Read It Now Reviews #56 – Wait After Knocking, Adaptation, Hurricane’s Champron, Cruel Beauty, This Is Not An Adventure Clyde Story: A Story About Twilight Sparkle · 5:57am Sep 30th, 2015
Sorry for the dearth of reviews lately; I’ve been busy at work not revising Mistletrapped so I can get the last few chapters posted. Alas, it is very easy to let such a thing displace other things that are more easily achieved, but I’ve been trying to avoid doing easy things instead of buckling down and chewing on hard tasks.
But the release of several new stories by people I follow removed the option of putting this off any further.
Today’s stories:
Wait After Knocking by Arwhale
Adaptation by Strides_the_Stars
Hurricane’s Champron by billymorph
Cruel Beauty by obabscribbler
This Is Not An Adventure Clyde Story: A Story About Twilight Sparkle by Horizon
Wait After Knocking
by Arwhale
Sex, Slice of Life
4,079 wordsSpike has his own room, now. Unfortunately, this is not something Twilight is used to... and soon, it leads to a very tense and awkward moment that the two of them have to work through.
Why I added it: It was featured.
Review
Twilight walks in on Spike masturbating in his room, and after some embarrassment, has to comfort Spike and tell him that he did nothing wrong and explain that masturbating is normal and he did nothing wrong.
That’s the story.
As you might imagine, four thousand words of awkward conversation just isn’t all that interesting – the story has no real payoff, and indeed, the overall effect is to be rather boring. It isn’t that this isn’t a potentially interesting subject matter, but it is handled in a boring way, and teaches a message that everyone who is likely to read the story already knows anyway. Without any greater context, the story does nothing to advance the character of either of the primary participants, and the piece as a whole feels pretty generic, and constantly avoids actually mentioning masturbating directly, which made me half-think that the whole thing was going to be an elaborate bait-and-switch. It just didn’t really have any real payoff, emotionally or otherwise; it just kind of was.
Recommendation: Not Recommended
Adaptation
by Strides_the_Stars
Romance, Slice of Life
7,615 wordsOne night, whilst reading Sweetie Belle her favourite fairy tale, Rarity decides that her sister isn't getting good enough positive messages from her current literary choices. Spurred on, she decides that the only way to overcome this terrible fact is to adapt one of the fairy tales herself. After all, when the source material is as bad as this, how hard can it be?
Folklore cannot be easily tamed however; those creating and imparting the tales often learn just as much as the audience they're telling them to.
Why I added it: It was featured on Equestria Daily and has Romance, Applejack, and Rarity tagged.
Review
Rarity doesn’t like a fairy tale. It bothers her, even though she used to adore it. And so, she’s tempted to add in commentary, and keep changing things around as she’s telling it to Sweetie Belle, even if she is ruining it in the process.
So Sweetie Belle challenges her – if Rarity thinks she can do better, why doesn’t she write one herself?
And so Rarity tries to improve the fairy tale. The princess in the story, rather than waiting for the knight to beat the dragon, realizes she’s her own person, makes a rope out of her mane, and kills the dragon herself before turning the knight down, because she isn’t a prize to be fought for. But it tests poorly with her audience (namely, her friends), and each iteration takes on something new…
Meanwhile, Rarity and Applejack are marefriends, and very much in love. Applejack keeps doing nice things for Rarity, and Rarity keeps spending the night at Sweet Apple Acres. But Rarity has a life of her own as well, which Applejack keeps trying to help with, to the point where Rarity fears she has nothing of her own.
And as the story goes on, it becomes increasingly clear that the two stories aren’t actually two separate stories…
A story about Rarity discovering her discontent in life via rewriting a fairy tale, this is ultimately a story about Rarity trying to find balance in her life, and struggling against the fairy tale she thought she had wanted, but now has grown to despise.
The story’s frame idea is quite clever, and it took me several scenes into the story before I realized that the fairy tale in question wasn’t truly a fairy tale at all – long before Rarity came to the same conclusion. It was a clever means of exploring the conflict in Rarity’s heart, and the scenes where Rarity explains the story to her friends – particularly the ones with Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight – are quite amusing, though the Pinkie Pie scene was kind of weak and felt like it was just trying to complete the cycle, and didn’t add much to the story. Fluttershy’s scene also snuck in a few important points which only became obvious in retrospect, which was quite clever.
