Spoiler Heavy Review: Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) · 12:04am Apr 27th, 2015
Okay, so if you're wondering how I was able to see the movie, I found and downloaded a nice camrip of Age of Ultron, in order to see if it'll be worth my time and money.
Now, if you don't want any spoilers, or simply wish to form your own opinion on the film without anyone else's opinions influencing your own, I totally respect and understand you. That being said, this review is going to be heavy on spoilers and my own opinion, so I don't want to see anybody complaining about spoilers here.
Continue at your own risk.
This film is a complete waste of time.
That's right. It sucks.
It is offensive, horribly written, badly directed, awkwardly paced and, in the end, feels like nothing more then a stop-gap for more important and interesting matters. Let me explain why.
Joss Whedon is an absolutely abominable director and writer. His excuse for dialogue is cheap, artificial 'humor' that is usually of the school-yard variety snark I more expect to find on a badly written Nick teen comedy then a major motion picture. He has no understanding of these characters, and seems to willfully ignore any and all character development they might have undergone during the other MCU films. Instead, he continually and violently forces in artificial and idiotic conflicts, believing that having everyone bicker like a group of teenage drama queens is the same as 'character dynamics'. On top of that, he has no understanding of how to properly build and create a romance, which I will touch on later. The plot is confusing, not really getting into motion until almost an hour and a half of screen time has gone by, which it then resolves with an almost kindergarten level of simplicity. It doesn't help that this plot is built entirely on the main characters acting like complete fools and idiots, repeatedly making the same mistakes and errors over and over, and only winning and being 'right' because the plot demands that they are.
His camera work is stylistic without substance. He continually twists his camera at strange angels, frequently in battle sequences. His 'long takes' are artificial and forced, winding along and simply distracting the viewer with their supreme tackiness and artificiality. This whole film feels disgustingly artificial and forced, like it was made in some Chinese sweatshop by underage, enslaved kids. It has no real charm or joy to it, only frustration and anger and idiocy.
Moving onto the characters, everyone is a complete fool in this film. Tony Stark willfully and repeatedly caresses the Idiot Ball, doing exactly what HYDRA wanted to do when restarting the Ultron program. he willingly takes Loki's scepter (revealed to be the Mind Stone, which is part of the mystical Infinity Stones introduced in Guardians of the Galaxy), and incorporates it into his remote global defense plan, which is to have thousands of robotic Iron Man suits (called the Iron Legion) patrol the world as a police force. This is exactly the same philosophy that HYDRA had in The Winter Soldier. Only in Joss Whedon's addled and deficient mind does this make sense, as the plot repeatedly tries to paint Stark as doing the right thing, when it is painfully obvious that it is the wrong thing. This never ceases, and the worst part is that Tony never, EVER apologizes for ANY OF THIS. It him, and solely him who creates Ultron, it is HIM to programmed Ultron, and therefore it rests entirely on Tony Stark's shoulders that literally thousands of people are either injured or likely killed in Ultron's attempt at taking over the world.
Speaking of Ultron, he is a complete joke in this film. James Spader's incredible talents are wasted by Whedon's horrific screenplay, which makes Ultron out to be tantamount to a psychotic ten year old with unspecified daddy issues, and a completely unexplained God complex. ON no more then six (yes, SIX) occasions during Ultron's rambling, indecipherable ramblings, does he invoke Bibical imagry, for no apparent reason then to be blasphemous. Why does Ultron have this obsession with Christian imagery? Why does he feel the need to say 'Upon this rock I shall build my church' upon acquiring a store of Vibranium, which serves as the MacGuffin of the movie? Does Ultron seriously consider himself some sort of god? The film states that he gained his knowledge from the internet, yet doesn't explain why he has chosen Christianity as his religion to invoke. Why not invoke Islam? Why not invoke Hinduism or Buddhism or Greek mythology? All of those religions share the idea of some higher power coming to destroy the planet for whatever reason, so it would have made just as much sense for Ultron to switch religious references at will, one minute invoking the Hindu god Shiva, who is called 'The Transformer' and 'The Destroyer', and then maybe invoking some other deity. As a Christian, I'm just left scratching my head as to why Whedon seeks to demonize Christian imagery so much...until I remember that he is a virulent atheist, which explains pretty much everything.
Moving on from those doldrums, we move onto the other characters.
