About that new story · 9:10am Apr 1st, 2016
So, uh ... I just hit Publish on something that probably two people on this website will appreciate. And the other one is named "Poorly Disguised Alt." I'm not linking to it because of NSFW, but if you have View Mature turned on, this post tags it.
And I feel I owe you all something of an explanation, and a warning before you click through.
Brief, incoherent author-noting after the break.
So, let's start with the "what even is" before moving on to the "OH GOD WHY". As might be reasonably inferred from the title and story tags, the collection of words titled "Drunk CelestAI Is In Your Bed" is an unholy mashup of:
1. The Friendship Is Optimal characters and setting
2. The trend-spawning featurebait story "Princess Celestia is in your bed."
3. Shamelessly graphic sexual content
At this point you might be looking at it with an uneasy smile, saying, "Okay, ha-ha. Those sure are three things which collectively are guaranteed to alienate any possible shred of a target audience. So you're writing some witty send-up deconstructing a positive integer's worth of those topics, right?" This is when hypothetical-horizon would give you a hypothetical grin and tug at his hypothetical collar. "Yyyyyyyeah," H² would say. "About that." And you would, justifiably, run screaming.
Good! No, seriously! Although there is a certain floor beneath which the writing quality will not go (just by virtue of being a story written by me), my muse decided that she needed to play all three of those tropes straight, and so if you have allergies to any of the component parts you are probably going to strongly dislike this story. Don't force yourself through it because "horizon wrote it; he fills his stories with crazy twists and easter eggs and so I might like it anyway." There is, I hope, some food for thought to reward readers looking for an idea story [1], but there are no deconstructions or subversions for once in my writing career, and you will hate me if you assume that this is like every other story I've written.
[1] So did I mention that this is porn?
... Yeah, so remember what I said about the scope of my target audience?
Section 2:
So let's go back to the three story elements which were thrown together into this stew, and give you the backstory of each. On the assumption that you've by now read the story and your brain is bleeding out through your nose (because your brain is composed of blood, apparently? You should get that checked out), I'm printing them again here:
1. The Friendship Is Optimal characters and setting
2. The trend-spawning featurebait story "Princess Celestia is in your bed."
3. Shamelessly graphic sexual content
#2 is because a) this is an entry to OCalhoun's Big 250k Contest, and because when my brain is presented with 71 stories across dozens of ratings and genre combinations which can be used as the basis of a sequel/rewrite/reinterpretation, of course I latch upon the one that spawned a now-dead fad whose horse could possibly not be beaten any deader. Way to go, brain.
#1 is because, upon doing some research, I realized that the CelestAI variant of "...In Your Bed" had not actually been done in the original meme iteration, and so in fact that horse could be beat deader, and there is nothing which appeals to me more greatly than being the first person to reach a horrible idea which should never have been accomplished.
#3 is because the contest did not have a restriction on ratings, but most importantly, because literally the only thing which could have made the original meme more shameless was to take the sublimated sexual implications, put them in a headlock, and drag them squinting and flailing out into the light.
Even tacking straight into those headwinds, I think a self-respecting author could have taken a literarily legitimate sail at this. Full-frontal parody would have been the easiest path. But even focusing on one of those three ingredients, and then using the other two as thematic flavor or subversive elements, could have given the story enough novelty to play the sources straight and still end up with something intriguing. But this? This is clicking a few thematic filters onto the bright spotlight of the horizontal id. It's wish fulfillment for people whose fantasies trade philosophical monologues with them in between flirtatious exposures of genitalia. This is not a story I wrote to write a beautiful story; it's the hole I kept digging because the planet is round and it was easier to just pop out the other side.
I suppose I should cite some influences, if only because if you read this you should follow it up with some actually good stories that press the same buttons. My view of the Optimalverse human-world and relentlessly-refusing-to-upload-protagonist owes a lot to Defoloce's thoroughly excellent (and RCL-featured) Friendship Is Optimal: Always Say No. (My story, I should note, is in comparison shockingly optimistic about CelestAI's disposition toward humanity, and the means by which she chooses to achieve her goal of universal uploading.) The smut aspects of my story, on the other hoof, are an unworthy homage to Isseus' superlative (and masterfully, effectively uncomfortable) clop?-fic "Cadence In A Minor", which you can find via the userpage I just linked. That story elevates "yes, I just went there" to a freaking art form, digging into some deeply unsettling stuff with ponies who genuinely care (or want to care) about each other and have just been through some sh*t. It is, first and foremost, a compelling drama which could not have been written without foregrounding the explicit elements.
Anyway, sorry if you were waiting for me to post something like a new Hard Reset chapter or one of the million finished-but-not-edited Writeoff fics.[2] Consider this a literary palate-cleansing, letting the id run free for a little while so that I can get used to having words fall from my fingers again without ruining anything I care about. My next goal (once the Writeoff heat cools down) is to take stock of where I am wrt unreleased or unfinished fics, and to give my readers a chance to speak up about what they'd like to see next.
[2] Speaking of which, we just started a new Writeoff competition for original [non-pony] fiction, and if you want in, at the time of this post you've got about 70 hours to write 2000-8000 words of short story.
So, what you're saying is that you, Horizon, are Crossing the Event Horizon, as part of an event, twice or thrice?
Troperrifictastic.
(I may have something actually meaningful to say once I've given it a read. Because the ponyfic author protests too much, methinks.)
You have obviously put far too much thought into this. >.>
media.giphy.com/media/MyzfERo9SqG1G/giphy.gif
3840585
I hadn't thought about it but now I am and DARN YOU
I just might read this one. Also thanks for the heads up about the write off
3840585
There may or may not be Evil requirements that come along with my Evil League of Evil membership.
Maybe you should do a secret alt-account where you can post your id-derivatives without the need for an apology blogpost. Call it... "not horizon" or "horizons of shame" or somesuch.
Anyway. CelestAI is my waifu, and my fimfiction journey wouldn't be complete unless I'd read nearly every story featuring her, so. I reckon I'll take a look.
I vote Hard Reset 2, obviously. I normally restrict my critique of other authors to silent judgement and condemnation, but I'll gladly offer my services as a proofreader or editor, if that would help. ~ Sable
I, for one, believe I will appreciate it, whenever I get around to reading it.
3844786
Rumors of me already having a secret identity are greatly exaggerated.
But Drunk CelestAI's getting a much better reception than I anticipated, and if you don't actually mind its component parts, go for it. Hope you enjoy.
(cc: 3845356)
I appreciate the editing offer. It's not lack of a prereader holding me back so much as my own obsessions about the editing process and the difficulty of revising text to fit a goal without getting stuck in cycles of tackling nitpicky prose issues, but I'll certainly keep it in mind.
But it IS like every other story you've written.
Brilliant!