Read It Now Reviews #68 – Accentric, A Proper Mare, Perfect Justice, I’m Not a Fly, Celestia Hates Us All · 10:19pm Jan 18th, 2016
Howdy folks! Hope all the Americans are enjoying MLK day.
Sorry I haven’t been quite as active of late, but I have been working on some things invisibly. One of the fruits of my labor came out on Friday, a rather silly story about Pinkie Pie teaching Scootaloo the true story of the Hearth’s Warming Turkey:
Hearth’s Warming Turkey
Slice of Life, Comedy
2,535 wordsThe Ponyville school is putting on this year's Hearth Warming play, and Diamond Tiara has given the Cutie Mark Crusaders their roles. Sweetie Belle seems happy enough working backstage, but Scootaloo doesn't like it one bit. She's no turkey! And who's ever heard of a Hearth's Warming turkey, anyway?
But as Pinkie Pie explains, sometimes the smallest roles can be the most important.
I haven’t quite decided which story to finish next, but hopefully I’ll decide this afternoon.
In other news, numerous stories have been coming out and whizzing by and I’ve been lax in my reading. Some of these were featured, others were stories by folks that I stalk follow, and Bookplayer actually wrote an entire novel that I still haven’t gotten around to reading.
But I did manage to get through several stories today:
Accentric by ashi
A Proper Mare by Nyronus
Perfect Justice by Nyronus
I’m Not a Fly by Dr Atlas
Celestia Hates Us All by Horse Voice
Accentric
by ashi
Slice of Life
2,737 wordsWhen you've known somepony for a long time, there's a danger that complacency can set in; while visiting Twilight in order to discuss something with her, Fluttershy learns a secret of the Princess of Friendship. One that she had been doing her best to keep hidden.
Why I added it: It was featured and I wanted to find out if the title was a typo.
Review
Fluttershy finds out that Twilight Sparkle speaks with an affected accent. She’s okay with it.
The core idea here – that Twilight really has a high-class Canterlot accent, but has affected a more “normal” accent to avoid ponies being jerks to her – is an interesting one (even if it is one that makes little sense in the context of the show, considering how many times we’ve seen her talking to herself in private/talking to Celestia, not to mention her brother’s own lack of such an accent), but this story doesn’t really go much of anywhere with it; a good deal of it is Fluttershy panicking over betraying Twilight’s trust by finding out about it accidentally, and the whole thing ended up feeling kind of pointless – the whole thing just kind of gets defused, it doesn’t really matter, and it is just kind of a thing.
The point of view was also kind of jittery, going back and forth between Fluttershy and Twilight a few times within the same scene for no apparent reason.
All in all, the core idea was possibly something that could be made use of, but as a story, this wasn’t very engaging.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
A Proper Mare
by Nyronus
Sex, Drama, Romance, Slice of Life, Gaynst
2,673 wordsRarity had everything she ever thought she wanted. The recognition of the Canterlot high society, a booming career, and the love of a loyal and dashing prince.
Of course, none of those old dreams accounted for the prince being another mare. Not that there is anything wrong with that of course, but a proper mare does not go flaunting such things. That's just good manners.
Right?
Why I added it: Nyronus is a good author.
Review
Rarity refuses to even kiss Rainbow Dash at a party despite their long-standing relationship due to her being uncomfortable with coming out publicly.
Rainbow Dash gets upset.
Rarity realizes she’s been a total heel and decides to fix it.
I liked the core concept of this story; it is fundamentally gaynst, but it was decent enough, and I liked the descriptions of Rainbow Dash being listless at the party, as well as Rarity’s own mystification at what she did wrong. The story faded a bit the longer it got, though, with the ending feeling like it drug a little before the payoff at the end.
Still, if you like RariDash, you’ll probably be happy with this.
Recommendation: Worth Reading if you like RariDash, but skip it if you don’t ship it.
Perfect Justice
by Nyronus
Slice of Life
2,147 wordsThere is something bothering Princess Luna.
Every night she goes down into the Hall of the Elements, and sits a lonely vigil as her heart turns with confusion and fear. Not matter what she has tried, she has gone there night after night, a single question eating at her.
Why, of all the villains the Elements of Harmony have punished, was she spared?
Written between Season 2 and 3.
Why I added it: Nyronus is a good writer.
Review
Luna wonders why the Elements of Harmony were so lenient with her relative to the other villains they did horrible things to.
The Elements tell her.
This is a kind of simple story, but honestly I didn’t really like it that much. Luna angst is a common fandom meme, but there’s nothing wrong with it, and her feeling bad about it is a potentially powerful thing to use. But here, it fell a bit flat for me; having the Elements actually answer felt kind of straightforward, and it robbed anyone else – including Luna herself – from reasoning through why the Elements might be so “nice” to her. Really, the whole thing felt almost too straightforward, and I can see why it was one of the stories that Nyronus was chewing on whether or not to release – it didn’t really do much for me, as ultimately, a lot of the story ended up being about stuff we already knew.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
I’m Not a Fly
by Dr Atlas
Comedy, Random
3,219 wordsOne minute you have a changeling enter your boutique, and the next minute you're getting a lecture of how offensive it is to think changelings are bugs.
Maybe Rarity should've thought twice before hitting a changeling with a flyswatter.
Why I added it: It was featured and fantastic racism amuses me.
Review
“Hello there, fellow pony!” The white stallion at the door yelled. “May I come in?”
So begins the story of Carl the changeling and Rarity the unicorn. Rarity is suspicious of this TOTALLY NORMAL PONY, while the pony just wants in. Of course, it doesn’t take long for Rarity to figure out that he is not, in fact, a normal pony, but a CHANGELING, clearly intent on stealing her love.
