Present Perfect vs. the OC Slamjam 2: The Characters! · 10:34pm May 26th, 2015
People were asking me to do this and I said “no”, but now that I’ve started reading the slamjam entries, I realize, I should know everything about these characters. So it’s time to review the characters themselves! And if you don’t know everything about them and want to vote, check them out here or hit below the break! (And yes, I’m doing the DQ’d ones too. Prepare for copious quote marks!)
Straitjacket: Yeah, “he’s crazy” isn’t a good start for a character. It doesn’t help that this was written to delineate his magical abilities, with only his “bouts of insanity” as a detractor from him being the next Twilight Sparkle. S-T-R-A-I-T-J-A-C-K-E-T spells “Mary Sue”. The thing with Blueblood is funny, but doesn’t stop him being "bad".
Candy Cane: Surprised and pleased to see people doing foal characters. This one’s pretty dull, honestly, not what I’d consider for a main character. That said, while “she doesn’t care about making friends” is kind of an eh character trait, it also leaves the field open for friendship-related storytelling, and that’s a good thing. Distinctly “okay”.
Melon Rind: The Apple family has “many offshoots”, eh? Melons seem pretty far removed from apples, if you ask me. I don’t really get how strict traditional earth pony values would drive off earth ponies raised with said values. And of course her talent is more focused on metal than soil. I do like the bit about her jumping on a supply vaccuum along with other blacksmiths (that’s very important), but she kinda just sounds like anti-Pinkie. “Not bad”, I guess.
Rachis Barbule: His character sheet does his awful name no favors. A unicorn with a talent for preening feathers? How does that even happen? In Special Snowflake land, that’s where. I do appreciate some of his personality quirks; he sounds pretty uptight (except for the part where he isn’t), and I definitely like the bit where he considers himself a gifted traveler but actually gets lost. That said, it all balances out to just “not bad”.
Static Shower: “I do mean colt”, it says, and I wonder what part of “colt” might leave room for interpretation. He sounds like your average rambunctious, possibly-a-Chosen-One kid, though. I adore that his likes include “Breakfast”. “Okay!”
Tidy Till: It bothers me when adult ponies are blank flanks. That’s almost as bad as making alicorn OCs, honestly. But honest to God, how does a pony named “Tidy Till” not have a special talent for being a clerk? How could he not like what he was obviously born to do? How hasn’t he broken from the work he hates to find his special talent? Just doesn’t add up. “Meh.”
Redwood: By “EUP Guard”, does this mean she’s from the past? Because, well, see below. I’ll admit, a talent for archery is neat (if only because we’ve seen Ice Archery now) and I like that she wears a leg brace. Other good bits include her trying to earn her supervisor’s respect; not so good is that her special talent is winning games and challenges. It literally says “her special talent is winning”, and that’s just not good. I guess she gets an “okay”.
Dreamer: Writing a story as your character’s background isn’t all that great. In this case, it locks him into doing one thing. And I can’t say that thing is all that interesting. The bits about dreamwalking don’t strike me as too hot either. I rate this one a “you tried”.
Crisp Dawn: I like the creation of an Equestrian navy to support this character. That said, his personality is exactly the same as Redwood’s (no-nonsense on the job, kicks back off the job), and while I’m glad he’s got a talent that isn’t his special talent… what’s his special talent? A major detail has been overlooked! (At least it’s not “winning”.) Honestly, not too much about him is surprising, but I can see him holding his own. He’s “p. good”.
Firefly: A glowing scarab, really? Well, glad he’s a mediocre flyer, though that’s offset by him having met all the Elements. He’s another one like Rachis whatever, with a special talent completely unsuited for his race. Actually, what I like best is the “what makes him angry” part. “Not bad”.
Dala: Dala’s special talent is “pain”. Can we say “edgy”? You can’t write a line like that and expect people to take it with a straight face; it’s worse than Redwood’s winning! The whole thing about being born with a (completely implausible, I should add) disease and then getting awexome runic tattoos to fix it is ridiculous. At least she has enough agency to want to find a better cure for her condition, but I’m sorry, no, this is a “bad” OC.
