In which I say bad words about the people running Equestria LA · 9:15pm Sep 10th, 2015
Here's my primary complaint: Scoots2 is a great friend of mine and a good person, and you fuckers absolutely ruined her day. (This text is only under a spoiler because it's going to show on my main profile page. Everything in the rest of the blog entry is going to be out in the open for people who click through and read the whole thing.)
Now, she has already pointed out -- because she's a nicer person than I am -- that there were some very nice things that happened at the convention, and I plan on addressing some of those later. But there are things that I just can't let slide, and they include one of the most bone-headed maneuvers that I have ever seen in the two-decades-and-change that I've been attending geeky fandom conventions.
Plus, I kind of feel like those things happened despite you drooling simpletons, not because of you. I mean, yeah, you got some great guests, but even a concussed chimp with at least some awareness of MLP could pick out some good names. So I guess I at least have to give you credit for assigning the actual booking efforts to the small contingent among you who can make phone calls, send emails, and successfully tie their shoes. Without those folks clearly operating at a level far above the rest of you, I wouldn't have had the pleasure of seeing the very first panel featuring Lauren Faust and Mother of Dragons Ponies Bonnie Zacherle.
I don't know if you dipshits know this, but costumes (and their associated competitions and other chances to show off on stage) are a big deal in fandom. Like, all fandom. More or less universally. Going back to the earliest science fiction conventions over forty years ago. And the aforementioned Scoots2 is one of the people who is into them, having worked like hell on both Harry Potter outfits and pony costumes.
But as far as you clowns are concerned, fuck that, right?
For those of you who didn't attend the convention -- or for those members of the EqLA staff who just operate in a general state of bewilderment at all times -- here's what happened. On Saturday afternoon, there was to be a costume show for adult attendees. (Can't call it a competition, because even something as basic as coming up with categories and prizes exceeded the grasp of the window-lickers running this aspect of the con.) The kids had their own event, and it must have actually gone off properly, as I haven't caught wind of any parental wrath. Anyway, the adult event was on the schedule starting at 3:45 on Saturday afternoon. It was moved to 10:15 Saturday morning. Wait, it gets worse! (No, really!)
As a side note, I think it's also worth mentioning that the schedule wasn't available on the con website until just over a week before the event started. It's like someone had this sudden realization that since the days remaining on the calendar were fewer than the fingers on both of their hands, that maybe they'd better actually put something together. I wouldn't be bringing it up if they had been able to stick to that schedule, though, or at least had updated said schedule online prior to the start on Friday. But you know when they announced the new start time of 10:15 for the costume event? At approximately ten o'clock.
That's right -- not only did they have the audacity to move a con event up by five and a half hours, they did so with only fifteen minutes of notice. If I sat and thought for hours about how best to ruin a convention, I could never come up with something that stupid! Even if you were staying at the hotel hosting the con -- as many people weren't -- who the fuck can get an elaborate costume ready with just a fifteen-minute warning?
It's also worth mentioning that this absurd time-shift was only announced on Twitter. From what more than one person said, nothing was announced on their Facebook group (although I haven't checked for myself). There was no attempt at a mass email, despite the fact that they surely had email addresses for practically everyone in attendance. There were no signs posted. (One of their people has since claimed that there were, but either this is a lie, or it was done as ham-handedly as everything else -- perhaps by posting notifications in the stairwells of nearby buildings.) And as far as I know, there was nothing even remotely resembling a general public apology after the fact for this colossal fuck-up. So unless you were (1) staying at the hotel, (2) avidly following Twitter at all hours, and (3) already dressed in your costume nearly six hours before the scheduled start time... well, as far as EqLA is concerned, piss on you. (And in the unlikely event that they actually did make more of an effort than just a single Twitter post fifteen minutes ahead of time, it still speaks to the piss-poor quality of those hypothetical efforts that they failed to reach a number of people I spoke to.)
