Why would you think this is an Adventure Clyde story? That would be silly! This is a Friendship Is Magic fanfic site!
What this IS, is a story about Twilight Sparkle and the young dragon she has an ill-defined pseudomaternal relationship with. He happens to write stories. Some of those stories might happen to be about the Alicorn of Adventure, but be that as it may, this is a character drama in which our protagonist Twilight Sparkle must struggle with Spike's first exposure to the complex legal and ethical minefields of consensuality in adult relationships.
Okay, maybe this is also a literary deconstruction and reconstruction of "Adventure Clyde" (incl. tumblr and associated reviews and written works), reconciling his existence with My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic canon, while staying faithful to the My Little Pony universe and offering subtle and profound observations into the nature of scientific rationality, Freudian psychological analysis, and oranges. But we all like literary deconstruction, right?
Right?
*crickets*
Now with a dramatic reading by Present Perfect and ShadowOfCygnus!
REVIEWERS AND ELLIPSES WARN YOU AWAY:
"This story is egregious serial nonsense. (…) I think I … hated it. (…) It isn’t great literature. (…) Recommended." — Titanium Dragon
"My god (...) No." — Present Perfect (Highly Recommended)
"(...) a terrible mess (...)" — Bad Horse (Recommended)
OTHER ACTUAL WORDS SPOKEN BY PEOPLE WHO HAVE ACTUALLY READ IT:
"Oh man. (...) bad (...)" —Protopony350
"(...) by god (...)" —Skeeter the Lurker
"(...) weeping (...)" —Orbiting Kettle
"I have no idea what the hell (...) I fear for my well-being (...)" —Skywriter
THE PRAISE FOR "THIS IS NOT AN ADVENTURE CLYDE ADVENTURE" WHICH GOT THE STORY REJECTED BY FIMFIC MODERATION UNTIL I CENSORED DUBS:
[6:19:06 PM] horizon: Hey guys! Can I get a blurb for my upcoming story?
[6:20:08 PM] Zaponator: "Literally the best thing I've ever read. A true piece of art that puts to shame any written work before it, and will likely stand as a great unconquered titan for any work after it. 7/10 —IGN.com"
[6:20:41 PM] Dubs_Rewatcher: HOLY S**T
[6:21:03 PM] Haze: and this is how Displaced became canon
Adventure Clyde™ is a registered service mark of Protopony350 Industries, Ltd.
I REGRET NOTHING
AND/OR EVERYTHING
Edited to add: Thank you to 8950083 for the dramatic reading!
6465506
The only thing to regret is regret itself?
This. This right here is wonderful.
This one got a real laugh out of me. Oh man.
This is one of the funniest stories I've ever read!
This is getting depressing. Is Adventure Clyde.....a bad guy?
I'm really glad I didn't have a mouth full of water when I read that.
Oh man I could totally see that being in the show.
i.imgur.com/rJ7jfYz.png?1
THIS IS ONE OF MY NEW FAVORITE STORIES!
Dude I love you.
I AM IN AWE!!!
(Which is a little town just a short drive from Columbus, Ohio and is pronounced ah-way.)
This is magical, also why have you not published this?
6465806
It is currently queued up for moderator rejection and/or derision!
Or maybe they will even pass it! Adventure Clyde currently has a 0-for-2 record, but as the title clearly indicates, This Is Not An Adventure Clyde Adventure.
This is a masterwork. After reading this I can close my writing career, weeping as I have looked at perfection (or an acceptable off-label version of it).
6466325
Better love story than
TwilightMy Harshwhinnial y/n6465605
That, and not writing the epilogue correctly the first time.
6465673 6465766 6465806
Reread Chapter 2, Twilight and Spike's arc is properly closed now.
We asked them to show us what they got.
THEY DID.
AND IT IS HILARIOUS!
NYYYYYAAAAAHHH!!
I have invaded a horizon fic. My life is complete :D
THIS WAS A TALE OF GREATNESS
and also Clyde.
But let's not forget the TRUE hero.
horizon The Clyde in all of us.
