Solo review: Chatoyance's "I.D. – That Indestructible Something" · 11:53am Jun 25th, 2015
Whew, it has been a while since I posted something that didn't come from a reading. Working from home, it was just so much easier to have fics in the background while working on something that I started neglecting actually reading stuff. Now, however, I have a proper commute, which means that I can start catching up with my RIL.
So, lets kick this off with something that is very interesting and weird.
Chatoyance – I.D. – That Indestructible Something – Sci-fi
Gregoria Samson awoke one day (from uneasy dreams) to find herself turned into a pony.
Few authors on Fimfiction are as divisive as Chatoyance. This isn't a review about why that is the fact, but I think it is easy to see why from her writing. It is often powerful, with clear attention to the craft, and contains many interesting and original ideas. But, on the flip side, it tends to come off too strongly, with sections feeling like an author treatise. Unless you actually agree 100% with the author's view, it is hard to really stay on board the rest of the way. I.D. is no different.
I.D. follows the story of Gregoria Samson, a human female who suddenly becomes a pony. It wears its Kafka influences proudly, with every chapter beginning with one of his quotes, from which the chapter title is derived. Hell, even his unearthened body plays a part, if a minor one. In another context, this might have even been pretentious, or just an attempt to hitch a ride on Kafka's fame. But that works very well here since, much more than just references, there is a sense of care to the general themes of Kafka. I mean, Gregoria goes through an unwanted situation set in motion by invisible players, not allowed to even know the real nature of her issues. You can't get much more Kafkaesque than that.
It is also worth noting that, for all its complex trappings, the plot here is really simple: Character gets transported into unfamiliar situation, learns to cope with it, then faces an adventure related to her displacement which ultimately makes her able to embrace the change. It works here since, by keeping that part straightforward and unobtrusive, it allows plenty of space for the real meat of the story: Exploring her reaction to this transformation, and the world in which such things would happen.
It is here that the fic shines, thanks to a colorful cast of characters, many interesting ideas, and an aura of unreality that kept me on uneven ground the whole way through. Above all else, it presents a realistic portrayal of how a human would react to this type of situation: The reservations, the physiological challenges, learning to cope with a whole new set of skills and appendages… It isn't all roses here, sure, but if I had to single out just one aspect of the story that makes it worthwhile, this would certainly be it. If anything else, it is very memorable.
Writing wise things still look good, despite some minor flaws. Editing is solid, with only the occasional typo, and there is a clear attention to detail. It does suffer from some thesaurus abuse, but that is only occasionally immersion breaking. It is also a bit uneven in its style, with sections alternating very direct and bland passages with highly descriptive ones, particularly when dealing with food. It sometimes works very well (chapter 1 in particular), sometimes fumbles, but overall wasn't really intrusive to other aspects of the fic. The following passage is pretty illustrative of the overall style – beware, there are some minor spoilers:
She refused to cry. Breaking down now, at the table, would be a defeat. She had been strong thus far, facing her impossible situation with determination and fortitude, she felt. Considering. But now, to have her very tastes in food altered, possibly forever, it... she could feel a tear welling up, and a catch in her throat.
"Are you OK?" Father was expressing concern. Everyone else had taken their portions with rapidity, Gregoria had just sat there, staring and looking abject. "Would you... like some... salad?" He said the last word with some surprise, but had clearly been following her gaze. Gregoria nodded, silent. Leafy greens were deposited in the bowl to the side of her plate. Gregoria kept nodding until the bowl was almost overflowing. Her father seemed amazed.
"You're spoiling her. Let her serve herself. Goodness, Harry, she's not an invalid!" Thanks mom, thought Gregoria. Her mother could be such a mean thing sometimes.
"I think she's had a tough day today. A little kindness won't spoil anything." Harold Samson fixed his wife with a firm look, and she tended to her dinner. "Want a pork chop, hon?" Her father was being super nice, which was the only good thing that had happened to her since she woke up. Tears falling, Gregoria shook her head.
