Aug
6th
2015
What if i reworte this? · 6:34pm Aug 6th, 2015
After looking back at this 200,000+ plus word cluster that I call a story. I feel like I could do MUCH BETTER.
There were too many random subplots and stupid/unessesary decisions I made that are now irreversible, I mean it's all over the place! I'd say the biggest was how Derrick behaved for a majority of the story. He was irritable and unlikeable and all the ponies wanted the D from him for no good reason.
I say this because with all these subplots all over the place its getting a lot harder to write than my other stories. Anyways I want to know what y'all think about a possible rewrite with a better behaved Derrick and less gary Sue magic nonsense.
I guess I can see where your going with that. Instead of a bunch of horny mares wanting to get laid by DJ you want some character development and a reason for them to care or consider to make a move on him?
I don't know if it's worth the effort, instead of simply drawing a line and starting a new one altogether, but otherwise? Definitely in favour. I still have this on my to-read list, or I wouldn't have noticed this blog post, but I haven't really started to find it any more enjoyable than I first did when commented on it way back when.
Hmmmm, we would offer a suggestion that how he 'came' to Equestria was by the Wild Magic the Everfree gave off. A simple walk in the woods only to be if not wanting Discord to be at fault, though the explanation could be that the 'veil' between worlds was weak enough to have him 'slip' through without his notice which could explain to them how Humans are 'mythical creatures' as pegasi and unicorns are. He could likely 'understandably' react with panic, shock, mental break or other to even denial thinking he's 'high' and 'go with it'.
I like it how it is really, i see no problem in it
3300451 Starting a new one is actually what I meant. I'm too lazy to go back and fix 200,000+ words of spiraling plot and errors.
The new one would be somewhat based on this one but still different.
3300445 yes precisly. Basically how it should have been.
3300520
Sounds good to me, then. Very few people write a first story they're still proud of after a few months or years and another half-dozen stories, anyway, so there's really no shame in deciding on something like that.
Seems like an excellent idea.
As long as you are okay with it i will not complain
I like the idea of a rewrite for the new story but lose the Dark or gave some magic abilities let him still be able to change into different ponies like an alicorn and a new cadence into the story and it will be great.
hmm when i'm fiking off it it's a bitt messy and abitt rushed. i fink it's resnubul to restart it. but like every one es it's upp to you man and your call. its a waits off time. but as i siad your call andi hope you would not regret your deshisun.
ps. sorry for my bad spelling if i messed upp some where there.
HOW ABOUT NO? Leave it finish the story thennnnn re-edit
It's up to you but I guess a clean up couldn't hurt and don't worry too much about the gary stu stuff because like with alicorn oc characters if it's written well and interesting it won't matter
it was funny and now he is a comer dj keep the sarcastic aspect it made who he is and just make a slow transition to being a little nicer and a pony calls him on it
Yeah this could use a rewrite
If there will be more character development, then why not? Probably would be better if you don't delete old story for those who want to reread it.
Rewrite or not it's up to you. If you think that you can like new story more, than do it.
Please tell me, that you don't plan to cut romance lines between DJ and Celestia, Luna.
Also, please, don't divorce Shaning and Cadence, if you want to add Cadence into DJ's harem, then do them a friends or R63 Shining from the begining, but please no divorce.
No.
Just no.
At least finish the damn thing first.
I've seen many stories go through a second story rewrite before the original wasn't even done and I can confirm, that it's mostly just wasting everybody's time.
Finish then rewrite if desired
Allow me to tell you the story of a Mr. OMA.
Mr. OMA made silly Manga comics with Manga character and his own. His plot was given out and dealt with one by one.
Then one day he started a major comic, that was to deal with some major problem [person A huntin down to kill person B] and the comic went on and on and on and on until Mr. OMA just said.... thats it....DONE. And ended it right there. He apologized and basically stated how the story arc was gonna end.
See here's the thing. Writing stories are hard. Good fanfic's to find are harder. You have a fanfic that has flaws [so did the first Yugioh fanfic by someone out there that I read] but it's not finished. So you indeed have two choices.
Finish it or re-do it.
It's been awhile since I read it but I liked the idea of a human character *pulls out a loud speaker* not outright bucking like 25% of the main cast characters that have a name in the 3rd chapter *puts it away* your character basically fights and argues with him self about the world around him and freely expresses the strong words humans tend to use. Also the Shining Armor Vs DJ to cast a shield at the target was....funny.
Since its been a while since I read it I don't feel safe reviewing the story. I read it and was able to keep reading it because past the Chaos power of turning into ponies and creating weapons [I can freely use magic in any video game...but seriously having magic is something I never want] mostly because while falling into the same problems [Timberwolfs/Music bear majors again?] it...had a real sense to it.
Most stories go "Yippie it's all magic rainbow cupcakes and bucking" or "what should go wrong this time?" while yours has this "Oh im a serious human here, with friendly people, from a world where no one says thank you." feel...maybe.
Anycase I would....finish it...to at least let it end and properly. You seem to be useing DJ in three different plots with the MIlitary Celestia one that connects to one of the other story. Mr. OMA made like 4 different comics himself all at the same time.
Bottom line, no matter the choice, stay doing what you want to do but beware of burnout.
3316013 Thanks for the advice.
I'm kinda just cringing at the whole thing now and I feel the story has lost focus a bit. The worst part is I've been staring at the blank act 7 part 2 for almost 3 weeks.