And why was this done? Well, it was a swap with a panel already in the 10:15 time slot, some doubtless self-indulgent wank with some guy calling himself Sarlacc "Solrac". (Nice user name, Carlos. Very imaginative.) I had never heard of this dingus, but I gathered he was some sort of BNF (or "big-name fan"). Apparently sale rack "Solrac" is part of the "Bronies React" group, but he must be one special little snowflake, 'cause he couldn't be bothered to be part of the collective "Bronies React" panel. And speaking of "special", information I gleaned from a reliable source indicates that he's some sort of developmental throwback of a YouTube monkey who does little more than yell non-stop on camera.
So yeah, seal rug "Solrac" was too good to join his colleagues on their dedicated panel, and had to have something of his own, and somehow, despite being nowhere near as famous as this schedule swap would indicate -- or else I wouldn't have wondered who the hell he is -- has the clout to absolutely ruin the costume event and therefore the good time that was expected by many people (including someone I think of pretty highly). I can only assume that the last-minute shift was because Carlos doesn't roll out of bed before noon, because surely we would have been informed if this god among men had had to forego his scheduled time because he was single-handedly saving orphans from a burning building.
It shouldn't have been news to solar cell "Solrac" that he was expected that morning. It was in the schedule on the website. It was in the schedule that was in the printed program handed out to all attendees. He should have been able to make his set time slot. But because it apparently would have inconvenienced him slightly, and because he seemingly has a large database of photos of con staff allegedly engaged in intimate relations with farm animals, and because it was absolutely vital that they not just skip his panel because he was going to be doing something spectacular like giving out a special mix of cocaine, gold dust, and powdered orgasms, I don't know... he got to swap to a slot almost a quarter of a day later and simultaneously cock-slap the faces of every cosplayer aged 18 and up. I suppose I should be impressed with that, soiled rag "Solrac", but I'm still trying to figure out who the fuck you are.
Sadly, this isn't even the only example of apparent incompentence on the part of the con staff. It's just that this was idiocy on such a grand scale that it was like a hypernova compared to glowsticks. There was the failure to mention to attendees that the Empire of Disney would have multiple nearby streets blocked off on Sunday for a "marathon" walk/run event that blocked massive amounts of traffic and necessitated lengthy (yet sign-free) detours. (Again, if you're not staying at the hotel, they don't give a shit about you.) There was the panel scheduled for 10 AM in the "mane" events room on Sunday where they didn't even open the room doors until 10:20. No exaggeration there; I was checking my watch. (Also, no one could be arsed to explain why.)
There was the fact that I registered in advance for an "extra" event (that I later opted not to go to for various reasons), and was never given any sort of acknowledgement that I had paid this fee or any sort of entry token when I picked up my pass on Thursday. I later had to write my name in a spiral notebook at the registration table to be sure I was on the list to get in. (It looked sloppy as hell, and they should have had a checklist of badge names assembled ahead of time, or maybe just given out separate event tickets during badge pick-up.) Practically every panel started late -- and I'm not just talking simple delays that happen with typical schedule entropy. The bad fanfic reading panel started late because the woman running it had to go retrieve a microphone from her car and hook it to the sound system. (Why the room didn't already have multiple ready-to-go mikes from all of the other panels that had been happening there all weekend was beyond me.)
Even the choice of fic for the bad fanfic panel was dumb. First off, while it was bad, it wasn't the funny kind of bad, which is a necessity when the goal is to make the volunteer readers crack up. Second, it was the infamous "My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing", which was written by someone who hated the show, and therefore has almost nothing to do with the show, and which is not actually fanfiction and gets an "inspired by" notation at best.
To sum up, decisions were baffling. Communication was poor. Few, if any, fucks were given by the responsible parties. Even handling of panels was inconsistent -- some Q&A sessions had questions screened, but not all. (Don't even get me started on the stupid questions asked and presumptuous favors requested by some of my fellow fans, although that'll probably be touched up on in comments, or maybe even a future blog entry.) And anyone who wants can quote me on every bit of this. Not that the EqLA people are likely to give a shit even if they read this.