"Just salad... and some of the broccoli. From the top, where the pork didn't get it?" Gregoria felt very hungry, and even more unsure about trying to serve herself with clumsy hooves. The only other alternative was using her mouth like the characters did on Friendship Is Magic. There was no way to tell how that would be perceived by her family.
"What? Are you going vegetarian on us now? First you cause a big fuss this morning, stay home all day, and now pork chops are too good for you? Your father went to a lot of trouble to..."
"Monica, leave the poor girl alone. I mean it." Father wasn't usually so protective, but then Gregoria wasn't normally so obviously disturbed and upset.
"Fine." Gregoria's mother pouted and sulked as she picked at her dinner.
"You just enjoy your dinner, Sweetie. Whatever it is, things will get better." Her father smiled, gently at her, and returned to his own meal. Gregoria appreciated the kindness but his words chafed - she had no guarantee things would ever get any better, and a great deal of fear they would get far worse. But he meant well. And he had served her up food, sparing her having to see what everyone made of her fumbling with hooves or serving herself with her teeth.
Gregoria appraised her meal. Bowl of salad, no dressing, plate of steamed broccoli. Normally, as a human, facing such a thing would have amounted to an insult. It greatly disturbed Gregoria that her stomach was rumbling like a construction vehicle, and she had needed to swallow her own drooling saliva twice already. Although the mortal stench of seared flesh was still making her feel ill, she was fascinated by the scent of the greens in front of her. She had never thought green things even had a smell.The broccoli dominated, steamed and hot, the rich, savory scent filled her new pony nostrils and seemed positively fattening. Decadent. Her tongue craved to engage with it. But more surprising was the tang of celery in the simple salad, the summery comfort of the cabbage and lettuce, and the sharp jab of the green onions. The tomato hit her the way a steak might have, just a day ago. Somehow her new senses could pick up the qualities of vegetative matter that her human nose was blind to. Gregoria was frantic to begin eating.
She couldn't hold a fork.
She had managed to scrape her napkin into her lap, the wooden dining chair was very uncomfortable to her equine posterior, even sitting - as she must to protect her tail - on one flank. But the issue of cutlery was beyond the capacity of her hooves. She could paw at her fork all day to no avail. What was she supposed to do now?
But, really? My experience, both positive and in its negative aspects, exists independently of those things. First, understand that I came into this somewhat hesitantly. Part of that is due to the Kafka quotes, which give it a very pretentious air, but the theme itself is also ripe for abuse. However, a couple of chapters in I was absolutely hooked. The magical transformation, in fact the whole aspect of random people becoming ponies was interestingly surreal, and her reaction was believable and relatable. In fact, I'd even say that the first few chapters were essentially perfect, especially in how well the Malus sections are integrated, interesting in themselves and serving as foreshadowing, or the exploration and exploitation of the perception filters.
Sadly, this fic lost me after a point, and I almost gave up reading it. It is due to two crucial elements, the first being the philosophy it constantly champions, which runs directly counter my core values. There is such a level of casual misanthropy that was hard to swallow, and it gets thrown around with such a frequency that can't be justified as the actions of one character or another. No, it feels like something of the narration itself, part of the logic by which this fic's universe operates. In some cases, like the one below, it even feels like a direct author rant.
"Fuck... you ponies, Jesus." Michel laughed, a curious, bitter laugh. "What about the poor anthropomorphs that lived before the last change? A whole world of magic and animal people, probably had amazing powers. Pixies and elves and shit. Whole fucking 'Lord Of The Rings', 'Dungeons and Dragons' world, and some capitalist, greedy, dope-pushing bastard erased it so we could have A-10 Warthogs and third-world poverty." Michel snarled. "You pansy-ass rich-bitches think everything is just peachy, don't you? All iPads and big screens for everybody, huh? Fuck you. I've seen the world, the real world, and most people - real people - live in shit and die hungry. That's the human world, that is real. That is a fact. So, you going all liberal guilt about the plight of robber-baron humans and permanent death - you remember that part? Clockwork Victorian universe, you die and you don't come back? - Fuck you whining about 'the poor humans'. Tell it to the animal people before them!"
