Lemur Rambles: There Is Love Beyond What Lingers · 2:22pm Dec 25th, 2015
Before I reached one hundred fanfics under my SS&E belt (which I did? kinda sorta? f'naaaa), I implied that I was going to do a "Top 10 Favorite Fics That I Wrote" thingy. Well, due to massive writing loads, real life work kefluffles, and outright laziness, that never happened. But another reason for it is that the idea more or less evolved into a method by which I could ramble self-centeredly on various fics from the Skirtsian past in greater, more focused detail.
So, I figured that I'd start doing that here and now. I've always wanted to just... ramble on about my own written works. Only, it's super egotistical and douchebaggish, so I never got around to it. Then the whole "100 Fanfics" thingy happened, and I figured that was my excuse to be a digijerk anyways. So, if you're turned off by that, then I don't blame you, and better author accounts are THAT way.
So, without further a'disney, here I go with the fanfictional self-fappery. Starting with...
Also, as if it wasn't obvious, there be spoilerz here
A lot of my fanfics are extremely similar to one another. This is a direct result of a single moron using the same thought process to come up with... well... all of them. There Is Love Beyond What Lingers is a lot like Home In a Flash, in that it features a male protagonist returning home and doing a whole bunch of "showing" and "not telling" in regards to his present, past, and motivations. There's also lots of themes regarding suicide, regret, and introspective reflection on history... y'know... the usual Skirtsian Skittles.
In fact, the story is more or less a spiritual sequel (more of a recursive fanfic) to my 2012 work "Gift," which is still one of my favorite bits of writing ever. But while in "Gift" we have (last spoiler warning) a protagonist who ends her life at the end, in "There Is Love Beyond What Lingers" has a main character who chooses not to be an hero, despite having every personal motivation to do so. It's more or less a purposeful affirmation of life, optimism, and rising above one's frailties through the salvation of companionship.
My first inspiration for the story came from a trip (or... two?) I made to Downtown Disney in early-early 2013. Those were very mellow months, a time when I missed Ponky like the plague, and so I attempted to fill the cold lingering void in my chest vacuole by wandering around in public places and listening to Mylo Xyloto looping on my Zune. At the time, I was super obsessed with going back to Disney for the first time in eight years, but I didn't quite... have the impulse to actually do it, so I settled for the retail appendix to the Mousetropolis and just... walked around and absorbed the atmosphere. (Nietzsche I'm pathetic).
Anyways, it was super crowded there, and I felt like some wyrd lone fool who had nothing to do with anyone or anything else. And at some point this sensation reached a boiling point, and I started fantasizing that I was some long lost prodigal sun returning to a home village during a huge festive event that was the reason for attracting so many mofos. I find myself in lurve with stories where the protagonist is a serene island of introspection in the middle of a populous sea of extroversion. I think it's how I imagined myself in high school (we've all been there). Somewhere from this sensation blossomed the idea that the protagonist in question would be some mysterious stallion (in a poni fic, duh) coming home after several years and reveling in both the nostalgia and the spontaneous joy of the festival all around him. However, through the use of unreliable narrator, we'd learn that the main character was actually intending to perform grimdark tango with a tree branch, and all of his relatively felicitous thoughts leading up to the tragic event was really just an exercise in literary irony.
I didn't get to writing it right away because... hello... where's the catharsis in all that shiet? Plus, in 2013, I was changing into a far cheerier lemur (relatively speaking). I had channeled almost all of my lulz!angst into "When I Was Thirty," and I wanted to move on from super!scope!sixteen!SAD. Besides, the story just didn't... stand well on its own. It was too much like "Gift," only without the spontaneous changeling!Rarity part. And as much as I lurve baiting the feature bar, I'm not a fan of directly repeating shiet.
So, I sat on the story idea for a while, and then a completely unrelated thought occurred to me, regarding Worst Pony™.
Okay. Look. It's feckin' 2015. Let's come out of the closet with this one already.
I really don't hate Pinkie Pie. Is she my least favorite pony? Mmmmm... yeah, kinda. But she's not my least favorite pony to write (that distinction would probably go to Spike Fluttershy). Ever since 2011, marsupials have commented on my supposedly fantastic take on Pinkie Pie in horse lit, and I've always responded to those assertions with a coy, tongue-and-cheek "BUT SHE SUX DOE" attitude. Truth is, yeah, I was very much turned off by her very early on in the series. And that's only because I've always sorta had an aversion to characters that run screaming to the camera "I'M THE COMEDY RELIEF PERSON! LOOK! SEE HOW MUCH COMEDY RELIEF I BRING!" It's the same reason why I hated Beast Boy for so long in Teen Titans and... meh... barely tolerated Kurt Wagner in XME.
