I'm the guy that wrote the weird Human on pony smut...Need Opinions On New Story Idea. · 9:22pm Feb 17th, 2016
I need some help with this new story that I've been kicking around in my head. I was hoping you guys could give me thoughts on it. I won't start writing it until Lightning's Bet is over, but I'd like to get some feedback on it before I go to crazy with the planning.
So, the description of the story is... Well, it takes place in the past when technology isn't as advanced. It stars a human who just woke up in Equestria one day and has no memories of his past or how he got to this world, but he knows he doesn't belong there. With some help from the pony folk that found him, he discovers that a falling star had something to do with his sudden appearance and sets out to find the star in hope that it will help him get his memories back.
On his long journey, the human runs into 3 fillies who are sticking together to find out where they belong. The oldest is an orphan Zebra who's looking for her lost tribe and people. The second oldest, a bat pony, is looking for her parents that, according to her, got separated from her and she's positive they're looking for her as well. The youngest is a changeling who doesn't know where she really belongs, and can't seem to connect to her queen or hive.
The three fillies join the human as they search for where they belong, much to the his dismay.
The story will be adventure based and have a sad theme throughout. My only thing is... I want a romance to build up towards the end of the story with the human (22-26 years old) and zebra who will be around (14-16 years old). I was wondering if that's something that you guys would dislike or just won't like. The relationship between them would be handled with care and add a lot of drama and thrills that I really want to have in the story, but it won't be the focus. The main plot of the story is about all the characters finding their place in the world and growing together as they adventure across Equestria.
So what do you guys think? Does the love intrested stuff kill the story for you, or do you not care?
Also, what do you think of the idea as a whole?
Edit: the zebra won't be a typical zebra from the show. She did not grow up with her tribe and learn to talk with other ponies so she won't be rhyming the whole time. Not sure if that will help persuade people to like her, but I promise she will be very sweet in the story.
The idea sounds adventurous enough but here's the shocker Puss, personally I really really do not like zebras.
Anything written by the almighty PussPuss will be good to read!
DO EET NIGGA!
sounds like an interesting idea and i do not mind romance with age gap
but the mix sound extreme, bat pony, changeling and zebra at once...
again its hard to know how well it will play out, in general judging from your past works i trust it will be done well and it's only my limited imagination and lack of knowledge of the story that keeps me away from loving it from the start
As long as the writing is good, I'm fine with whatever. Also, if there's a rule on fimfiction, it's that you're free to write anything you want, so go for it.
So far, everything you've written has been pretty much gold. I say go for it.
First off, I'll read anything you write...period. Every story so far has been fantastic, so you could write about a pair of amorous rutabagas and I'd still move it to the front of my 'To Read' list.
My first thought when reading the synopsis, was that it reminds me of Wizard of Oz. Character X is transported to an odd/different world, wanders around finds 3 more characters, each of whom is uniquely distinct in his/her own way, and also looking for something. All have various adventures together until they find what they've been looking for (while learning about themselves along the way). The setup could certainly work in a wide open Equestria, but I think it would involve a lot of world building that could make things tougher in some ways and easier in others from an author perspective.
As far as the relationship, I'd be disappointed if there wasn't some romance involved. The ages could devolve into some problems if done wrong, but handled right would not pose any real problem. Are you locked into the Zebra as the oldest? I'd be more interested in a story with a batpony relationship honestly. Could all 3 be aged up a bit for an offbeat herding fic? Just my initial thoughts.
Looking forward to how it shapes up.
Considering the age of consent in quite a few states is 16, (including mine) and around the same for several countries, i don't think you'd have much of a problem. Of course, you're going to have those who are squicked by the idea; as with many ideas, you can't please everyone. Depending on people's headcanons, cutie marks might be the demarcation for maturity as far as we know.
As for the idea, I'm behind it. If you want to write it, go for it. I'd read it.
I think it's interesting. I'm not a big fan of zebras as main characters, but I'd certainly give that a try.
That sounds like an interesting story idea, and the age thing shouldn't be too much of a problem given the cultural differences (as long as you're not doing anthro, because of site rules).
Sounds like a big project, I hope you can pull that off. Also, does it have to include a human? The way I see it, the human could easily be replaced with some pony who lost his memory of something
So far your stories that I have read have been good, but I would like to see the bat pony or changeling be the focus.
I love the idea. Romance is a great device to drive a plot, or even just to add flavor and maybe some conflict. For example, the changeling might not be aware that her feelings of love twords her companions are not her own but a reflection of their own emotions. This could add conflict or just highlight the distress someone feels when mutual friends try to deepen their feeling for oneanother.
