Fanfic Reviews – Comedy Edition · 4:19am Apr 8th, 2015
Comedy! Funny things! Have a bunch of good ones below.
Obs: Trying some new formatting. Please tell me if anything breaks.
Twilight, There's a Ghost in your Basement!
Naked Lunch
It Doesn't Matter Now
The Viper In Ponyville
Upstart Villainy
The Symposium
Rainbow Dash and the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
Despicable Blue
Cannot Be Unseen
As a reminder, scores are a subjective evaluation of my enjoyment, and are in a 0~10 scale. Below 3 is the point I say I dislike something, and 8 and above where I can say I actually like the story.
KitsuneRisu – Twilight, There's a Ghost in your Basement! – Comedy
Fluttershy helps Twilight deal with a ghost.
This is a smart, funny, and fairly cute fic. It is full of amazing little touches and sequences, and employs some clever word-play that keeps the story energetic and very enjoyable. That is only helped by the strong characterizations, managing to extract just as many laughs from the situation, as from the characters that find themselves in it. It even manages to work in some character development! I only wish it was a bit more substantive at times, since it feels like it is just spinning its wheels sometimes, but really, this is some outstanding writing that sticks to the show's tone without feeling limited by it.
Alright. You’re ready. You can do this. You can do this!
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Fluttershy squealed, eyes shut, wings flailing. She stumbled over herself, blind, falling down and ending up in a heap of feathers and sadness. “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
“F-fluttershy?” Twilight, and Spike, turned to the mess.
“I… I did it, Twilight! I did it!” Fluttershy said, getting up to her hooves.
“Did what?”
“I took a step toward the door, Twilight! I was so scared, but I… I told myself I could do it and I did it!” Fluttershy clutched her hoof to her chest, a look of pure intensity wrought upon her brow.
Why it should be read: For a funny and cleverly written fic.
Stand out moment: The escalation, and how it leads to the ending with Angel.
9.5/10
Estee – Naked Lunch – Dark Comedy
A Gryphon decides to open a butcher shop in Canterlot.
As covered on this review, I am weirded out by Estee’s style. All that is still present in this story, and while I am ignoring it so I don’t repeat myself, it makes it hard for me to really appreciate the rest of the fic. Thanks to that, it was a frustrating read, not helped by the fact that ponies are absolutely adverse to meat, which is one of my pet peeves. I only persevered because the concept seemed promising, but I'm glad I did.
This fic has a rare approach to comedy: Instead of going for non-stop jokes, it prefers to build up situations, until they finally explode with comedic effects, like telling a really long joke. Not that there aren't smaller things – like Crossing Guard navigating a herd of panicking ponies – but it seems much more comfortable pitching scenes that slowly build up to something greater. Consider the following excerpt:
"Tell me about a griffon's diet,"
Crossing blinked. "Princess?"
"We are closing in on a rather interesting punchline, Crossing Guard. Provide the facts to back up the joke."
He did his best to focus. "They're omnivores -- barely. More than ninety percent of their diet is meat, and it approaches one hundred for some. But it never quite gets there. They need certain fruits and plants for nutrients, especially to get quick sugars for flight. It's just something they don't like to admit. One of the main tests for the artistry of their chefs is how well they can conceal the vegetables -- appearance and taste. Make them look like meat... because it's a lingering part of their culture that those who consume plants are designated by nature to be prey --" hastily "-- excepting those from other races who are raised as griffons and simply can't help themselves. There's some -- pity there, and with the wrong griffon, it can go into second-class treatment. Although they respect prey which can fight back, and the harder the fight, the more prized the meat..."
"You are drifting somewhat," Luna suggested. "But yes, I suspect most of our city's griffon residents would descend on the shop in a flurry of feathers and fur once they learn that your Mister Gristle has taken the pains to stock shark. Assuming there is a shop to frequent. Back to the topic. Given that feeling about greens, how do they treat the stores which sell them?"
