Need Feedback · 7:05pm Apr 1st, 2015
Hey everyone,
I was just looking over my story and I had a few questions that I need you all to answer.
Has it earned it's comedy and adventure tags? I was reading an article that said fics shouldnt have more than three tags otherwise they run the danger of being watered-down and passed up by readers (because having a lot of tags indicates that the author might not have an idea of what he/she wants to put into the story, etc.) I kind of require the [Human] [Crossover] and [Random] tags because of the nature of the story (random because of the numerous recollecting of Dexter's Lab Episodes).
That, and I also need to know if too much is going on. I feel I may need to cut back on the plot and focus on a few aspects of it rather than everything I've put into it so far, because the readers may not be keeping track of all of it. I mean, I have plot-lines ranging from changeling conspiracies, to an A.I. growing a personality, to the questions of what constitutes as child abuse (Dee Dee on Dexter), to science vs magic, to human stuck in Equestria missing his family and trying to get home, to tribalism...
The list goes on, and that's all without shipping. Of course some of these are bigger than others, but I'm not sure if everyone is keeping track of them.
Now people have complained that my stories chapters are too long, even a pre-reader told me that my chapters could be broken up into several chapters. I just want to know what people think about this, is there too much going on?
-RA
don't worry, it was very good as a comedy and adventure. At last is what I think
yeah I think it's earned the comedy tag
Nope, there is not too much going on, I wish there was an emu though.
I really believe it deserves the comedy tag, that and all the other tags you placed. And about the chapter lenght? this is just my personal opinion but i have to say keep it please, it's better that way than to wait for chop-chop chapter.
*cough*
applebloom and dexter*cough*They could be broken up (the chapters) but it's okay this way. You do find matching names for them, don't you?
its good keep it going
The only thing that makes me feel uneasy about this story is well
, in my childhood i never heard Dexter say any bad-word. you know, the word crap. It may be funny but i just don't like it. though i am from southamerica so maybe the traduction was different.
with that said i love the story and the tags are fine, i don't see a problem with it
I enjoy epic fics. Please keep the length. Tags have been earned. I have no problem following all your threads. I really enjoy this cross over fic.
Honestly I am kinda disappointed you did not try to make a scientific theory regarding the sun movements. Sweetie Belle and the Tablet of Knowledge did an interesting take by having the sun, moon, and stars be actually a construct generated by microscopic exotic energy particles strewn throughout the upper atmosphere. Of course I am not expecting for you to have a solid explanation but it would have fit to see Dexter too come to a scientific conclusion and not cartoon psychics.
About you're last chapter it did seem pretty fillerish but don't get me wrong, I love long chapters. Lastly I also think it deserves the comedy tag.
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Interesting, on both accounts I got the opposite-ish feedback from others. Some comments on the chapter say it was meaty rather than fillerish, and the fact that I had Dexter explain some science behind the effects of a star moving around a planet was foreshadowing for a pseudo-realistic explaination for how a solar system could operate they way it does in my story.
In fact, the theory I have set up for my story would indicate that the princess' way for moving the sun doesnt actually cost that much energy, which would explain the mlp cannon fact that unicorns moved the sun, etc, before the princesses came. (At least I think it is cannon, i'd have to check that hearts warming eve wiki again.)
Thanks for the comment though.
As I've mentioned before, your newest chapter had multiple conflicts in it.
1. Being the Changeling Conversation.
2. Dexter being honest with Applejack.
3. Dexter going crazy from the anti-psychotic.
4. Dexter questioning Luna.
As it stands, your updates are quality. But if you chop it up, you still have the quality, but also the quantity.
I think your story is as perfect as it is and you can say it earned all of its tags :)
However i agree that you should split the chapters, so they'd be more and also it would take less time to write them :) but at any rate it's already great :)
personally I don't think the comedy tag is necessary, the adventure tag is fine
why?
because while this story does have humor from time to time, its primary point is to tell us the (mis)adventure of dexter in equestria. Personally, in order for something to be a comedy it has to be primarily funny throughout the story, but this story is more serious then comedic.
thats my two cents
Comedy and Adventure tags yes. Having both tags gives a better picture of what's going on in the fic and clarity before reading helps people actually look past the cover.