But one can't deny that there are a lot of smile-inducing things about Pinkie Pie, both subtly and figuratively. For one, Andrea Libman is fan-friggin'-tastic. I could listen to that voice forever, be it Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy. And whenever those characters sing, it's goddayum heaven. That alone brings mirth to the brooding soul, and I've found with each progressive season that I'm constantly amused and joy!jaculated by Pinkie's presence. In other words, it's unfair to say you "hate" a character when you fall in lurve with episodes that more or less center around her (like Pinkie Apple Pie, which has a musical number that still brings me to happy tears).
Plus, Pinkie Pie truly is fun to write... especially if you're a moronic lemur like me who has a tendency to write kaizo comedy fics from time to time.
Now that I really think about it, I believe a prime reason I despised Pinkie Pie from the get-go is that, back in 2011, Pinkamena Grim Dark Fics were bigger than fuckin' Jesus. Like... I don't think anyone properly remembers the huge-ass hardon bronies had for both bloody!Pinkamena fics and sympathetic!Woona stories. At Megacon 2012, I stood around with Sam Rose, watching with my naked eyes as self-respecting organisms of the estrogenical persuasion flounced around in "Cupcakes Meat Dresses." The meme was gritty, bloody, and obnoxious, and--perhaps in an urge to emulate equine counter-culture--I utterly refused to indulge in the "Pinkie Pie has a depressive fugue state personality" bullshit, which is what made her arc in "The End of Ponies" particularly migraine-inducing, 'cuz I had to try my best to write an in-character canon version of Pinkie Pie in a fairly grim environment (gassssssspwho'dathunkittttt).
Well, here I was in 2013, and the brony scene had changed quite significantly. Some might say for the worse, others might... say absolutely nothing at all. I guess I felt that I could finally get away with tickling the untouched Pinkamena gland. But, more than anything else, I felt it was high-time to "come out" and embrace Pinkie Pie officially before the marsupial alumni. In other words, this was gonna be as "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Pink" sort of a thing. And what better way to accomplish this than in the most challenging, cringey way possible? AKA pairing Pinkie Pie up with a first-person narrator and almost brushing shoulders with the (Romance) tag?
So I started fiddling around with the idea of having a protagonist completely alien to Pinkamena Diane Pie cross paths with the mare, only to discover both her manic and depressive qualities. I figured that I needed a relatively uplifting premise/plot, but I also didn't want to go into full-on shipping. At best, this story would be a relationshipping fic. I didn't want to overdo it.
And that's when I remembered the "introspective protagonist returns home and lassos his own neck" idea from early 2013. I figured that--by combining the two premises--I could utilize a mechanic where Pinkie Pie inadvertently saves a guy from his own depression through a chanced meeting. Then, to up the ante, I'd turn it into a mutual thing: where the protagonist discovers Pinkie Pie in a sad state, does his best to bring her out of the pits, and then later is rewarded for his good samaritanism when she amicably reciprocates his kindness and generosity. It'd be a total Frank Capra/Norman Rockwell/heartstring-tugging thang... which is total Skirtsian sugar at its core.
I think, objectively speaking, the protagonist's mindset in "There Is Love Beyond What Lingers," is something of a paradox. It was my goal to mislead the reader as to his true intentions, but I may have gone a bit too far in it. His narrative is mostly happy, nostalgic, and mirthful all throughout the story. We also see him channel his good nature through the way he treats Pinkamena and attempts to uplift her spirit. I think my angle was to suggest that he was always a pleasant individual, and seeing Pinkamena in a sad state provided him a last-minute opportunity to bring joy to somepony, considering that he had lost all hope of finding joy and comfort for himself.
Perhaps there's something a bit accurate about this. Not all suicidal people, I suspect, are constantly woe-is-me on the surface. If real life is any indication, truly depressed people likely find escapism through a manic superficiality, and when that well runs dry, the unthinkable occurs.
