Public Service Announcment · 5:47am Jun 4th, 2015
(or "What Not to Do")
It has come to my attention that some users are trying to besmirch my name by saying that I "hate everything". Nothing could be further from the truth. There are a lot of stories on this site that I love; if you're spreading the rumor that I "hate everything", then you clearly wrote none of those stories.
Go read "The Battle of Fort Book". Go on, go read it right now. I'll wait.
Wasn't that great? Wasn't that a fantastic story? I love it! I'm a huge fan! Ten out of ten! I wish I could find fanfics like that more often! It's fun, it's entertaining, it's in-character, it's written well. It's the complete package.
So what did you do that made me not like your story? Could be any number of reasons, but it's probably a combination of them. Reasons like these:
Poor Technical Skills
This covers problems with punctuation, capitalization, spelling, lack of subject-verb agreement, switching verb tenses, run-on sentences, choosing the wrong homophone, grammar issues in general, and any other offenses against the English language.
If you've got a learning disability, work with an editor. If English isn't your first language and you're not thoroughly fluent, work with an editor. If you know you're just bad at these things, work with an editor.
And I don't want to hear anything about your age. The minimum age for using this website is 13, and barring one of the conditions above, you should have a decent grasp on language skills by that age. I did, and I went to poorly-funded public schools in Arkansas. What's your excuse?
Creating a Bad OC
This covers a lot of territory, really. It, too, is usually a combination of factors rather than any one thing. Some of these factors can work well, however, in the hands of a good writer, so few of these are absolute rules. So what are some of the indicators that an OC is probably bad?
- Bad color design: overly saturated colors, an overly dark design, clashing colors, oddities like spots or stripes, and so on
- Being a type/tribe of pony you made up
- Being a hybrid: part pony, part (dragon, griffin, changeling, manticore, draconequus, buffalo, hydra, Kryptonian, Kree, Ferengi, Wookiee, Zentraedi, linguini, etc.)
- Being royalty, especially of the long-lost variety
- Being edgy (more on that later)
- Having a dumb name
- Having a human name
- Having an overly-complicated cutie mark
- Having an instant romantic relationship with a major character, or being in an established relationship with no back story
- Having a familial relationship with a major character
- Being better than the any/all of the Mane Six at their major talents (not just the ones indicated by their cutie marks; can also include examples like being a better organizer than Twilight)
- Excessive skill or ability in general
- General "Mary Sue warning sign" attributes such as heterochromia
- Having additional horns, more than one pair of wings, unusual wings, or other non-standard body structures
- Being an alicorn
What's the big deal about being an alicorn? Because they're supposed to be rare, and they're supposed to be exceptional. It's not a status that gets given out like candy. When Lauren developed the show initially, she wanted the total number of alicorns to be two, that's it. That number has since doubled, but it's been established that the two younger alicorns only gained that status after accomplishing great deeds. It doesn't just happen.
Everybody wants their characters to be special, I get that. But make your character special through characterization, not through attention-grabbing looks.
Being Unoriginal
Now, it's true that practically every idea has been done to some degree. The South Park episode "The Simpsons Already Did It" is an amusing look at this. You can, if you like, drill down to the most basic bedrock themes underlying all of story-telling, which is only a handful of topics. (The ones I remember from high school were things like Man versus Man, Man versus God, Man versus Nature, Man versus Self. You get the idea.)
The thing is, though, that in MLP fanfiction, there are certain types of stories are far more common than others. There are themes that have been done to death. There are lots of threads all over the site about what constitutes a cliched idea in MLP fanfiction. Go check 'em out. Unless you know what you're doing, it's best to avoid these.
If you really know what you're doing, you can take a very familiar concept and give it a brand new look. Perseus of Mycenae, Luke Skywalker, and Harry Potter are all the same story: the Hero's Journey. It's thousands of years old and has shown up countless times throughout myths, folklore, the classics, and contemporary fiction.
Being Edgy
Is the graphic violence in your story there to advance the story, or is it there because graphic violence is cool? Is your character an emotionless battle-hardened veteran, a cynical bounty hunter, or a vicious serial killer? Does your OC look like it was drawn by Rob Liefeld or another 1990s comic book artist? Is there a lot of black and/or red in the design? Is there an excessive amount of blood or weaponry in your story? Are you angry at your parents and/or teachers? These are things for you to ask yourself if someone has called your work "edgy".