I really hate being preached to, so when you couple things like that with the dozens of reaffirmations of bronies (and most fantasy fans for that matter) as mentally ill social rejects it gets really hard to stay on the same page as the fic. It also made it harder for me to swallow some of the fic's important plot points, like the gigantic conspiracy theory, or the way it treats a bunch of weirdly specific headcanons as extremely common. Those are things which I just have never seen before, like ponies having all their senses be ultra-sensitive, or that magic tends to fry electronic devices. It is in the way it puts forward that stuff, declaring them to be the truth rather than just saying them as part of the story.
In fact, that ties to the other great factor of my issues of this fic, the much more serious half: Much of this fic is moved by convenience. That, in fact, affects absolutely everything, from the plot, to characterization, to even the world building. Concepts are introduced when necessary for something to happen, then quickly forgotten about, characters will act on a certain way only when it creates the desired outcome, and even the world's laws are applied and forgotten about for dramatic effect. It also ties with a certain penchant for establishing things by words alone, ignoring the traits being actually shown. That can't be talked about without direct examples, of course.
1-) Quite often, there is a piece of frankly magical technology that doesn't fit the world. Like the completely black truck they use to leave the city unmolested (despite the nearly-omnipotent shadow government), but which can show the exterior in perfect clarity. Or the fuel-air bomb which has a long lasting effect in a wide open area. For a fic which portrays things with a modern level of technology, that was just silly.
2-) The "New World Order" is just as useless or omnipresent as necessary. The whole thing felt distinctively Dan Brown-esque, in that you can have a gigantic conspiracy involving thousands of very well financed people in multiple different countries, but whose very existence is still a complete secret.
3-) At one point, Malus' farm is said to be discovered thanks to one traitorous pegasus… who denounces the location where a massive pillar of reality-bending light is. That sub-plot only seems to happen that that the characters can react in shock about a betrayal, since it has, otherwise, zero effect on the story. The betraying character is dead next time she appears, and the whole idea of her family being prisoner is completely forgotten by absolutely everyone.
4-) Ponies are said to be unable to not be pleasant or friendly, except when it is convenient not to. Gregoria is the worst offender in that regard, completely forgetting that her family even exists after a certain point. There isn't even a stray thought to them, or the desire to give a phone call. For all they know, she goes to her friend's house one day, tells them she is staying for a few days more, and then disappears forever from the face of the earth.
5-) The perception filter is an interesting idea that is well explored… except when it is ignored. For instance, it is said that lots of people knowing can make the transformation be reversed in a catastrophic manner, but there are whole facilities dedicated to storing and studying people that go through that. Also, they are very scared of them doing something that makes the filter fail, despite there not being even a single instance up to that point where it even suggests it might, save for a single moment where that happens intentionally after some great effort.
6-) The transformation mechanism itself is nonsensical. It is random, except when it isn't, and can affect the whole of history, except when it doesn't. If it is based on people's strong wishes/believes, and can create more than ponies, you'd expect the world to be swarmed by Devas or other religious figures. Also, I find it hard to believe that the earth wouldn't get destroyed by someone suddenly becoming Cthulhu, Azathoth, or any other Lovecraftian entity.
There are plenty more, but I think that is enough to make my point: Way too many things are moved by coincidence, there is a lack of consistence in the fics' internal logic, and many implications of past situations are completely brushed off. And that culminates in something which didn't take me out of the story so much as actually angered me: The total abandonment of the original theme, the one exposed in the title.
The idea of humans being turned to ponies, changed against their will both mentally and physically, but still conserving something so primordial it can't be destroyed has tons of potential. To see it fall by the way-side feels like a massive let-down, and it makes me believe the author might have intentionally changed her mind on that theme midway through. I'd really like to see a fic about the indestructibility of the human spirit, even when faced with a profound biological change, but the whole story seems to say precisely the opposite, that humans would be better off just becoming ponies and forgetting about humanity. (As an aside, the story I read right after this one does exactly this. More on that in my next review.)
All in all, there is the core of an amazing fic here, but it loses itself on irrelevancies, enough to make me simply stop caring. At the end of the day, this is a fic with highly competent writing fic, and one which is highly memorable, but whose recurring issues make it impossible for me to properly enjoy it.
