A request for proofreading help · 8:41am Jun 18th, 2015
Well, as most of you may or may not know, I recently went through and did a pretty thorough editing job for The Elements of Harmony and Savior of Worlds -massive props to Cerulean Voice for the help-and resubmitted it to Equestria Daily.
I got rejected. Because of course.
And because I'm a glutton for rejection and/or punishment and/or feeling very humiliated... I wanna try again.
Here's the rejection letter...
First, I had an issue with the scene transitions. Moving from the first scene to the second, you just use a divider, and that's fine: from the beginning of that second scene, I can tell that we've jumped ahead in time to just before the first episode. But moving from the second scene to the third, I find a divider and the caption "One year Later..." I don't think the caption's necessary: as in the first transition, there are plenty of clues at the beginning of the third scene to tell me that we've moved forward in time. But then, the next several dividers don't advance the story in time but rather signal a jump in location, and this just confuses me. So please pick one sort of divider for time jumps and a different sort--maybe a string of asterisks--for location jumps.
Second, I had an issue with all the point of view shifts. Written fiction is a very different thing from a TV show, and the sort of mobile, omniscient point of view you get with a camera is kind of hard to reproduce with just words and no images. So I had a real hard time following what was happening in the scene where they're confronting the dragon. The few paragraphs from Dash's POV at the beginning, for instance, could easily be told in Twilight's POV as she watches Dash from the balloon. And the next shift down to the ground only seems to confuse things even more: with all attention on Fluttershy, I'm still not sure why the dragon attacks the group in the sky.
A third thing for me was wondering why Spike was up in the balloon with Twilight. I know it's because you, the author, want him there when they pop through to meet Megan, but I'd like more of an "in story" reason. Has he been insisting that he's not a baby dragon any more and that he wants to take a bigger part in their missions? Does Twilight need him there to work the radio while she concentrates on something else?
I also noticed the word "grabber" in that first chapter when it should be "grabbed." But take a look at the things here and resubmit the story when it's ready.
Okay, I added a bit of dialog with Spike already... although the bit about dividers doesn't make a damned bit of sense to me. And I can't wrap my head around the POV thing either.
So, if there's anyone out there who'd be willing to help me out with chapter one[/url or beyond, I'd appreciate it. Thank you.
Just a heads up, but EQD is notoriously hostile to HiE fics.
EQD is overrated.
EQD is just a bunch of pricks who think fanfics should be edited to the exact same caliber (or better) than an actual published book. They have forgotten that the fanfic writers are not professionals with entire professional staffs behind them to fix their mistakes. It is great to have quality control, but they go way to far in my opinion.
Also, like 3159677 said... they have a hard-on for denying HiE stories for some reason.
3159677
3159895
I... have no words. They'd be ignoring that this is technically self-crossover. G1/G4
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3159677
And on that note, there are already other G1/G4 xovers on EqD as it is. Like History Repeats, and A Mighty Demon Slayer Grooms Some Ponies.
This story has the potential. It really does! But it needs more work done before it's ready. A lot of work. And I can say that as a reader and reviewer of this fic from a few months ago. Have a look what I thought of it, if you like.
3159895
I'm not either. I wrote my first ever story in the latter half of 2013. And yet you'll find 2/3's of my work there. It's not really that hard to find people with the necessary skill to help you grow as an author and polish your stories to the best quality they can be. The kicker is that you must be willing to be told that you are wrong, here's why, and that you can do much better. (Not that I'm implying anything)
Honestly though, considering RK has had no editor at all for this story (barring suggestions left in comments and some private correspondence between he and I as I read the story), he's done a phenomenal job of the writing by himself. I have seen far, far worse attempts at storytelling as well as some of the most atrocious grammar imaginable. Savior of Worlds is a good story—don't get me wrong, I recognise and respect it for what it is—but it really could have benefited from an experienced editor from the beginning. Which, admittedly, was much harder to find three years ago than it is today. And yet, that seems like a very small list of recommended fixes compared to some rejection notes I've seen. Bear in mind though that the letter only covers chapter one...
