Read It Now Reviews #5 – Misunderstanding, Wassail, Wassail!, Dr. Spinning Top – Specimen Annotated Daily Schedule, Everchanging, Rainbow Dash Digs Herself Into a Hole · 5:49am Jan 7th, 2015
I’m just about done reading the stories for the last Writeoff competition, but in the meanwhile, I thought I’d throw another batch of new stories at you folks, especially in the light of commenting to someone else about how this helps improve feature box quality. You know how much power we reviewers wield!
Not very much.
Still, some of these were indeed worth reading.
The stories I read today:
Misunderstanding by Sapidus3
Wassail, Wassail! by Skywriter
Dr. Spinning Top – Specimen Annotated Daily Schedule by GhostOfHeraclitus
Everchanging by Timmaeus
Rainbow Dash Digs Herself Into a Hole by Thanqol
Misunderstanding
by Sapidus3
Romance, Comedy, Slice of LifeRarity, Twilight, and their friends are eating lunch, when AJ notices Twilight staring at a stallion. In the ensuing conversation, Twilight soon learns that her friends are all crazy ponies and have somehow gotten it into their heads that she is in a relationship with her mentor and idol Princess Celestia.
Why I added it: It made the featured story box
Review
I have to admit, I have a super soft spot for the premise of this story, though I generally think of them more assuming it is one-sided. Still, they make an interesting and rather fun case here – much to Twilight’s dismay, as she totally doesn’t have feelings for Celestia, really – and their continual harassment of Twilight, and Twilight’s ever-growing embarassment, really make the piece.
I liked this on the whole because it had a fun premise and ran with it, with Twilight parrying every go at her by her friends, without it degrading into Twilight actually being in a relationship with Celestia. It also does a good job of humanizing Twilight – we realize, as the story goes on, that Twilight doesn’t really understand her relationship with her mentor. Twilight isn’t really very sure of herself, and is worried that she takes up too much of Celestia’s free time, not understanding the obvious – that Celestia likes spending time with her. Twilight’s inability to understand her own relationship with her mentor only furthers her friends misconceptions about the nature of their relationship, and leads to further comedy.
The letter at the end of the story cracked me up, though I’m not entirely sure if the scene with Luna afterwards was necessary – I think the final punchline before the scene break probably would have worked fine on its own, though the ending does change the context of the letter. And the writing in the story is a bit rough in spots – the writer’s descriptions sometimes feel a little bit off, and at time the sentences are a bit awkward. They also seemed to have Twilight blush, and then have her blush fade, a few more times than was really necessary – repeating an action over and over reinforces it, but it also diminishes its impact in each particular iteration unless some significant new context is given (for example, Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s description of what they saw when they came over to visit Twilight definitely earned the blush it was given). However, I was sufficiently engaged with the story that these issues didn’t really end up bothering me very much, though it might be something for the writer to look out for in the future.
I was amused by this story, and I think that, if the premise sounds at all interesting to you, that you will likely be as well as long as a little bit of rough writing here and there doesn't put you off.
Recommendation: Recommended.
Wassail, Wassail!
by Skywriter
Romance, Slice of LifeA holiday tale in which Cheerilee learns the true meaning of the word "wassail"; Granny Smith fails to learn the true meaning of the word "polymath"; and somehow, amidst it all, three flowers finally begin to put down roots. Happy Twelfth Night, everypony.
Why I added it: Skywriter is a good writer.
Review
I have to say that I really wanted to like this story more than I actually ended up liking this story. Cheerilee’s internal dialogue versus external dialogue was mostly pretty solid, and the idea of Cheerilee having fled to Ponyville after a disastrous breakup (and her annoyance with certain fillies who will go unnamed about reminding her of this periodically) is a fun enough idea, the poor thing. Granny Smith’s old stubborn insistence that Cheerilee stay instead of go back to the big city to teach in another high-level academy was decent enough to see, though it wasn’t quite funny enough for my tastes in places.