Nobody gets any real character development, at least any I can see. What we get is just empty, badly written forced banter, the group bickering like teenagers, and everyone acting like an idiot. The only thing resembling 'character development' is the completely unexpected, moronic 'romance' between Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff.
What's that? You thought Natasha Romanoff was being paired off with Clint Barton, as per every scene they had in The Avengers? Well, sorry, but you're wrong. Turns out, Clint Barton is married and has two kids, with the most saccharine and perfect and idyllic family in the whole damn universe. They come out of nowhere, and have no build up, and their scenes simply pad out the narrative. I have no emotional connection to them, and I don't see a real emotional connection with Barton to them, so I'm just left angrily tapping my foot, waiting for the plot to get moving again.
Meanwhile, Natasha suddenly out of the blue begins to moon over Bruce Banner like he's George Clooney, practically throwing herself at him in increasingly hamfisted and melodramatic ways, until I'm simply left aghast at how completely pointless the whole arc is, as Bruce Banner decides to fly himself into space...for reasons that are never explained. Their romance has no build up, nor is it organic, but rather completely inexplicable and confusing. There's no chemistry, there's no life to it, it's just forced and completely pointless, and just drags the narrative down even more.
This applies to pretty much every side character, with Rhodey showing up only to spout horribly written attempts at comic relief, and nothing else. The Vision shows up in the last half hour, created in the most insanely idiotic and stupid way ever, which robs from his otherwise interesting character. Here, he's created as a result of Tony simply trying to create the same exact thing that created Ultron, which means he learned nothing. Wouldn't it have been more interesting that Ultron created Vision himself, and that Vision rebelled on his own, instead of being the result of a forced moment of Tony acting even more like an idiot.
Wanda and Pietro Maximoff come closest to being bearable, but their given minimal development. Their alignment with Ultron is due to having their parents die in a bombing that used Stark equipment, which is just as cliched as everything else Whedon vomits out of his contaminated brain. They then go along with Ultron's plan until they discover he intends to recreate the whole 'meteor from space' thing that wiped out the dinosaurs, for Ultron's own vaguely defined reasons. Then, they switch sides, without so much as the token 'decision making time' moment. Out of the two of them, Pietro is the most fun, with Aaron Taylor-Johnson infusing an infectious sense of charm and fun in the role that makes his scenes the only tolerable ones. Of course, Whedon then decides to kill him in an incredibly brutal way (filled with holes by Ultron piloting a gunship), and without any foreshadowing or warning. It's just a death for the sake of shock value and nothing else, yet another testament to the depths of idiocy that Whedon sinks to in all his work. Wanda's decision to stay with the Avengers is ill defined, mostly due to Whedon's total lack of anything resembling writing skills, and I really hope that Captain America: Civil War does a better job with her.
The cinematography is bland, the music nondescript, and the VFX work is fine, but when coupled with the sheer stupidity and moronic nature of the screenplay, fills me with frustration and apathy.
I was really looking forward to this, I really was. But Whedon completely failed, and just created a completely mindless and foolish story that either rebukes or ignores everyone's character development for a conflict that holds next to no real impact on the broader universe of the MCU, which means this film is completely pointless. It's boring, it's long, and it makes me very, VERY angry.
Half a star.
Didn't read the review. Think you can send me that link sometime in the next two weeks, so I can watch it once I finish with finals?
3020132 sure
I'm assuming its gonna lead up to Planet Hulk or something. Maybe even Guardians 2.
I'll see this movie and form my own opinion, but I'll remember you're thoughts.
3020193 Universal owns the rights to any future Hulk movies, so Planet Hulk ain't happening any time soon
If Ultron is trascending the his origins and becoming something more, wouldn't it make more sense for him to adopt a Buddhist mentality? Anyway, that seems to be the smallest problem the movie has.
You know? I'm actually kind of glad Black Widow and Hawkeye don't end up together, because that may have felt like pairing the loose ends of the team. But that doesn't mean that I like Bruce/Natasha's romance. At least not as half-assed as it sounds, which I feared it may be. I would have preferred Nat and Clint to remain ambiguously into each other.
Also:
Please tell me you wrote this as a joke.
Please thell me this is all a very elaborate ruse.
Please tell me Joss Whedon didn't write this and not a single person raised an objection towards that.
Please...
Well, it's not as If I had high hopes for this movie anyway, but still... At least we have Ant-man to look forward.
Just one question, how were Thor and Cap in this movie? I don't think you mentioned them.