Copper Coin: I like that his coat is green, playing off his name, though the whole description sounds like “emo hipster or possibly ninja”. The “bitter, reclusive, unappreciated literary genius” routine makes this sound close to a self-insert, even in light of the pejoratives littering his personality description. I mean, it’s nice that someone tried for an unlikeable character, but it doesn’t take much. This has definitely been overdone, and he is distinctly “not good”.
Lucky Stars: Oddly, the thought that occurs to me while reading this is “I’d like her more if she wasn’t a pony.” Maybe I just want stories about confident, successful young women, I dunno. Definitely “good”.
Staccato Spark: How does light grey “borderline” blue? Oh god, it’s the requisite “OC who is a relative of a canon character”. Granted, Vinyl Scratch isn’t really a canon character, but it still counts, you know what I mean. Man, their parents must be heartbroken their kids are both severe disappointments. Musician-but-also-likes-the-Wonderbolts-and-confident-except-not? No thanks. “Meh.”
Obvious Question: “Short and to the point.” Okay, all my objections have faded away. I love his parents’ names. Honestly, all of this works, and the writer has turned a goofy origin story into a solid character. “Good!”
Proper Prim: If you want to make a character who’s well-known for something, a job like stage design is a good way to go. I’ve seen her in action already (odd that both stories featured Hinny of the Hills), so I already know she’s “good” if not “great”!
Bibidi Boo: “If I’m an evil witch, I should look the part.” Yeah, super-edgy goth material, here. I kind of want to know what the “illegitimate reasons” for her getting kicked out of school are. Anyway, not a fan of characters fated to be ‘evil’ or ‘dark’ or whatever, and what does “delaying the inevitable” mean? Going to pony hell? “Not good”.
Merry Weather: “Naturally pretty” is never a good sign. Would’ve liked to know what the “series of incidents” entailed; from there, it’s all downhill from there. I mean, living in a mushroom could be cute, but having a “spinal condition” that renders her unable to fly too much? And then her personality sounds like a laundry-list of self-insert characteristics, readymade for author tract! “Not good.”
Vanilla Skies: I like that the CM is described as setting or rising, that’s clever. There are some odd details included in the description (“she has never fought”), but honestly, “not bad”.
Azure: That she lives with her brother is a neat touch. It’s odd that poetry makes her angry; there’s a story in that. Needs a few more details, but she rates at least an “okay”.
Fillygree: Describing her as the same color as Bombay Sapphire gin is really world-breaking. There’s a lot of odd description like that in the sheet, but I’m not supposed to be critiquing the writing here. I like that she enjoys losing at board games. I wish there was a bit more nuance to her like that, and less “tries to avoid the spotlight”. “Okay.”
Bristle: Between use of the word “buttmark” and the quality of his story, I think I know whose OC this is. :V I mean, this description is a work of art in its own right, and the character himself is laid out quite well, a mixture of original and believable, with a pleasing personality. “Great!”
Casey Regulator Trotterson: I wish something in this description explained why his name was “Casey”, not that it matters now. Downsides are being as large as Big Mac (or at least being described in those terms), being the youngest anything at all, and being a slacker who’s no-nonsense on the job, but this is actually a better character than I anticipated, given the name, he’s at least “okay”.
Mist Whisp: The ridiculous amount of world-building in this character is not welcome, mostly because it makes her a Super-Extra-Special Snowflake. Not to mention “she somehow got to the surface” sounds awfully slipshod. “Not good.”
Lilligold: Her special talent is a bit of a stretch. I mean, flowers are earth pony domain, number one, but making a flower entirely out of water? Or maybe it’s just that she turned a flower into that; if you ignore the creation story, her status as a curator of a magic shop is actually quite nice. Her personality is decent, honestly. “Not bad.”