Stray Thoughts
At one point it is mentioned that the hooves feel like the middle finger. This makes the show look terribly obscene.
The idea that ponies simply can't curse is initially endearing, but its appeal quickly falls off. It also gets stretched way too much, going from replacing expletives with "muffin", to one character saying, at one point, "Marzipan Chorley Cake".
The crying scenes are extremely cheesy and hyperdramatic.
They complain about the USA becoming too totalitarian, but move to Argentina of all places? Was Venezuela closed or something?
Steve Jobs being a love sucking monster able to fool anyone is a stroke of genius. The way it tied up their usage of Apple products was also very well done – I was genuinely weirded out by them using a Mac in order to do hash breaking at one point, for instance.
Rachel dreams of being Fluttershy because she is just a regular pony. Really? None of the Mane 6 should qualify as regular ponies. I mean, Fluttershy was a super-model at one point, and can stare down dragons, and that was just season 1...
The whole "Equestria as heaven" stories seriously piss me off, as I think that they remove a fundamental factor of the friendship in the show. Luckily, there isn't much of that here, and just influences some of the changes in the transformations.
I find some of the headcanons very strange, like ponies having supernaturally sensitive senses, not only for smells or sounds, but also their vision. Also, magic frying electronics. Thing is, that stuff isn't just stated to be present, but is said to be part of very common headcanons. I can't quite buy that.
Regarding the way the transformation is explained to happen, I didn't care much for the idea they were bugs in our simulated world. Quite frankly, I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more when it was just fantastical, in a magical realism sort of way. It reminds me of the introduction of midichlorians, explaining things which don't really need explanation, and then not using that particular explanation for anything else.
Why it should be read: For a well written high-concept novel, despite some significant issues.
Stand out moment: The whole sequence of Gregoria breaking through Rachel's perception filter was absolutely amazing.
7/10 – Good
And this is the reason why, despite her clearly competent writing skills, I refuse to read Chatoyance's works. All I have head from people I trust is that she tries to force all of her personal beliefs onto you through her characters, which serve as nothing more than mouthpieces. She has this grand philosophy that humans are the worst creatures to ever exist and that Equestria is all sunshine and rainbows. She goes far out of her way to force her personal headcanons and biases onto her readers and her critics (about both the show and the real world), and woe betide you if you dare to disagree with anything she says. If she doesn't jump down your throat for daring to provide any form of critique, her rabid followers will do it for her.
I have no desire to have someone preach to me about how evil I am and why I should become a pony, in her mind literally incapable of being flawed. And yes, she does treat Equestria as if it's heaven and something to aspire to, while our own planet is Hell and to be escaped at all costs.
Sorry, but that's not how the world works. It's not even how the show works. Ponies don't just make mistakes or bad choices sometimes. They are very much as capable of being legitimately bad people as we are. There might be less incentive, considering the comparatively Utopian society they seem to have, but they are not perfect. Oh, but she wouldn't know that because she refuses to accept anything post-season 1 as canon.
I personally have no time for such hateful opinions to be hammered forcibly into my brain, nor do I desire reading any words from someone who claims the show Jumped The Shark from as early as the season 2 premiere.
Now about the story itself, I am glad you were able to review it and find such strength in the writing, even if it pissed you off a lot. The same thing happened to me when I reviewed One In A Million by Ocalhoun. The difference, however, is that Ocalhoun's prose never for a single moment felt like a drill boring into my skull insisting that I accept the words I'm reading as fact. Everything in the story served to further the story and not his personal agenda. So while it pissed me off, it was supposed to piss me off. That was the desired reaction, and it was essential for the story to make me care more for a character and cheer them on while they had a metric tonne of shit heaped on them. This? It seems like Chat wants you to grow an attachment to her character (which I highly suspect is a thinly veiled self-insert) and sympathise with her plight, but all signs point to her going about it completely the wrong way. I've seen other reviews of I.D., and they all say the same thing about it: great writing, interesting ideas, but quit your damn preaching!