3020208 If the Mouse House can get the rights to Spider-Man, they can get Hulk.
I'm sorry, Avenging Hobbits, but seeing as how I am a massive fan of Joss Whedon and his work, you leave me no choice.
*Pulls out Pitchforks and Torches.*
BURN THE WITCH!
I jest: I don't actually want to kill you, and I'm sorry if it came off that way. I was honestly just trying to be funny, and I suspect it backfired.
Besides, it's your opinion, and while I do not quite understand your opinion, I can at least respect it.
On a side note, and a complete topic change, was the AVGN Movie any good?
3020346
It's a loving homage to the bad B-movies of the fifties, both thematically and plot-wise.
If you take that in consideration, it's quite enjoyable.
3020310 You WISH I was fucking joking.
And yeah, Thor and Cap were here.
They did....stuff....things....
3020360
...
Was there anything redeeming about this movie?
3020395 Pietro Maximoff.
He's brutally shot up by a chain gun from a plane piloted by Ultron. He's dead
3020402 So I only have death to look forward, then.
Just like real life!
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/010/8/3/twilight_is__not_amused_by_nickman983-d4lxyc6.png
Grrreat...
Dont't really think Bruce shot himself into space. Because if he did, would have been seeing the sky getting darker. And plus you know, Universal rights means no Planet Hulk.
To be fair.... Ultron sort of had the exact same god complexes and daddy issues with Hank Pym in the comics. Just not on the biblical scale with said god complex.
Film was convoluted as hell. Needed a few kinks to work out, but I still thought the movie was doable.
On the side note of joss whedon hate: Look on the bright side? You have 3 years to wait and see the Avengers directed by the super Russo Bros.
3034157 oh yeah...forgot about Universal
3034435 Gotta admit though.... Was not expecting to like Arron Taylor Johnson's Quicksilver a lot. Didn't think he'd be able to give a performance that good.
3034505 I had seen him in "Nowhere Boy", where he played John Lennon, so I knew he was a good actor already :)
3020360
I was under the impression Tony was planning on having an army ready to take on alien invaders. Because he specifically refers to the alien invasion as the reason he made Ultron. And when he and Bruce are talking the specifically say that the only threats to the people of the world would be the people, thus insinuating that the Ultron Army wasn’t made to take over the world.
3035511 then the movie did a horrible job at explaining that AND that still doesn't change the fact that he's still doing practically the same thing hydra did and he's still being an idiot
3035530
HYDRA wanted to conquer the world by levelling cities. Tony wanted to have an anti-alien invasion army at the ready. He flat out says that to the Avengers when they bring this up.
Those are very different things.
3035548 both claimed to be creating a planet wide defense mechanism, that would 'stop things before they happened'.
Remember, HYDRA believes that its doing what is best in the long term: providing control and security. We the audience know that HYDRA is evil, and that their 'control and security' is merely a disguise for dictatorship, but the point is that the only reason Tony is declared right in the end is because the plot demands so.
And even if he DIDN'T want to do this whole 'armor for the planet' thing, he'd still be an idiot for using Loki's sceptre, the sceptre he knows for a fact is something that brainwashes people.
Further more, he learns nothing, and repeats the same exact process with the same exact devices, and then we get vision. Why? The plot says so.
3035582
The origin for the Vision is stupid on a number of levels, yes. But yo are still missing something important:
While HYDRA and Tony were both aiming to stop a problem before it happens, Tony was doing it by having a defence system in place to prevent hostile incursions from outer space. HYDRA wanted to raze the planet and start over.
These are two very different ways of achieving the same goal.
3035582
Honestly, I'm not sure whether or not the sceptre was inherently stupid. There’s what you mentioned, yes, but on the other hand there isn’t evidence that the sceptre was one of those inherently evil magic weapons, just a tool that can be used for good or for ill.
3035620 we'll just have to agree to disagree then
3035632
Fair enough.
3020430 However, Quicksilver's actor has a multi-film contract, so it's possible Quicksilver will come back to life. *crossing fingers*
3037864 exactly.
One can hope.
Didn't see the movie yet?
3038180 Watched it last night. But I'll need to review both the second and third Hobbits and Throne of Atlantis before getting around to this.
3041599 well good to see someone being nice when disagreeing, but really, the real reason i was frustrated is that all the character actions are regressive here.
i understand that in comics characters can regress and fail at things, but in a cinematic universe, that isn't as long term as comics (actors leave, writers leave, directors leave), that means that every film has to move FORWARDS with the story, and I honestly felt that this film didn't really move forward.