TL;DR: If you give money to Equestria LA in the future, prepare to be disappointed. Probably best not to give them anything at all.
I wonder what the questions and favors were?
I only have one word to sum this up...
Wowconvetionsareasdisorganizedasnaptimeinpreschool
Yeah... I heard that there was a few failures at Bronycon this year, but NOTHING on the scale of what went down at EqLA. Seriously, the only thing missing was RD in a bucking ballpit
Surely this was done in jest, right?
...right?
I had to take a break from reading this blog because of this:
Holy fuck what a bunch of absolute retards. I've never even looked at the idea of cosplaying, but even I know those costumes take hours to set up properly.
Hopefully this rescheduling happened because of circumstances outside the staff's control or predictions, but I get the feeling you wouldn't be so rightfully pissed if there was an explanation available.
Back to reading, I guess...
Thanks for this. It did indeed upset me. (I'll probably re-copy some of this on my blog.) I'm willing to accept some of these errors--it's very hard work to keep cons on schedule--but some of them were puzzling, to say the least, and the costume thing upset me quite a lot, and only didn't ruin my day because I am a world-class Pollyanna with gonads of steel.
I think the decision not to give out prizes was a smart one. The HP cons I go to (and in one case, helped organize), don't have contests. They have showcases. The natural desire to wow the crowd is usually enough to ensure some spectacular outfits. And if there HAD been prizes involved, there would have been a riot.
There are two basic ways to have a contest:
1. Have a quick n' dirty lineup and give awards based on applause. Prizes are ALWAYS awarded to the youngest competitors. I have no problems with this. This is the only way in which you can have a costume thing that lasts less than an hour.
2. Anything else requires time. People who want to be in a showcase at Misti-Con, for example, have to sign up in advance. At a bare minimum, there should be a clearly posted signup or check-in, a rehearsal (even if it's to indicate "You are #17. Here is how to exit and enter without falling down and busting a leg"), and then the actual event. You can't get through that in an hour.
Why does it matter? It's the only way your costume gets seen. I was talking to a young woman who had been dressed as Chancellor Puddinghead the previous day. I bet it was great, but I never saw it, because I didn't happen to be in the hallway or the vendor hall when she was there.
I'm also puzzled about the extra event thing. Most cons have a paper ticket which is given out in an envelope. Both of these should have been avoided by anyone who had ever attended a convention in the past.
Screening questions: oh, holy cannoli. That's a must at any Pony convention! At the first EQLA, they started screening after some questions threatened to blow up Derpygate drama--oh, yes, and after some people asked Andrea Libman some inappropriate questions about Pinkie and what would happen if she were in Rainbow Dash's bed. It's going to happen, especially if the mike circulates instead of the questioners lining up, but it made sitting through questions pretty painful.
I'd actually forgotten about the marathon, but that was a real pain in the keister and tacked on twenty minutes extra time driving. We totally missed one panel I'd hoped to catch some of, and luckily we didn't miss any of the voice actor panel because that was during the Sound Check From Hell.
But I'd say, give them another chance. They restarted the con from the dead, and I get the impression that there was a last second change of leadership, so hopefully next time, they'll be better.
3382944 Ee-nope. I'm sure both of us could think of fics that would be hilarious, but this was just tedious.
That does sound rageworthy. Some things I can understand-- BronyCon had their schedule out at the last minute the first time I went (2013) and I figured that was just because it was a new venue and they probably didn't really know exactly how they were going to set up. But this sounds like someone either didn't know how to run a con, or a bunch of people were doing favors of their buddies or BNFs they wanted to be their buddies.
And they should have just asked me, I'd have been happy to loan them Love on the Acers of Sweet Aplles, or even write them a sequel! (I already know what happens: Cheerilee has twin alicorn babies and they have to fight evil Twilight. It would be the most epic ~1000 words ever misspelled.)
