CASHCOW: Elemental Job · 8:18pm Aug 7th, 2015
Been putting some hours into Payday 2 lately. Lots of fun with my group (pulled off a Cookoff run last night that netted me levels 60 and 61). I just wish when playing solo, the bots at least had a 'hold this position' instruction so I didn't have to beat down the GENSEC guys and recover my loot every time I made a van run.
But now... a silly fusion idea...
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Canterlot, the Royal Castle. No mere mortal pony could fathom cracking it's defenses.
"Okay guys, alarm wards are down. You should have all the time you need to do your thing."
No mere mortal pony could get into a vault sealed by Celestia.
"Just follow the procedure as written and the spell will implode."
No mere mortal pony would dare steal the Elements of Harmony...
"CRAP! That wasn't supposed to happen! That blast must have awoken half of Canterlot! Just grab the elements and get out! Anything else you grab is extra!"
No mere mortal ponies were they...
"The royal vault's been blown open! We've got guards down! Alert the princess and call in backup!"
They were ruffians...
"The heat's coming boys! No time to worry now, you'll have to fight your way out!"
They were bandits...
"It'll be tough, but I've got your escape route ready. Just do what you do best."
They were thieves...
"FIENDS! THOU SHALT SUBMIT TO JUSTICE AT ONCE OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!"
But mostly? They were professionals.
"Alright gang... Here they come. Good luck!"
[ARD ASSAULT IN PROGRESS 
// GUARD ASSAULT IN PROGRESS // GUARD ASSAULT IN PROGRESS /]
"There are four of them-"
"They got the princess! Pull her back!"
"-ock down the vault room! We can't let them escape!"
"Who are these guys? We break on them like waves on rocks!"
"Our magic isn't working! They have some kind of body armo-"
"HELP!"
"Several halls are burning! Get the weather teams!"
"We can't hold them! They know every move we make before we do!"
"The palace is a war zone! Send more guards! Send the wonderbolts! SEND EVERYONE!"
"Pull back! PULL BACK! P-*GUARGH*"
"You guys are terrifying, you know that? Now, use the few second's peace you've earned to make yourselves scarce. I can't guarantee Celestia won't come after you herself after you gave her sister that concussion. That happens, all bets are off."
The Cashcow Gang, Equestria's most notorious criminal group. Nopony knows who they are, or where they came from. All that is known is that if you give them even half the chance, they'll rob you blind and disappear like a shadow, leaving only terrified hostages and a trail of mangled guards in their wake. Some speculate they aren't even ponies, but nopony can say for certain whether that is the case or not. What is known is that up until now, these criminals mainly stole from banks and other major stockpiles of bits.
But this time?
Well, until today, Nopony thought it was possible to steal from Canterlot Castle itself short of being Discord himself. And until today, the Royal Guard had never met a foe as organized, as calculating, or as efficient as the four ponies that brought low a princess and smashed through entire squads like a griffon's talon through flesh.
"It's all or nothing gang! Take the castle for everything it's worth and then some!"
CASHCOW: Elemental Job
Do it.
Do it.
So, what would be the equivalent of the NVG-wearing cyborg ninjas? You know the ones.
3302803 Thestrals?
I would read the crap out of this.
What's she going to do, throw Twilight at them?
Awesome!
3302946
ICBAs are a valid concern. The Unicorn Launched Cruise Alicorn proved a valid weapon after all.
3303538 Yes, but Shining Armor is a lot bigger and stronger than Twilight and Celestia's ass is far bigger than Cadence's so there is no way they could get her off the ground. They might be able to pull together a team to get the job done, but that is a lot of cake to throw around even with a group.
The fact that Celestia has repeatedly proven herself to be completely useless in a crisis also doesn't help matters. She is more likely to figure out some new and clever way of making things worse for Equestria than get anything useful done.
3303543
I don't know. If someone could pick her up, she would make a good club.
3303609 "If" being the key word there....
The best ideas come from video games...
I'm trying to figure out how to get a world of tanks/world of warships story going...success has been as good as my recent matches (which are utterly terrible now :) )
3303543
Well, you did say Celestia would THROW TWILIGHT at them, not the other way around...
3303915 Yes, but that would be an ICBU, not an ICBA. After all, this is going to have to be pre-refit Twilight if the Gang is going for the Elements with the way the timeline works out. The lack of control surfaces, propulsion, and other critical features will cause crippling problems with that strategy.