On the downside, though, this story didn’t do a good job of selling Rarity and Applejack’s actual relationship – we only see snippets of them together, and there’s precious little that convinced me that the two were a good couple here. It just didn’t do much to develop their relationship; it was just kind of there, and while I’m a fan of RariJack, it felt kind of arbitrary – they were together, but I never really understood in the story why they were together other than because it was necessary for the story to function. I never got the sort of emotion I would have wanted to make them feel like a genuine couple, and without my connection to that emotional core, the story as a whole just didn’t do it for me.
All in all, it was a clever idea, but the Applejack/Rarity portion of the plot felt underdeveloped, which undercut the emotional impact of the realization about the fairy tale.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Hurricane’s Champron
by billymorph
Adventure
2,077 wordsLegends tell of Hurricane's Champron, the mysterious helm that made him the mightiest Pegasus to ever live. In her search for revenge Lightning Dust found it. But, caught in a terrible blizzard, will she chose revenge or life?
Why I added it: Billymorph is a good writer.
Review
Lightning Dust has come to the ancient cave, the cave the three leaders once partitioned into thirds, the cave that the Windigos suffered their great defeat in. She came seeking Hurricane’s Champron, his helmet, the legendary device which made him the greatest flyer there ever was.
But the blizzard rages around her – the snow and ice, the winds of hatred that once blew around Hurricane. Lightning Dust will be the best there is – but can she make it out of the storm alive with her prize?
A story combining historical fiction – the TRUE version of the Hearth’s Warming tale – as well as Lightning Dust’s thirst for revenge against Rainbow Dash, this is a fun, evocative little story about Lightning Dust choosing between hatred and harmony vis-à-vis her choice about the helmet and braving the storm. If you like stories which take a more cynical look at Equestria’s past, while still bearing the hope of friendship we see in the show, you’ll likely like this one.
The Hearth's Warming play never said the cold could burn.
Lightning Dust had been cold many times in her life, cold was the pegasi’s element, and the rarified air of the upper skies their birthright. She’d spent many winters daring her little brother, Diamond, to fly ever higher with her into that icy expanse, but the blizzard put to shame the paltry efforts of a clear sky. It howled around her ears, biting and snapping at every exposed bit of fur, tearing away any modicum of heat until the very idea of warmth and safety seemed a distant memory. Snow clung to her coat like a funeral shroud and icicles hung from every frozen feather. She wore nothing to protect herself from the elements, only a silver champron over her head and face.
Still she walked, placing one hoof in front of the other with the grim determination of a pony who knew stopping meant death. At first, she’d sought to dominate the storm that had set upon her so quickly. Then, as the temperatures plummeted, she’d sought to endure it. Finally, she’d settled into a grim plod, her hooves dragging deep furrows through the snow, as she fought with every step to keep moving. There was no destination, just an endless expanse of ice and snow that grew deeper with every passing minute.
“Come on Dust,” she growled. It came as a surprise to hear her voice, the howl of the wind had filled her mind for so long she’d thought there was no other sound. “Would Spitfire just lie down and die? Would Hurricane?”
“Hurricane did,” the stallion observed. Lightning Dust had neither the will nor the energy to question his presence at her side. He was large for a pegasus, cobalt blue with a jet black mane streaked with grey hairs, he wore a heavy set of armour which had frozen solid to his hide. “Die, I mean.”
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Cruel Beauty
by obabscribbler
Tragedy
2,013 wordsDeep in the catacombs beneath the Crystal Castle, Cadence and Shining Armour discover something that brings Luna running. When the moon fails the rise, Celestia follows to investigate.
Why I added it: obabscribbler is a good writer.
Review
Celestia comes to the Crystal Empire to speak with her sister, who has isolated herself deep beneath the crystal palace and barred entry to all who would seek to enter – even Cadance and Shining Armor. There’s something very important to her there, so important that she shuts out the whole world to deal with it.
But it has been two days, and Celestia needs Luna to return.
