Still a Mess, Still Not Dead · 4:48pm Apr 22nd, 2017
I hold my hands in front of me
To block my line of sight
It seems my eyes are getting tired
Of staring at the light
The more I see, the more I feel
The less I want to know
If you think too much, you'll blow your mind
You might just lose control
And scream
-- Seven Nations, "Scream"
Um, so hi. I hadn't expected I'd be away for as long as I was -- it just sort of happened. I'm still very much a pony fan as I've said before; I just watched the new episode a little while ago. But I definitely felt like I was burnt out on the site, for various reasons.
Non-pony fans shoehorning ponies into their garbage wish-fulfillment fics so they could get them published. Internet Nazis and assorted bigots proudly showing their narrow-mindedness for all to see. Frustration with my case of writer's block. Alleged adults with the language skills of small children. The frequent feeling that my responses to stories, discussions, threads, and blog posts were often overlooked, and extrapolating that there was no point in saying anything at all. The similar feeling that my attempts to exercise authority in various groups were often equally pointless. And so on...
Some of that is very, very real, but it's possible that those last couple of items are a result of depression whispering in my ear and undermining my self-esteem, 'cause that's what it does -- but how would I know? Doesn't change the fact that I feel it. And those other things probably haven't changed, either, yet here I am. Sort of.
It's possible I might have returned sooner if we all hadn't fallen into some sort of horrible alternate universe a few months back. We're in the wrong timeline! Without getting into an all-out rant about a certain He Who Must Not Be Named, let's just say that my depression had a spike in early November, as well as another spike around the third week in January. And it was in January that I also had to handle a severe disappointment in my personal life.
In short, kids, your Uncle Elric has not been all that together for a while. I don't read as much as I used to, I've been erratic with answering my email, and about the only place where I've been consistently active is Facebook. Sometimes I have a lot to say there, and a great deal of it in the recent past has been political. (And while I can't even remember the last time I captioned a pony screencap, I've made a great many memes that I've posted on Facebook -- many political, but not all. I've got some nice Star Trek ones, for instance.)
So I'm still not dead, and I have no plans to change that status. I'm still a mess, but I'm still trying to work towards helping myself with that as best I can. And I'm still a pony fan -- I could never turn my back on our magical marshmallow pastel pony friends.
How are you?
Yeah, I can definitely relate to the things you're going through right now. Life's been rough these past couple of months, but hopefully, things start to improve for us in the near future. Also, I can definitely see where you're coming from when it comes to FiMFiction's flaws as a community. I've noticed those things as well.
Anyway, it's great to see you back, and I wish you all the best!
Yay, Elric!
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I think a lot of your issues with the site kinda seem like issues with the internet in general, too. As far as the problems writing, though... well, this month's contest just ended, but something I think is fun is the Flashfic group. Pretty much, it's a new group with monthly contests where you write 150 words on a prompt. It's a lot easier to convince yourself to write 150 words then a thousand! Also, maybe you could start writing something just for fun, with no intentions even of necessarily completing it, and not taking it particularly seriously.
As far as bad fanfics, I'd say just avoid reading them for a while, and avoid adminning much to avoid trolls and such. Maybe fimfiction'd be more fun if you concentrate on cute ponies for a bit.
Glad to see you around, in any case!
--Sweetie Belle
Sorry you're having such a rough time, but I'm glad to see you're still around. I want to say more, but I have a two-and-a-half year old policing what I'm allowed to pay attention to.
Doing well-ish. Glad you're back-ish. Hope to see you around more-ish!
Elric! What a pleasure to have you back! It has indeed been an "interesting" last few months, with plenty of highly disruptive events causing almost daily disbelief, dismay, and distraction! And you can take some comfort in that it's entirely normal to feel some degree of "messiness" in contemplating every morning what has become the new normal.
It's very nice to see you again, Elric.
It might be wise to avoid the badfics until you're feeling one hundred percent again. As for taking the piss out of them, perhaps this will please you.
I've been missing you!
Sorry to hear things haven't been going well for you.
Glad to see you back. I know how it goes, I have a tendency to disappear for extended periods of time because I just lose the ability to cope with all the bullshit, or with life in general sometimes. In my case, getting back to the doc and getting my medication back helped; though not as much as I would have liked.
I found that the political situation, while depressing, actually sort of energized me, in an angry, wanting to set things on fire way. But it still counts.
As for the badfics, I've been doing reviews for a while, and ugh, I'm rapidly losing interest in doing them much longer, except maybe for Rage, since at least there I can cut loose a bit. The sheer crappiness combined with authorial ego trips have been unpleasant to say the least. But I did encounter a couple of very good writers recently through doing reviews for Story Standards and Blunt Reviews, one of which rapidly became a favorite, so there's an upside at least.