Such almost happens in this fic. But, in an antithesis to 2012's "Gift," the protagonist refuses to end himself, because his recent exploits with Pinkamena give him reasons to hesitate. While it's pretty spaghetti-inducing to comment so heavily on themes of suicide and depression in a poni poni poni fic, I like to think that the impact of friendship and kindness is pretty evident in "There Is Love Beyond What Lingers." Companionship brings literal salvation, a second chance, a new hope. And it's not so much that Pinkie Pie turned the tide. The protagonist always had the ability to rise above himself; he just needed this fateful run-in with Pinkamena to trigger that hidden, inner strength.
So while "Gift" was always meant to be a beautiful tragedy, this fic is my shot at a "beautiful eucatastrophe." It's something that became common in a lot of my stories from 2013 and on. "The Funeral of Derpy Hooves," is another example. It's almost as if I was riding the infamy of SS&E being a "depressed/grimdark writer" and throwing readers for a loop by baiting them with death/suicide triggers. F'naaaa. One of the poetic tragedies about life is all of the barricades we throw around our emotions, when an easy solution is always around the corner, necessitating honesty, intimacy, or a simple conversation. Poni poni poni words provide a way in which one might... metaphorically burst the bubble, utilizing pastel colored mares on stage.
I'm somewhat proud of the sense of change and transition in this fic. We see it happen in two things: 1) Pinkamena turning back into Pinkie Pie and 2) the Hearth's Warming festival playing out in the background. Rather than obsess with depressed!straightmane'd!Pinkie, I wanted the fic to slowly morph her back into her typically happy self, affirming the canon Pinkie and suggesting that joy and optimism wins in the end. And while all of this happens, the day turns to night in the background. By the time Pinkie Pie runs off, the protagonist is alone in more ways than one. All of the ponies of Ponyville have gone inside to attend the Hearth's Warming pageant, leaving the protagonist literally alone in the darkness and snow--the appropriate time for his mood to shift into something dark and tragic. I had a lot of fun shifting from an atmosphere of social mirth and holiday cheer to sudden bleak isolation--both of which are mirrored in the snowy weather all throughout.
But, more than anything, I'm super proud of the last few lines of the fic:
"Heheh... alright, Pinkie Pie." I gulped. "I was thinking about wh-what you said earlier."
"Yeah? Yeah? And...?"
I looked up at her. I succeeded in smiling. I failed, however, to stop the tears from running down my face. "And... and I believe that I could really use a fr-friend right about n-now."
Pinkie stared at me. Slowly, she smiled. When she crossed the threshold and caught me in her hug, I only then realized how far I had fallen. I felt like a fool, but the warmth of her voice kissed me back to dry land.
"Silly pony," she whispered. "You already have a friend."
I would have replied, if only I wasn't too busy weeping. That's when Pinkie led me inside, away from the cold, and it was there I discovered that, in fact, I had several.
I still think they're the best last lines of any fanfic I've ever written (up there with "When I Was Thirty" and "Background Pony"). It's a way to cap off the fanfic with a triumphant spirit, affirming life, ponies, and fuzz. Eat up, ya guppies.
But, alas, the fic didn't really garner much attention, which is the lasting legacy (anti-legacy?) of the story. A lot of this can be chalked up to the fact that it's a friggin' 12k word fic with a vague synopsis featuring an OC protagonist (and worst pony). Also lulz I made the mistake of uploading this thingy on Christmas Eve 2012 in some futile attempt to be poignant and "holiday-related." As if we didn't have enough reruns of It's a Wonderful Life echoing against our ear bones. And, come on, we all know that fanfics never have a chance of getting top featured during holidays... oh wait.
But of the choice few marsupials who did read the story, they left some pretty snazzy comments. I remember hanging out with my family at my Uncle's on Christmas Day. It was a pretty nippy evening, and I didn't have anything to do. So I borrowed Lemur Sr's tablet and sat outside by the fire, feeling warm and toasty, reading up the scant reviews I had gotten. It left me feeling very... satisfied. And accomplished.
So, this fic will always be a source of pride for me for various reasons. If I actually did a top ten, it'd easily be in there. Would I like it to get more recognition? Sh00r, I guess, but we only ever get what we earn.
So there you have it. My first "Lemur Rambles" crapola. It's egotistical and silly, but what else would one expect?
If you actually wanna see me write more of these thingies, feel free to leave a comment... or suggest fics that you'd want/like to see me ramble on about from the SS&E / IC / BH / JE library.
Thanks for your attention, as always. And here's to a kidney stone free happy New Year.
-SS&E
I would love to hear any amount of rambling about your stories. How about Scale next?