Of course, that would make it a great way for Celestia to epically screw things up. She throws Twilight at the getaway vehicle, the impact knocks Twilight out, and the Gang makes their escape without realizing they have an extra passenger in the back. ...You know, I think I am liking the sound of this more and more the more I think about it.
There are lots of things to steal though... Anyone reading, see how many heists you can imagine. (Bane is Button Mash)
- Elements Heist: Canterlot Castle Vault
The Dusk wishes to Steal the elements from Canterlot Castle's vault. For scientific reasons, of course. We do this under the cover of darkness, but no slouching. One wrong move and you'll have half the guard and Princess Luna on you in seconds. I know how to disable the alarm wards and a way to crack the vault, so don't worry about that. Just be ready to make some noise if anything goes wrong.
- Forbidden Spellbooks: Canterlot Archives Starswirl the Bearded Wing
I'd like you to 'acquire' certain high value forbidden tomes from the Starswirl the bearded wing. Security is surprisingly light for how dangerous some of those spells can be. I guess with Canterlot being so peaceful these days, nopony realizes just how much of a risk that really is.
- Alicorn Amulet: Friendship Castle, Zecora's home (Two day heist)
I'm thinking after what happened in Ponyville a few years back, the Amulet needs to be destroyed, not hidden. Day one, infiltrate the castle of friendship and find out where the Amulet has been hidden. Day two, infiltrate Zecora's hut and secure the Amulet for disposal. Just stay on your guard. The Everfree is no joke.
- The Crystal Heart: Crystal Empire, Crystal Imperial Palace (Two Day Heist)
Love Bug is willing to pay quite a bit for an artifact that can feed her and her kind indefinitely. But it won't be easy. The Crystal Heart is at the base of the castle in plain sight of the surrounding city blocks. We'll have to empty the place out if we want to stand a chance. Day one will be to hit a series of stores to lure as much security off site as you can by hitting several shops. Day two will be all about securing the Crystal Heart. Move fast and clean. Your window of opportunity on this one will be very short.
- Smarty Pants Incident: Castle of Friendship, Sweet Apple Acres (Two Day heist)
Purple Prose has contracted us to recover an item of hers from a friend, but we have to make this look legit and prevent attention being brought back to her. There's a lot of bits in it for us if we can pull it off. Day one, we're instructed to hit the palace of friendship. Lots of loot 'conveniently' laying in key areas. Security won't be lax to make it look legit. We keep what we take as payment. Day two, we hit Sweet Apple Acres. What we don't take will be moved there to 'hide' it until, and I quote "castle security is improved". We recover the package while making off with the rest of our payout loot, and Purple Prose gets her item back with nopony the wiser.
- Four Hoof Discount: Barnyard Bargains Manehattan Warehouse
Diamond Tiara's getting a little too big for her own britches... Whatever that is. We need to ensure that she realizes that there are consequences for her aggressive business practices. EXPENSIVE consequences. This'll be a warehouse hit, so very hush hush. Tear the place up nicely, take what you want, but be quick about it.
- Tartarus in a Hoofbasket: Canterlot Castle, Tatarus (Two day Heist)
Pack your bags, boys. You're going to hell. Literally. Love Bug has her eyes on an artifact owned by none other than Tirek himself. Problem is, he's imprisoned in Tartarus, and you'll need to get in and out without becoming permanent residents yourselves. In order to do that, we'll need to get a ball to distract Cerberus. Not just any ball though, it's a small inflatable ball owned by Celestia herself. It has her scent on it. Day one is going to be a broad daylight raid of Canterlot Castle. I don't like it either, but you can't get into the Princess' chambers if she's there to end you. Don't waste time looting, just get in, get the ball, and get out. Day two, we do the impossible.
3305220 Oh man, there are so many possibilities with Ahuizotl and Daring Do. I can see tons of business with them stealing shit back and forth from each other as well as interest in abduction and assassination if this crew is up for it.
I can also see something happening with Rainbow and the Wonderbolts which could easily include Lightning Dust, although she might be a better pick for a member of the Gang given the way her dreams were crushed at the end of Wonderbolt Academy. That is an easy way to kick someone down a bad road, and her athleticism would give her a huge edge in her criminal endeavors so she would gain prominence quite quickly once she got started.
This has got to be done loud. Make it as bloody as possible to give "Purple Prose" a real taste of what she has gotten herself involved in.