Glad to have you back. You haven't totally been gone, obviously, since we're friends on Facebook, but there seem to be far less ponies around facebook then I'd like.
I've certainly had enough trouble trying to write myself, so I can sympathise on the writing front.
I'd say while you are here to just focus on the things you enjoy...
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--arcum42
I nearly burnt myself out on this site. Ever problem you listed with the internet? I experienced similarly.
Also, a lot of people uses the improper word "alot." That does not bode well for the future if English.
Alternative show to watch: Star vs. the Forces of Evil
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Alots are very popular creatures. They probably should get their own tag.
I've missed seeing you around, Elric. I definitely relate to almost all you said here, as if the whole world itself has gone all topsy-turvy on that one November night. I think it's weird that a lot of the site's veterans are getting very burned out, depressed and emotionally battered and beaten to a pulp. I've been feeling a lot of what you've been feeling, as well. Now the show has once again become escapism for me and seems to be the only thing giving me any optimism in these times. I hope you recover, and I am still praying for all of us.
Okay, I'm not sure if that made the most sense to you, but I hope you can still see that we're here for you.
It's encouraging to see so many people taking the time to comment; thank you.
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I often have difficulty with hope, but I there's some evidence suggesting that I do still have some and that it isn't completely gone.
Scientific experiments have shown that when the human eye is completely adapted to total darkness, it can detect as little as a single photon; sometimes I feel like when I'm looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, it probably looks a lot like that.
Thanks.
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(Silver can only blame herself; it's her fault for having such a boopable nose.)
You have a point.
That strikes me as sound advice.
Thanks.
4506004
As someone with no children of my own, I recommend sedatives and velcro.
4506020
Thanks.
4506140
Thanks.
...in the sense of the old Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times," yes.
I've been told that therapists all over the country are reporting that their patients/clients are troubled by... all of this.
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Thanks.
I was amused, and I posted a comment that simply said, "I approve." I don't think it's quite as good as my parody of those stories, but I confess to some bias in that area.
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You're very kind, my friend. Thank you.
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I've been feeling for quite some time now that my meds aren't as effective as they could be, but getting that stuff right is like playing a 3D game of Battleship with the human brain as the map. I know I'd be worse without them, but I'm not exactly great even with them these days.
Not only have I had outrage fatigue for a while, my situation makes it difficult for me to do even simple things, let alone getting motivated to go march or whatever.
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I've been known to sneak some in here and there.
Good thinking. I had almost forgotten about the romantic pairing of Twist and Babs (but clearly the fandom as a whole hasn't). I kind of like the style in this pic -- bipedal and clearly with the front legs given arm-like structure, but not very anthro otherwise. (Not that I have an issue with anthro; it's just that this style works for this pic.) And check out how Twist looks like she's very much in love...
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I've seen a few episodes. Sometimes I can embrace the weirdness and enjoy it, but other times it just gets a little too insane for me and all I can do is tilt my head like a confused dog.
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We should totally write to Hasbro and demand that they add "Alot of ponies" to the show. I'm sure he'd be quite popular.
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Thanks.
It's like we've all fallen into some horrible alternate universe, isn't it?
So it's not just me?
Message received.
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Yeah, that's pretty much where I am these days. Self-medication on top of that helps a bit, but I'm lucky to live in one of the few locations where cannabis has been fully legalized and is readily available in medicinal as well as recreational forms.
A badly-written one full of Mary-Sue-wanna-be characters at that.
I would agree with that assessment. I've got a parody/piss-take of my own in the planning stages, which is of course going to be 20% cooler than anyone else's.
Human goes to a con cosplaying as a Mane-6 pony character...
Unfortunately not. Lotsa burnout going on, lotsa good people disappearing and leaving the site to the trolls and idiots and few remaining diehards.
Not quite that bad, perhaps, but leaning in that direction. After this latest wave of trolls, I'm not entirely surprised.
4506807
As someone with three now-adult stepkids, duct tape is your best friend.
Glad you're doing OK...ish! Regarding bad fanfics... If I see sumone tiping it lik this I always just move on, nowadays. Not that I've read more than a few stories this year, come to think of it.
Good luck with the ol' brain chemistry -- I've got anxiety problems, and I can sympathize. For me, most of the time the med does its job well enough. The rest of the time (major unexpected expenses, work stuff) I distract myself (Babylon 5, lately) and don't eat much. I know it'll pass eventually.
On the writer's block front... I wish I had even half an idea.