Rewriting Nyx and the Sunset. · 2:02pm Mar 23rd, 2016
I'm going to cut to the chase here. Since I started work on chapter seven, I've started to realize that Nyx and the Sunset is in dire need of repair. I know a great many of you enjoy this story but I for one loath Nyx and the Sunset, and I was once highly enthusiastic for it. Chapter Seven, with what I've written for it already, has shown me that I haven't made any progression in my writing in the third person style since I started this story back in May 2015, and even before that my style was largely unchanged.
A string of critiques by Cerulean Voice, Fourpony and most recently, Autumn Breeze (another author I hold in high regard) managed to wash away all of the haze that blinded me to the reality that compared to most featured works, Nyx and the Sunset is amateur. The only reason I haven't cancelled this fic is because everyone wants to see more of it, and I want to do more with it. That, and it's arguably my most popular fic in terms of interest, likes have nothing to do with it.
Another reason is because nobody has ever done something like this before, nobody has switched Twilight's role as Nyx's guardian, nobody has dropped Nyx into Sunsets care before. That concept, to me at least is very original in regards to Nyx. Sunset Shimmer as Nyx's guardian instead of Twilight had never been done before, and I want to do this idea better than what I already have. It's my original concept for a Nyx fic which has potential.
The critiques frequently point out my over use of descriptions, and as Autumn put it;
it was hard getting through the story because of how it feels choppy a lot of the time and descriptions feel TOO detailed and dull.
He's not wrong, he is probably the most honest of the three (or at least the three who stick out more in my mind) to point out the flaws of this story that everyone else is either blind to see or doesn't want to mention it at all. He's the one that set in stone my mounting frustrations with the story as well as my intense loathing. When it was a concept I was madly in love with it, but after putting it to letters and words, I can't help but feel duped, and what is surviving on small interest and genuine likability, is suffering from my poor authorship. Bear in mind, I have been advised on what to do, thanks to Cerulean and Fourpony, Autumn has yet to suggest I do anything but from his comment alone there's no need to tell me anything.
Now, here's where I try and fix things. As this derailing blog's title suggests, I am planning on re-writing, or at least fixing my mistakes for the first five chapters of Nyx and the Sunset. The chapters will remain the same but areas of too much detail, and repeated usage of character referrals will be removed or replaced entirely. I know for certain Chapter 03: Rarity, will be totally re-written from scratch. I won't be doing this immediately, it's something I hope to do over time. At the same time, I hope to improve on my writing. I've done this song and dance about the depression this story brings me before and I hope to Celestia this will be the last time anyone has to hear of it. 
Also, this other blog, is about chapter seven and some of the things I'll introduce, I do suggest checking it out if you haven't read it, provided ya'll are interested.
Taking advice from Autumn Breeze is a bad idea.
I honesty hope that this fic doesn't get cancelled. As you said it's an original idea of Sunset switching with Twilight. So much potential. And the best part I have to say about the story thus far is that the story isnt just copy paste Past Sins storyline completely. I like the changes you made like how Nyx is still not trusting of Sunset and the idea of The Dazzlings possibly being the villian intrigues me. My personal concern is if you end up using Spell Nexus as the main villian. I don't know. I have a feeling it won't end well. Also, the chapter about Rarity, what liked the least was that Nyx told her backstory straight away to Rarity. It seemed very farfetched even if Nyx did open up a little. For the next few chapters I hope that there is more backstory to Nyx and Sunset and Nyx getting on better terms through interaction.
3822476 Please do explain.
3822481 Don't fret my friend, I don't intend to permanently retire Nyx and the Sunset, but the possibility is there. I admittedly failed a lot with this story in regards to setting up Nyx, and I'm still going to fail as the story keeps going. I am by no means good at story telling, or constructing a story to incorporate Nyx's backstory as we go along. That is one of this fics greatest problems, and again it's because of my poor authorship. I set up a tonne of scenario's that either go nowhere, fall flat, or are inappropriate times for certain deliveries.
This fic, while it may have its ups and downs for some people, is still a collossal train wreck, to me at least.
3822496 I've lost a lot of respect for the guy with just how lazy his writing is getting.
3822496 I too fear that Autum Breeze is just throwing ideas together and trying to force them to work.
3822496 Every Author has their ups and downs. That's how we improve in our craft.
3823079 Cept I've kept the same craft for a very long time. Since writing Fallout: Equestria related stuff, writing in third person has become awkward to say the least, and I find myself struggling to convey expressions, and describe things easily, or convincingly enough. I hope to start the first rewrite soon, so with luck I can improve there, and get back into the swing of things.
3823079 Not to double comment here. But I reread your comment and how you thought of Nyx's actions in chapter three. Taking that into consideration, I think I'll make Nyx slower to open up to Rarity, but for the most part she'll be a mute, at least until the Canterlot High Crusaders roll around where she'll become slowly more verbal. In a way, you've made an important contribution to the rewrites.
3823247 Happy to help
3823247 You know I've actually referenced your other stories of Nyx in my story Letters From Across The Disgruntled Multiverse which pokes fun at other stories but not in a mean spirited way. I started with Past Sins and I've been referencing lots of Nyx related side fics by other writers.
3823254 Could you provide a link for me? I am interested in seeing these before I have to go up to the hospital later this Aussie arvo.
3823307 Here
It's in chapter 15. Have a laugh at how I poke fun of Past Sins though.
glad i could help?
For some reason i feel like whatever i say here will be a backhanded comment
3832185 Don't worry about it. You helped out quite a bit with your example PM. Most of the lines you mentioned in the PM were fixed up or changed. A long with a great many parts of the first chapter.