Review: Burning Sirens · 2:41pm Jul 30th, 2015
I love pony fiction. A surprising declaration on a pony fiction fan site, I'm sure, but it's true. So, in the spirit of pony fiction, I thought I would start trying to review, analyse and/or critique some pony stories.
If you have a story you'd like me to review, leave me a comment either on my user page, or through the private messaging service.
Burning Sirens is tagged:
Adventure, Human
It features the character tag:
Adaio Dazzle, Sonata Dusk, Aria Blaze
Burning Sirens was written by Lonarion, and can be found here. Full story spoilers below the cut.
Exiled to our world by Starswirl the Bearded, the Dazzlings have been searching for a way to get home. Centuries of searching, which have turned up nothing. Their journey brings them to a small town during the middle-ages, where a display of their powers leads to them being accused of witchcraft. And in the Middle-Ages, the answer to witchcraft? Is to burn them...
The Dazzling's were an unexpected hit in Rainbow Rocks, helping propell that film's success and making the trio instant fan favorites. They were popular enough that they were included in the Fiendship is Magic comic, which promised to detail their history... and instead gave us one of the worst comic's of the MLP line. I mention this because, by focusing on the Dazzling's past, Lonarion invites comparisons between their story and the comic.
So, to get this out of the way; I much prefer this storys take on the concept. It offer's a wider range of story-telling possibilities, some of which are hinted at in the story itself. We hear a little about the Siren's previous destinations - like Nürnberg- and the story end's with the wide open canvas of them going anywhere. Frankly, I'd love it if this became a series of stories, each set in different time periods with the Dazzling's looking for a way home, or even just taking in the festivals, or foods, or whatever. Almost like an Assassin's Creed-style take on the history of the Equestria Girls Universe... which leaves the possibility open to explore very interesting concepts. There's a hint of that in this story with the cameo of a human Clover.
The story itself is... okay. Personally, I feel like it fall's a little short of the possibiity promised in the concept but then, it's dealing with a very specific event ("The Siren's are burned as witches") rather than a general "Dazzlings through history" idea. It clips along at a brisk pace, and set's up the conflict quickly. It is a little convenient that, of all the bars they go into, they pick the one that has a deaf man who can resist them, but it isn't an especially egregious one. furthermore, it allows Adagio t show off why she is the leader of the team by organizing a jailbreak for the trio.
The second half of the story is a little weaker, as it feel's somewhat repetitive; the Siren's evade the law, Sonata get's arrested, they get her loose. This is the part which strains disbelief a little... but I feel it does work with the characterisation Lonarion provides. Besides which, the two responsible for the back half of the plot are Aria and Sonata and, well...
The prose itself is functional. I thought it was a little dry in the begining -particularly where Aria is concerned- but it got better as the story went on. If I have a complaint, it's that I feel it perhaps could have been streamlined a little... but when it needs to pack a punch, as it does during the Sonata-Aria toy sequence, it lands it square in the feels. However... the prose and narration isn't the main draw here; for me, the main attraction of this fic, and the thing it succeeds on the merit's of, is it's characterization.
Among the problems of Fiendship is Magic, one of them was the fact that the bright, vibrant characters of the movie were present in name only. Not only were their personalities not really reflected in the comic, we didn't get any background on the Siren's themselves, before their invasion of Equestria. Burning Siren's addresses both of these.
The story begins by focusing on Aria, which I felt was a good decision. Of the three, Aria is probably the closest to a blank slate; her only real moment's in the film involved her dismissing Sonata and a Starscream attempt which Adagio quickly stomped down on. As a result, Aria is the kind of person a writer can take in almost any direction and still be largely in canon.
And at first, I have to say- Lonarion disappointed me. Aria's narration felt very dry and detached, not really adding very much of herself to things... honestly, I found it difficult to figure out exactly what Aria's personality was in the first half.
The second half, however, underscores the reason for it. Sonata herself point's out that Aria is unnaturally apathetic to the world around her; that -while the Dazzlings may hate Earthquestria- there is still stuff there that Sonata and Adagio can enjoy, like festivals, food and fashion. Aria's response to it is very telling, as probably the biggest insight into her character:
Aria shook her head and raised her voice. “No, Sonata. I can’t enjoy anything in this world. It’s not just bland; it’s also barbaric. I’ve never liked ponies, but at least they don’t burn other ponies, you know? But above all, what I really liked back at home was swimming and flying. And I can’t do that with this lame body,” she said, knocking her chest, before turning away. “I have nothing to care about here.”
Immediately afterwards, Aria risks their safety by needing to go outside and feed, which is when everything click's together:
Aria Blaze is an addict.