It was full of TWISTS and TURNS.
AND DUNS!
i.imgur.com/tx8uvpz.jpg
also this is "Filling in for Beaker Pete"
6466593
I disagree. The more I think about it, the more sure I get that horizon is really Inaction Dave. They even look similar.
6466082
tomorrowlands.org/images/pony/twilight-facehoof-x2.jpg
tomorrowlands.org/images/pony/spike-shout-dubs.jpg
tomorrowlands.org/images/pony/futurama-pinkie-pie-clyde.jpg
Resubmitting with self-inflicted error removed.
But that does mean that Clyde is now 0 for 3 on first pass, I guess :V
IT BEGINS!
Oh lawd you made it even BETTER!
My name is Skeeter, and by god do I approve of this!
~Skeeter The Lurker
I'm scared.
Hold me.
6466952
i.imgur.com/ZDEVHZx.png
6466952
i.imgur.com/A4cUxrN.jpg
I am not doing that again.
6467663
:D :D :D
(I even got the pony eyes right today! It is a good day!)
6467684
MS Paint is, despite its name, a very difficult tool to paint with. Just sayin'.
I thought I was a sort of decent crack fic writer. but i bow down to you, oh master of the meta humor-filled crack fic.
All it needed was more DiscoLight. I rate it -q/29 1/2.
Crickets.....I am so done with crickets.....
I have no idea what the hell this fic is referencing and I still found it funny as all heck. I realize that link up there takes me to the thing presumably being referenced here. I fear for my well-being were I to actually start reading it.
6468241
Pull quote!
Pull quote for 6465669! Pull quote for 6466325! Pull quote for 6467378!
PULL QUOTE FOR EVERYONE!
Thank you all for the story blurbs!
I got to the first footnote and I'm already dumbfounded how this story made it through moderation and didn't get get stomped on for metafiction and circle-jerking.
Edit: When you (almost) compared Adventure Clyde to SBaHJ, I assumed I was properly equipped to read this story. I have made a grave mistake.
Edit x2 Combo: Investigating this first footnote required opening five tabs and involved research into Plato. Why must this happen every time I try to read a story about small cartoon horses?
This is the greatest thing I have ever read.
Top stars.
You missed your calling, sir.
6468331
BEST. DAY. EVER.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I honestly thought you were low-balling it on that one for a minute, resorting to a cliché.
Well, I guess that does provide some sort of basis for this. pre02.deviantart.net/aa72/th/pre/f/2012/164/a/e/twilight_sparkle___fire_pony_by_caboosinator-d53b4te.jpg
In my pursuit of this, I came cross this: http://prntscr.com/8la9k7
I feel this explains quite a bit.
Dangit, I've been craving ice cream for a while now, but that was the last straw. I went out and got myself some. I'm continuing the rest of this fic while enjoying Ben & Jerry's "Americone Dream" (feat. Stephen Colbert).
Okay, I've cracked it. This story wasn't written by horizon. The footnotes have finally gained sentience, and possessed him, wrote the story, and are masquerading as him!
This should be top story on the feature box for Expos-pigeon alone.
6469105
If you let him, Adventure Clyde can be top of the featurebox in your heart.
Except he won't love you back. His love is reserved for Twilight Sparkle.
Finally, one of my blog posts has been useful for something.
yesno
please
I lovehate it
I want morenoneall of it
Thank you for nothingthisgem
Sincerely
But then paranoia ate at her for days, and she went to desperate measures that were, of course, completely unnecessary and wouldn't possibly have any effect on the world other than to prove to herself that Adventure Clyde was just a figment of Spike's mother complex.
And so, when Clyde's amazing vision told him that Twilight had fallen asleep, he used his Best Pony Stalking Teleportation Spell (tm) to relocate himself into her closet, where he spent three hours happily watching her sleep and... things.
But then, after an arbitrary period of time, a time-based antimagic field settled around Twilight's house for but a brief moment. This had several effects;
It ended the sleep spell she had cast on herself.
It prevented the activation of the spell Clyde had linked to teleport him away the instant she awoke.