Now what needs to happen is, if he's going to try again, he needs to find a proper, decent editor, one who won't step on his toes too much but will help the overall story at the same time. Considering the story is almost 200k words though, they would need to have a lot of patience and dedication.
And then... while I know this story could be much better, it's RK's personal love letter to a chunk of his childhood. He might not want to change too much of it. And how much time will it take? Months of hardcore editing, trying to work with someone else as well... In the end, it's up to RK to decide if he wants to invest that much time into such a project, for what? A few thousand more views? When the fic already has many thousands already and a decently high rating? Perhaps if Savior of Worlds had been submitted to EqD near the beginning of its life instead, the goal would have been far more reasonable, and greatly more rewarding.
I'm not trying to say he shouldn't try to get a story on EqD. It's a worthwhile goal, because the road to getting there will turn a person into an objectively better writer. I'm living proof of that. But I feel like trying with this story in particular can only lead to frustration and disappointment. Savior of Worlds has already had the success it deserves, not only in terms of ratings and views but also with what it means for RK on a personal level.
tl;dr: RK, you have a very long road ahead of you if you want this to hit EqD. It's a great goal to aspire to but I wonder if it shouldn't be attempted with a different story.
And to everyone else who calls the prereaders pricks, elitist, etc., I have two words that, in my personal experience, basically sum up the reason behind the attitude of the majority—not all—of people who don't like them.
Sour Grapes.
Good luck with that. You might have stood a shot at it back when they started but as time went on, Sethisto's standards got stricter.
Kinda have to agree with letter...
While I really love the story and the idea behind it, it does show that it needs to be fixed in some areas.
(Even when reading the first 4 Chapters of the story, I can't help wonder if it could've gone a bit differently.)
3160163
My comment has zero to with this story, hell I've not even read it yet, it was a generalization of their attitude over at EQD. Whether is it true or not, they appear to greatly dislike HiE type stories.
Also I am not against good quality control. That in itself is a good thing. I like that EQD being a repository for good stories. I just think they go slightly overboard sometimes, and forget this is fanfiction, not professionally paid authors.
I wish I could offer my help, because I'd love to. But my schedule just became so tight I probably won't have time for much of my own writing, much less another's, and an epic at that. I hope you find a solution.
Don't get down, I tried to get Revenge of Lavan in there at least twice, but they rejected it too. I still have the email they sent.
3159677
3159892
3160001 Thanks but... not quite what I'm looking for in terms of help.
3160163
I can't comment on History repeats, but Mighty Demon Slayer is absolutely horrible and goes below grimderp and manages character assassination so horrific I wonder if Davidson actually likes G1... or even G4.
I'm gonna be honest. I appreciate the review, really, but I'm still a little miffed at the lowering of the score. Doesn't help that I got this lovely review that basically completely trashed the fic and made me feel two-inches tall.
Okay, little history. I've been writing fanfics since 1995. My first ones are on notebook paper. Which I still own. And this isn't the first fic I've tried to get into an archive. At theforce.net they had a fanfic archive that I tried to get into thirteen times. And every time they rejected it, I had some friends help me edit it... only for it to get rejected again. And for the same damned stuff that I just fixed. Frustrated? You damned well better believe it! And the final time, I asked directly what I had to do and got a fucking nasty letter that said how apparently I didn't wanna do the work or some bullshit like that. I still have that e-mail.
And this is the third time I've been rejected for EQD, second for this one.
Compliments legit appreciated. I had some grammar/typo help for the last... third of it or so.
I've been trying! I've posted in the proofreader's group. This isn't my first blog post about this either, IIRC.
I tried near the 'beginning' of it. I got rejected then, too. Would you be willing to help? I did most everything you said. I won't change the Hasbroverse stuff, mind.
*Looks up at the linked blog post* One star out of five and the best he could say is it wasn't 'offensive'.
Considering some of the stuff -- including HIE and G1/G4 that's gotten on there -- I kinda feel I have a right to be frustrated. Sorry, but I do.
3160219 Eh... thanks?
3160242
But what areas? How? That's what I'm asking for!
3160513 Thank you. I hope I find a solution, too.
3163284 I have them, too.