This was a great read. "There Is Love Beyond What Lingers" is one of my favorite stories by you, so I'd be really interested to see what the other nine stories in the list are ("Gift" seems to be one of them...).
As someone who followed you because of the Austraeoh series, I'd love to hear about what inspired that. I mean, we've got our own little cult set up and everything around it.
Also have a Murray Christmas and all that jazz woohoo
Yes, I'd like to order a 15k word essay on Lyra Meets the Punnisher, thanks.
Please talk about any and all of your stories. Particularly, Herald, .out.of.character., . until the last pony is ferried ., the blue harvest shorts, When I Was Thirty, Moonwhacked, Scale... seriously, reading your thoughts about your work (or hearing you talk about them on panels) is seriously awesome. This is one of my favourites of yours as well, so I'm glad to see you also like it a lot.
Merry Christmas.
I remember this story. I liked it!
I always really liked the way Pinkie was portrayed in this story. In fact, it might be the most memorable Pinkie I've read on this site. I remember the story pretty well and have it ranked as my, let's see here, 54th overall (I love numbers too much, you're all over my favorite fan fiction list).
I'd of course love for you to do more of these. I wonder if you could pull off this much wordage with a silly, light story like Sunset Shimmy (36th).
Cheers and merry Christmas!
3642093
I'll take what he's having!
But in all seriousness this was super interesting and more would be pretty swell...
I still love that story. Also a favorite, also one of your best. It definitely deserves to be in this "Top 10".
I found this... utterly fascinating. I definitely want more, probably starting with 'Because Ponies Are the Size of Cats and They Love to Cuddle'. Partially because I'm itching for you to finish it, partially because I'm madly curious how you got from our present day to what you display in the fic.
3641973
What he said. In shocking turn from my usual feelings, the flowery prose was a major turn on for me in this story, and the meta angle was nifty as fuck.
Or Met a Pony in Hell. Would love to hear the backstory to that.
I love to see your thought process behind these things. Thanks for the insight.
Write about any of your stories. The thought process/ being the scenes type stuff always intrigues me.
This was quite the story, but I had read it so long ago I had properly forgotten about most of it. Your little rant brings it all back. Much obliged, skirts.
I love reading anything you write
The analysis on ponyfic writing fads is intriguing. That's a
around fimfic since the more intellectual authors tend to ignore fads and most of those who participant directly in them usually let their work speak for itself or don't have much to say that's worth reading. Bring that analysis into how your stories are thematically connected and whoa – I'm getting déjà vu 
So yeah, more of that would be welcome
I'm absolutely thrilled my comment brought you a modicum of joy. I know I'm not the only one who, after reading your stories, gets a certain sadness upon the realization that there's no way we can pay you back for the awesomeness, satisfaction, [some untranslatable Russian words for sadness], excitement and above all, worlds that you have given us. To think it's been two years since then, and your stories are still so memorable to me – just wow. I don't think I need to say it, but thanksiess
Merry Krissymas too, ya old fuzzbutt.
Oh, also more Baconhair and Purple Smart.
Ohh, so you're finally doing these!
I remember this one: it left me pacing around at night after a particularly dismal Christmas.
I was always confused at the comments saying how the protagonist's intent and subsequential reveal came out of the left field. I remember hazarding a guess rather early, and the rest of the clues and hints throughout the story served a great deal of suspense. Maybe you just needed the mindset.
The attempt, and his particular choice of dialog during that scene, struck a powerful cord within me. Along with the scene that followed and the fic's closing lines, it became a personal fave. The characterization was great too, but I feel like I've gone off long enough and right time to do so is well and truly past.
I'm glad this one is, at least, in your mind's top ten; it's something that left an impression on me.
I'd also highly implore you to definitely produce more Lemur Rambles. Hearing your thoughts behind the work really is interesting.
wwwwwww
Ah, yes. Dive! Dive! Dive! needs to be here.
Thanks for blogging about the story to bring it to our attention. I loved the story, and I agree with you that the final lines of the piece are quite powerful.
This made for an interesting read. I’d love to see more, especially regarding:
— The Last Tears in Tartarus
— Bon Bon Bon Bon Bon Bon
— Hello, Sedna
— When I Was Thirty
— .until the last pony is ferried.
— Daring Dam
— Refraction
— .out.of.character.
— The Ever Ash Project
— Step Right In and Start Again
(On a side note, I find it funny how you always seem to be apologizing/self-deprecating for “rambling” or similar. Anyone following you probably won’t be bothered by lengthy prose, y’know.)