There was a tiny portion of irony trying to nag for his attention: he ignored it. "The way we expect the existing butcher shops to behave. Markets conceal their produce sections in the darkest corners and barely carry any real selection. Specialty shops hide in dark alleys, and griffons who favor more vegetables than the minimum skulk in and out. But we don't need meat, and they need at least a little bit of greens..."
The left foreleg was untucked, and the hoof came up: wait. "What does this do for those Protoceran citizens who just happen to be ponies?"
He took a slow breath. "They... can wind up feeling ashamed of themselves. They have no choice but to go in and out of those alleys, raise gardens in hidden spots, they try not to eat in public unless they absolutely must, because it makes them feel like less of a griffon..."
"I believe Mister Gristle told you he tried to do something different in his home nation -- something which did not work?"
It hit him.
"Oh, no..." Crossing breathed.
"Oh, yes," Luna replied, and very carefully did not smile. "He went to the capital city, leased space in the heart of Abattoiria's most expensive shopping district -- and opened a farmer's market."
She looked down at him again.
"You may laugh."
And he did. It was almost a series of howls, all the stress of the day emerging before most of it tried to go right back in, but a little of it couldn't find the return path and it felt good, one last wonderful jest from the universe before losing his job...
Sometimes the fic just throws such wonderful passages like that at you. It squeezes in some beautiful sentences, and manages to touch on certain topics with a precision and humanity that simply leaves me floored, while leaving me laughing at the irony and the absurd of the situation. That passage manages not only to serve as world building for the Gryphon Empire, but also as a characterization of Gristle, Crossing Guard, and even Luna herself. The way that his current enterprise is just the reverse of his last is very clever, and beyond being an interesting twist, also feels like something that could actually happen. Also worthy noticing is how it deals with mass media and protesters.
This fic, or at least my experience of it, exists between those two extremes. I can’t help but wish it was written differently, but I gotta respect Estee’s commitment to her style. I can’t say I enjoyed it unconditionally, but it is certainly a story that I respect, since when it gets things right it can achieve great things.
Why it should be read: It has an smart plot, and multiple humorous situations.
Stand out moment: How Gristle is oblivious on multiple levels.
5/10
LoganBerry – It Doesn't Matter Now – Comedy
At the end of all things, Pinkie still has a mission.
I am marking this as a Comedy, but the correct expression would be whimsical. There is a delightful sense of unreality to the whole thing thanks to multiple open and unanswerable questions, like the nature of Pinkie's existence or the larger implications of this multiverse. However, those things don't matter, not because they are brushed aside, but because answering them would take something away from the core of the fic: Showing Pinkie being Pinkie to the best of her abilities no matter how or when, even when "how" and "when" stopped having any meaning. There isn't much to this story, and it is very simple considering the lofty themes, but it is a "not much" that left me with a smile, and the minimalistic approach was welcome..
Why it should be read: For the Pratchettian approach to a dark and whimsical multiverse.
Stand out moment: How well established, yet vague the Spirit Pony is.
9/10
Blueshift – The Viper In Ponyville – Absurdist Comedy/Crossover
The Red Viper from Game of Thrones finds himself in Ponyville, but he isn't alone.
I added this to my RIL right after it was published, and I wish I read it earlier. It is random and funny, and is only made better considering the GoT episode in question. It takes off from the infamous scene, and goes in the most blueshiftian direction possible. It is a barrage of random jokes about characters from a gritty television show being in Equestria (and a horse), is unapologetically stupid, and made me laugh a lot. I doubt that anyone unfamiliar with the series will get anything out of this, but if you do, it is a riot.
“Fluttershy can look after your red viper!” – In another universe, a clop fic starts here.
“I am no longer the Mountain That Rides, I am now the Mountain That Rides Ponies.” – This sentence is just too perfect.
Why it should be read: If you don't mind silly, and anything in the description makes sense to you.
Stand out moment: Their duel at the end, as well as the whole thing with Spongebob.