Personally I enjoyed it but thats probobly because I have low standards I am going to go in the corner now and enjoy the texture of the wall good day sir
As i would of read a Plot Synopsis before watching the Movie Anyway, readin' this.
Making comments as i read!:
Honestly i feel that might be from Watching the first movie, but not "Getting it", and thinking the scene where the Glowstick of Doom was making them all tense, is just what they do?
....Yeah i kinda worried this would happen, this and characters Retreading lessons and development we ALLREADY DID instead of anything new...
Wait i thought you said Joss Whedon did this, not Michael Bay!
Actually we've been calling "Infinity stone!" since the Teseract, in captain 'murica.
Also, damnit characters being blatantly stupid for the plot... can't they get this shit started WITHOUT making the heroes look bad?
When Tony did this in Earths Mightiest Heroes, its because The Purple Man has Mindcontrolled the FUCK out of him into becoming Tonalf Startler, this... i can't EVEN the logic!
Isn't... this what Ultron always was? Cept this time Daddy wasn't Hank "Ten thousand alias" Pym?
Well, Referencing the Bible is usually Shorthand for that sort of Villainus Archtype...
"
In some interpretations, yes, and like i said, a key facet to Ultron is he is a Batshit insane Robot.
That kinda came out sounding offensive to Athiests, I'll assume you meant Joss Whedom specifically is Virulent..
....
No really....
WHAT!?
How is his EVEN A THING!?
Did they EVER show any chemistry EVER before, was that in ANY version of the Comics, or did Joss just wanna ship his Favorite with the hot girl!?
#*&$(@&$$*(^(#@$^(@
Wow, between this and "Die for my Ship" Trope(see Cyclops in the X-man movie where cyclops dies in the first 5 minutes who Ship jean with the most Marketable Wolverine), this is probably the most Blatant "They cant be together, so my Ship can work!" trick I've ever SEEN.
To Reiterate: #*&$(@&$$*(^(#@$^(@
Planet Hulk.
The Worse part is this is actually better then the Original setup...
All the Supposedly Compassionate Smart-guy heroes, INCLUDING XAVIER WHO I KNOW YOU JUST LOVE, All get together and decide The Hulk it making them all look Frail and Girly by comparison(also he is dangerous), and launch him to some deadly barely-sustainable bloodsoaked rock out in space.
So... his NORMAL Origin?
Wasn't he supposed to be like Jarvis 2.0 in this!?
As so Joss IS the Virulent one, disregard my previous comment!
Sooo... its Iron-Man 2?
Maybe Avengers 3 will make up for it?
I hope this doesn't put a Damper on Harmonies Warriors....
To Reiterate: #*&$(@&$$*(^(#@$^(@
3054323 the only positives are pietro and wanda, but pietro is brutally murdered at the end.
so the only influence on my verse is stuff like how my Pietro and Wanda act. that's it
3054551 you should atleast referance Pietro's death with a scene where the same setup occurs, but the Flutterhulk or someone blocks the bullets with her abs of steel!
I just find such a scene to be a Brutal counter-attack against a shit, unnecessary scene.
spoiler tabs should not be this fun to use....
Edit: THO i actually Prefer the version of quicksilver from Days of Futures Past...
Then this is where we part ways.
I am a large fan of Joss Whedon, and I feel our differences on this matter are too great for me to keep following you.
I do not mean anything personal: it's just that I really enjoyed the movie, and am a big fan of Buffy, Angel, and Dollhouse (I like Firefly, but I never got into it too much).
I do admit that AOU isn't perfect. However, I still greatly enjoyed it., and rank it quite high on my list of Marvel movies.
It's a pity that I must stop watching you. Your stories are very well-written and entertaining, with a lot of effort put into them.
It's your opinion, and I respect that. I am merely disappointed that the film wasn't up to your expectations of a good film, and am sad that you didn't like it as much as I do.
(Also, it's 8:04 AM where I am, so I hope I didn't wake you.)
I might be checking back for Captain Equestria, but aside from that, I feel that there is nothing else I can say. You're a great writer and I enjoy your stories; it is just our incredibly differing opinions on Whedon's body of work that sets us apart.
(I hope that I haven't been rude in this post...
This short version was much nicer than the version I came up with while suffering Jet Lag after 9 hours in the plane.)
But now I must go. My people need me.
3262005 oh well that's too bad