It make's a lot of sense with her characterization; she thinks about the dark hole in her stomach when she doesn't have her pendant, and about how empty it feel's when she has it. The whole plot is kicked off by her and Sonata disregarding Adagio's orders to stay, because Aria wanted to feed. With that realization, the emptiness of her earlier chapters makes a lot more sense.
The apathy is aided by the background we get for her; that, even amongst the Trio, she is an outsider, since she came from a different reef than them. It's an interesting idea, which doesn't get much exploration here. But, after this realization, Aria does become more dynamic as a character, joining Adagio in her rescue attempt, and with the trio deciding to do what she wants to do next.
As I said, Adagio has a chance to prove why she is the boss, with her cunning being responsible for... pretty much everything the Siren's manage to achieve. The fic does soften her character a little -at least in her attitude towards the other two- by expanding upon her guilt at being responsible for the Trio's banishment.
It isn't exactly an Adagio who I like- but it is one which work's for this story, explaining why she hasn't just abandoned the other two over the course of the centuries -and who goes back for Sonata when she has every reason to jump ship with Aria and get out of dodge. the added back story element -of her becoming Sonata's mother-figure-by-proxy- adds to this explanation of her behavior towards the two.
But, to be frank, the shining jewel of characterisation in this story?
Yes, for realzies.
I have a very love-hate towards Sonata Dusk. I love her character in the movie; I hate how she is presented in the fandom, where her innocence and childishness is often used to justify her being the Siren who is "secretly good" or get's redeemed. Neither of those things happen here, and the way Lonarion write's Sonata might be my favorite take of her that I've seen on this site.
This is a Sonata who is still childish and funny, a Sonata whose most valuable possession's are toys, and whose motivation's are child-like. Adagio and Aria needed their cloaks, so that's a good enough justification for her to go outside. This is a Sonata who wants the other Siren's to be happy, and who take's joy in very simple stuff, like bright lights, sounds and eating. It's a Sonata who is exceptionally child-like...
With a child-like vindictive streak. She see's a child playing with toy's, and she wants to steal them.
When she reached the bridge, she encountered a small white dog wandering by the river. She stopped. It was so cute that she got an urge to pet and hug it. After all, Aria wasn’t there to stop her and claim she was wasting time.
Simultaneously, she got an urge to grab the dog by a leg and suspend it over the water, threatening to drop it, just to see its reaction. Wouldn’t that be fun? After all, Adagio wasn’t there to stop her and complain that she could get them in trouble.
One of the most effective juxtapositions in the entire story, it shows that yes, Sonata might be an idiot, and yes, Sonata is "innocent"- but innocent does not mean good, and she has roughly the same morality as a young child (which is to say, none). In fact, the last villainous act of the story is her suggestion, and her reaction to getting the captain giving them passage killed is to feel "warm inside" because Adagio and Aria approve of it.
In fact, this is a running theme with the Trio. They are, very distinctly, not human, and could care less about the people around them. The bond between the Siren's themselves is palpable; whenever Adagio and Aria risk their lives by going back for Sonata, or when Adagio apologizes for what she's done:
“Not about the cards,” Adagio explained. “What I mean is, we've spent all the time we've been here looking for a way back, mostly because that’s what I wanted. I felt I had to make up for bringing us here. As you said, it’s probably futile. It’s time we do things you two want to do.”
it is elevated to the point of heartwarming. But then we immediately see them charm people - or abandon innocent women who will be the next witches to the stake - or want to hurt a kid for tattling on them... and we are reminded that these three are not good people.
It's a strong story which can keep the protagonists sympathetic and complete and utter monsters, and the characterization here really does elevate the piece. The prose is fine -not outstanding nor terrible- and while the plot is okay, it can be a little rickety... but this is mostly a character piece about the three Sirens in a terrible situation, and it pull's that part off perfectly. This is a cut above Fiendship is Magic #3, and I hope we get more stories with this concept.
Thanks a lot for this in-depth review! I think it's the first time someone pointed out flaws in the story, and I'm grateful you did. I'll try to work on the prose more if I write another story.
If you don't mind me asking for more precision, what do you mean when you say (about the prose) "If I have a complaint, it's that I feel it perhaps could have been streamlined a little..."? Does it mean there were unecessary details, or a lack of focus, something like that?
In any case, I'm glad you liked the characterization at least. Since you enjoy my take on Sonata, have you checked out my other story, Waiting for Adagio? It focuses on Sonata.
Note: Green Clover wasn't meant to be a reference to Clover the Clever. I was just struggling to find pony-like names so they're a bit unimaginative.
Anyway, thanks again.