7.5/10
Compendium of Steve – Upstart Villainy – Comedy / Crossover
King Sombra gets sent to the Mushroom Kingdom
First of all, let me make something clear: this is someone publishing a Mario fanfic on Fimfiction. It is only pony in the most superficial way possible, by having Sombra being sent to the Mario World. However, he is so mellowed and different from canon as to make him a completely new character. Not that additional characterization for Sombra is a bad thing, but the way it is done here makes it hard to connect this Sombra to anything related to MLP.
That isn't to say this is a bad fic, only that I am judging it as a Mario fanfic, not a pony one. All involved are well characterized, and Bowser in particular is a striking presence all through. It was a very fun read, the type of humor you would expect of a Paper Mario game, with a nice balance between action and comedy that manages to keep the pacing brisk and exciting.
There are a couple of things that bother me, in particular issues with, so to speak, Italian Plumber Syndrome. The writing as a whole is very straightforward, and while I would enjoy something a bit more interesting, it works well in context. While Sombra's redemption was well executed, it is a bit too fast, and as I said before, it is hard to see him as the same character from MLP. All in all, it is a fun read, even if not the most cohesive one. It was certainly enough to make me want to read the sequel – especially considering how it seems to have the crackship to end all crackships.
Why it should be read: If you like Mario, and ever wanted to see a mario fanfic published to fimfic.
Stand out moment: I am a sucker for characters describing video-gamey locations as real places, and there is plenty of this here.
6.5/10
Orbiting Kettle – The Symposium – Comedy
Equestria's greatest minds duke it out.
This is a great example of someone taking a simple premise, and running with it exactly as long as it allows. It is as absurd as it needs to be, and starts and finishes before the jokes run out. And it is even tied up neatly with a statement from Celestia that grounds the whole thing. It isn't "Laugh Out Loud" funny, but it is the kind of light hearted amusing that brightens up your day, and sometimes that is all that a fic needs to be.
Too bad I can't determine if the author actually exists =(
Why it should be read:1.2k words of non-stop jokes about philosophical precepts.
Stand out moment: "Now we'll see if gravity is a social construct!"
7/10
Blueshift – Rainbow Dash and the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny – Random
The best possible thing.
Blueshift is just a great writer, did you know that? Case in point: this fic. It is essentially a collection of gags like in the old Lemon Demon song/animation, and normally I would absolutely hate this. But I don't, because somehow Blueshift extracts sense from his madness. Sure, it is nonsensical, but there is a method behind it, and by the time Rainbow Dash is finishing his magical quest, there is a sense that it wasn't for nothing. I am not gonna pretend this is the best thing ever, but really? It takes talent to turn something like this into a good story.
Why it should be read: For well done Random.
Stand out moment: The final scene with Rainbow Dash talking to the police was golden.
6/10
Einhander – Despicable Blue – Comedy
Blueblood gets sent to work in Sugarcube Corner.
Pinkie Pie and Blueblood are certainly a pair that needs more attention. In fact, I'm all for any story that has Pinkie interacting with a character that doesn't quite follow her speed. This is a good example of that, a very funny story that is full of character and good gags. Sadly, it is a bit too unsubstantial, and, in particular, I wish that the epilogue and prologue added more to the story, since they end up sapping quite a bit of momentum. Still, it works just fine as an excuse to pitch Blueblood and Pinkie together, and is certainly an enjoyable read.
It also includes Miss Harshwhinny, making it automatically the best story ever.
Why it should be read:Pinkie and Blueblood.
Stand out moment: No, really, the Harshwhinny scene is great.
7.5/10
KuroiTsubasaTenshi – Cannot Be Unseen – Comedy
Twilight finds out that Rainbow Dash is writing porn based on ponyvillians.
Despite the subject matter, this is a fic that feels remarkably show accurate, and manages to use Rainbow Dash being a writer very effectively. It is one of those fics that, even when a joke doesn't land (the porn names, for instance, could have been more creative), it quickly moves forward, so it never really loses momentum. It also reads remarkably like a romantic comedy, despite lacking anything resembling romance. While it could have been more hefty, it is funny enough, and makes for great light reading.