This piece is actually mostly a character piece about Celestia and her view of things above all else – the story is told from her perspective, and her observations of Cadance, Shining Armor, Luna, and the Crystal Empire are core to the plot. Indeed, they’re what you’re “here for” – the actual central problem in the story, the thing Luna has come to find, is not resolved by the end of it, but Celestia does convince her sister to go with her, and give up for the moment on her Sisyphean task.
I liked Celestia’s voice here; the Princess of the Sun had a lot of presence in this story, and her little observations, political and personal, were interesting to read. Her musing about the history of the Crystal Empire, as well as the tragic irony of the empire’s historical isolation, the loss of knowledge of crystalline magic as a result, and other things is all fun to read. And her interaction with the other characters works well enough.
That being said, I didn’t like some of the implications of this piece very much; in particular, I have always strongly disliked the idea that losing a boy was what drove Luna’s lunacy, as it feels like it diminishes Luna as a person, and also seems to somewhat go against the idea of female agency which underlies a lot of MLP:FIM. As such, the ending was kind of a downer for me, not for the revealed tragedy, but the feeling of loss of agency on the part of Luna.
Recommendation: Worth Reading for Celestia.
This Is Not An Adventure Clyde Adventure: A Story About Twilight Sparkle
by Horizon
Comedy, Random, Crossover
4,164 wordsWhy would you think this is an Adventure Clyde story? That would be silly! This is a Friendship Is Magic fanfic site!
What this IS, is a story about Twilight Sparkle and the young dragon she has an ill-defined pseudomaternal relationship with. He happens to write stories. Some of those stories might happen to be about the Alicorn of Adventure, but be that as it may, this is a character drama in which our protagonist Twilight Sparkle must struggle with Spike's first exposure to the complex legal and ethical minefields of consensuality in adult relationships.
Okay, maybe this is also a literary deconstruction and reconstruction of "Adventure Clyde" (incl. tumblr and associated reviews and written works), reconciling his existence with My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic canon, while staying faithful to the My Little Pony universe and offering subtle and profound observations into the nature of scientific rationality, Freudian psychological analysis, and oranges. But we all like literary deconstruction, right?
Right?
*crickets*
Why I added it: Because Horizon reserves his most incomprehensible summaries for his best stories.
Review
Two people wrote Adventure Clyde stories that failed moderation. Therefore, Horizon had to write one that passed.
Wait, you wanted to know about the story?
Twilight is worried because Spike is writing stories about Adventure Clyde, the Alicorn of Adventure. And, well…
"Adventure Clyde, the Alicorn of Adventure, stared out of Twilight's bedroom closet at her peacefully slumbering form, consumed with his love for the best pony in the universe, in much the same way that he knew her every waking moment was consumed with thoughts of the second-best pony, which was him."
Spike tapped the pen to what would have been his lip had he not been a dragon. Hmm … something missing. He returned the pen to the page.
"… At that time she was adventuring in the realm of dreams, which was more than 500 feet from her closet, so he wasn't violating the restraining order."
Much better. He smiled.
His paper was encircled by a lavender glow. His eyes widened, and he threw himself atop it with a yelp, but the paper had already darted out of his grasp and over to Twilight.
Twilight read.
Her cheeks burst into flame.
This story is egregious serial nonsense, an ever escalating cavalcade of jokes, footnotes, footnotes about jokes, jokes about footnotes, characters who are terrible role models for young dragons, Freudian archetypes, running jokes, stalkers, people dodging important questions, plot twists, and this guy:
And it was very enjoyable. It was a completely ridiculous thing, and had it gone on any longer than it did I think I would have hated it, but instead I enjoyed it a great deal. It isn’t great literature. But it is so outrageous it is impossible not to like it, at least, if you enjoy all of those things I listed in the paragraph before this one.
If the phrase “egregious serial nonsense” puts you off, though, you may want to avoid this story.
Recommendation: Recommended.
Summary
Wait After Knocking by Arwhale
Not Recommended
Adaptation by Strides_the_Stars
Not Recommended
Hurricane’s Champron by billymorph
Worth Reading
Cruel Beauty by obabscribbler
Worth Reading
This Is Not An Adventure Clyde Story: A Story About Twilight Sparkle by Horizon
Recommended
And now, back to revising Mistletrapped.