Personal Fantasies/Wish-Fulfillment
As I once explained elsewhere on this site when tackling this topic, I've wanted superpowers since childhood. I could talk to you for hours about the numerous superheroes I've been a fan of over the decades, what powers or even sets of powers I've thought would be great to have, the heroes I've created as a player in superhero RPGs, the heroes and villains I've created as a GM for a superhero RPG, things that influenced those characters and the storylines they were part of, and the fact that I kind of hope I still have (somewhere) a particular supplement for the defunct 1980s Marvel RPG called The Ultimate Powers Book.
The reason I don't drone on about all of this stuff is because the majority of people on this site don't care. Sure, there are some folks who told me the last time around that they would be interested in such a topic, but (A) they're my friends, and (B) they're weird. (There's actually a fair amount of overlap in that Venn diagram, come to think of it.)
In the same way that you don't care about my superhero adventures, or about a Harry Potter fanfic writer's first year at Hogwarts, or a Twilight mom's dream wedding to Edward Cullen, I don't care about your sexual adventures with Rainbow Dash. I don't care about how you got Fluttershy to come out of her shell and fall in love with you. I don't care about your touching romance with Twilight Sparkle. And most other readers won't, either.
Break-neck Pacing
If your character becomes friends with all of the Mane Six on the same day he/she arrives in Ponyville for the first time, you're moving too fast. If your character just finished their first date with Rainbow Dash and both characters are already thinking or talking about how deeply in love they are, you're moving too fast. If your foal OC has just finished their first day at school and has already been invited to spend the rest of the afternoon over at the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse, you're moving too fast. If Fluttershy wants to jump your character's bones immediately after they make eye contact for the first time, you're moving too fast.
Insufficent Detail
Often tied in with the previous category, should be fairly self-explanatory. Check out some threads (or start a new one) in one of the author support groups on the site if you aren't sure about this one.
Excessive Detail
On the flipside, there are a lot of extras that just aren't important. Do we need to know exactly what Twilight Sparkle had for breakfast? Should you list exactly how many and what types of baked goods Pinkie Pie made in a work day? May I include a detailed description of all of the dresses that Rarity has for display when my OC visited the boutique? The answer to all of these questions is another question: "Is it important to the story?"
If the answer is yes, then by all means, include it! If the answer is no, you have to ask another question. "Is this flavor text or is it just filler/padding?" If you're throwing things in just to meet a specific word count, you're doing something wrong. (I saw a story once where every single chapter had a round-number word count that was a multiple of 500. You better believe I gave that some serious side-eye. No, I didn't try to read it.)
The worst offenders in this regard are the various "badass soldier in Equestria" stories (see "Being Unoriginal" above), which are frequently filled with the alphanumeric gobbledygook of military gear porn. Do these designations mean anything? Of course they do. Does reading them completely break the flow of the story? Of course it does. Does the average reader care about the exact specs of whatever weapon your OC is wielding, let alone the mods it has? Of course they don't.
Keep it simple. If you can get away with just calling it a pistol, do so. If you want to slap on a couple of adjectives, that's fine too: he's carrying a heavy semi-automatic pistol. (Incidentally, leaving it open like that allows your readers who do have a greater interest in this than the rest of us to fill in the blanks with their own favorite makes and models.) Tell us the caliber if you absolutely must. But the majority of your readers don't need or want to know that it's an Arglebargle OMGWTFBBQ 8675309 with laser sights, power windows, an official MLB umpire ball/strike/out counter in the grip, and a trigger guard made of mythril.
You wanna know why I downvoted your story? You wanna know why I added it to one or more groups for bad fanfics? Well, this isn't a definitive list, but it broadly covers a lot of the major reasons why. (You wanna know why I added your story to a group without asking you first? Because that's not how groups work on this site.)
The stories that I do like usually get added to a lot of groups as well, just different groups. When I like somebody's work, I want other people to see it, read it, and appreciate it as well. There are a number of writers on this site who have earned upvotes from me, who have received positive comments on their stories from me, who have had increased visibility on a particular story because I put it in a bunch of groups at once, who have had encouraging PMs from me.
If you're not one of them, try harder.
I cannot fathom that anyone would ever speak ill of thee. The mere thought simply boggleth the mind.
