Drake's Reviews #8 · 9:10pm Mar 1st, 2016
While my main computer (and with it most of my work) is out as the electrician works, let's pass the time with some fic reviews.
The Cutie Re-Mark: Sunset Shimmer Future by Da Joestanator
I found this fic when someone mentioned on "Long Live The Queen" that they'd read other Sunset Shimmer fics coming off the S5 finale, and I decided to go find some more myself. And I found this. Let me finish this intro by saying I by no means fault this story from being different from mine, that's the joy of fanfiction, different interpretations of the same idea.
The story opens on a very unnecessary exposition dump of the S5 finale, and you'll notice it's a bit of a formatting nightmare with no line breaks. Twi and Spike come out of the map in the Friendship Castle. In this timeline, Sunset Shimmer is the alicorn Queen of Equestria with the Alicorn Amulet, she's enslaved Celestia, and Pinkamena is her attendant. Twilight uses her memory spell to basically brainwash Sunset with memories from the proper timeline, and then she's off to continue the battle against Starlight Glimmer.
I feel a bit odd saying what I'm about to say: this story is hilarious. From Sunset Shimmer declaring "check out THESE babies!" as she extends her wings, this fic had me giggling at its silliness. There's also a bit where Sunset makes Celestia feed her grapes, even though she hates grapes, but hey, that's what Queens do, right? Where the odd part comes in is that this story is tagged as a Drama and Sad fic. I'm not sure if it's a trollfic or what, because if it is, then the poor formatting is probably meant to be part of the humor of everything. If not... I'm very sorry to the author for this review.
Recommendation: Taken as a comedy, hilarious. Taken as a dark drama... it's still hilarious, but in a different way.
Would Bang by Aragon
EqD featured it. Present Perfect reviewed it. I guess I'm sort of obligated to read it, aren't I?
Unfortunately, I am the wrong type of person for this fic. I'll sum it up in one YouTube link for ya.
This fic seems to rely on "bro" comedy. Which I've never gotten. Frankly I've always rolled my eyes at typical "male" humor and attitudes. I've never been a typical guy, I've never been into "guy" things, I've never had any real "guy" friends (I've had male friends, but you get my meaning), and I don't get "guy" humor. It's all just seemed very immature and dumb. Furthermore, I've never been gaga over a girl. Can't quite tell you why even if I wanted to. But then I've never had a girlfriend, never asked anyone out, and never been on a date, either. From re-reading this paragraph I'm starting to suspect that I'm just a girl that happened to be born into a male's body.
*checks out some Sunset Shimmer pics*
In which case I am also a lesbian.
So, yeah. I don't get this fic. I know it's a humor fic, but its brand of humor does nothing for me. Except for when they go to meet the greatest bro in the world. Pretty much every scene with them got me laughing, including the ending. But that's it.
The only thing I can say definitively is that the technical aspects are lacking. I noticed several typos and some other problems, including a lot of talking heads. Maybe for someone who can appreciate the creative elements, they won't mind, but I don't so I did.
Recommendation: I'm not a bro. This story is for bros. Take from that what you will.
Princess Celestia's Newest Arch Enemy by naturalbornderpy
This, on the other hand, had my laughing my butt off. Princess Luna's newest archenemy is hilarious, Luna is hilarious, the "twist" ending is hilarious, and pretty much every line had me shaking my head at the adorable absurdity of it all.
It helps that for some reason I kept reading the villain's lines in Button Mash's voices. Dunno why, I doubt that was the intent. But it worked for me.
Recommendation: Lots of effective, cute laughs.
Recurring Nightmare by Titanium Dragon
Man, talk about "bad touch."
This fic is basically an origin story for Nightmare Moon. The implication, as best I can gather, is that when the Elements of Harmony banished Nightmare Moon, it cast her off of Luna and sent her back in time, where she manipulates the young Luna into becoming the Nightmare in the first place. It's an interesting concept, for sure.