However, the real highlight of this story for me was Pinkie Pie, who had some truly wonderful bits:
"It's my first Hearth's Warming as a full member of the Apple Family!" Pinkie had exclaimed, referring to some sort of genealogical road trip she had embarked upon with the Apples earlier this year. "I gotta holiday it up right! Country style!" And so she had, entrusting her beloved Twelfth Night party to the capable hooves of her friends and instructing them to not do anything she wouldn't do, thus putting no restrictions on them whatsoever.
"Plus, it's fun to hang toast on things!" says Pinkie Pie. "Sometimes I like to hang toast on things anyway, just because, but it's great to have a reason for it too! And after this we get out the drums and tambourines and beat on them to scare away the eeevil spirits! Can we get out the drums now, A.J.? Huh huh huh can we? Have we hung enough toast?"
So why didn’t I end up liking it?
I think part of it had to do with Cheerilee’s internal dialogue. I enjoyed some of it, such as her struggle with how to appropriately deal with Big Mac, and some of her sniping at Apple Bloom and Granny Smith was fun. Being an eternal party-pooper does lend a certain sort of dark humor to the piece. However, there was too much of it, particularly in the first half of the story, and it interrupted the flow of the story for me several times as the story came to a halt so she could complain. While her complaints are very much necessary for the piece, it ended up breaking up the story too much, and I was actually annoyed with it at least once while reading.
The other complaint I have is the ending, and it ties into Cheerilee’s complaining. At the end, we end up with Cheerilee saying that she keeps wavering back and forth about staying in or leaving Ponyville, but really, most of the story seems to be about her feeling like she is stuck and being forced to do things and put on a jovial, cheery air. The conversation with Granny Smith has Granny seeming to feel differently, but Cheerilee didn’t seem convinced by it at all, and indeed, on the whole, seemed to be rather bitter about everything and to see through Granny Smith's obvious attempt at guilt tripping her. Thus, when she says that she is wavering, it didn’t feel earned to me – other than her saying that she rather liked partying for 12 days straight, and a couple little things with Big Mac, pretty much the entire rest of the story seemed to be saying why Cheerilee didn’t want to stay in Ponyville. Stacked up against all the complaints and the annoyances, being pulled along and insulted by Granny Smith's intimations that she isn't being a real earth pony, it really seems like the story is overwhelmingly negative about the idea of her staying, and the source of that negativity is Cheerilee herself.
The big speech from Big Mac at the end also bothered me. It felt out of character - not necessarily out of character in the sense that Big Mac wouldn't say it (though it was awfully loquacious) but in the sense that it didn't really feel like it belonged in the story in the way that it was delivered, like it was just there to give a random Christmas story speech. The speech was supposed to be the turning point for Cheerilee, but her decision to stay didn’t really feel like it arose naturally from the rest of the piece, and while I could see her interaction with Big Mac making her decision more difficult, her actually making the decision to stay based on that one interaction felt like too much of a swing for the character which had been established in the rest of the story.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Dr. Spinning Top – Specimen Annotated Daily Schedule
by GhostOfHeraclitus
Comedy, Slice of Life
Why I added it: Ghost of Heraclitus has never written a pony story I didn’t like.
Review
This was a somewhat unusual story, and unfortunate that Ghost, yet again, chose to publish it as part of his short story collection rather than as a stand-alone piece – this clocks in at 4,000 words and is quite solid, with Doctor Spinning Top’s daily schedule mixed in with two little scenes. It starts off a little slow, but gets steadily funnier, though I suspect that this story requires a bit more context than some of his other works – it relies on the reader having some awareness of who Spinning Top and Dotted Line are, and thus is much more of a sequel to Whom The Princesses Would Destroy than some of his other works have been. That was, I suspect, this piece’s only real weakness – the scene with Lily at the end in particular felt like it was very much a sequel to Whom The Princesses Would Destroy, rather than a stand-alone piece, and I didn’t get much of a sense of resolution out of it at the end.
It is, like all of Ghost’s stories, quite funny, and the recurring nightmare of dealing with Prince Blueblood, along the primal scream “therapy”, were both wonderful.
