700 Followers! And Some Canadian-Style Grumbling.. · 5:08pm Feb 2nd, 2016
Holy! Here we go again. 700 followers! Thank you all very much for the support. Now I’m going to do something very un-Canadian-like… explain a few things that irk me about stories and authors on this site—not as an excuse to target individuals (because I really don’t have any to list), but more of a ways to make sure I never end up doing what I list. Here we go!
1. Telling the reader how to react in the story description
Descriptions are hard. Most of the time, I can’t write very good ones. My last few have been a little better, but not by much. Some authors can write a single juicy line and get readers invested just like that. I… can’t. 
Having said that, one thing that’s always annoyed me is adding things in descriptions that just don’t belong there:
“First story—please be kind!” 
(Even if I felt like adding that to my first story, too.)
“This is my OC Crystal Companion and me and my sister were drinking coffee one day when we thought of her and don’t steal her because she has two horns and not one and did I mention she’s married to a loaf of bread, but the bread used to be a prince and…” (You catch my drift, I think.)
But the one thing I dislike most of all is this:
STORY TITLE: “Pinkie Pie Eats A Banana Peel By Accident”.
STORY DESCRIPTION: One day, Ponyville’s favorite party pony Pinkie Pie accidentally eats a banana peel and now can’t stop tripping over everything. Hilarity ensues.”
“Hilarity ensues… HILARITY ENSUES?” 
Is that a guarantee? Do I get my money and time back if the “hilarity” does not, in fact, “ensue”?
This is probably a very big nitpick, but I do have my reasons for finding this annoying. I played guitar in a band for six years or so and wrote dozens of original songs during that time. In a metal band, the riff (a certain amount of bars of music that can make up either the verse, chorus, bridge, ect.) are what make songs interesting. I would say during my band years, I wrote around 50-60 percent of the material.
Having said that, not once did I bring a piece of music to practice with the promise that it would be the greatest song of all time; rather, I presented it and if it did well, then more power to me—if no one liked it, then at all least I didn’t look like an ass thinking it was great.
My band’s other guitar player, on the other hand, had no problem explaining how amazing his riffs were, even before playing a single note worth of them.
“Hey, want to hear a new song I wrote?”
“Sure.”
“Remember now—it’s the heaviest, best thing I’ve ever written. So keep that in mind!”
“I will, and now I’ll judge it extra harshly and try my best to compare it to the best music ever recorded in music history.”
Again, this is major nitpicking, but saying something like “Hilarity ensues” is like giving a review of a story before anyone has even read it yet. If the description sounds funny and if the story has a “COMEDY” tag added to it, then I should already know what to expect once I give it a read. Same could be said for “SAD” or “DARK” fics:
“Sweetie Belle is injured during the fair. Sadness ensues.” 
“Discord snaps and burns half of Equestria’s crops down, leaving millions of ponies to starve. Make sure you have tissues ready—you’re gonna cry. This story will turn you into a walking waterfall, guaranteed.” 
2. Authors not responding to comments (ever)
I love comments. I love reading comments (the nice ones, at least) and responding to comments. Do I respond to each and every one of them in a timely manner? No, but I try to hit most of them at a decent rate. Why? Because I think if someone took the time to read your story and leave a comment about it, it’s only fair you give a comment in return. Also, it could help you understand your own writing a bit more.
ALSO! I just like sarcastically bantering with people… (ask my old editor, the poor fellow…) 
I can understand some of the bigger writers on this site—the ones with thousands of followers and dozens of new comments a minute—but I’ve seen large stories with thousands of comments where the author didn’t respond even a single time. The readers even asked, “Can you say something, please?” and never got a thing in return.
Most authors are thankfully not like this. I’ve only seen it a few times, honestly, but I hope I never start doing that. It might take me a while to get back to people, but I usually try—because it’s fun and I like talking about stories and what bits made people laugh or whatnot. I genuinely enjoy hearing about stuff like that.
The only time I won’t make attempts to comment back are if I call tell readers are trying to be mean on purpose. I’ll except criticism up to a point because it’s beneficial, but not if it’s just plain hate-filled. Also, as a Canadian, I’m not “technically” allowed to get mad at people. Instead, I’m required to deposit all my “anger” into tightly sealed “anger jars” and store them in the closet. Tis tradition.
