My thoughts on ObabScribbler's discussion, and an open letter to Reverb Brony · 7:50pm Mar 29th, 2015
I've listened to the discussion between ObabScribbler and her acquaintances, and I'm very happy to say that this is the most incredible feedback I've ever gotten. No exaggeration. I'm especially impressed by the variety of viewpoints that were expressed: A couple of them liked the story very much, but the group also included a panelist who didn't like it at all, and another who was kind of just "meh" about it. Quite often whenever an issue--good or bad--was brought up, someone else was always eager to jump in and argue the point with an interesting counter. By the end of it, they had even changed each other's opinions about the story: Scribbler and Saucy admitted that it wasn't really as great as they initially thought, and Reverb Brony admitted it wasn't as bad as he initially thought. It was amazing to hear such an intelligent and insightful discussion.
There's a couple questions they brought up, and I've decided to try and answer them as best I can. Just to be clear, NONE of the following responses are intended as rebuttals or counter-arguments. I agree with absolutely everything said in the discussion. I just thought I'd shed some light on a few things.
The description of the university is insanely detailed. Was it inspired by a real-life location?
Mount Allison University, in Sackville, New Brunswick, is considered one of the most beautiful campuses in the world. I was never actually enrolled there myself, but I would often walk through the campus's winding pathways simply to enjoy the architecture and landscaping. It had an almost unreal quality to it: there was always something amazing around every corner, and the winding walkways were endlessly fun to explore. Most of the buildings, including a large library, are open to the public.
This was exactly the mythic feeling I was aiming for, especially since I wanted the "story within a story" to be based on a "real" university in the land of Equestria. There are some differences: the students and faculty in the Equestrian version are much more high cultured and obsessed with uniforms and proper behavior. And while Mount Allison has a wide variety of flowering trees, I turned most of them into cherry trees. Not sure why.
Why would Twilight bring only Rainbow Dash with her, instead of bringing all her friends?
I do mention at the beginning that Twilight used her "one favour" to bring Dash along as a plus one. But in The Ticket Master episode, we clearly see that Celestia is willing to give her additional invitations for all her friends. But simply put, the other main ponies don't need to be there: this is a story about Rainbow Dash and Derring-Do, and anything else woudl just get in the way. In fact, I only brought Twilight Sparkle along as a plot device, and to give Rainbow Dash a grounded character to interact with while she fan-girls.
If I'd brought the whole cast along, I would have had to give them stuff to do, or just let them stand around gawking like a bunch of idiots. Which is what they did in the actual episode of the show, "Daring Don't".
I hate that episode.
Was the Trip supposed to be a surprise for Rainbow Dash? If so, how did she convince Dash to sit still for the train ride?
I defenitely should have handled this a whole lot better. Based on my original idea, Dash knew she was visiting some sort of archeology university, but had no idea it was exactly the one from the books. I hint at this when I should have explained it up front, and I failed to play up Twilight Sparkle's own excitement. It doesn't make much sense that there's no "Tada!" moment, where Twilight surprises Dash. And while we're at it, I can't believe it slipped my mind that Twilight herself was also a big fan of the books. Bad Author! No whiskey for you!
As for how she convinced Dash to sit still on the train ride? She was reading. The fact that Rainbow Dash was able to read every book in the series proves she has an attention span, but only for very specific things. I don't know... does this seem like an in-character thing for her to do? I was pretty unfocused as a kid myself, but I can clearly remember going into a trance each time I opened up a good book.
And now the Open Letter thingy
Reverb Brony was pretty harsh on my story, and pointed out a lot of flaws and problems. Why does the beginning drag on so long? Why are the phrases "no flying, miss" and "I don't read fiction" repeated so frequently? Why didn't Twilight Sparkle know about the "real" Daring Do, especially when she lived in Canterlot, visited a lot of schools and universities, and was a big fan of the book? I can think of answers to these, but at the end of the day my excuses don't matter: we have to judge the story I actually wrote, instead of the story I intended to write.
I really really really appreciate all these comments, but I wasn't originally going to make any corrections to this story. I don't believe in editing after the fact, unless it's a major overhaul or total rewrite: If I allow myself to make tons of little change to something I've already published, I'll never be done with it. And in a way, I believe my mistakes should stand for themselves. But there is one very specific thing I've decided to change.
Dear Reverb Brony:
During your roundtable discussion of my story, Biased and Incomplete, you had a lot of criticism for it. Thank you very much for your feedback! Even if I didn't always agree with you, every single comment you made was both insightful and useful. I don't normally believe in going back and making edits to already-published stories: I'd much rather move forward and apply the advice to future works.
However, there was one thing in particular that you pointed out: At the very end of the story, Rainbow Dash never actually apologizes for calling Ditzy Doo a spazz. It's vaguely hinted at, but never clearly stated. Not only is this mean spirited and out of character for her, it also goes against the entire message of the story: that Dash has learned not to become like Derring-Do. I have edited this line of dialogue to include a direct apology.
It's a small change, but I think it's too critical to ignore. Without it, the entire message of the story is seriously undermined. Thank you so much for pointing this out to me.
Best Regards,
Duncan W. Rose
Dear Duncan,
I am really truly sorry how blunt I must have come across in the review, in truth there was a lot that I loved about your story, I chose to take the stance I did because it tends to make for a better review when there are sort of… debates going on. That being said though, I am no author, not in the slightest, and I really really hope it doesn’t come across like me saying I could do it better or anything like that, you wrote an amazing story that’s why it was chosen to review. Also wow you are such an awesome person to take the criticism as constructively as you did, again I am so so sorry that I said it as bluntly as I did and feel so awful for that. I’ve received criticism for my work in the past as well and wow I wish I could take it in stride half as well as you do, you truly have all of my respect for that.
~ Reverb
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Don't apologize. The bluntness and the back-and-forth debating was my favorite part.
And if I am a good author, it's because I've received a lot of challenging feedback. As for being an awesome person, I might be a little spoiled... my main pre-reader is my brother, and he has an incredible talent for giving out harsh criticism in a way that makes it easier to accept and understand. He's done a good job of teaching me how to absorb comments.
As for my story being amazing, I could say the same about your music. Tesla in particular.