This was perhaps my favorite bit:
16:30-16:45—The Blueblood Fiasco Management Group receives a response from Princess Celestia which politely reject the Amarant posting idea on the grounds that fabled Amarant is lost somewhere beneath the endless shifting sands of Dromedaria. The letter also preemptively vetoed the idea of making Blueblood's first act as emissary be finding fabled Amarant on the grounds that ponies who try never come back.
This was worth my time.
Recommendation: Worth Reading, but read Whom the Princesses Would Destroy first if you haven’t already.
EDIT: According to Bradel, this is, apparently, in addition to being set in Ghost of Heraclitus's Civil Service universe, a prequel to A Filly's Guide to Not Making Headlines, which I have not yet had the pleasure of reading.
Everchanging
by Timaeus
Romance, Slice of LifeWalking away from the smoldering ruins of Golden Oaks, Twilight said she was fine. As she bid her friends farewell and settled into the new crystal palace, she said all was well. Why then has nopony seen her in days? When Spike comes running in a panic, Applejack decides to investigate.
After all, in a world filled with change, a pony can always rely on the comfort of a friend when in need. In this case, Twilight is in need of a friend, and Applejack will be there for her.
Why I added it: This story was featured and involves shipping.
Review
Twilight’s new crystal castle is infested with alien brain worms, and they got to Twilight and Applejack.
Okay, not really. But this story felt consistently off to me. The characters like each other? Why? Because. The story doesn’t really add much to that, and it takes ages for them to articulate any reason at all… and frankly, by then, it was too little, too late, being nearly 10,000 words into the story. It threw off their behavior throughout the entirety of the work, and I never really felt that it was justified.
They weren’t the only ones who felt off. Spike felt off as well. He was acting all panicked, and then stopped doing so out of the blue so he could have a conversation with Applejack. This didn’t sit right with me. His emotional state didn’t feel consistent – if he was just trying to manipulate Applejack, why was he so inconsistent at it, and why did he go grab Rainbow Dash? If he wasn’t lying, why wasn’t the library door locked, and why did he randomly stop seeming excited?
In the end, the characters acting off throughout the story really prevented me from ever really liking it or engaging with the story being presented.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Rainbow Dash Digs Herself Into a Hole
by Thanqol
Comedy, Slice of LifeApplejack dares Rainbow Dash to dig a hole.
Rainbow Dash digs herself into a hole.
Based on a true story.
Why I added it: The title.
Review
Rainbow Dash learns how hard it is to dig a proper trench, the story.
Rainbow Dash’s attempts at whipping Ponyville’s Earth Pony Militia into shape is amusing, as is the earth pony militia’s general incompetence in all matters military reserve. She also mocks the only thing they did right – namely, digging out a defensive trench – because the trench in question is so small and it took them a week to do it.
As Rainbow Dash quickly learns via a series of attempts at cheating to make it faster, it turns out that digging a trench is way harder than it looks. Unfortunately, I ended up finding this part of the story a bit dull, and ended up feeling a bit disengaged. It is only when Rainbow Dash tries to cheat with magic, which, while theoretically funny, just felt a bit weird to me for some reason, that it really picked back up for me, and even there, I felt a little bit confused, possibly because of my fading attention.
Rainbow Dash’s grumbling about Applejack’s special earth pony dirt powers was amusing, but overall this is a somewhat borderline story for me – there were definitely some parts where I smiled in here, but I also lost focus at one point in the story, which is never really a good sign, and the ending didn’t end up winning me back.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Summary
Misunderstanding by Sapidus3
Recommended
Wassail, Wassail! by Skywriter
Not Recommended
Dr. Spinning Top – Specimen Annotated Daily Schedule by GhostOfHeraclitus
Worth Reading
Everchanging by Timmaeus
Not Recommended
Rainbow Dash Digs Herself Into a Hole by Thanqol
Not Recommended
I hope you all have been enjoying your first week after the holidays; I haven’t, really, but I only have myself to blame. I really need to figure out how to drive away those pesky time flies who keep eating up all my time.
Number of stories still listed as "Read It Later - Recommended": 175.