Honestly wouldn't bother me. The age of maturity in the MLP universe is very fuzzy. Aside from the Cake Twins being roughly a year old I am pretty sure the is no canon source for any MLP character's age aside from Celestia and Luna being 1000+ years old.
For all we know a 14 year old pony/zebra is mentally and physically the equivalent of a 20+ year old human. As a side note the further you go back in human history the younger females were married off and it was considered normal/acceptable. Who is to say the same didn't happen in Equestria's past?
Just don't have the zebra rhyme...seriously that gets old.
Personally, I think you should go in whatever direction you want since you normally write gold! While I would prefer to see a bat pony fic (Since there are almost NONE) I think you can write this in an interesting way. I'm going to stop this coment here so I don't ramble and leave you with this,
Stay gold ponyboy.
3761199
It's funny you should say that, cause there will be some sifi stuff in the story, but... well I can't say cause spoilers, but yeah, it will be mostly fantasy.
Perhaps upping the filly's age too 17 and maybe making the human 19 would be good, idk. I can't get past that cultural hardwiring on the age thing, so I'm not very helpful here.
I'm absolutely fine with it. You've never disappointed with your romance, and that's coming from someone who usually doesn't like romance at all. In short, I came for the plot and stayed for the well written romance in your stories.
Well,14 is kind of skirting the lower age limit... 16 is better though.
k out of it!
But besides that, I'd read the f
Age is just a number, so I say go for it sounds like it will be an interesting read.
i like the adventure stories, and I'm sure you'll do an excellent job of telling it.
DO IT!
Everything you've written has been amazing.
I dont mind the zebra, I will say though the bat pony would be more interesting.
The idea of them forming a herd is very appealing. Herd dynamics and all that.
However as its your story write what you like, cause I wont complain. I love your writing.
Your age choices are fine. Ignore the naysayers. Its fiction so who cares. Also its adds more naivete to the characters, which makes for more to work with conflict/drama wise. Also as others have said, in MLP ages/maturity is so vague/undefined its not an issue. Its your world your building so you get t o define how that works. The world building you've done in your previous fics has been amazing.
SO again write this damn thing!
Once Lightning's Bet is finished im going to read it in one go.
All sounds good with this idea...
But I'd enjoy seeing the Batpony romance over a Zebra, Bat Pony's are more cute.
But whatever you decide to do with the fic, I'll read the crap out of it either way.
I've read and liked a lot of worse things with younger ponies towards the CMC's age being raped and tortured, so this would be enjoyable if not because it's a small change of pace from what I'm used to, then because it's going to be at least good writing if anything.
Go for it
Please don't make the zebra rhyme if you can help it though, I find that it becomes a challenge in writing and will quickly burn you out.
The idea sounds awesome. I do like that romance idea. Go for it.
Also, Just a heads up, People no matter what will downvote everything vaguely underaged. Don't let that discourage you ^_^
This sounds really good. I love a good romance story, and while you write some good clop, I honestly prefer sweet fluffy romance.
I'll be looking forward to this my friend.
It's a very ambitious idea, but you have the chops to pull it off. Just one question though, is this world going to be like Stardust? Syfy and fantasy, falling star, etc. I know the idea is far different, but it sounds like a similar setting.
oh and just incase anyone doesn't know what Stardust is...
I actually quite like the idea.
If you need help naming it, I'd say 'Star Struck' is a good idea.
I have to agree with SunnySide, don't be discouraged if it gets some down votes due to the age. While I'm not a big fan of foalcon/lolita, I've read a few that were written excellently that I actually enjoyed the scenes. And you got the skills to pull this off easily. And 16 isn't that young, in some countries.
So, my vote is run with it. Sounds extremely intriguing, and you're writing is getting more and more enjoyable. I always look forward to getting spoiled with a new chapter, or story.
Hehehehe, I'll be hyonest with you Pusspuss, I'd read just about anything you write, so far I have, and I have yet to be disappointed by any of your work in the slightest. And this story, Changeling, Zebra and Bat pone?
BATPONE!
Count me in baaaaaayby! :D I give you a three thumbs up! Go for it, sounds great man!
...
Don't ask where the third thumb came from >.>
3761095
Aww... Why not?
3761096
Yeah... idk about that.
3761100
Well, the mix isn't random. There is a reason I picked those for the characters and their is a reason why they are all together.
3761112
Well the love part wont be the main goal of the story, and you will have to read it to find out what happened.
3761122
Thank you, sir!
3761718
Just never been a fan of them the way they look and are portrayed I guess? no idea really.
3761123
I am pretty set on the zebra though. She's going to be the more mature/leader one of the group and with the personality I have for her, zebra just fits better. She wont be a typical zebra though. Like with the rhyming and mo-hawk. She will have a long mane and talk like a pony.
hmmm... it is kind of oz like haha. But it wont be like that.