I'm also appreciating all of the different story elements you've got at play here. Each one of them feels very natural to dropping a SCIENCE! person into a MAGIC! setting...save maybe the tribalist stuff. Personally I think that should have been a "late story" problem--Dexter finally hunkers down with Twilight's help to research how to get home and hey, why are ALL of these books written by Unicorns? But now that it's in play, you can't un-play it. It lends dimension to Dexter as a rationalist, but little else...unless the next chapter or two introduce someone who can adequately defend the counterpoint in Dexter's natural tongue, then we're in business (if you've read "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality," think of Harry's conversation with the Sorting Hat--Dr. Hooves, or Celestia herself might be good for this)
But yeah, other than that small gripe, loving the fic the way it is...keep up the good work!
I don't think anyone here really minds large chapters. It would only be an issue if the different plot threads in your story were presented in a convoluted way. Just continue being organized and it should never be a serious issue. Other than that keep up the good work.
so far so good, my guess is that sometimes the pace seems a bit rushed but nothing too terrible, i wonder how dexter will react to the equestrian pinkie promise?
I think you are doing a good job as is, I agree that the story has taken a more drama tone to it, but it can be easily off set with some more antics in the next one. All do I do agree that the chapter could have be easily broken off into different chapters, I don't rely concern myself with that, you should take the time you need. I have notes that Dexter has become more introspective and responsible in this chapter rather than his implosive desire for academic or egotistical gratification that he has been in the past,. but that is perfectly undependable seeing that the world he know is lost to him at the moment witch forces him to question him self and his general behavior toward others. That or maybe the magic of friendship is getting to him. I understand that the heat is on Dexter, with the princess, Twilight and Apple Jack as well Queen Chissi, It seems to be more of a question of when rather than how he will be discovered, and if they will emptied each other to get there answers. I am surprise that Luna has not visited Dexter's dream yet. Also it may be my compliantly convoluted, but I could imagine a shipping between Dexter and Luna and a love triangle with the CMC,
The story overall is deserving of its tags. This is one of those diamonds in the rough in regards to crossovers and general fiction. The motives are realistic, characters diverse, intelligence is above average, and the conflict isn't forced. The Comedy and Adventure tags are well deserved. I will remind you not to take any of these suggestions to go overboard with trying to include comedy. It will arise naturally from Dexter's natural abrasiveness and history. Trying to force humor never ends well, just look at all the low rated stories that try to be funny and fall flatter than a driver's manual. Overall, just keep up the excellent work and update soon.
You could have the new A.I Dexter created for his lab develop some disturbing yandere tendencies towards him.
The tags are fine, the chapter length is fine.
There is NOT too much going on. And I like the chapters od some stories to be between 10k and 20k. And the story has definitely earned the Adventure tag. Maybe not the Comedy tag, since there is drama and feels and slice-of-life going on too. Keep up the great work.
It had been a decent fic that definitely earns it's comedy tag. Adventure....ehhh, adventure makes me think they went somewhere to do something, while most of this has been intrigue and short fights in Ponyville. If anything, I think the adventure tag is the one to go if any of them HAVE to. I know you have something in mind, though, so it shouldn't be too long before it earns it's adventure tag.
As for length...well, I love it where it is at. The chapters are always ending at a point that would be appropriate and the updates are spaced out enough that, while I don't always remember everything that happened last chapter, it's still mostly in my mind. I would hate for you to rush out chapters or end them in weird places so I think you're doing well. Really looking forward to Luna actually getting the colt alone in a room or her sister deciding to intervene. A boy genius can only hold off suspicion so long, you know.
Overall, you get a
out of 
Break chapters into segments, add romance. Otherwise, it is almost perfect.
The less tags the better in general but it's not an absolute rule. You can easily drop the Random tag because it's either meaningless or a flag for meta-drek. Everything else fits.
Is there too much stuff going on? Lots of stuff is going on, that's true. But you make it flow naturally and it's not hard to keep track of it. So for me it does not qualify as too much. If you ever reach the stage when you need 20k words to advance the plot by an hour, then you'll have too many plot threads dangling. In fact, I'd argue that having lots of things happening makes for a more engrossing world.
I simply can't understand the people complaining about long chapters, to me it's equivalent to complaining that there is too much of a good thing.
Please keep in mind that the people commenting on a story are statistically more likely to be those unhappy with it, they're the vocal minority. The majority of readers that enjoy a story don't comment on it. Why would they? They're already happy with the story as it is.
The story is fine like this, changing it will make you question it and we will go into rewrite spree for months.
Definitely add adventure, and I'd say there's enough humor for the comedy tag.