Evergreen: This pony is Canadian and cute as fuck. Ten outta ten, best OC. But no, seriously, she won my name rating bracket, and I can’t complain about her character sheet either. “Good!”
Mild Manners: I like how the first two parts of this description make him sound like the most boring person ever. “Noble pony distancing himself from snooty family” is kind of a trope, but I guess he’s “okay”.
Dawn Gleam: Daggers and Twilight’s old grimoire? (Did Twilight ever have a grimoire?) A possible Element of Magic? Trixie? Studies non-unicorn magic? (There’s our trifecta.) Shoo-in for the Element of Honesty? This is “not a good OC”, and the reference to “Versebreaking” pins the author down as a very limited number of possibilities.
Mizuko: Raven mane, here we go. So she’s the best swimmer/diver, whose only weakness is being asocial. That’s worse than being weeaboo bait. Or a Tumblrist! “P. bad.”
Wind Whistler: Our second G1 R63. I actually like his story of personal loss, the timing of his mother’s death while he’s in the Academy. The talent is interesting, if not the best. Placing him second to Shining Armor is a pretty eh decision, though, especially considering how charmed a life he’s lead up to that point. But seriously, wasting his talents as being a top weather wrangler. He’s at least “okay”.
Silver Lining: Oh dear, an autistic older brother? Truthfully, the worst part about this character is the writing. She’s not terribly interesting, but neither is there anything I can strongly object to here. “Okay.”
Falcata: See Loosestrife.
Summer Heat: Again, not supposed to be critiquing the writing, but that appearance is a few “you’s” away from coming off a MUCK. I do appreciate the attempt at craft here (“Today, she is a rolling stone”), and the bit about her not wanting a home is good. I’m a little put out by this, though, because of the focus on her appearance and being so well-traveled. Still, “not bad”.
Calluna: I know whose this is now, and yes, it’s a flower, but I still say picking a flower that sounds like a canon character’s name is not a good idea. But she’s not a bad character. A little sparse on details, but I like that bit about what she does when stressed. Simple, but again, “not bad”.
Minx: Her appearance, CM aside, is pretty much what Scribbler’s OC looks like. <.< Oh god, her cutie mark represents MPD, that’s never a good sign. Oh god, the personalities all have cutesie names. This isn’t just bad, this is “really bad”.
Glyph Dance: Okay, so he shares a magical talent with Littlepip. That’s… dumb. I’ll admit, given his name, I was expecting something a little more esoteric, but seriously, he can even fly, that’s exactly what Littlepip does. >.< I think his goals are set a little high, and his personality is a little basic. Eh, he’s “okay”.
Iron Curtain: This is about the most stereotypical Russian Communist pony character you could ask for. “Not good.”
Spring Blaze: So light on details, I can barely make a decision. Seems very self-inserty. “Not good.”
Price Back: “Broke Back”, really? I wish the detail about his parents not having as much money as others was important to his character somehow. Gets edgier as he goes. “Meh.”
Minnie Milk: So she looks like a cow and lost all her teeth. Geez. She sounds a little unlikeable, honestly, but I guess overall she’s “okay”.
Quick Study: I like that she’s given distinct friends, not too many have done that with their characters. Definitely has the air of a self-insert, however, and I can’t say I find her terribly interesting. Again, these are supposed to be main characters in stories. Just “okay.”
Heather Rose: Ah dammit, I’ll have to modify my comment on Proper Prim’s story. D: See, this is why I should’ve read these last week! Interesting how the German side of her character got into one story, and her Ponyville life as described here got into the other. Can’t say she was a terribly strong character in either piece, and I dislike her having strong opinions about what happens in the show. “Okay.”
Gross Product: A close friend of AJ’s mom? Oh god, and he had a thing for her. Please. I do not like this guy in the least, he is “not good”.
Oddluck: She’s really not that interesting, and a talent in being lucky makes her very “not good”.
