Poison joke · 2:28pm Aug 18th, 2015
So... I cooked up the properties of poison joke, giving it some fun real world compounds.
Quinic acid, trans - cinnamic acid, p - coumaric acid, caffeic acid, ferulic acid, caffeoylquinic acid, dicaffeoylquinic acid, methylimidazole, acrylamide, polyphenols, methylxanthines, theobromine, theophylline, fluorine, linalool, linalool oxide, geraniol, phenylacetaldehyde, nerolidol, benzaldehyde, methyl salicylate, phenyl ethanol, trans-2-hexenal, n-hexanal, cis-3-hexenol, l-tryptophan, tryptamine, as well as trace amounts of O-phosphoryl-4-hydroxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine.
Not to mention other compounds and the magical compounds. But at this point of studying, Tarnished Teapot's brain shut down.
Oh, that sounds dangerous! I thought poison joke was natural, but it is full of chemicals!
So, what are the implications of this for those of us with minimal familiarity with biochemistry?
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It is rich in caffeine, stimulants, relaxants, and a mild hallucinogenic in the form of DMT.
It is also surprisingly good for you and rich in anti-oxidants.
As someone who doesn't speak Chemistrish, this tells me that Poison Joke hates the English language.
WATER is a god damn chemical. *Chugs iced poison joke tea*
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Di-hydrogen monoxide has killed more people than Cecil B DeMille. It'll kill your children. It is everywhere! Write your congress critter today and demand a ban!
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*Some where in the background a group begins the song, "Blame Canada!"*
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I heard it was the primary cause of drowning.
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Have you seen what the stuff does to unprotected steel and copper?
Just imagine that happening to your insides.
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Just think, this stuff is the primary component of floods; and to top it all off, it falls from the sky, all over the world. It never stops.
Nowhere is safe, no one is immune.
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Do you know how much of this stuff is used in heavy industry? They use this to cut through diamonds. That's the (supposedly!) hardest substance on earth, if you didn't know.
It can't be safe to put something that cuts diamonds into your body. Would you swallow razor blades? Of course not!
And they can't even cut through diamonds.
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Even worse, trying to separate it's core components just makes it explosive.
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Is it any wonder if you inhale it you die?!
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You should never drink it. Fish fuck in that stuff, Do you know how unsanitary that is?
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Salt is good for sanitation, and preserving food.
Put in dihydrogen monoxide, though, and drinking it kills you that much quicker.