3382983 Why have you not written us this beautiful thing? It needs to exist.
Speaking as someone who has run cons, this is pretty amazingly terribl;e. It sadly sounds like more ambition than experience took over.
3383146
Applejinx wants to keep using the original! He says it's a tradition! Maybe in two years I'll convince him to switch it out for the fifth anniversary or something. That, or someone else needs to give me a reason to write it.
3382944
Well, it was sort of meant to be... but it wasn't funny (when it should have been. It was just sad. As I commented at the time, what they really needed to choose was a Mary Sue, superfluous alicorn, Seventh Element of Harmony sort of fic -- preferably one with bad grammar and spelling. If you want to keep it entertaining -- and knock readers out of the game for laughing -- you need a high hilarity factor, not just some spikes on the WTF meter.
3382952
Exactly! Some people are dressing in lots of layers, or they're strapping on multiple pieces of armor, or even wiggling their way into full-on mascot-style pony suits. That shit takes time.
3382953
You're welcome. And while I understated your bad-assitude in shrugging this off, it definitely took the wind out of your sails for a bit. And it definitely could have ruined your day completely if you weren't so good at bouncing back.
I could probably be talked into it if they actually apologize to their attendees as a whole, and not try to deflect or lie about what happened. Until then, I'll probably keep beating the boycott drum...
3382983
Thank you! I feel a little validated knowing that someone horse-famous gets my frustration.
I was about to comment on how wonderfully hideous that sounded, until I looked through your story list and realized that not only had I already read it, I said much the same thing after I did:
That is a staggering amount of ineptitude on the part of the convention.
3383523
Indeed.
3382872
Sorry -- I got so caught up in my own snarling that I couldn't remember what part of the stuff that I said that you were actually referring to. (Derp!) I'll give you an example of each category. Note that while both of these were suffered by John "Discord" de Lancie, he wasn't the only one who had to face this bullshit.
Presumptuous favor: One guy came up to the Q&A microphone, told John de Lancie that he had a friend who was a really big fan who couldn't be there, and asked if they could call him on the phone together after the panel was over. I don't remember if he said that his friend was in the hospital or anything like that, but even if he was, that kind of thing just isn't appropriate. If he says yes to one person, then from that point on, he has to say yes to everybody. If it's really that big a deal, my advice to people is to quietly bring it up when you get to the front of the autograph line, or better yet, talk to his con staff "handler"; don't do it in front of an audience and put him on the spot.
Stupid question: "Fluttercord or Dislestia?" The young girl asking the question was wearing a costume combining elements of both Fluttershy and Discord, so it's obvious she had a preference. But even if one is asking out of genuine curiosity rather than a desire to have one's OTP validated, I don't know what makes people think that actors are going to know shipping jargon. Oh, sure, some of the regulars may have picked up on some of it by now, but poor John de Lancie -- a recurring guest star, not a regular part of the cast, and certainly not an active fan of the show -- was completely baffled. It was pretty clear in his tone when he repeated back what he thought he had heard: "Fluttercord... or dyslexia?" The girl repeated her question, enunciating clearly, and even spelled both terms... but she didn't bother to define them. Maddening.
Bonus cringe-worthy question: One fan put forth a hypothetical situation where a teenage brony goes to Equestria and gets transformed into a pony -- y'know, like you do -- and then asked Tabitha St. Germain if Rarity might be willing to date somepony like that.
Solrac.
Yeah, it sounds like the people running the con were either dangerously green with experience and/or bowled over by having somebody like him around - I knew the moment you said his name it was the shouty guy, and only because he'd been pretty fucking big for some reason way back when the pony fandom got started.
Honestly I didn't know he was still in the fandom, probably because oh...his own YT channel hasn't had a single thing put on it in over two years? Regardless, sounds like he was being a has-been prima dona because the con staff enabled him to be so.
3383197 I don't count as sufficient reason?