I'd drop random though. Random generally means lots of, possibly unrelated, nonsense. I don't think the occasional recollection from the episodes really justifies it.
As for the length, I don't really have a preference. Whether it's more shorter chapters or fewer longer ones it'll get read either way. I think the most important thing is that the chapter breaks be at a good spot, not just randomly in the middle of a scene (deliberate cliffhangers notwithstanding).
I think it deserves both tags. Also I really enjoy giant chapters. They give me something to read that actually takes time and effort on my part.
No problems here, keep up the good work!
I think that the tags are fine and I personally enjoy a larger chapter.
Your latest chapter is one of your best.
We love the direction you're going.
This story has action scenes, and a serious threat in the form of the changlings, so it certainly deserves the adventure tag. I'm on the fence on the comedic tag, there is some comedy, but I don't know if there's quite enough to justify the tag. (I think comedy and adventure are a difficult pairing, because adventure needs lots of tension, and comedy regularly releases tension).
If you're really looking to remove a tag though, I would take off the Random tag. You have a lengthy story with an overarching, fairly realistic plot, and the characters all stay consistent. Other than the act of bringing in Dexter to start the story, I don't think there's a lot of "random" things happening, mostly just logical consequences of a boy genius introducing advanced technology and concepts to a society locked in the middle of a cold war.
Also, love the story and can't wait for more, you do have a lot of plot lines but they are all so interesting, so I hope you don't drop any (and yeah, go ahead and start shipping Dexter too!) I personally prefer shorter chapters published more frequently, but whatever length helps you best tell the story with your writing style should probably be your goal.
Thanks for the feed back everyone.
I read them all.
-RA
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I don't think the random tag is needed, when I see a random tag I think either crack fic, one shot, or self contained chapters. I feel it implies either no coherent/far-reaching plot, or a plot that is very odd. I think you have a great plot that is very coherent, just not sure what the endgame is. I think it deserves the comedy tag and the adventure tag, and I love long chapters so I'm fine on that front. on the plot diverging too much, I think the A.I. is more of a character development thing that fits in really well with the lab scenes, science vs magic is a necessity for a dexter/mlp fic, HiE missing his family is more a trope and adds depth to dexter and he should be trying to get home, not having that wouldn't make sense, the tribalism is fine so long as the fic doesn't start becoming about it, and the same to the child abuse thing. It's funny having the ponies wig out as a gag, but delving too deep into it will distract from the main plot, which is dexter's adventures and the main side plot which is the changeling conspiracy. Sorry for the block of text and poor format, but I hope my input has been helpful!
Yes this story has earned it's Comedy and Adventure tags, although I recommend having Dexter go on a quest in the Everfree Forest or some other place for science or prove a point, or to save someone. But that's just me.
And I'm perfectly fine with all the subplots and themes going on in this story since there is so many ways for this to turn out. Like the real reason Chrysallis had them invade Canterlot and allow herself to be defeated, the AI going rogue in an iRobot sort of way, to how deep the bonds of family can go (despite everything Dee Dee does to him, Dexter still loves her), other unknown factions coming into play, Dexter becoming desperate to get home by any means, and a whole lot more.
Shipping, well I don't care but just give hints or make it funny, like say Dexter has to save his schoolmates and many of the fillies fall for the unknown supercolt with some of them coming to the conclusion that Dexter is their dreamcolt.
Maybe another botched love potion incident or Dexter experiments with some Everfree plants like Poison Joke and is turned into an adult version of himself, catching the eye of every possible mare. But that's just my view.
And your chapter lengths are fine but if YOU feel like they are getting too long then maybe you set a limit and split it in two if you reach a certain number of words like 40,000 or something. But it's all up to you, although it would make it easier to find the place i left off if I had to stop reading part way.
That said I'm looking forward to more.
I love the story, I think the only tag you oughta remove is the Random tag, because the story is definitely not random (at least to me).
Just a request, please don't add romance (or at least, the unrealistic kind...). Dexter's 8 years old, the other kids his age aren't going to be thinking at all about romance at their ages (puberty and all that..). I'd find it unrealistic if you added romance to it unless it were, uh, REALISTIC (I don't know exactly how you'd pull that off X3), and, knowing Dexter, he wouldn't want any part of it.
Otherwise, your story's perfect, I love the direction it's going, all the side plots only improve the story, please keep it up, this is my favorite fimfiction story!