Incidentally, here's one other review which claims I.D. to be an absolute gem, a must-read. Make of it what you will; I'm more inclined to believe this one.
3180471
This is all very curious and, to be honest, fascinating. When I read I.D. and wrote my review, I had honestly never heard of Chatoyance or knew anything about the conflict surrounding her, so I went into it with a much more... 'amiable' mind. to see such vitriol thrown her way surprises me, but at least now I have a better understanding of why people don't like her.
I didn't take I.D. to be preachy or demanding of he reader, I thought it was just creative. The 'preaching' I took as just being the nature of the created characters, not the voice of the author, and while I didn't agree with hardly any of the philosophy introduced I did think it made the individuals in the story interesting. Perhaps had I known more about the author my opinion would have been colored. As things are, I stand by my view that the story is great and worth reading.
I definitely should not be allowed to read this.
Chatoyance is the Purple Tinker of fan fiction, isn't she? Or maybe the Ayn Rand.
3180582 NSFI (Not Safe For Inquisitor)
3180582
You and me both, brother.
Out of some awful bile fascination, foolishness, and/or some need for closure I went on a small binge of her work a couple years ago and found myself feeling physically ill by the end of it. There's a....colonial/imperialist undercurrent to Chatoyance's work that makes me feel...not angry so much as supremely unsafe and uncomfortable. In its misanthropy, the works hinge far too close to old-school racial superiority arguments for my comfort. After a while, humans struggling with their "better" pony nature strikes thoughts of drapetomania and cultural genocide.
I'm quite sure this wasn't the intent and it's nothing against Chatoyance as a person, it just happened to strike a very raw nerve.
...Also, on a more technical level, is it just me or does the style and sentence structure feel needlessly verbose?
3180526
Well, I just read the story based on your review, and I enjoyed it immensely. When Cerulian Voice says:
Keep in mind he admits he's never actually read any of her stuff, so he must hold that view because he's been told that's her opinion. I can see where the seed of that accusation comes from and there is some truth in it, but as stated, it's a hyperbolic straw-man. I've read more of her stories since, and I can guarantee she's written plenty of villainous ponies and virtuous humans.
3180591 Ayn Rand, definitely – Great writer that can't not preach her philosophy during her own work. Also, way too verbose.
3180471
The only other Chatoyance story I read was Around the Bend, and it is precisely about Twilight accidentally changing reality somewhere around the start of season 2, because she got distracted while making a turn. It is one of the few fics that made me legitimately disgusted, and it was written in such a way it felt very dismissive and disrespectful to the show staff, and fans of the show in general, as if anything that doesn't fit into her headcanon belongs in an alternate reality.
Judging by a comment I left there, that was 150+weeks ago, and after the, well, colorful response I got, I decided to ignore her work from then on. Also, most of it is Conversion Bureau stuff, and that doesn't interest me at all. I eventually decided to give it another try since, hey, it was written over an year after that one. Could have been a lot worse, but hey, I feel like I was pretty generous this time around.
Oh, and thanks for linking me to Paul's review. I had no idea he did those, and they are very good. Looks like you earned him another follower.
3180582 If you ever do, please debate the author on the comment section. I need an excuse to eat popcorn.
3181266 I think that the idea of "cultural genocide" might actually be accurate...
That was a particularly verbose passage, but yes, it is one of those fics that always use 2 words when it could use 1. Except sometimes there are stretches full of short, declarative sentences. It is pretty uneven.
3181912
While I do admit to not having read her work, I have read comments found on her work, her personal blogs, others' blogs, and even others' reviews of her work. I've looked at her profile page in the past and more recently, and yeah it sucks that she seems to have had a difficult life full of oppression. Soge mentions Around the Bend 3182324 here, and everything he says about it is true based off other reviews I've seen. I've read passages and snippets. It's the exact same story I was thinking of when I mentioned the show supposedly Jumping The Shark in season two, and I'm glad he brought it up. It's a prime example of Twilight being used as a mouthpiece to deliberately bash the show and disrespect its writers.