3. Follow for follow authors
I spend a sad amount of time just browsing users and seeing how many followers some of them have. If I see someone with two stories and three hundred followers, I usually think, “Damn! Those must be great stories! I should give them a read!” Then it turns out both stories have ten likes and two hundred views a piece. 
Huh? I don’t understand… oh, wait. How many people are they following? 3000? Oh, now I understand. 
I take a small amount of pride in writing what I like to write. I may have changed styles and leaned mainly towards comedy in the last year, but I still write stories I can say I like and can proudly stand behind. I don’t do crossovers or Equestria Girls or clop, because I think it’s pretty easy to get views and followers out of them. Also, since I have no interest in those topics, they would make for pretty lousy stories in general.
Having said that, each and every time I get a new follower, it effortlessly brings a smile to my face. It means (hopefully) that someone is curious about what I’ll write next or has enjoyed some of my older work already. It means I’ve won someone over with my writing, in a way, and that’s one of the best feelings in the world. 
If I follow someone in the hopes that they follow me back, what does that accomplish, exactly? Besides add another number to your list of followers? Are they going to want to read your next story anymore than they would have before? Probably not. They’ll see it, sure, but does that mean they’ll read it and like it just because?
At least if I have a bunch of followers that know of my work and style, there’s a good chance they’ll enjoy what comes next and actually give it a read or a comment. (Maybe… no guarantees here.)
But following ten thousand users to get two thousand back? That just doesn’t sit right with me. If you have the stories or the blog posts to make users want to give you a follow, then that’s great, but turning the site into another game of Pokemon and trying to “follow ‘em all” sort of defeats the purpose of writing fanfiction to begin with. At least, that’s how I feel about it.
So, in closing, sorry for the small rant, if you want to call it that. I like being a nice, polite Canadian just fine, so I’ll continue to try my best to be just that. Also, remain a humble, easy going author that writes what makes him happy. No more, no less.
Anything that annoys you about other authors or how they work? Or about stories in general? I’d be interested to know.
Anyways, thanks again for all the follows!
tl;dr – Canadian man makes minor complaint on the internet; deportation set for next week. 
Wait, we're supposed to never get angry?
You know, that would explain why my elementary school teachers never told my parents about the five billion times I tried to murder my fellow students because they had reduced me to a psychologically broken id on steroids.
This has to be the one that annoys me the most. When someone does that it usually lowers my already low standards.
I also dislike usage of an absurd amounts of genre tags for a story.
Tag a story as a comedy, not because you pop a few jokes in it, but rather because the entirety of the story is meant to be a comedy. Etc.
I can mostly agree with this, but here's the thing that makes me the most mad:
People who do it just to do it. It's not just writing, it's anything, youtube, vine, etc...
When people do things just to get famous, nothing more. Wasting their lives on something they CAN do, rather than something they WANT to do. I usally have very good gut-feeling about things, and some things I can tell there's not heart or effort put into it. Like modern Smosh, for example. People becoming sellouts and doing things just to do them
I understand it's stupid, and I can't dictate what others do with their lives, but this just gets me for some reason.
3728721 I'm still trying to keep writing fun and as an outlet/hobby. I think if I were to start getting paid to do it, it would suddenly become a chore. Someone once asked if I'd do a commission on a story of theirs or if I take story ideas. If I started writing for other's specifically and not just my own stories, writing would lose all its fun.
Smosh, it's hard to say what's happened. Started as their own videos for fun and turned into... I'm not even sure. Makes a lot of money, but are they still happy doing it?
3728697 I think four tags max. Should be able to cover all the bases. (Even if "Regarding" has more than that... maybe "Unmotivated" too.) I think a description should just cover what's inside the story; not "how" a reader should go inside a story, if that makes any sense. Editor, proofreader, sure. That, too.
3728686 Oh, no. You're from Dark Canada, aren't you?
My parents always warned me about the identical realm known as Dark Canada. They're not mean, per say, only... not as nice.
and here I try to be a good Russian German.
I follow people for two reasons. If I like their stories or I like them as a person. Or both.
And honestly, those people who follow some 2000 users must have a feed with clusterfuck levels of COD proportions.
Well, to be fair, I think most authors who do this have only on the site for a couple months at most, and wouldn't understand why this is bad in the same way they wouldn't understand Displacement stories are bad, they're just too new still.
This might be to avoid looking at negative comments. To some, if not most, people, negative comments hurt disproportionately to how positive comments help.