Luster Lock: She was a real standout in her two stories, but I don’t think her description quite sells her. The connection to Trixie is odd, but not as egregious as some other canon character connections. “Not bad.”
Wispy Willow: Okay, I can deal with an earth pony interested in magic, because this one’s more a ghost hunter, and that’s neat. Otherwise, he doesn’t stand out much, but that rates a “not bad”.
Love Runner: I do not like this character, and I go into it more in my review of the one story she appears in (she got DQ’d). It all comes down to her ridiculous talent and what she does with it. Definitely “bad”.
Mango Leaf: Possibly the most ridiculous physical description ever. Dat Hoofululu tho, I can’t. I love that he sells frozen yogurt, though it’s weird that he hates warm food. (?) Still, not critiquing the writing, and I think he ranks among the “good”.
Whitewash: While his backstory is a little ridic, points for the red herring special talent. I also like that he’s basically lying to his own parents, when his talent is spotting lies. I less like that he uses his talent for picking apart writing (that’s very “wha?”) Still, “not bad”.
Booster Bones: He’s a ghost. HE’S A GHOST. Okay, him being a detective helps lampshade the ridiculous name. His current activities are disappointing. Also, I think this is the plot of a video game. I won’t say this character doesn’t have potential, but it’s definitely not being used. “Meh.”
Clue Seeker: You didn’t have to specify G4, we know it’s G4, we’re not writing anything else here, come on. My headcanon is that Booster Bones also forgot his name when he died, and Clue Seeker is his younger, living self. Because otherwise, this kid’s dull and just “okay.”
Minié Ball: Oh god, no. She’s a Southern Belle who owns a plantation and is horribly racist. We weren’t supposed to make joke characters! >.< “Bad, very bad!”
Loosestrife: Okay, so. We have not one, but two, possibly three ponies flung from the distant past of Equestria into the modern time. How did this happen? Both she and Falcata are soldiers, even! I’ll give Loosestrife points, she’s not nearly as hardcore/edgy as Falcata and hasn’t been shipped with a male Clover the Clever (though I desperately want to see these two in the same story), but yeesh. “Meh” on both of you, for being so unoriginal in your originality!
Trinket: Old friend of Princess Cadence, plz. Boring, not much to him, “meh”.
Hazel Luck: Another pony who’s lucky? What’s that got to do with doing well on a test? And she doesn’t sarcasm, great. “Meh.”
Loam: Something about the phrase “cutie mark is a hole in the earth” just sounds like a horrendous pony insult. Possibly sexual. That is a very interesting way to discover that particular talent. I’m enjoying the image of a pony digging like a dog. Wait. “She often gets in trouble for sleeping in the graveyard.” What. Well, I was liking her up to that point. D: And she likes sleeping in holes, so… she sleeps in graves? And can ‘destroy her enemy” with an axe? This OC flipped from “not bad” to “bad” in a hurry. :(
Ace Artisan: Goofy name aside, he’s got a really solid cutie mark story, and again, I’m glad someone gave their character other characters to have relationships with. I really like him, I just hope his name gets changed, because it’s the worst thing about him. “Good!”
Lunar Glint: Why is his sexuality listed under gender? I like the “doesn’t like to talk about it” part, but otherwise I think an error has been made on the side of “unremarkable” here. “Okay” to “not good”.
Caps Lock: Oh, right, someone explained the “no scar” thing to me; it reads like a nonsequitur but actually calls back to Obs’s original post, so blame him. So the problem with this character is that her special talent is working with technology that doesn’t exist in Equestria. It’s not just computers, that sounds like a PDA, which is way advanced. Still, her personality is cute, so she ranks an “okay”.
Haystacks: Oh god, this character sheet. Way to be an overachiever. D: Seriously, it’s three fuckin’ pages long! You have a picture, you don’t need a thousand words too! DX Can’t argue with the results, though: should I ever have to write this character, I have the perfect window into how he acts. Good job showing he’s Australian and not Southern American. Though the narrator gets as much attention as Haystacks himself, which makes this a hard one to call. I guess I’ll let myself be blinded by effort and go with “good”.