YOU PUT IT INTO WORDS THANK CELESTIA!
You have standards.
This comes as a surprise to some people.
This is why we can't have nice things.
So, an exceedingly ploy-chromic stunted royal alicorn with a bent wing and stubby horn, one fang that is perpetually protruding from one side of his muzzle, who is directly related to the Royal Pony sisters via their parents, but is also Discord's half brother by way of a rock and a overly sexually active amoeba, and bears the titles: Royal Prince, Lord of the Flies and Drains, and High Warden of the Privies, and who answers to the name Bob, would be to much?
Did a certain soldier in Equestria story inspire this perhaps? A repeat offender?
Also sorry to be autistic and go off topic but.
Do you perchance play other RPGs?
...so you hate hating everything?
eeheeheehee
3121986
You're very kind.
3122308
Tough to say -- what's his cutie mark look like?
3122318
Actually, shortly after reading that story, I encountered a non-soldier but still stupidly edgy story. I first left a single comment about an incorrect word choice in the long description (with the writer claimed was only a typo), but no more than that because I had no interest in correcting everything. After reading it, I also downvoted it and added it to some badfic groups. The writer started freaking out and wondering what was wrong, why he was getting so many downvotes -- while his score was still an even 4/4, mind you -- and someone tried to reassure him by saying don't worry, your story just got seen by Elric, and he hates everything. I recognized this other user's name as someone who has written some really bad stuff, so gee, I wonder how he got that opinion.
I haven't played any RPGs in years, but I'd like to get a group going again in my area. Across the last three decades, I've played all sorts of RPGs: swords and sorcery, spies, superheroes, science fiction, supernatural... you name it.
3123409 Hmm, never thought of that ... maybe a Turnip?
3123568
Well, generally, you want to have at least one power in each of the categories of attack, defense, and movement. There are exceptions, especially in the comics... but in an RPG, it's best to keep them as NPCs. (Or at least make sure they have a vehicle of some sort if they're missing a movement power like flight or teleportation.)
3123409 Did this user happen to be Destroyershy? He still thinks you haunt him.
And also I usually run rpg online usually Call of Cthulu and anything Warhammer, I'm always trying to recruit more people for that. Sadly most people on this website and deviant art prefer text based roleplays over dice tho.
3123948
Nah. I noticed a veiled accusation about me and a couple of other folks when his latest story tanked, but I never did anything more than glance at the description and read some comments.
I've played the Warhammer Fantasy RPG, and if I signed up for anything, I think I'd be more interested in that sort of pseudo-medieval setting than the far-future stuff that gets all the attention. (Best part about the game: the critical hit tables.)
And yeah, the sort of roleplay that used to go on around here always made this old gamer a little uneasy. "Where's the dice? Where's the rules?"
3123976 Ye, whenever a roleplay is just text based and no rules it mostly just comes down to a bunch of kids trying to show off how cool their guy is. I usually stick to the 40k role playing games, as much as I love the hell out of the Skaven, the 41st Millennium just leaves the GM so much room for creation.
It's interesting... I have 2 filly OCs. One of them being blind, the other having a heterochromia, a silver streak in her hair and a prosthetic leg due to an accident.
And the most OP'd thing they did is to spend time arguing who's mom is a bigger geek.
You may ask "but why heterochromia?"
The answer? Because it's insanely cute. No other reason than that.
~Twi
3124380
Sure, it can be, and I generally don't have a problem with cute anime characters who have it.
But in fanfics, as you know, it's often there only to show how sooper speshul a particular OC is...
(Again, keeping in mind what I said about such characteristics usually being a warning sign, but not necessarily an actual issue in and of themselves.)
Hey Elric,
Forgive me for being quite late on this blog, but I still felt like I would like to contribute. While I can agree with a lot of the things on your list, I feel like there's still a very important thing to be included: Moral.
In other words, what is the author trying to say with their story? Are they trying to spread a certain message amongst an audience, or are they just writing a series of events for the sake of writing them? Some of my most favorite stories on the site have made me think, made me feel very deep down, and even taught me a lot of things. I don't think a story with a pointless series of events, and no buildup to even have it all make sense, is really worthy of an upvote. The same goes for my own writing; everything that I write has a very important meaning to me and a message that I feel needs to get out. I would never write a story that's pointless. I think these are the kinds of stories that deserve the most positive attention amongst the fanfic community.