So she decides to pull out… wait, no, would that even work on a changeling… no… not that… aha! A fly swatter!
The changeling then gets deeply offended at her racism towards him. He just wants some love! He didn’t want to eat Rarity!
Well, not like that, anyway.
This story was kind of wryly amusing in a way, but it ended up lingering too long on a few jokes. The net result was that several of them wore out their welcome, and the good, tingly, laughing feeling you’re supposed to get as you go through a story from one joke to another ended up sort of fading away. The racism joke was telegraphed by the title and cover art, and unfortunately, it also ultimately takes up about half the story, and wears itself out by the end as while Carl shows his OUTRAGE, he never really goes anywhere interesting with it.
The cover art is amusing, and the idea is amusing, and the story was amusing in a few spots, but in the end, this didn’t really do it for me.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Celestia Hates Us All
by Horse Voice
Gore, Dark, Thriller
5,017 wordsJust beyond Ponyville Cemetery, Blues Noteworthy and Tritone Interval conspire for a sinister purpose: To write a musical that will raise the dead.
Why I added it: Horse Voice is a good writer.
Review
I have to admit, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect with tags like those on this story, but it seems that my fears were misplaced; this story is not gory, or grim, or even all that dark. While there are some descriptions of undead zombies in there, none of them are too graphic or disturbing.
This is a versebreakers story. For those of you who aren’t familiar, the versebreakers verse is an idea of Horizon’s – it describes a universe in which ponies’ songs have magical properties, and can sweep up entire crowds in musical numbers. The versebreakers are an organization whose purpose is to cut off unauthorized or disruptive musical numbers.
Tritone and Noteworthy have been working together on a song to raise the dead, experimenting on dead frogs. For months, nothing was happening; their money was getting low, and Noteworthy’s relationship with his fiancé in Canterlot was growing strained. At last – at long last – they were ready to give up, and it was then that Noteworthy got a letter saying that his fiancé was calling it off.
Heartbroken, he and Tritone turned to their only solace – music. And Noteworthy worked through his pain. And it was then – and only then – that they succeeded.
But things go sideways when Noteworthy goes to a dangerous swamp by himself to get more frogs to experiment on, and Tritone is forced to try and use the music to bring his friend back to life…
This was an interesting idea for a story, and I liked the overall thrust of it – including the idea of why their particular song worked, and why its “obscene” lyrics functioned in the way that it did. That said, the story’s greatest weakness lies in its ending – while I liked the reveal (and guessed at it earlier on), it wasn’t particularly satisfying, and it felt a bit lackluster compared to the rest of it, with it ending in a slightly unsatisfying way. Not that the ending was out of place, mind, simply that it felt a bit too straightforward, in a way.
Still, this was an interesting enough concept on the whole, and if you like the idea of music raising the dead, this is a piece you’ll probably find interesting.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Summary
Accentric by ashi
Not Recommended
A Proper Mare by Nyronus
Worth Reading
Perfect Justice by Nyronus
Not Recommended
I’m Not a Fly by Dr Atlas
Not Recommended
Celestia Hates Us All by Horse Voice
Worth Reading
Until next time, folks!
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 108
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 409
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 1791
Today's theme: stories with good ideas but meh execution?
Also: it's spelled/pronounced "Gayngst". The G is important, otherwise the portmanteau doesn't mean anything. Admittedly, it's already a very awkward portmanteau, but, well, not every neologism can be a winner.
3696065
Yes. Including my own, apparently, judging by its view count.
3696065
In my defence - and Celestia, I hope I don't come across as whiny here - the meh-ness is sort of the point (it being a Slice of Life tale and all). The entire theme of the story is basically a subtle jab at the idea that something small can suddenly become a big deal if you let it. I assume that's why Aegis Shield and the others got so pissed off at the misleading description, etc: they expected something big, and it just wasn't, nor was it intended to be.
3696080 Not having read the story, I'll refrain from commenting on it.
3696091
Fair enough.
Only one?
Good enough for me!
3696744
I was like HORSE VOICE RELEASED A STORY.
Sorry I took so long to get around to it.
And then... didn't read it that night, or the next day, and then I was going through my recently missed stories and was like WAIT HOW DID I NOT READ THIS? D:
3696887
A shucks, you're gonna make me blush.
I will never understand how Accentric hit the featured box.
3697785
The premise was interesting and it had a funny title?
Accentric is an example of a type of story that I don't really like. I call it the "Headcanon Dump". The author has an interesting idea about something in the original work, like a character's background. So the write a story in which one character tells another one (and by extension, the audience) all about it in a long monologue. The key problem, of course, being that we are told everything, rather than shown it. An infodump on its own does not make for an interesting story.
To be fair to ashi, they did try to show us Twilight's accent through the conversation that Fluttershy overhears at the start, but the limitations of the medium means that they have resort to telling us that she's speaking in a posh Canterlot accent. But even if they were working in a medium where that could be overcome, it still wouldn't save the story as the rest of it would still be Twilight telling us why she affects the accent that she does.
To fix the story, we need to be shown why Twilight is afraid to speak in her natural accent. The simplest way would be through a flashback, although I feel those are overused (still, it definitely can work, as in the Cutie Mark Chronicles). Another way would be to show that her fears have merit. Maybe Rainbow Dash overhears Twilight talking in her Canterlot accent to an important noble, and Rainbow becomes insulted because she thinks that Twilight is putting on airs?
I'm just brainstorming here -- that idea may or may not work as a story. The point is that, once one has an interesting idea to base a story on, they need to dig into that idea and find a way to allow the audience to experience that idea. The magic of storytelling is in how you can draw your audience into the story make them emphasize with your characters. With a long monologue, the reader doesn't form any emotional connection with the characters and thus have little reason to care about the idea you're trying to get across.