The detection of a non-magic zone activated a trigger-based anti-teleportation ward surrounding the area of the antimagic field right before the field ended.
Adventure Clyde was understandably surprised at the failed teleportation attempt, but not afraid! Well, he was, but only because he was about to get accused of violating that pesky restraining order and of breaking and entering (he had teleported, thank you very much! The police didn't seem to care much about that, however), which would likely make him stay even further away from Best Pone! It sucked that he wasn't a Prince. Srsly, why's Twilight a Princess and he wasn't? This law crap would be so much easier when he was exempt from 2/3rds of them.
Except then Twilight cast a portal spell into her closet. Being as how dimensional travel was very different from mere travel through space/time, the field did nothing. Clyde felt like laughing, but didn't (because he was a good guy and Twilight was a good guy--er, gal--and that would be rude). He was alicorn of adventuring! Throw him to another dimension, and he'd just come back!
However, it was not a portal to send him away. It was a portal to bring something to him. It's not much of an adventure if there's no traveling, is there? And it's rather hard for alicorn magic to manifest outside of that alicorn's domain.
When the magically-hardened walls of Twilight's closet stopped shaking, she dispelled the dozens of defense wards between herself and the door that she had spent the past minutes setting up. Carefully pulling open her doors from the other side of the room, she peeked inside.
It was empty. No, dude, like, really empty. There weren't any clothes anymore, or carpet, or jewelry, nor any of the books she had foolishly not removed. Deep scratches and burn marks marred the insides of the closet, and the Ohgodwhatisthatthing monster had gone back through the portal when it couldn't escape (which was, fortunately, the trigger to close the portal).
Twilight went back to bed and convinced herself that somepony had obviously tried to burgle her at a particularly inconvenient time and that Clyde hadn't been--wasn't--real, and that she wasn't a murderer (and legally speaking, she wasn't!).
_______________________________
Rainbow Dash floated over Spike's head as she did Rainbow Dash-things, such as sipping from a hayshake while flying in circles around a tiny table when there's a chair right there Rainbow Dash--seriously, are you trying to just find some excuse to be in the air or something? Because I know you've been on the ground in the show.
"How's it doin' Spike? You know, I don't think I've seen Clyde lately. Think he finally gave up on being such a creepo?"
Spike sighed into his claws. He slumped over the table. "I guess so. I just hoped he'd say goodbye or something."
"Hey, don't worry, buddy! It's not like he was brutally ripped apart by extradimensional horrors or anything."
"Thank you, Dash. I feel sooo much better now."
"Anytime, Spike. Anytime."
I choose to believe that Adventure Clyde is Spike's own personal Tyler Durden, and his Freudian issues with Twilight (don't forget he falls in love with an organized unicorn with a purple mane the second he sees her) are her fault for never formally adopting him.
6471298 Do you write comments like this so other people will read them and go "wow, this person is a great writer, I should check out their stories?" Because if so, it worked.
6471654
No, no! I'm not nearly so manipulative.
Probably.
But really, it just occasionally comes to me when I read something. I just really thought Clyde needed to die in a fire.
What. The actual. Fuck. I mean, really, what the fuck.
Why did I enjoy this??
I give it 20/10, this was fucking magical.
Good job, man.
That was different
Loved the footnote footnoting itself
I'm clearly going to need to read some Adventure Clyde stories to properly appreciate this. As is, it's fun, but I don't think I have the necessary context to enjoy it on all available levels.
That was fantastic.
Though since I'm reading this in bed that means Plot Twist Pete is hiding under my bed, and that's just creepy. Also, it definitely violates the restraining order.
This is absolutely demented and makes me wish I could write absurdity instead of just having to read it all the time.
Fantastic execution and just hilarious all around.
this is the greatest story I have ever read
6477784
It is too late for you Cyne
You are now one of us.
Please let Adventure Clyde into your tendrils.
6477887 I have witnessed his passing and now he is my tendrils
6477911
Now you must commune with him.
How do you make all those footnote boxes?