Number of stories listed as “Read It Later”: 1540.
... You recommend "Misunderstanding," give Heraclitus only "Worth Reading" and then NR the rest?
You're fired.
...I don't really want to self-plug in somebody else's blog, but with respect to GhostOfHeraclitus's "Dr. Spinning Top – Specimen Annotated Daily Schedule", it (and most particularly the two narrative scenes) are intended as prequel material to my own "A Filly's Guide to Not Making Headlines". So the fact that there's not much sense of resolution is, I think, very intentional on his part, because it leads straight into the third chapter of that story.
I'd leave off mentioning, but it does seem like you're looking for some extra completion that he's specifically avoiding giving, and I thought it might be worth clarifying that I think there's a reason behind him doing that. And yeah, it does make this story a bit inaccessible, given that it's sort of presupposing familiarity with both WTPWD and AFGTNMH. That's a lot of fanon material to be referencing.
2706119
I LIKED MISUNDERSTANDING OKAY?
And honestly, while I liked Ghost's story, and felt it was worth reading, I didn't really get the same sort of sense of satisfaction out of reading it that I have other stories. Most of his stories are on my highly recommended list (but haven't gotten formal reviews yet) so... yeah.
2706120
I don't mind folks talking about stories in my blog post comments, especially if it is relevant. Knowing that actually explains some things. Thank you for letting me know; I'll add that to the review.
2706120
Edited. And now to read your story.
Or try, at any rate. Feeling a bit zombied out this evening for some reason. Darned status ailments.
2706134 FIRED!
Huh. I liked "Wassail, Wassail!", but I also found myself going "Shouldn't I like a Skywriter story even more?", and I think you've identified a lot of the overall reasons why that is.
I say "overall", though, because I disagree on a whole lot of your specifics. For me the Granny Smith conversation was probably the weakest part, because she was just "guilting" Cheerilee (as you aptly describe it later). Seeing that made me want her to leave more. Meanwhile I liked the Big Mac scene, I just didn't feel like it sealed the deal as much as it should have. I also liked Cheerilee's inner bitterness the whole way through (her cognitive dissonance re: children being huge pains in the ass feels very real to me), although you point out some reasons why it conflicts with the plot.
2706260
I liked SOME of the Granny Smith scene; I don't have any problem with the idea of Granny Smith guilting someone, but I do think that it hurt the ending, and I think it went on for too long. The problem wasn't in any particular part of the exchange, but in the exchange as a whole; it drug on for too long because of Cheerilee's internal dialogue and just the general flow of the scene, and it was one of the parts (along with the first bit with Apple Bloom) where Cheerilee's dialogue bordered on the annoying, not because of what its content was but just because there was so much of it it ended up making the scene feel like it took too long and didn't flow right.
My biggest problem with the Big Mac scene was that I didn't like the speech; I hate to say it sounds "out of character", but it did, but maybe not in the "Big Mac wouldn't say that" sort of way but in the "this was pretty much stuck in this story to try and give it a "happy ending" where Cheerilee stayed" kind of way (though he was awfully loquacious, there).
And I didn't have a problem with the CONTENT of Cheerilee's complaints so much as that they disrupted the flow of the story and, again, didn't show any real internal conflict at all, apart with regards to Big Mac.
2706263
I'm only indirectly responding to your points here, but they reminded me of something I meant to say earlier: this story would actually work pretty well as a [Dark or Sad][Slice of Life] fic where Cheerilee makes up her mind to leave Ponyville because she finds she finds she doesnt' fit in well with the Apple family and that makes her realize she won't put down roots here (bonus points if we see all the same reasons why she's fundamentally rootless and unhappy, and that's indicated by her dialogues with the Apples, but she ironically doesn't realize or address the larger problem because the Apples fail to connect in a more immediate way -- then the story ends with lots lost and nothing gained). The only problem with that reworking is that Skywriter would never ever ever in a million years write it. You might read it, though.
Okay, DuncanR hates it, Titanium likes it, so Misunderstanding is going on the "read it now" list. :| TIME TO DECIDE FOR MYSELF!