I've seen her spit poison and have it spat at her in return, however it usually results in her appearing to take the high and mighty ground while her opposition either lies crushed or just leaves the conversation in disgust.
Note that I did say she seems a very capable and strong writer. I'm sure she has it in her to churn out something truly delightful that I would actually love to read... if she'd write without a higher agenda for a change. If you know or can recommend any such story in her repertoire that bears no trace of Author Superiority, please point me at it.
3180526 The problem is that all the main characters share the exact same opinion, which then goes uncontested. That would be fine if them being raging misanthropes was part of their characterization, but it is used in such a way that seems to imply that this is some kind of regular position to take. Someone else mentioned American racism, and is is that same issue: suddenly in a story about something else the characters bring up the "negro problem" or something like that, and instead of that being a part of their characterization, it is the normal state of things in the book's view.
3181912 But his opinion comes from reading other people's thoughts on the matter. And while I'd imagine that some of her other stories might not t focus this too much, a quick survey of the covers and synopses seem to indicate that most other fics work with that image of humanity as this depraved collective, while the ponies are paragons of goodness. I am not planning on reading more of her work so soon, mostly because Conversion Bureau stuff don't interest me, and I already had my fill of FiO for a while, but saying that this is part of the author's view seems pretty fair to me.
3182417
Well, I did at least note in my review Chatoyance's apparently negative view of humanity and a number of 'political views' (as I referred to them) that felt a little too heavy-handed. I certainly did get the feeling of preachiness. I also had the distinct feeling early on that Rachel was doomed, specifically because she seemed like a Social Justice Warrior, and those always (or should always) get a cold dose of reality that either wises them up or kills them.
Given that I favorited I.D. (I don't offer those easily), I'm sure I'll be reading another of Chatoyance's stories eventually. I'll see for myself how far this rabbit hole goes.
Oh, and thanks for the follow! I'm surprised at how much you seem to like my reviews. Few people comment on them, so sometimes I feel like I'm not doing that good a job.
3182392
I hear what you're saying and yeah... even when I agree with an author's position, I hate "mouthpiece" characters. I may have just gotten lucky with what I've read of hers so far, but I really do like her FiO story, and I don't remember it being burdened overmuch by Author Has an Axe to Grind. She seems to do very well with character depiction; something I wish I was better at. Her CelestAI is both superficially charming and deeply disturbing and manipulative.
So far (for me) the enjoyment I've gotten from her work has outweighed the downsides. But with the reactions I'm seeing from people whose opinions I respect... I think I'm going to avoid the comment sections of her stories like the plague. Ignorance is bliss, yeh?
3182417
Oh, I don't deny that I've seen that predilection in her work... just that CV's particular quote was kind of over-the-top. BTW, I really like this review: It gives people of wildly different tastes a good idea of how much they would enjoy the fic, which is much better than just a blanket recommendation/pan. If I hadn't read it already, I would have been interested, and I can clearly see InquisitorM going up in spirals after half a chapter.
From what I've read of her CB stories, and your stated reactions above, yeah... you wouldn't like them much. They are heavier on the side of the things you've said you dislike about this fic. I would still recommend her FiO story to anyone interested in that universe, though.
Anyone want to place bets on how far I can get before I ragequit?
EDIT: Oh come on. The second bloody sentence is a comma splice! Standards, people!
EDIT2: Verbose may be something of an understatement. Rambling might be closer.
3184139 I am sure that, if you even get that far, you will flip a table at the tomato description a couple of paragraphs after that quote.
3185040 I just noticed the 'as seen on EQD' and I'm mighty miffed. Not that I mean it as a slur against I.D., but if this gets in I can't see why Shades of Grey was never accepted. I mean, my story still has flaws, sure (it was my first), but any remaining flaws that it has are all out in spades, here.
I don't generally like to make absurd statements about what should or shouldn't be accepted (although we all know I'll tear a strip out of anyone who conjures up illogical critiques), but this one rankles.
And I didn't notice any tomato descriptions other than chapter three, and that wasn't any more painful than the rest of the overly-repetitive narrative. Seriously, never have I been so reminded of the object lesson 'Once is usually enough'.