Where the fic falls flat is that it builds up like the Nightmare will possess Luna, which would be cool and make sense, the spirit was exorcised from future Luna and then takes over the past one. But instead, Nightmare Moon shows Luna a shadow magic spell that will transform her, and that's it. Most of the fic consists of Nightmare Moon manipulating Luna to her side, but then she gives her the spell and sends her off. Why did Nightmare Moon need to talk with Luna at all, though? Why not just show her the spell and let the temptation and curiosity eat away at her until Luna gives in? That confusion aside, Nightmare Moon frankly doesn't do a very good job of convincing Luna to see things her way, she tells Luna a bunch of half-truths and lies that Luna rather easily swallows.
Recommentation: The theory is interesting, but the fic stumbles trying to flesh it out into a story.
Twilight Sparkle is an Assassin by thedarkitty
Random thought at that cover pic - I had an idea for a joke fic where Bon Bon's secret agent stuff was revealed as being the Assassin Brotherhood. Perhaps another time.
That aside, the concept here is that Twi is an Assassin as Celestia's student and bodyguard. Which could be interesting. This fic, though, makes Twilight a filly and tries to play it for laughs. At least, I think she's a filly. If she isn't, then she's acting far too childish to be an adult, and if she is, well, the rest of the review sums it up. I'm trying to imagine Filly Twilight twirling two sais as she scouts the road for Celestia, and I don't know how to react. The idea of Filly Twilight playing at being an assassin is cute, but then we see her encounter real danger that scares the crap out of her, and suddenly it's not so cute. Except then she's stabbing bandits in the neck and I wonder how Twilight as a filly has all these skills. But if she's supposed to be an adult, why is she crying and sobbing at being called names? Sure, it's to lull the bandits into her trap, but adult Twi has plenty of other ways to kill ponies and wouldn't need such tricks.
You know that South Park episode where the boys play police officers and then get recruited by the actual cops? What made that episode work was how everyone took the boys completely seriously as cops, including their fellow officers, as the boys kept shooting people with their fingers making "bang bang". We laughed at the absurdity of a bunch of kids being cops, and actually turning out to be good at it even as they just kept playing their game. But if the boys had suddenly gotten real guns and were shooting criminals who laughed at the idea of kids being cops, the joke would have been ruined.
The fic is very inconsistent in tone for that reason. One minute we're laughing at Twilight getting scared off by snakes, then we're afraid of her being accosted by bandits, and then we're reading about her stabbing them in the neck and smiling at how badass she is. And then in the next chapter she's lecturing the unconscious bandit about how upset Celestia will be when she tells them they were gonna rob her. The story summary says the fic is supposed to be a comedy, but it only has sparsely funny moments. The rest is variably serious or plain boring, with several sentences more than are needed spent explaining why Celestia is travelling by carriage.
The idea of filly Twi playing at being an assassin as a joke could be cute. The idea of a full-grown Twilight being an assassin could be awesome. This fic tries to do both and is not all that cute nor awesome. Also, the second chapter seems to imply this is an AU, which is not immediately apparent and, with the tone the author is trying to go for, is not needed. Not to mention the second chapter suddenly focuses on a Trixie-Luna ship that comes out of nowhere.
Recommendation: Wildly inconsistent and not sure what it wants to be or how to be that.
I'm afraid you misinterpreted Recurring Nightmare. It isn't that the Nightmare went back in time to possess Luna, it's that Luna herself went back in time to convince her younger self to become the Nightmare, thus closing a much larger causal loop than the one Twilight created. That last scene explains why: The Nightmare was terrible, yes, but it was also necessary for Equestria's continued existence.
3786358 Okay. I admit yeah, that went over my head.
Again, an interesting idea, for sure. But that introduces more logical problems, like Luna presuming that the Elements of Harmony never would have been found if not for Nightmare Moon.
Oh? Could you please point them out? I'm not a native speaker.
3786371 Sorry, I admit I don't remember off the top of my head where they were.
There weren't that many, and for a few I usually don't mind. But here, the creative elements didn't grab me, so the technical errors seemed more prominent. Sorry.
Bad Dude's random adorableness takes down another one!
Thanks for the review!
Man, like, I can't even explain Would Bang.
It's not actually bro humor. It's more like... the most illogical extreme thereof. But not. But kind of taking the piss out of it while celebrating it at the same time. .-.
Don't feel bad though, it's the kind of story that will either resonate with you or not, with no in between. :B