While I do know that you're a general sucker for the adorable tales, the story itself still needs to make you feel something. Whether it make you feel like you've grown in a certain way, or just had a wonderful pleasure just being in that world. If the author has done this, then I think they have done their job very well. If not, then that's when they definitely need to try harder.
The fact that this exists make me want to cry tears of joy.
3230542
Please feel free to quote from it any time you think someone could use a wake-up call.
Or link to it, or whatever.
3230555 Okay. Quick question: Under which of the above categories does "Don't make a shitty crossover AU that has no reason to exist"? Think Fallout Equestria style crossover in which the characters of one franchise are superimposed onto the world of another.
3230561
That's mostly going to fall under the heading of "Being Unoriginal", but depending on the writer's skill (or lack thereof), any or all of the other factors could come into play.
3230569 Thanks.
Note: The following is rather tangental.
Thing is, I ran across a rather shit RWBY fanfiction once that took the characters and threw them into the world of Borderlands. The author gave it up, and I offered to continue it, whereupon he got pissed when I didn't trash his first two chapters (that is to say, he didn't want me to continue his work, he wanted me to throw it out and start anew which completely defeats the purpose of continuing his work in the first place) and then started writing it again himself. I rather wanted to like the story, but this guy's work was just... bad. The story felt more like RWBY characters hastily slapped onto Pandora with a few things renamed rather than an honest effort to make an interesting crossover. That, and his grammar was fucking terrible. Among the things I did change in the first two chapters was the grammatical errors and he didn't take even those.
God, I find myself wishing I had complained to someone about these things weeks ago.
Hi, I'm really glad when I stumbled upon this though i have a question (and really sorry that i asked this really late, but I like just wanna know some stuff). I have a story where the OC was in relationship with aa mane 6, however, it's like something that happen in the past, something that i'll build up slowly upon later on. Could you tell me if that would actually work?
Btw, the story is Chrome, The Path He Walked, just pasted the piece here in case you need to read it to better understand what i'm on about. Really hope you could help.
3273179
If the relationship is written with authenticity, and if the OC isn't some Gary Stu who is loved by all mares and deals with all obstacles effortlessly, then it could possibly work.
3273601 Ok thks!!!!
You are the Mikey of FimFiction. Sooner or later, Life cereal comes along.
But in all seriousness, this is a perfectly reasonable checklist. If a writer looks at this and still has no idea where it all went wrong, and Slash Defenestrate wasn't involved, then it truly is a mystery. But usually, the answer can be found somewhere in here.
It's also why it pays to read fanfics before you write them. That's how you find out that certain ideas have been done to death, or that no, your OC really would have been the same as all the other OCs.
3333408
On the "too skilled" front, you can always Google "Mary Sue test"; there are a few online quizzes out there, and some of them are even coded so that they'll calculate results for you. As far as "too edgy" is concerned, is the violence in the story there for a for a storytelling purpose, or is it there as a celebration of violence? If you'd like, you can PM me and we can discuss it more.
I just ran a character I have through the Mary Sue Test. He scored a 10.
So, I scored a 42/296 on this mary sue test http://katfeete.net/writing/sue.php For the unpublished story i'm looking for an editor to help with
I'm not sure if that's a bad score so id like some other input on the matter.
4050043
Most tests of this nature include a scale (which I can't seem to find at that link) so you can find out where you are in terms of danger levels. But mathematically that's only 14%, so I don't imagine you have too much to worry about.
4052693 The areas where i wasnt doing so well in, and this is consistant across all the first page results for the oc test. I scored a low average but the tests say he's remarkably similiar to myself and comes off as a chosen one-esque charachter. I don't really understand the problem with the first bit, and the second bit i don't know how to fix. What do?
4053244
Having a character be similar to yourself isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it certainly falls under "write what you know". The main thing is to have a character that resembles you or shares your views without being an avatar of you within the story. As for making him less of a "Chosen One", about all I can say there is to maybe make the character someone responding to circumstances rather than a figure destined to save the world (or whatever). If you got that result because he's the only one accomplishing anything in the story, let the supporting characters step up and do something.
4056418 Great, thanks.
Nice job，bro
These problems have never been solved.