Up to C7. It's littered with repetitiveness and redundancy, and the pacing sucks balls (or maybe it just doesn't really have a conflict yet), but nothing about it has yet resolved into anything philosophically controversial. The 'adaption defines humans' is kind of cringeworthy though, much like Interstellar's 'love transcends time and space'. No need for it. More tomorrow.
3190450 Up to that point, according to my notes, I had the fic as "showing troubling signs, but overall interesting".
3181912
It's definitely her world-view. She's out and out said it in the past. Chatoyance has a very very strong misanthropic streak a mile wide. I understand -why- she has it, but it's still very offputting and woe betide if you disagree with her in any significant way.
3182468
Deep, most certainly deep. It's funny, for me I.D is the story I hold up when as 'Holy hay, you think you've read crazy? You ain't seen nothing yet, let me tell you about this story...' Because, well, it has so many darned absurdities. The biggest of all being the whole Steve Jobs everything. Like, I mean, this entire story could have a Seth & Amy REALLY?! segment on it, and that one would be one of the whoppers. Then there's the Secret world-spanning organization who is literally Plague Dogs comically evil, since their entire M.O. seems to be 'Capture, vivisect, dissect', and nothing else. 'Oh hey, you helped us? Now we kill you and dissect you and lobotomize the other pony, but not the enormous fire breathing dragon' And I could go on and on and on.
I mean, did I enjoy it? Yes. In the same way I enjoy certain movies that are earnest, that try their best, but are ultimately comically inept. I.D. really is the story I love to hate, so I can't -hate- it for that, because it gives me so much amusement gawking at it in stunned amazement.
So basically, I didn't really have any issue with preachy-ness or pretty much any of the other world-building issues you had, but hold Batman on a scooter that story is dull as rocks.
What's worse is that not only is 90% of the narrative either mindless minutiae, telling, or repetition, but it has a habit of skipping time whenever something potentially interesting is going to happen. It's like the author has not the slightest clue what to narrate and what to keep quiet about. It doesn't even have a climax, per se. I thought it was finally building to something that actually qualified as a story – however belated it might be – but the bottom falls completely out of that when it turns out that they're in absolutely no actual danger and anything interesting happened off-screen.
Not one of the characters came off as interesting, and I can't figure out why there was so much wierd-ass headcanon involved. I mean, why do a world-turning-into-Equestria story if you're just going to stuff it full off fan wankery. I don't get it. It's just some stuff that happens and then it stops. 97,000 words of largely wasted time.
3195786 Not sure if you are familiar with it, but it reminds me of the later seasons of the Dexter TV show. It set-ups a lot of things, follows up on nothing, is presented in a very flat and boring way, and in the end they drop all pretense of logic and move to Argentina.
To be fair, I am pretty sure that my rage at the fic actually helped me stay interested
.
3180471 Just found this; I really agree with the contrast between the stories, having read maybe half of I.D. before I flat-out could not stomach continuing (and reread One In a Million two or three times). In all of Chat's work I've tried, there's this remarkably pervasive gut-churning feel of "this... this is wrong, and I'm not sure just how wrong it's going to get", and even the occasional "huh, that's interesting" does very little to counter that. But even reading the week of rampant Scootabuse in One In a Million the first time, I was pretty confident that ultimately things would resolve well. Which they did. Excellently well, making the story worthwhile. There was justice and progress and all that good stuff.
With Chat's stuff that's just not on the table; not only is there really not going to be a happy ending, the very idea of happy endings (in any fashion I recognize, at least) seems anathema. It was odd to run across an author that, apparently, is to my reading pleasure what Cthulhu is to humanity.
I struggled for a few minutes on whether or not I wanted to add this to my pile, and I'm mostly declining because that pile is way too big as it is. I've enjoyed Chatoyance's stories in the past, before I turned over her worldview and decided that maybe delaying on reading more wouldn't hurt. Your review made the story sound really interesting at first, and then you went on to describe it going off the rails. Kind of a shame.
3180526
Quite a way to open that review of yours, sir! I don't think Soge's going to forfeit shit!