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 88
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 343
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 1682
It's good to see that nonsensual stuff can still be good reading material.
Best reason for reviewing a story, confirmed.
Though now you've got me curious. Is this trend statistically significant? Other than The 18th Brewmare of Bluey Napoleon, which of my story descriptions have incomprehensibility at local maxima? Does Thou Goddess count because the original description sucked and I took outside advice to rewrite it to where it is now? Should I deliberately obscure the description of Case of the Cowled Changelings when I publish it, or should I tempt fate and buck the trend in an effort to let it organically featurebox?
*cough*
Anyway.
For the record, I did not personally write the two Adventure Clyde stories that failed moderation; they were written by Protopony350 and Dash the Stampede. But I took it a little too personally when I found out they were rejected for "not pony" when they centrally involved not just Twilight but most of the cast, and were both better than many non-trollfics I've read. "Well then," said I, "clearly the solution is to toe the arbitrary lines of sanctioned content and submit something crackier than both of them put together." I don't know if I succeeded in that last part but, well, I'm proud of Spike speaking in footnote, if nothing else.
tl;dr golden poop
p.s. blogpost title typo
3431431
I actually checked to make sure before I posted this, and I realized it wasn't true at all, but I decided to keep it anyway because it was funny.
Also, fixed the blog post title. Thanks for noticing. Also fixed the attribution error wrt Adventure Clyde.
That tends to annoy me a lot about interpretations of Luna, though more commonly what rubs me wrongly is the desire to partially or fully blame Celestia for her fall. There's this desire in the fandom to whitewash Luna's history of all wrongdoing and turn her into a helpless victim, and it really does diminish her as a character.
3431431
The story approvers/mods seem to be applying that rule a little incomprehensibly recently, another author I follow had a Friendship Games follow-up fic (IIRC, it was over the weekend) denied over it. I PMed a mod asking why, but no response.
"egregious serial nonsense" I love it
This has reached farther than I ever expected :V
WHAT A TWIST!
3431500
I agree. Agency is as important in failures as it is in success, and given Luna's own attitude, I'd imagine she'd be quite insulted by the idea that it wasn't really her fault.
3431500
I used to agree with this... then I replayed Arkham City and was re-introduced to one of my favorite villains from Batman, Mr. Freeze. In case you don't know, Mr. Freeze's wife was diagnosed with an incurable disease (I forget which and it doesn't really matter) so he cryogenically freezes her and becomes obsessed with finding a cure, cue lab accident/betrayal, cue supervillain. While Mr. Freeze is (to my knowledge) viewed exclusively as a tragic figure, every story where a female goes through a similar arc (sans cryogenic accident) she is viewed as being lesser, as though a female going to extremes to save/get revenge for her man is not only not tragic, but somehow degrading to the character.
Now, I don't mean to defend this story in particular (it's backstory didn't thrill me at all), but I've seen the sentiment too many times to not comment on it. It's easy to see that many writers don't handle it well, but that's true of a great many ideas and themes; stating that Luna's fall coming as a direct result of personal loss is 'bad' seems like an over-correction against the 'females are emotional' / 'females are defined by their relationships to men' tropes.
3441046
3431500
It has to do with loss of agency.
Freeze doesn't lose agency. He is obsessed with finding a cure, but the thing is, he's actually trying to do something proactive. He doesn't just feel like he's all alone and that life is pointless - he's actually doing something about it, has goals and motives in what he does. He didn't just go crazy because his wife died.
That being said, that sort of backstory is kind of trite and easily mismanaged. Freeze is actually a general exception to the rule of it being a shitty generic backstory, because unlike most of them, he actually is doing something about it - his wife is cryogenically frozen and his motivation is in finding a cure, not causing random destruction for no apparent reason.
3441314
True. But, again, that comes down to the writer handling it properly. Just the loss of a loved one isn't enough on its own. Whether it's a quest to do something about it or the introduction of an outside influence gaining her ear or the culmination of events, it isn't an inherently bad starting/turning point in Luna's arc.