Streamline: Overall, I don’t find him too interesting, but I’ll say that one bit about hiring his single friend lends a certain je ne sais quoi. “Not bad.”
Loud Mouth: Huh, I’ve never considered pony radio stations before (and I do think there’s evidence in canon to support them existing). Pretty neat cutie mark story, and a nice way of deflecting that into a different career path. I will go so far as to say she’s “good”!
Foxglove: “British-esque”. So, not actually British? Does he sound Australian? High-class American? Work with me here. Kind of a decent vigilante origin story, not so much a pony character. I mean, he’s basically living a tragic backstory. “Being slightly more alert than others” is hardly a talent, though. I’ll be charitable and say “okay”.
That’s it! Tip your waitress. :B (She’s a cow.)
(Also, I ran a bracket simulation: Bristle comes out on top with Evergreen in second. Top five by rating is rounded out by Proper Prim, Ace Artisan and Obvious Question, though Proper got stomped by Bristle really early on.)
Haven't read any of the entries, but sounds like I should look into Obvious Question.
Booster Bones actually reminds me a bit of Skullduggery Pleasant
I don't personally take too much issue with Ace Artisan's name. I kinda dig it, honestly.
Also, I'd love to know the distinction between "okay" and "not bad." Which is worse? I've always found the terms pretty interchangeable.
You're way harsher than I would be.
3100966
That's what I was thinking of!
3101001
Not bad is better. :B
It kinda goes you tried->really bad->bad->not good->meh->okay->not bad->good->good!->great!
I was just kinda doing it on the fly tho :B
3101229
ocs is srs bsns :V
I'm not really following that thing, are the OCs required to be new? I think I remember one or two fics with characters like that, one of them predates the video game even.
3103441
It's the combination of "ridiculous idea" and "already been done anyway". Kinda like the two or three time-displaced OCs. (Although not, since they obviously were made at the same time, without influencing each other.)
But really, if your OC isn't new, then what's the point? You're just rehashing old ground and not being creative.
So who was your least favorite? Is it Minie or Minx? I'm trying to determine if "Bad, very bad!" supersedes "Really bad".
3105826
That's a really tough question. D: I guess I'd have to go with Minx being worse.
I would so dearly love to comment on your commentary of my OC, but I can't, because that would reveal me, so... Yep. Mmhmm. That sure is an opinion you've got there. Boy howdy, am I ever having some kind of reaction to it.
Also after reading your comments on your last blog, I'm now super paranoid thinking about what was said in the SA chat where the guy was tearing everyone apart. I NEED TO KNOW, MAN. I NEED TO KNOW.
I need to stop reading these commentaries. The self-esteem rollercoaster is making me nauseous.
'Weeaboo bait'? 'Tumblrist'?
Boy, you better sleep with one eye open til this here contest be over, cause me and my imaginary kind don't take kindly to that shiz.
image.blingee.com/images16/content/output/000/000/000/518/385469321_445673.gif?4
Her talent is a little more than luck. Telling you would be hard to explain.
Now that I've lost, I can comment on this!
I'm Candy Cane's author. And really, she's just a terrible OC - I put almost zero effort into creating her. And making her a foal was actually laziness on my part, because I'm much closer to her age than an adult.
3106408
Man, how can either of you possibly rank Minie above Mizuko and Merry Weather?
3105826
3119477
cuz she's terrible in completely different ways
Tac confirmed for Minie BallYou had the same exact reaction to Booster Bones that I did. I think my message in the Skype chat was:
"HE'S A GHOST"
"BOOSTER BONES IS DEAD AND A LITERAL GHOST"
Just reread this for no reason, I still love how you reviewed Iron Curtain lol
3723173
And yet you made him good. :D