How to handle spiders bigger than your thumb · 5:55pm May 13th, 2016
1) Find spider on bathroom floor when you turn around after having just walked in.
2) Freak out internally. Channel Fonzie externally.
3) Spray spider with bleach, repeatedly.
4) When this seems to do nothing but alert it to your presence, and it starts moving, repeat Step 3.
5) When all this does is make it slide around like it's On Ice (coming soon to a theater near you), repeat Step 3, this time aiming for its underbelly, fangs, wherever you can do kill it.
6) When, as of compared to its confused crawling before, it starts inching in your direction repeat Step 3.
7) Obtain a decent amount of tissue paper. You may refer to it as loo rolls, hand towels, it doesn't fecking matter right now.
8) Consider the option of squishing it in one swift blow, failing, and getting a mouthful of bleach and spider. Cop out and drop the tissue on top of the spider instead because yeah bleach didn't kill it giving it a blanket definitely will
9) Watch as the spider runs into the shelter of your poorly-thrown tissue foldup, thinking itself to be safe from predators/the rain, I guess people sniff this and die why isn't it working
10) Turn spider into mash by applying the closest solid object, until you see a clear brown smudge instead of a brown lump, or, heaven forbid, nothing.
11) Dispose of tissue paper.
12) Clean up bleach half-heartedly by splashing area with water and hoping somehow that makes it go away because, hey, four years of process engineering classes have taught you that's exactly how you get rid of stuff from a system, just sploosh buh-bye, because it's nearly 2 AM. All the while, ponder the mysteries of adult life and think about how your parents are doing.
(To the new followers: Heyas. How's it going?)
Awww, poor spidey! Why not catch him with a glass over top and a piece of paper and toss him outside?
This is good life advice in general.
Fantastic.
I've actually watched this happen before. It's much fun (and amusing)
to watch it happen as it is to read about it happening!
For me, step two includes convincing myself that no, I don't need to burn down the house and/or move away
Nothing like 2AM freakouts caused by creepy crawlies.
I woke up one morning to find a frigging silverfish crawling around my floor. I spent a good five minutes chasing it around, trying to smash it with something heavy while it scuttled under my furniture. That particular escapade ended up with me throwing my couch into the middle of the room and denting my plaster walls in at least one place.
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because he was bigger than my thumb and behind me unexpectedly when I walked into the dark toilet :x
In all seriousness, I've been wondering if my flagrant lack of concern for insect life is normal. My girlfriend doesn't think so. Ants, big or small, grasshoppers, cockroaches, millipedes... if it's in my way and I deem it to be "bad" then it dies without a second thought. I realize this stems from when I was a kid, I thought ants were "bad" because mum taught me that they were "eating our food". It never occurred to young me that this wasn't their fault, but that I should be protecting our precious food sources, and disincentivising their presence by wiping them out.
LIke, dogs, cats, I have compassion for. Chickens, even. But insects, especially household pests/almost-pests... I feel nothing.
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<_<
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>_>
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An optional but useful step in reducing the chance of going full nope, I concur.
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>papers/books make up 25% of my floor right now
Well I know what I'm doing this afternoon.
Or you can read/listen to Small Town Charm by CiG.