3761139
That is very true. I more made this post to test the waters to see what others would think of the age difference with he romance because I know a lot of my watchers don't watch me for that kind of stuff and I know not a lot of people like it. So if a lot of people where agents it, then I wouldn't have done it, but it seems most don't care.
3761144
But she will be more like a pony then a zebra.
A lot of people seem to hate zebras.
3761147
Nah, its pony.
3761153
He could be a stallion, but I like HiE stories lol. Plus, for how I want the story to end, he has to be a human or something really alien to the world.
3761158
Why does everyone hate zebras.
3761758
Her mane will be long-ish too.
Well, if it makes you feel better. The zebra wont be like the ones in the show. She will be more like a pony and talk normal.
I think this actually sounds fantastic. Just to clarify does that mean none of the mlp characters we're familiar with would be involved?
3761161
But... zebras need love too.
3761169
There will be some things like that with the changeling for sure.
3761196
She wont at all. She lost her family when she was really young and grew up in an orphanage and learned to speak form the other ponies. So she will talk normal.
3761241
But... there are even less for zebras.
3761260
No thats good! I want you to keep the wiring cause that's where some of the drama will come from lol.
3761275
Thanks man! I shall do my best!
3761288
I hope you will like it.
3761830 I wont argue with you there because you're right. All the characters you picked need more love than they get. I can't wait to read the story anyway though considering its being written by the great and powerful pusspuss!
3761830
need more bat ponies
3761402
And their might be a herd thing going, but we will see.
I know. I really want to write this story.
3761411
You and everyone else. No one likes zebras.
3761441
Ahahha... yeah... me to.
She wont at all. She lost her family when she was really young and learned to talk from the other ponies si was with in an orphanage, so she will talk normal.
3761448
I will!
3761455
Oh, I know... But I don't care. This is a story I really want to do. I was more worried about my fans. I wasn't going to do this if a lot of people said that the age difference turned them off to the idea.
3761457
Me too.
3761516
Never seen that movie before, but this will be mostly fantasy, with only a little sifi.
3761525
For the name of the story? Not bad, but I was thinking more like "We're we belong," since its about them all finding there homes and stuff.
3761615
Haha, thanks man!
3761803
Bat pon with some romance would be fun, but I think for this story it has to be the zebra. But, that doesn't mean I wont have a lot of cute moments with the bat and the human.
3761806
It will be mostly OC characters.
3761838
Ahaha! Thanks man.
3761857
Life needs more bat ponies.
3761830 truthfully I get uncomfortable when I think of a teenager dating an adult, a bit cultural hardwiring. However, I've apparently offended some people by saying that and I'm not sorry for that.
I, truly, like the idea of a human losing his memory, a favorite story of mine, I can't help, has that same idea and it works.
But I'm just one reader, my opinion doesn't count for much. Even tho I may not read the story I wish you luck with it.
Seem s interesting but the ages is just a bit weird. Not saying its bad or that i wouldnt like it but idk it just kinda seems out of the blue xD
I'd say yes id be interested as long as its not some deal like puppy love.
sounds like a great fic setup as long as proper character build is put in. since you tend to do good on that this fic would be awesome
3761859
Oh my~ Well, I wouldn't mind if you threw in a bit of rough neck biting
Also really you should expect this kind of reaction, a hugely overwhelming yes, on any idea you make in the future.
Yes even on that story.
Everyone's being helpful yet I'm just sitting here, waiting for a third Lyra/Bon Bon story.
3761859
Read Stardust, its an awesomely amazing book. The movie is pretty good too.
A very interesting and complex idea for a story; it will no doubt be a challenge for even a writer of your caliber.
Considering that the story does not take place in the modern Equestria time period, you will have to modify the characters, settings, dialect, etc. to match. Before or after the joining of the three pony tribes? Is Luna banished to the moon and how recently? Zebras are essentially Earth ponies with an added level of specie separation and potential profiling. Luna's banishment more then likely created some animosity between ponies and bat ponies (thestrals?) for quite some time. That is not taking into account the prideful nature of pegasi and the fact they are fellow fliers to stretch the gap further. How much was even known about Changlings that far into the past and were they a truly recognized species? On top of all that a Human is a xeno lifeform to them. What are the views on the age gap in romantic relationships during the period and would there be a gap in maturity at all, when accounting for a difference in maturity rate between Humans and Equestrians?
It is how the interactions between characters are fleshed out and flow, as well as the attention to detail, that will be the deciding factor for me on this one. I am always going to read what you write regardless of the content. Just make sure you feel up to the task, because this one's a doozy.
3761993 You and me both. We all need more Scary in our lives.