Why it should be read: For a comedy that delivers what it promised.
Stand out moment: I really liked the characterizations.
6.5/10
KR's story has overlapping quote boxes.
I very much like the new style though!
2959682 Thanks! Hopefully it is fixed now. These insert tags have some weird issues.
Hey there, Soge! I had no idea you did reviews, but I'm gonna follow along now.
Thank you very much for giving a review of my story. I appreciate the time you take to do all these, as much as all the other reviewers who bother. And since you mentioned, I have no idea how you managed to format this blog post like this, but it looks great. I kinda wanna learn!
So, thank you again, and now I must look more into your past blogs.
Glad to see that we agree on Miss Harshwhinny.
It's also cool to see the two RCL features on the list so highly regarded. Makes me feel like we're doing something right. There's some others on the list I haven't read, and I'm going to have to do something about that!
2959980 Did you see the wonderful Ms. Harshwhinny cosplayer Saturday night? I pointed him(?) out to Skywriter.
2960230
Augh, no! I was bartending in the room party most of the evening. :( Are there pictures?
Woop woop!
Thank you very much! I'm not sure there's much else to be said, really, since your review pretty much covers everything -- and is far more positive than I'd ever dare to be myself! "Pratchettian" will never be an adjective I'd find anything other than a huge compliment. Also, I really, really need to get KitsuneRisu's fic read; it's been on my RiL list since forever. Also also, beautiful formatting. I didn't even know you could do that on Fimf.
Thanks for the review and feedback! One thing I want to ask is did you get the impression that Dash is a poor writer? I'm curious because you mentioned the porn names not landing as jokes and, while I intended them as thinly-veiled hints that Dash is a bit of a hack, if it didn't come across, that's on me. I'd like to avert whatever I did wrong in order to deliver a better product next time, so if you wouldn't mind giving me your perspective, I'd appreciate it.
Hehe. You know, this comment even makes me look at my story in a different way. As in, the label kind of fits if one were to consider the romance to be Twilight x books and then Twilight finds out that books have a dark secret they never told her.
2959980 Yeah, I believe you guys constantly pick worthy stories. Even when I don't particularly care for one, I can attribute it to personal preference.
2961275 Curiously, I was never much of a Pratchett fan, so maybe it is a case of damning with high praise?
2961536 Oh, I didn't consider that Dash was supposed to be a poor writer at all! That throws a lot of things into perspective.
2964803
Looks like I'll have to be more careful with my detailing in the future.
Hehe, yeah, my intention was to poke a bit of fun at Harlequin and similar "grocery store romance novel" smut (in addition to fanfics that imitate that style). >.> Thanks for the response, though.
2965102
Simple lampshading might help. I haven't read the story yet, but are there places where someone else within the story is reading Dash's product? Could you show their reaction? If they're wincing along with the audience, we know it's deliberate.
2965347
It's certainly an idea. There are times where Twilight reads the books, but within a time skip, where most of the details then come out in a vague summarization made by Twilight (as I didn't want this to be an explicit story). Granted, I probably could have slipped some lampshading in there, since Twilight already more or less admits she reads the series as a guilty pleasure. Which I guess comes back to ensuring I have sufficient levels of detail.
Thanks for the input.
2965617 Yeah, Twilight's reaction plays a role in that. She reacts as if it is "quality smut", instead of "guilty pleasure smut", if that makes any sense.
2966072
Hmmm, yeah, now that I'm looking for it, I can see where that impression comes from (incidentally, this is why I don't like trusting my own perception too much, because knowing my own intentions makes me miss things). There's some bias from her, but perhaps I should have played it harder by having her be a bit critical, then write it off because she enjoys the series' love-making moments too much to care.
Thanks again!
2964783 Could be! (Okay, now I sound like Hong Kong Phooey.) Still, I'm not really bothered by that; the fact that people, you included, enjoy the fic is the main thing. :)
What you did there, I see it.
3051866