major in creative writing. I don't know how it'll serve me in the long run, but frankly I just don't know what else I want to do. I won't go into too much detail, but college isn't my #1 focus right now. My personal life has gotten very complicated.
I'm sorry you hate work, by the way. I hope things get better.
4010924
Please no!!!
The first will never happen, life will move on to new joys!
The second will never happen, life never stops moving!
Now is the hour of your MLP flame, even as you watch it dwindling to cold embers! It will never be relit!
Your characterizations will have crumbled into dust! The source material will have soured with age! Your mind will have moved on to an incompatible mental format! Do not think you ever return to this story! Do not pat yourself on the back with hollow good intent!
Please, close this door fully, that the smoke of the dead flame not choke you or I or future visitors!
Who knows, perhaps your spent embers may be used by another, who would willingly burn their own kindling as fuel for this flame!
Please! Do you understand my concerns?!
I know (of) several authors who do share their works with friends and family, despite the potential stigma. I feel like probably far more of your RL friends would understand than you think, and that the stigma is not as strong as many would have you believe.
I also feel like I could be saying this much more eloquently, but the words aren't coming to me at the moment. I will try again later.
For how excellent OLH is, it's never found anywhere near the audience it deserves. Without even considering how much effort it takes you to write it, Fimfiction has failed to give the story anywhere near its rightful popularity. That might sound a little ridiculous, but the entire point of this site is to expose good fiction, and OLH just doesn't have the popularity or the amount of comments that it deserves. Considering also how much effort and time it takes you to continue writing the story, I think it's absolutely not worth it to you to try and continue.
I want to see more of the story. I think basically everyone who's reading this blog will want you to keep writing. But from what you've said, I don't think it would be worthwhile to you to continue at it. Sometimes projects fail, but other times a project just isn't worth continuing.
4011424
Get over it. I've got 37 'on hiatus' and 11 'cancelled' stories in my favorites. Some of those stories are absolutely excellent, with more promise than in a hundred bookstore novels put together. And they're probably never getting finished no matter how much I want them to be. Plus, I've seen outlines given after a story goes kaput, and those outlines only give a very abstract kind of closure.
That practically never happens.
4012598
I'll get over it the instant there is no more hope to learn more about the story world.
It's all i am interested in; characterization is secondary, it's the mechanics of the world and society they live in i love.
I love to see what methods this author used to overcome the hurdles in creating the setting to support the story he is writing.
Writers could write essays instead of narratives and i would love them all the more for it!
I don't have any good answers for you about this, but I can at least offer you a hug of sympathy because of the fact that it is clearly stressful.
... Welp, looks like it happened again. First it was Tiberian Eclipse, now this... All I'll say is that your writing's been some of the most fun reading I've had in a LONG time, bro. Nothing's gonna change that. Still, as far as your "question" about giving up on OLH, it seems to me that you're having to twist yourself into some pretty tight knots in order to produce more chapters because deep down, you really want to do something else with your time. Thus, I'd actually feel relieved and grateful (right alongside disappointed and sad for a while) if you did give up, if it meant that you would be happier as an artist for it.
It's very important for people with creative minds like yours to not stress themselves out by spending their time on projects that just don't carry the same zest as others. Don't feel obligated to your readers; your first obligation is to yourself, to ensure that you are living your life to the fullest. If it'll make you happier to pursue other things, then I say do it. You've had a good run here doing ponyfics, but now it sounds like it's time to move on for a while.
Still, I would NOT recommend releasing your raw files or spoiling your plot just yet -- save that for if you happen to meet someone who actually does want to continue your story. If I were you, I'd put OLH up for adoption (there are actually groups here on FiMFiction for just that very purpose). That way, you can vet people who apply to continue your story to make sure they're the right kind, and act as a consultant on matters of lore, fluff, plotline, and character development arcs.
Spend your energies elsewhere, my friend. We're all rooting for you, no matter where you go. But from what I've seen of your writing so far, wherever that is, you're gonna do great things.