Well, it was banned for a reason.
3728829
Hmm.
Could be true. Although I could never imagine writing a story and never reading any comments for it. For myself at least, there's still a "need" to know if something did well or not, or if something needs to be corrected.
I will agree with negative comments, though. I basically release something new and then avoid this site for half a day to get up the nerve and go over comments.
Also, I did read about follow for follow stuff being banned and was glad to hear it.
3728821 It would be impossible to keep track of 2000 users, unless it was your full time job or something. I'd imagine it would just steadily tick upwards every couple of seconds...
3728806 Aw. Don't worry. You're the best!
...one with a Sombra fetish.
3728787 No, I don't think they're happy doing it. Like I said, a lot of time I can tell when there was heart put into things I don't know how to explain it, but it seems like things come out a lot better if you're doing for fun. But what you described about the writing thing, I feel the same way. If writing became a job, and I made money off of it, it would become a chore. for me, writing is a hobby also, and if I weren't having fun, I'd quit right now.
3728865 As someone who's been on the site for going on five years (two years were spent on hiatus tho) negative comments are a part of life. It comes with the territory. You have to be able to take the negative with the positive, and just weed out the ones that offer legit criticisms and those that are negative for the sake of being negative. I'd like to think I've improved as a writer and as a person because of it. I used to get REALLY down at negative comments, but not anymore! It takes time my friend, you'll see. Big fan of your work by the way, really enjoying the adventures of Bad Dude! I'd invite you to maybe take a look at my stories and see what you think!
I'm very picky with who I follow, but this made me certain that I made the right choice in following you. ;3
~Lithe
3728872 Thanks very much for the comment.
Yeah, I won't lie. The first negative comment I received on my first story, my initial response was, "Why am I even writing? I'm terrible at this!" Obviously, things have changed a bit since then and I'm (for the most part) able to take solid criticism and try and improve upon it. Also, never fueling commenters solely commenting for the sake of starting trouble.
You learn a lot on this site, no doubt!
I still believe I'm a better writer than a year and a half ago, at least.
I can agree with point 1 and point 3 ((a strong example I have of point 1 actually is in a fic I recently reviewed, where the author was telling people how to feel in the author's note at the end of the fic. ._. like telling them to feel happy, sad, etc)) but I will defend myself at point 2, because I happen to do it a lot. xD
I have a good reason, though! So many comments I get in my stories amount to 'good job!' or 'this is great!' etc, so I feel like a broken record when I just keep replying with 'thank you' over and over and over, so I try to save my replies for well written/well thought out comments, or if they're asking a sensible question or whatever. Comments that don't make sense won't get a reply, usually...
This was extremely helpful!
I'm going back to my story so I can fix it up a bit!
3728952 Very good point.
Perhaps, I meant authors that literally "never" respond to comments, as if they're some giant, faceless company that doesn't feel the need to reach out to their fans.
In terms of "This was a good chapter!" or "LOL!" or "Nice job!", I will agree with what you said. I, sadly, tend to lump them together in a reply and just say, "Thanks! (Pinkie Happy-face)" and leave it at that. But at least you're still answering comments and talking with people if they have questions or want to talk about the story.
Thanks for the comment! (See, you're getting better at them already!)
Sorry. Permanently sarcastic.
3728966 Oh.
Sorry. Wasn't meant to be telling others what to do, only what I noticed on the site over time and my own preferences. Hope the story goes well, regardless. 
3728994 oh, it's nothing!
I never thought your rant as telling others what to do
! And the story...I hope it goes well as well!
You know what I hate? Authors who write Sombra-centric stories. Those guys are jerks and should be banned. Doubly so if they're also Canadian.
Fries are meant to be eaten with ketchup not gravy! Freaking heretics!
3729155 Sorry...
Guess I'll be packing up my cheese curds and leaving now... 
I agree with all of these.
>hilarity ensues
What also ensues is me not reading it. Unless I'm in the mood for a crackfic. Which isn't often.
3729195 Thank you for the response. Glad I'm not the only one that feels that way.
Thanks for explaining why my Canadian roommate goes into his closet every time I mock him. I notice his closet door doesn't close properly and the jars in their vibrate constantly. Should I worry?
3728787 In Dark Canada, do they speak only French, but have English signs up everywhere?
Yeah, starting off with "this is my first story" is kind of signalling said story is inexpertly written. Poor advertisement.