It's not the ponies that make me love OLH so much. It's the Homeworld a little bit, but only like 20%. The main reason I love OLH is the way you told a grand epic tale by showing us the individuals involved, putting personal ambition and emotion into every step of the journey. At its most abstract level, it's what Game of Thrones would be if it wasn't poop. If you keep doing that, I'll keep reading your work, ponies or no.
As for what to do about OLH... I don't know. I read your blog a day or two ago and I've been pondering it at random points during the past few days. I had some ideas that were stupid, so I won't waste your time with them. My end conclusion -- it's an enjoyable read because of the journey, not the destination. Spending time with the characters. Going through all the steps of their journey with them. I think just releasing outlines (or similar) wouldn't have the same appeal.
One thing to maybe think about? I'm not sure how hard this would be, because I don't know what you had planned or how the different subplots interacted. But you had a lot of subplots. What if you just wrote a story about one or of them? Follow that one pony's story through to the end? It wouldn't be the monstrous 1 million word epic; it would be a 100k word novel. And no, it wouldn't fulfill the vision of your grand masterpiece, but it would at least sate some of your guilt about total abandonment, and it would leave you with a complete story. It would be quicker and easier to write, because you don't have to juggle different threads as much. Maybe that sounds like a terrible idea, but I'm just throwing it out there because you asked me to. :P
4021213
Thanks, Mixy. <3
I might do something like you suggested. I'm not sure how I'd do it, though. Thing is, it's really hard to not split the narrative, without losing huge amounts of the story in the process. You can't talk about the science without Twilight. You can't talk about the war without Rainbow. You can't talk about religion without Applejack and Fluttershy (yes, that was a thing). You can't talk about the society without Pinkie and Rarity. It all goes together. Follow one thread without the others, and you lose so much of the story.
I don't know if there's a way to work around that. I don't know if there should be.
4019037
Thank you, Setokavia. <3
I may start looking into story adoption, going forward.
Or... one semi-alternative might be getting a co-writer or two. Trade off working on the story. Gives me time to work on other projects and ensures that there are second opinions present. Hm. Just a thought that popped into my head, but if anyone wants to volunteer, PM me.
4016361
<3
4012598
<3
Your thinking matches my thinking, a bit.
But, over the last... however long it's been since I posted this, I've been working on a lot of other—potentially shorter—non-pony projects. I've yet to find one that I can really dive into the same way I did with OLH. I've also yet to find a good outlet beyond FimFiction, which is... a problem. The feedback I got (and kept getting) while writing OLH is the reason I stuck with it so long, I think. I write best when I know there's an audience who gives a damn, and I like engaging with them.
That's going to be the thing I miss most about this fandom, I think. I got really lucky finding this site, and I'm not sure I'll strike it rich the same way again. Even without massive popularity, this has been a fun ride, and I don't want to give the sense that you guys "weren't enough," or anything like that.
4013070
<3
I hate to say it though, but I think Derpmind and the others have a point. As much as I don't want to leave anyone disappointed, I'd rather not just dump a bunch of incomplete and contradictory information on you and pretend that I've done you a service. I can do better than that.
Exactly how... we'll have to see.
4078149
You remain awesome!
I'll just say that this was one of my favorite stories on this site. If what is best for you is to write something else, so be it, but if you ever find your muse stirring upon this story again, I shall eagerly read whatever you feel like sharing.
Because this is a very very good story.
I have found that listening to audiobooks on my phone during meals and other non-distracting things like the gym is how to get myself into reading even when it's "hard to read".
You can share OLH with your creative writing professors and mentors from writing workshops. And those mentors might have advice on how to share stories with skeptical audiences. And it doesn't really matter that the characters are ponies, because the story hardly changes if you pretend they are human. The only thing you really took from My Little Pony was the personalities of the characters.
I love this story! I actually bought the homeworld games when I started reading it and that was just a few days ago. If you still have those files i would love to have a copy, please. -Lisa