Only two things really irk me when reading fics, and are guaranteed to get a dislike:
-Gratuitous erotica plopped in a non sequitur fashion into the middle of an otherwise engaging story. It doesn't help that I avoid erotica in general.
-Using one's story to criticize fanfiction. Blogs are great for this because they facilitate dialogue, but taking potshots at what one finds offensive as if one's almighty prose is beyond reproach is cowardly at best. When coupled with a refusal to comment, it's downright infuriating.
Follower fishing is, agreed, also somewhat annoying, in that having hundreds of people get a notification when you release a story is an advantage in gaining views/spots in the featured box/more followers. Earning the followers naturally is a different matter, of course.
The worst, I have to say, is when really good authors leave the fandom because of unwarranted criticism. Always a sad day.
3729430 Authors have left due to bad comments before?
I guess it's completely possible... just really sad. I know of one very popular, dark story that someone wrote that had people hanging on every word... until he revealed the twist that basically "no one" enjoyed. A billion bad comments later and I think he stopped writing here for good. 
Hard to say what I'd do under the same circumstances...
3729380 Only worry if you hear all those glass jars start smashing -- that means all the "bottled up anger" is about to be let loose in the form of one strongly worded letter. The letter is "A", for annoyed, if you're curious.
Dark Canada looks like South Park's versions of Canada. Or French Canada...
3729554 I appreciate the warning, I will keep an eye out for Mauling Missives.
And thanks for explaining what Dark Canada looks like, but I really doubt it looks like French Canada. As I understand it, there's no Canada like French Canada, it's the best Canada in the land, the other Canada isn't really Canada, if you lived there for a day you'd understand.
3728865 your fault
On the flip side, I don't get annoyed by this, but it is annoying to see an author respond to Every. Single. Comment.
3730108 Now the question becomes, "Do I answer this comment about replying to every comment?"
3729554
I know of 2 that haven't written in a year plus. I can't say it's entirely due to negative feedback, though. Frustration is probably a factor.
Is there such a thing as an author getting frustrated that they put in so much effort into their work that they give up because no matter what they do it seems like they don't really get any recognition? I had maybe one or two comments about my stories, and the only one I remember was because it was clop. I get somewhat discouraged when I even ask people why they downvoted and...nothing. No comments or anything. I want to get better, but it's hard to do that when there is no feedback.
3737655 I've deleted I think eight stories so far and will probably delete more in the future. My first story was 118k and I was basically happy if I got a single comment after each chapter. Obviously, things change and you eventually realize that that was actually a rather small response. Still, it was a story I wrote for myself and just for myself... so that probably makes it the most "me-ish" story of mine. That was also a lot time ago.
I guess what this rambling means is that it takes a while to get recognition and the willingness to try anything and everything to get people to read your work. (I, also, wrote a few clop stories under a fake account just to get views.) When I first started posting on this site, I thought of myself as strictly a dark writer. One year later and I'm pretty sure I'm mostly known for comedies now.
Still, I've failed and deleted a lot of stories. Comedy, dark, dramatic, adventure, and others. Having said that, I've also written those same genres to success, too.
I once planned out a multi-chapter story for four months only for it to fail from the first chapter. Then, out of frustration, I wrote two other stories that managed to get featured. Some work and some don't. Just keep writing and be willing to step outside your comfort zone to find what works. And I guess also realize that it won't "always" work, no matter what. (It took me over a year to realize this...
)
As for disliking something with no reason whatsoever... I got the same problem. I think most writers do...
(Get back here and tell me what you didn't like, damn it!)
(This might've not made much sense. I've been staring at the computer for like four hours straight...)
3737687
No, it all made perfect sense. I write mainly for myself, as my stories are pony adaptations of my favorite game book series. It's a labor of love and sometimes sleepless nights, because I thinks of ways to make it not just pony version, but also different in it's own right. Just very frustrating when I write so much and no comments at all to tell me what I'm doing well or not. It's at a point right now where I've stopped writing at least for the time being. I do need to do some more though. Lore changes are a bitch.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Canada."
~Matthew "Canada" Williams, 20-whatever-the-fuck
Mate, you should come on over and be Australian. That way you can get away with being as Laid-Back or as Blunt on the comments as you could possibly want.
Seriously a year over here and you will be amazed at how many Bucks you can easily not give.